I Asked A Girl Why She Rejected And This Is What She Said...

[GuitarGuy7]

So about a month ago, I made a post about how I was going to text a girl who had previously turned me down and ask her why she rejected me.  You can read about it here if you want. https://www.loveshack.org/forums/topic/589791-tommorow-is-the-day-i-find-out-the-truth/

 

I sent the message on November 10th, I worded it along the lines of "Hey, I just wanted to know why you rejected me. I'm not trying to convince you otherwise, I just want to know the truth"    She got back to me fairly quickly but I was too scared to open up the text message since I know that it would deal a lot of emotional pain to me.  Well I decided to open up the message today; I got out some alcohol, listened to some music, and got some video games ready to help deal with the pain.  When I finally got the courage to open up the message, this was a general outline of what she said to me. 

"There is no particular reason why I rejected you. I don't think you're unattractive, but I just don't see myself being in a relationship with you. But don't let this determine your worth, let God determine your worth (she's pretty religious which explains the last part)..."

 

Pretty much every woman rejects me, I should be used to it at this point, but there's something about constantly being rejected by women that takes an emotional toll on you. It's been this way for nearly five years you know, constant rejection time and time again.   

 

All I really want for Christmas is for a woman to actually like me back...  

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

[CAPSLOCK BANDIT]

20 minutes ago, GuitarGuy7 said:

toll

 

 

 

Sorry, I couldn't resist.

 

Keep your feelings unclear. Do not tell any woman you are interested.

 

Also, rejection is nothing. Rejection is a part of being a man in the modern dating scene. Also, do not let rejection stop you. Sometimes you need to force a situation where she will either reject you or not, that is also a part of it. For me, the forcing of rejection is best done financially... No woman will spend her money on a guy she does not like.

[ZA Dater]

Well kudos to her for replying to you. That's more than most ladies will ever do.

 

See it as a positive because if she thought nothing of you she would not bother to reply at all.

[GeorgiaPeach1]

Perhaps you are trying to date out of your league. Have you tried dating Plain Janes who are good hearted?

[Envy123]

2 hours ago, GeorgiaPeach1 said:

Perhaps you are trying to date out of your league. Have you tried dating Plain Janes who are good hearted?

 

Ironically for me, I feel way more confident with women I deem "out of my league" as I think there's nothing at stake and I can be myself, so some do end up falling for me. The "Plain Janes", I tend to become arrogant in my chances and that pushes them away.

 

 

 

[The Outlaw]

Now that you know why at least one rejected you, run with it. The next time it happens, just let it go. It's never easy but you maybe better off without than with them. 

[chillii]

She sounds nice and that was nice of her to explain like that.

But what it tells you and with your history is your just going for the wrong women.

You gotta feel both sides of things meeting someone, it's no use thinking ooo l really like her and jumping at it when she's just not putting across the same thing and interest.

And that sort of thing is usually pretty obvious , so if it isn't feeling both ways just don't even bother, save it for someone where it is. Your just going for the wrong women .

[thecrucible]

It was kind of her to reply to you and I think she was being honest but polite. 

 

Stop telling yourself the same story that you will always be rejected. Keep going because dating really is a numbers game. But do I really feel for you. Feeling rejected is so hard but also remember it isn't personal. There'll be girls you aren't into who might like you but you can't like them no matter their good qualities and you wouldn't want them to feel bad either. 

 

Keep an open mind and see if there are any women out there you might not have considered in that light before. Don't give up.

[LuckyM]

She told you nothing, really. Vague general answer. She knows why she rejected you but is being nice about it.

Maybe it is best you do not know. Consider it a non-answer.

[miss2017]

Rejection is protection.

Better to be off after one date than be in a bad relationship with the wrong person.

You sound like defeated and with low self-esteem, it's like you probably go to the dates with an energy of fear and expecting to be rejected again so you keep attracting that over and over again.

Who cares what was the reason they rejected you? That's pointless. They were not the right match and they just felt that and acted on it. You probably also felt they were not the right match but were more concerned if they liked you rather if you liked them.

You need to go to each date excited and happy with no expectations.

Listen, since I ended things with my ex back in the summer I have been on 5 first dates with guys that didn't say a word back to me after the date. Not even a single message. 

Do you think I care to know why when there's hundreds of other men I can focus on?

I just move on and keep going. I know the kind of man/partner I want and I know that we'll both feel it and know it when we meet, so I don't need to bother with the rest.

I'm actually glad they "rejected" me because that leaves the space open for the right man to come along.

So I think you need to work on your self-esteem and shift the way you see dating. You're being too vulnerable to the opinion of strangers. The right person WILL see you and WILL like you, and that's what you should focus on.

 

[GuitarGuy7]

11 hours ago, LuckyM said:

She told you nothing, really. Vague general answer. She knows why she rejected you but is being nice about it.

