VIOLET EDEN Posted December 20, 2019 Posted December 20, 2019 My boyfriend is very close to me during college and we see each other every day, even though we are studying and doing our own thing we live in the same dorm, and floor so we are around each other in the floor study lounge from 8 pm to like 2 am. We either do our thing or watch a movie together or eat dinner. But he always does a complete 180 during our time away. We go to different states so obviously we do not meet up, but he barely texts lets forget about phone calls. And I am not egoistical about it , so I always initiate the texts, either he leaves them on read or barely wants to respond. He did the same thing last year and our relationship was on the rocks because he barely contacted me for the month(Our winter break is 1 month). But back then we were still new so I assumed he thought it was still casual. This time, we are both serious, we've been together over a year, and the guy who always calls me when he doesn't see me in the lounge on our floor, barely responds and leaves me on read during the breaks. I fear this will be the problem every time and I am definitely not looking forward to the rocky awkwardness that occurred last year. I swear he has two sides, one during breaks and one not during breaks, I am not sure what to do
2BGoodAgain Posted December 20, 2019 Posted December 20, 2019 4 minutes ago, VIOLET EDEN said: My boyfriend is very close to me during college and we see each other every day, even though we are studying and doing our own thing we live in the same dorm, and floor so we are around each other in the floor study lounge from 8 pm to like 2 am. We either do our thing or watch a movie together or eat dinner. But he always does a complete 180 during our time away. We go to different states so obviously we do not meet up, but he barely texts lets forget about phone calls. And I am not egoistical about it , so I always initiate the texts, either he leaves them on read or barely wants to respond. He did the same thing last year and our relationship was on the rocks because he barely contacted me for the month(Our winter break is 1 month). But back then we were still new so I assumed he thought it was still casual. This time, we are both serious, we've been together over a year, and the guy who always calls me when he doesn't see me in the lounge on our floor, barely responds and leaves me on read during the breaks. I fear this will be the problem every time and I am definitely not looking forward to the rocky awkwardness that occurred last year. I swear he has two sides, one during breaks and one not during breaks, I am not sure what to do out of sight, out of mind... i did this to girls a lot, but only b/c i had other distractions that took precedence... usually another girl, or a really awesome game. either case, red flags for the girls. it really depends on you, but if you think this is what you want in a bf/relationship, then keep going.. otherwise, change it before he thinks it's acceptable and keeps doing it.
preraph Posted December 20, 2019 Posted December 20, 2019 Are you two having sex, or could you be just friends in his mind? If you are definitely in a romantic relationship with making out or sex and he takes you out on dates, then I'm going to say he has a girlfriend at home he's being very careful not to let know about you. Sorry.
Author VIOLET EDEN Posted December 20, 2019 Author Posted December 20, 2019 (edited) 4 minutes ago, preraph said: Are you two having sex, or could you be just friends in his mind? If you are definitely in a romantic relationship with making out or sex and he takes you out on dates, then I'm going to say he has a girlfriend at home he's being very careful not to let know about you. Sorry. No we do go on dates, and have been sexually active. At home, is really his brother's place and both of our parents do not know about us since our are parents are kinda strict, so he can't really have a gf there. Although I mean his parents know he has friends who are girls and only his mom knows about us, although neither of them talk about it. But the point is he can't really have a girlfriend, and we are exclusive and I think that I would know if he was cheating. The problem I have is how I want to handle the awkwardness that will definitely arise when we get back, it doesn't help that unfortunately we were placed right in front of each other, so our dorm rooms are right across from each other. Edited December 20, 2019 by VIOLET EDEN
2BGoodAgain Posted December 20, 2019 Posted December 20, 2019 4 minutes ago, VIOLET EDEN said: No we do go on dates, and have been sexually active. At home, is really his brother's place and both of our parents do not know about us since our are parents are kinda strict, so he can't really have a gf there. Although I mean his parents know he has friends who are girls and only his mom knows about us, although neither of them talk about it. But the point is he can't really have a girlfriend, and we are exclusive and I think that I would know if he was cheating. The problem I have is how I want to handle the awkwardness that will definitely arise when we get back, it doesn't help that unfortunately we were placed right in front of each other, so our dorm rooms are right across from each other. if it bothers you that much, ADDRESS it. or leave it. he won't change unless you really want him to change. 2
preraph Posted December 20, 2019 Posted December 20, 2019 Well if he's not allowed to have a girlfriend then I guess he's not allowed to talk to one while he's at home either. What's wrong with his parents? And why hasn't he stood up to them?
elaine567 Posted December 20, 2019 Posted December 20, 2019 13 minutes ago, VIOLET EDEN said: But the point is he can't really have a girlfriend, Religion, I guess. Islam? 14 minutes ago, VIOLET EDEN said: I think that I would know if he was cheating. How would you know that? 2
stillafool Posted December 20, 2019 Posted December 20, 2019 He's in college and not allowed to have a girlfriend?
Author VIOLET EDEN Posted December 20, 2019 Author Posted December 20, 2019 2 minutes ago, stillafool said: He's in college and not allowed to have a girlfriend? We're Indian, its a cultural thing 1
Author VIOLET EDEN Posted December 20, 2019 Author Posted December 20, 2019 1 hour ago, preraph said: Well if he's not allowed to have a girlfriend then I guess he's not allowed to talk to one while he's at home either. What's wrong with his parents? And why hasn't he stood up to them? I mean I have not either, cannot blame him lol. And he is allowed to have friends who are girls, just not a girlfriend
preraph Posted December 20, 2019 Posted December 20, 2019 So why would you think it's okay to have him contacting you when he's home and his parents will catch him? They probably have his password and everything if they're that crazy strict. You two are in college, right? So you're of legal age to do what you want about having boyfriends/girlfriends. 1
smackie9 Posted December 21, 2019 Posted December 21, 2019 Ya BUT if the parents are paying for his education, they can pull the plug on that if their wishes are not fulfilled.
preraph Posted December 21, 2019 Posted December 21, 2019 Well, as someone who managed to sneak around and date guys with long hair against my mother's wishes and given that they are carrying on at college, I just think it's gutless. They should have made a plan, gotten a burner phone, arranged a meetup in the middle of the long hiatus, or something.
