purplesoccer34 Posted December 22, 2019 Posted December 22, 2019 A little while ago, my best friend's cousin sent me a message on Facebook. Prior to this, I had seen him at group social events and things like that, but I had never actually spoken to him. He messaged me saying hello, and we got into a conversation talking about random things. He'd always do this whenever he saw me online. Sometimes I would initiate, but most of the time it was him initiating the online conversations. What was funny was that I had seen him in person a few times (usually in larger social settings), and he'd never made any attempt to talk to me in person. In fact, I'd linger in his general vicinity hoping to start a conversation, but he always seemed a little unapproachable to me. He'd usually be looking down at the ground or elsewhere. We might have made eye contact a few times and I think he did smile at me, but that was about it. I remember spending time with him and my best friend once, and even then, he and I hardly made any conversation. Eventually, I gave up on the idea of starting a conversation in person, although he'd still message me online every so often. I have seen him approach women before and display his interest. So I feel pretty certain that he was never interested in me--I would think he'd have made a move otherwise. But I wonder what the purpose of the online messages were, and why he was so unapproachable in person.
Foxhall Posted December 23, 2019 Posted December 23, 2019 Perhaps channel through your friend that you are open to having a coffee with him and he will likely ask you out, I imagine he is a shy chap and will need help from you to prise him out of his shell, (starting conversations and getting things flowing) he may loosen up once he feels more comfortable with you.
smackie9 Posted December 23, 2019 Posted December 23, 2019 He feels you are out of his league/not comfortable with you in person, ...he is so nervous about approaching you. You have to be the aggressor on this one. Why didn't YOU go up to him and say hi? or even suggest to meet for coffee? or at least flirt and hint? This isn't the 1950's where you sit and wait for a man to make a move. You desire to date, get in his space and say hello.
kendahke Posted December 24, 2019 Posted December 24, 2019 From what you said, he has no problem approaching and talking to other women, so being intimidated by you being a woman is not it. He just may not want to date his cousin's bestie.
Lotsgoingon Posted December 24, 2019 Posted December 24, 2019 (edited) My gut goes towards Smackie here. I think he has been scared to approach you. Not unusual for a guy to be able to talk confidently to women they don't like all that much ... and yet stay away from a woman who really excites them. Lord knows I've done that one before. One way to find out what's going on is by asking him out for something very light ... I like talking to you on social media, how about we talk some in person? See how he responds ... and if he responds ... I agree you will have to take the step here ... I think contacting you via social media has been a big step for him. BTW: you haven't said you were interested in him. Are you? Edited December 24, 2019 by Lotsgoingon 1
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