Maybe it is best you do not know. Consider it a non-answer.

Probably because of my height, that's usually how it is. 

It just sucks to be this short because you can't do anything about it. 

[Shining One]

On 12/24/2019 at 12:06 PM, GeorgiaPeach1 said:

Perhaps you are trying to date out of your league. Have you tried dating Plain Janes who are good hearted?

I've asked out plenty of Plain Janes in my time. They hand out rejections just like more attractive women. I came to the following conclusion: If I have to ask out 10 Plain Janes to get a date with 1 Plain Jane, I might as well ask out 20 attractive women to get a date with an attractive woman. If Plain Janes gave a significantly higher positive response rate, I probably would have been dating them over the years instead of all of the attractive women I've been with.

[hercules22]

just keep going for women you are attracted to it doesn't work if you don't have much attraction to a person i know a few woman that seem interested in me but i don't feel the same way so i make sure it all friends only vibes sometimes they remain that way or they just stop interacting with me all together i don't blame them i do the same thing when im attracted to someone but they are not into me so i just go mia

[ZA Dater]

22 hours ago, miss2017 said:

 

So I think you need to work on your self-esteem and shift the way you see dating. You're being too vulnerable to the opinion of strangers. The right person WILL see you and WILL like you, and that's what you should focus on.

 

Very true and the OP might just find on that journey dating isn't the be all and end all he makes it out to be, for the first time in my life I have a few different dating options, from a very well established lady with kids to a history lecturer and a few in between, sure not all of them are attractive and to be honest I don't really care if any work out of not, funnily enough its the older lady with two kids who interests me more because she seems the most settled, the most classy.

I changed the way I think about dating, letting it consume you just leads to endless unhappiness, life is short, life is fragile and to spend moments trying to understand things which are beyond comprehension seems like a waste of life to me.

For a multitude of reasons men seem to believe they need a conventional relationship, to believe they need women, the reality is we don't need either, what we need is to find inner happiness and for me there are lots of material thing which can contribute to that happy feeling so that athletic brunette running along the beach, sure I'd love to be with her but if I am not then so be it.

 

[stillafool]

11 hours ago, GuitarGuy7 said:

Probably because of my height, that's usually how it is. 

It just sucks to be this short because you can't do anything about it. 

Yeah but the good thing is there are far more really short women than tall ones so that shouldn't be a problem.  I know some short girls like tall guys but the majority only want a guy 3-4 inches taller than them for comfort reasons.

[miss2017]

21 minutes ago, ZA Dater said:

Very true and the OP might just find on that journey dating isn't the be all and end all he makes it out to be, for the first time in my life I have a few different dating options, from a very well established lady with kids to a history lecturer and a few in between, sure not all of them are attractive and to be honest I don't really care if any work out of not, funnily enough its the older lady with two kids who interests me more because she seems the most settled, the most classy.

I changed the way I think about dating, letting it consume you just leads to endless unhappiness, life is short, life is fragile and to spend moments trying to understand things which are beyond comprehension seems like a waste of life to me.

For a multitude of reasons men seem to believe they need a conventional relationship, to believe they need women, the reality is we don't need either, what we need is to find inner happiness and for me there are lots of material thing which can contribute to that happy feeling so that athletic brunette running along the beach, sure I'd love to be with her but if I am not then so be it.

 

Yes exactly and that's great you are in that place in your life!

I felt the OP is putting his happiness in other people's hands (strangers). The "I was too scared to open up the text message since I know that it would deal a lot of emotional pain to me" it shows exactly that. 

It's totally different from dating from a happy place where you are so secure and happy with yourself that NO ONE else's opinion can change how you feel.

I think the OP needs to work on the relationship with himself before he continues dating.

Edited December 29, 2019 by miss2017

[elaine567]

5 minutes ago, miss2017 said:

I felt the OP is putting his happiness in other people's hands (strangers). The "I was too scared to open up the text message since I know that it would deal a lot of emotional pain to me" it shows exactly that. 
It's totally different from dating from a happy place where you are so secure and happy with yourself that NO ONE else's opinion can change how you feel.
I think the OP needs to work on the relationship with himself before he continues dating.

I think that is all fair enough but when the feedback is all overwhelmingly negative towards him then how can his happiness NOT be in someone else's hands.
There is only so far one can take "I am happy, I am happy, I am happy..." without receiving an ounce of positivity in return.
"I am happy, I am happy..." quickly turns to "I am sad..."
He already knows why he is being rejected but I have never seen any serious  attempt by him to actually improve his prospects.
Being short is not the whole story here.
 

[PinkFlamingo]

13 hours ago, GuitarGuy7 said:

Probably because of my height, that's usually how it is. 

It just sucks to be this short because you can't do anything about it. 

Be successful and develop a nice body.