Author VIOLET EDEN Posted December 21, 2019 Author Posted December 21, 2019 4 hours ago, preraph said: Well, as someone who managed to sneak around and date guys with long hair against my mother's wishes and given that they are carrying on at college, I just think it's gutless. They should have made a plan, gotten a burner phone, arranged a meetup in the middle of the long hiatus, or something. kinda hard to meet up if one goes to the west coast and the other to the east coast for the holidays
preraph Posted December 21, 2019 Posted December 21, 2019 Well that's true. So what happens to this once you're no longer in college?
kendahke Posted December 22, 2019 Posted December 22, 2019 As long as he's financially dependent upon his parents, this is how things are going to be. You don't have to like it, it's how things are. You either get with that or you bounce and find a guy who's not this much work over vacation.
PinkFlamingo Posted December 22, 2019 Posted December 22, 2019 On 12/21/2019 at 5:12 PM, preraph said: Well, as someone who managed to sneak around and date guys with long hair against my mother's wishes and given that they are carrying on at college, I just think it's gutless. They should have made a plan, gotten a burner phone, arranged a meetup in the middle of the long hiatus, or something. Hey, not everybody is such a rebellious teenager like you.
Author VIOLET EDEN Posted December 23, 2019 Author Posted December 23, 2019 On 12/21/2019 at 4:14 PM, preraph said: Well that's true. So what happens to this once you're no longer in college? That is the question I have been unable to answer for quite a while. I can't exactly tell my parents hey I've known him for 4 years, but we just started dating what do you think. Theyre not stupid, they'll know we dated in college and lied to them 2
Lotsgoingon Posted December 23, 2019 Posted December 23, 2019 Hold on, young people specialize in hiding relationships from parents. Parents can't work half the apps that young people use--don't even know half the apps that young people use. There is no way he is breaking contact because of parental control--unless the parents have a full-time worker who follows him around all day. Heck parents can't stop their young people from sneaking around and having sex--no way can they stop a young person from say, texting and contacting someone. So throw out that idea--that's completely implausible. You guys go to the same college. Well you guys have email on the same platform. When home, students have to check course websites ... sometimes have to register, sometimes have to complete homework while at home with parents. He could be "checking school work" while emailing you. So stick with the point--you don't like that he breaks contact and disappears. Stay focused there. 1
scooby-philly Posted December 23, 2019 Posted December 23, 2019 23 minutes ago, VIOLET EDEN said: That is the question I have been unable to answer for quite a while. I can't exactly tell my parents hey I've known him for 4 years, but we just started dating what do you think. Theyre not stupid, they'll know we dated in college and lied to them Are you in the USA, Canada, or UK? If so, we have this thing called....Freedom. Look, I know it's not easy to go against cultural norms and family. I'm not pretending otherwise. But...here's the question or logic chain I'd use. 1. Does he fit the criteria you want long-term? 2. Does he fit (mostly) with the criteria your family would approve of? 3. If no to #2, is he good enough for your mind to ignore your family's complaints. 4. Is he kind, giving, loving, and supportive of you? 5. Do you have plans for the future together or at least a sense if you're both wanting the same thing - family, financial, hobbies, location, etc.? 6. What do you want out of life, a relationship, and what do you need in a partner to be happy and does he have it? If any of those questions are a no, then you need to either break things off or at least have a conversation with him and sort things out. And if you can't do any of that then you at least owe yourself having a conversation with him about his behavior! 1
Author VIOLET EDEN Posted December 23, 2019 Author Posted December 23, 2019 23 minutes ago, Lotsgoingon said: Hold on, young people specialize in hiding relationships from parents. Parents can't work half the apps that young people use--don't even know half the apps that young people use. There is no way he is breaking contact because of parental control--unless the parents have a full-time worker who follows him around all day. Heck parents can't stop their young people from sneaking around and having sex--no way can they stop a young person from say, texting and contacting someone. So throw out that idea--that's completely implausible. You guys go to the same college. Well you guys have email on the same platform. When home, students have to check course websites ... sometimes have to register, sometimes have to complete homework while at home with parents. He could be "checking school work" while emailing you. So stick with the point--you don't like that he breaks contact and disappears. Stay focused there. Yeah we use snapchat neither of our parents use it. The point of this whole thing was I know he is distant just curious if its just me or others think he's being distant
Lotsgoingon Posted December 23, 2019 Posted December 23, 2019 He is being distant! And it's totally reasonable to be unnerved by this.
ExpatInItaly Posted December 25, 2019 Posted December 25, 2019 Are you two actually in an official relationship, OP? I know now you said you’re both serious and go on dates, but I’m curious to hear if you two ever had a conversation in which you established that you’re a couple. And to answer your question - yes, he is being distant. It isn’t a good sign that he more or less disappears when you two are apart for school breaks.
smackie9 Posted December 25, 2019 Posted December 25, 2019 So he's with his family during these times? Ya you should get it by now he will not risk any chance of getting caught. This is how it is, has he not directly told you? Or he's full of it, and has a GF back home and they use other social media to communicate. Better do some digging.
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