How do you keep emotions in check with a friend of the opposite sex?

[Traveller19]

We are pretty close.. we hang out a lot, have sleepovers, and even sleep in the same bed.. we are affectionate with each other, and even kiss and cuddle at times BUT we are not in a relationship. We dated briefly.. and we broke up for a couple reasons. One being his friends took priority over me and I felt kind of alienated at times and he would sometimes make plans to hang out an extra day (we always had a set day which he would never cancel on) and if he ended up hanging with one of his friends then I wouldn’t hear from him  So we are good friends now but he is the same person.. one of his friends will call and then he won’t call me back or respond to my texts, and I have to draw the conclusion that he is busy and when he wants to talk, he will reach out. We are not in a relationship so it shouldn’t bother me, especially because sometimes some of my closest friends don’t respond to my texts and it doesn’t bother me.. I need to perhaps but him on the that same level.. but I find myself feeling jealous when he goes out with friends even though we are not even in a relationship... thoughts?

[preraph]

It's hard to go from romantic back to just friends.  To be honest, I think the sleepovers must stop.  You shouldn't be rewarding his behavior with kisses and cuddles, much less sex.  You need to expect more from a guy and not settle for taking what he'll give you.  Stop the physical stuff, stop the sleepovers, don't let him just pop over, and start dating other guys and don't let him get in the way of that.  Find yourself a real boyfriend with give and take in them.  

[Traveller19]

I agree with you 100%..he includes me in holidays and other family functions so think it’s good enough..however, if he really valued me, he would put me first. I agree the sleepovers have to stop, and I need to stop being so available and start dating other guys. He never wants to hear my personal business about anyone I might be seeing, but I am sure he also knows that if I’m spending so much time with him with no commitment, then it’s highly unlikely that I am dating other guys. He also knows that even if he doesn’t reply to texts, that all he has to do is text me and we can just pick up where we left off..not sending him a really good message. I don’t hold grudges but I don’t believe in rewarding bad behavior either. 

[preraph]

Well, don't even try to talk to him like he's your girlfriend about the other guys.  Just realize he's not a good boyfriend and is making little to no accommodation to your needs and move on.  He may only be including you in family stuff so he doesn't have to go alone for all you know.    Stop rewarding his minimal behavior and just go about your own life.  I mean, if he's not trying to sleep with you, he might even not realize he's gay or something and be trying to put on a show. And he IS blowing you off for his male friends, I take it.  I don't know why you'd be kissing and cuddling with no momentum.  You're in a fruitless limbo.  Let him know you're getting on with your life, but do NOT share any particulars about it just in case he tries to sabotage it or goes around acting to others like you're his real girlfriend when you're not just because he doesn't want you but doesn't want anyone else to have you either, simple possessiveness and ego problem.

[Traveller19]

5 minutes ago, preraph said:

Well, don't even try to talk to him like he's your girlfriend about the other guys.  Just realize he's not a good boyfriend and is making little to no accommodation to your needs and move on.  He may only be including you in family stuff so he doesn't have to go alone for all you know.    Stop rewarding his minimal behavior and just go about your own life.  I mean, if he's not trying to sleep with you, he might even not realize he's gay or something and be trying to put on a show. And he IS blowing you off for his male friends, I take it.  I don't know why you'd be kissing and cuddling with no momentum.  You're in a fruitless limbo.  Let him know you're getting on with your life, but do NOT share any particulars about it just in case he tries to sabotage it or goes around acting to others like you're his real girlfriend when you're not just because he doesn't want you but doesn't want anyone else to have you either, simple possessiveness and ego problem.

You know we don’t even have sex..I mean a month ago we did, but he couldn’t perform well. I just find it really odd...but yeah I do think he’s being selfish where he won’t make me his real girlfriend but then doesn’t want anyone else to have me..he doesn’t seem to care if I have a boyfriend anyways, so I will do just that. 

[preraph]

Do it and stop pretending and treating him like a boyfriend. 

[Traveller19]

11 hours ago, preraph said:

Do it and stop pretending and treating him like a boyfriend. 

Yes agreed. My needs are not being met at all..but his sure as hell are. I go to his house..that’s my choice though..but I’m acting like his girlfriend when I’m not and he doesn’t call me his girlfriend so we’re really playing house 

[preraph]

I think he's putting on a show for someone. He wants people to think he has a girlfriend. it's either that or he is awfully selfish and it's a one way road of only meeting his needs. Have you thought about the best way to get him out of your way so you can proceed without him interfering?

[Traveller19]

3 hours ago, preraph said:

I think he's putting on a show for someone. He wants people to think he has a girlfriend. it's either that or he is awfully selfish and it's a one way road of only meeting his needs. Have you thought about the best way to get him out of your way so you can proceed without him interfering?

I am still thinking about the best way to approach it..I am bothered by him trying to make me jealous..and partly my fault for reacting but he KNOWS I’m insecure 😕

[PinkFlamingo]

Stop all the relationship stuff and tell him you need a break to get a clear head. 

[Traveller19]

30 minutes ago, PinkFlamingo said:

Stop all the relationship stuff and tell him you need a break to get a clear head. 

Thanks..because it really is messing with my head 

[preraph]

Pulling your strings is just a way of continuing to get things his way.  Hope you come up with a plan.  

[Traveller19]

31 minutes ago, preraph said:

Pulling your strings is just a way of continuing to get things his way.  Hope you come up with a plan.  

Him making me jealous only pushes me away..he may think it will get him more attention to get me to fight for him, but it won’t. He bragged about his friend but I didn’t see what all the fuss was about..but he was clearly trying to gauge a response.