[miss2017]

15 hours ago, elaine567 said:

I think that is all fair enough but when the feedback is all overwhelmingly negative towards him then how can his happiness NOT be in someone else's hands.
There is only so far one can take "I am happy, I am happy, I am happy..." without receiving an ounce of positivity in return.
"I am happy, I am happy..." quickly turns to "I am sad..."
He already knows why he is being rejected but I have never seen any serious  attempt by him to actually improve his prospects.
Being short is not the whole story here.
 

Because true happiness comes from the inside! It's unconditional and solid like a rock, regardless of how negative and shi*** other people's opinions of you. And you know why? Because you know who you are and you DON'T CARE about other's opinions. 

You don't even ask people why you were rejected because IT DOESN'T MATTER! You just move on knowing who you are and what you want.

It's not a question of saying to yourself "I am happy, I am happy...", it's a question of saying to yourself: "this doesn't fuc**** matter" and move on. With practice, it will get to a point where it really doesn't matter.

This is inner work. This is stop being co-dependent. This is being ready to love and be loved in a healthy way.

Giving yourself the positivity you need.

You're right, being short is not the problem at all. The problem is he is being negative about himself. He has low self-esteem. He expects to be rejected. So he keeps attracting that because that's the energy he is in. And he focus on the external, on the other people instead of looking inside himself.

That's why I said he needs to do inner work, he needs to love himself and feel whole and know who he really is and start dating expecting good things. There's no other way around it.

 

Edited December 30, 2019 by miss2017

[basil67]

26 minutes ago, miss2017 said:

Because true happiness comes from the inside! It's unconditional and solid like a rock, regardless of how negative and shi*** other people's opinions of you. And you know why? Because you know who you are and you DON'T CARE about other's opinions. 

 

Miss2017, only the most narcissistic people among us never question ourselves.  Only the most narcissistic never care what other people think.   Only the most narcissistic never question themselves when our relationships don't work out.  

For those of us who aren't narcs,  we humans are pack animals and the need to connect is part of our psyche.  We gain strength from belonging.  And from love and friendship.  When someone struggles to establish belonging and love and friendship, how can they not doubt themselves?   Even those who can find these connections doubt themselves from time to time.  We question interactions around us.  We learn and grow from what we discover about ourselves and others.

 

 

[GuitarGuy7]

3 hours ago, miss2017 said:

You're right, being short is not the problem at all. The problem is he is being negative about himself. He has low self-esteem. He expects to be rejected. So he keeps attracting that because that's the energy he is in. And he focus on the external, on the other people instead of looking inside himself.

That's why I said he needs to do inner work, he needs to love himself and feel whole and know who he really is and start dating expecting good things. There's no other way around it.

 

That may be true now, but that wasn't the case when I was in college during the 2018-2019 semester. I took it upon myself to talk to as many girls as possible; sure I didn't get that many numbers but I at least talked to many different girls. I joined a church group, joined several different clubs, had a workout partner, I even talked to some girls in my class. I did make two female friends out of it (they both have boyfriends) but did not find any success otherwise. 

From my experience, many of the girls were cold and unreceptive towards me from the get-go.  I talked about one of these experiences in another thread but at one point I talked to two girls in the club i'm in (they both happened to be exec members) and they treated me like absolute trash. They were cold, acted annoyed, started ignoring me, and even got up and walked away mid-conversation. This is not a new experience for me, in fact I would say that around 30% of women I talked to act this way towards me.   Iv'e met and dealt with a lot of rude women who do not hesitate to treat me like a piece of trash.   Maybe it's because i'm short, maybe it's because i'm ugly, maybe it's because i'm weird or come off as awkward, maybe it's the mere fact that i'm even talking to them. 

And you expect me to be confident and have high self-esteem after the way iv'e been treated?    I'm a human being, I want to feel wanted and to fit in, just like everyone else. So of course i'll be depressed when that doesn't happen. 

[miss2017]

41 minutes ago, GuitarGuy7 said:

 

That may be true now, but that wasn't the case when I was in college during the 2018-2019 semester. I took it upon myself to talk to as many girls as possible; sure I didn't get that many numbers but I at least talked to many different girls. I joined a church group, joined several different clubs, had a workout partner, I even talked to some girls in my class. I did make two female friends out of it (they both have boyfriends) but did not find any success otherwise. 

From my experience, many of the girls were cold and unreceptive towards me from the get-go.  I talked about one of these experiences in another thread but at one point I talked to two girls in the club i'm in (they both happened to be exec members) and they treated me like absolute trash. They were cold, acted annoyed, started ignoring me, and even got up and walked away mid-conversation. This is not a new experience for me, in fact I would say that around 30% of women I talked to act this way towards me.   Iv'e met and dealt with a lot of rude women who do not hesitate to treat me like a piece of trash.   Maybe it's because i'm short, maybe it's because i'm ugly, maybe it's because i'm weird or come off as awkward, maybe it's the mere fact that i'm even talking to them. 

