gidgit1961 Posted October 3, 2005 Posted October 3, 2005 I met a wonderful man four years ago, and we have developed a very close bond over those years, first as friends, then as lovers. He encouraged me to form a bond with his son as well, and the child has calls me "Mom", and has done so for the last 3 and a half years. I moved closer, but still maintain my own space (He wanted me to move in with them till I found my own place, but I felt, with us just starting out, it was best if we each had our own private space. I also felt the spontanaety would be gone if we were in each other's faces 24 hours a day). Everything was going great, until he started pulling away. I finally got him to talk about it, and what he said has left me completely dazed and confused (and after yet another tear filled weekend, I just need to get some oppinions on this). Let me say, this is the most rational and logical man I have ever known, which makes what I am about to say so insane. He said that rationally and logically, in every way, we are a match. We have the same likes, dislikes, we are awesome together, amazing, the chemistry is there physically, etc...BUT...irrationally and illogically, there is some tiny little thing, which he can't explain, that is missing, and because of that, he doesn't think it will work between us. He and I still have daily contact, and he's not dating yet. This whole thing has left his son and I both confused. As for me, I'm not dating either. I can't betray my feelings for him by dating someone else, and I feel it's not fair to another person just to "date" them because you're lonely. I feel a bit like one of those birds, who mate for life. I'm sort of waiting, crying out, hoping to hear that answering cry, which means he's coming back. (Yes...the Loon does come to mind..) Has anyone else been through anything like this?
Author gidgit1961 Posted October 3, 2005 Author Posted October 3, 2005 I wanted to add a little more to this, in hopes of making things a little more clear...or something. His first wife (The mother of his son) died of lung cancer when the little boy was 2 years old. He remarried when his son was 6, and his second wife turned out to suffer from OCD, so life with her got really ugly. He divorced her, after 6 years of marriage. I know he's very, very, skittish from that experience, and admits to having relationship demons (Don't we all?) Some people have told me that he just got scared, that I "fit" too well, and he paniced. (Run now before anything bad happens, and you'll avoid the pain) I just wish this didn't hurt so bad, and that it made even the tiniest bit of sense to me.
sburtug03 Posted October 3, 2005 Posted October 3, 2005 Hi sweetie, I feel for you and the awful situation you have found yourself in. It seems that what this guy is getting at is 'chemistry,' the little spark you feel which just 'makes' it work. Forget being logical and the other connections you mentioned, without the spark this unfortunately means nothing. If the guy has told you this, being the man you have described, you need to pay attention to him and realise he must have considered this greatly, prior to mentioning it to you. Move on and find someone who deserves you, deserves three and a half years of your life, (if he has only told you this now then he certainly doesn't.) Find that chemistry where it will be found and don't go back to him looking for something that is not there, and never will be. My thoughts are with you, Luv Samantha x:)
Author gidgit1961 Posted October 4, 2005 Author Posted October 4, 2005 Thanks for the kind words. I understand the part of there having to be "chemistry" between two people for things to work, but he said the chemistry was there, physically and otherwise, that's what has me so messed up. There was not a single thing, other than this "tiny illogical thing", that he could point to as the reason he doesn't "think" we're going to work out.
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