And you expect me to be confident and have high self-esteem after the way iv'e been treated?    I'm a human being, I want to feel wanted and to fit in, just like everyone else. So of course i'll be depressed when that doesn't happen. 

Maybe that was also the case back then, but now you have the awareness that you didn't have back then.

You can say all you want about the rude women, but I continue to say you need to look for the validation and love inside yourself and not on other people.

"you expect me to be confident and have high self-esteem after the way iv'e been treated?" YES ABSOLUTELY! Your confidence and self-esteem need to be rock solid and INDEPENDENT of how others treat you. Because it comes from inside of you, not from others. 

You are being very co-dependent and giving your power away to complete strangers. 

You have two options: either continue to do the same and be more rejected and complain more and be rejected and complain more in a never ending cycle, or go seek a good therapist and work on the relationship you have with yourself and change your inner dynamic so the outside will change as well. Your choice.

[miss2017]

3 hours ago, basil67 said:

Miss2017, only the most narcissistic people among us never question ourselves.  Only the most narcissistic never care what other people think.   Only the most narcissistic never question themselves when our relationships don't work out.  

For those of us who aren't narcs,  we humans are pack animals and the need to connect is part of our psyche.  We gain strength from belonging.  And from love and friendship.  When someone struggles to establish belonging and love and friendship, how can they not doubt themselves?   Even those who can find these connections doubt themselves from time to time.  We question interactions around us.  We learn and grow from what we discover about ourselves and others.

 

 

I don't think you got what I was saying. Yes we need belonging. Yes we need positive interactions. Yes we want love and friendship. Yes we can question ourselves. 

But all that is VERY DIFFERENT from giving our power away to complete STRANGERS like the OP is doing! 

He's letting the opinion of (again) STRANGERS to dictate his happiness, and that will only stop when he realizes he has inner work to do with himself.

[2BGoodAgain]

well...

it only takes 1 right yes...it doesn't matter how many no's....

and... don't put a time/date on when to start a relationship or have a relationship... it shouldn't be about what time of year it is, but who you are with...

and... don't take every relationship, or pre-relationship so seriously... i get that getting multiple rejections can be hard, but it really depends on how you perceive them... find out why it's so hard on you...  and honestly, when you take it so hard... i.e. needing a drink, etc... b/c of the "pain" ur about to receive, that kinda is a red flag.... why does it affect you so much? Were you in love with this girl? why are you so emotionally invested? You shouldn't be that invested that you need a drink prior to finding out some truths, according to that specific girl... i get if you were in a deep relationship for months or years, but one shouldn't be too invested that quickly, that soon...

 

and also, when a guy falls so quickly, for some girls, that's an instant red flag...  i'm not saying fake being yourself, but you really should find out why you are that way.

I'm not saying there's anything wrong with you that you need to fix it for a girl to "not reject you"...  you should always be you, but i really would find out why you seem to take it so hard.

it'll make it easier when a girl rejects you for whatever reasons and it'll help you keep seeking out someone worthwhile for you, instead of taking a personal blow each time.

Good luck to you.

[ZA Dater]

3 hours ago, miss2017 said:

"you expect me to be confident and have high self-esteem after the way iv'e been treated?" YES ABSOLUTELY! Your confidence and self-esteem need to be rock solid and INDEPENDENT of how others treat you. Because it comes from inside of you, not from others. 

You are being very co-dependent and giving your power away to complete strangers. 

You have two options: either continue to do the same and be more rejected and complain more and be rejected and complain more in a never ending cycle, or go seek a good therapist and work on the relationship you have with yourself and change your inner dynamic so the outside will change as well. Your choice.

While I agree with this to a point its also very difficult to rid oneself of those negative experiences. OP I am going to give you a suggestion, which will get my slammed here but what you should do is resort to fake pictures, not completely so but a slightly better version of yourself. Why do this, because at least in a OLD scenario you will get used to communicating with girls and what you will mostly also learn is men are accused of being shallow and looks based, ladies are as bad in this department. Many actually couldn't care less about your personality or anything else in your life, its all about the looks and nothing else. That's the reality of it. OP ask yourself, how many of the ladies you have talked to actually offered up any interesting conversation?

Some will say there is no benefit in this, I think the benefit is huge because you realise how the game actually works so it makes it a lot easier to just get on with life, I know only obese people are into me so if I want to shop at another level I need to do things differently. You need to do something differently OR you need to see the complete sham that is dating and park the idea completely.

What you CANNOT do is let the views of other create so much negativity in your life, they don't care at the end of the day and very few people ever look out for others.

Of course I am now going to be accused of being nasty towards women but this is my experience in a city really not ostensibly different to LA in order to give some context. Is it all worth it? Again it depends how much importance you place on getting laid.