max3732 Posted December 20, 2019 Posted December 20, 2019 I've seen this women several times and things have gone pretty well. As anyone who has seen my other posts knows I've had a lot of trouble on dates trying to initiate any kind of physical contact and also just relaxing enough to have fun and making it past a 1st date where there is mutual attraction. With the woman I've been seeing I've broken entirely new ground and I don't really know but I feel like it's turning into a relationship vs. just going out with someone once or twice and never seeing her again. During and after our last date I had feelings for her I haven't felt in years. As far as physical contact I've been able to get as far as I feel comfortable in the settings we've been in, but would like to escalate things and don't know how. During a movie in the movie theater we held hands and cuddled a bit and did a quick peck on the lips. At the end of the date when I dropped her off we also did a few kisses that lasted a bit longer, but still pretty quick. My problem is I'd feel funny trying to kiss her a lot in public and that where I drop her off in front of her place is not really a place you're supposed to stop so we can't spend too much time there. So I'd like to get her alone in a place that's more private, but how do I do that without sounding like I'm asking her to sleep with me? If she wanted to go further as far as kissing would she invite me up? I would feel funny just pulling into a random spot on the street to try and kiss her. Also, even if we were alone I don't know how to escalate kissing to "making out". I've heard you're supposed to put your tongue in her mouth, but is that something either one of us would enjoy?
smackie9 Posted December 20, 2019 Posted December 20, 2019 Invite her over for dinner...let thing escalate on the couch. 1
alphamale Posted December 20, 2019 Posted December 20, 2019 11 minutes ago, smackie9 said: Invite her over for dinner...let thing escalate on the couch. wait for her to invite you over for dinner and a movie. take over a bottle of wine. that will relax you. the rest should come instinctually
smackie9 Posted December 20, 2019 Posted December 20, 2019 7 minutes ago, alphamale said: wait for her to invite you over for dinner and a movie. take over a bottle of wine. that will relax you. the rest should come instinctually They have been on several dates...she ain't gonna ask him over because she would have done it by now, she's waiting for him to make the move.
kingpineapple Posted December 20, 2019 Posted December 20, 2019 It is the mans job to lead and escalate, respectfully of course. She clearly likes you if its been multiple dates and I'm sure she's wondering "what's wrong with me that he hasn't made a move". Heres what you do: Whatever you guys have in common (movies, music, ect.), just invite her to do that in private at your place with a bottle of wine. Sit next to her on the couch, and establish touch early (quick but firm thigh touch preferably). After a bit of time, just go for the kiss. If shes kissing you back (she will be), try making out- Open your mouth a little and put the tip of your tongue in her mouth and see how she responds. Full blown making out will be much more tongue on tongue action and it will feel natural when it gets there. Then just go as far as you're comfortable with. And never, ever do anything she's not comfortable with. If you're relaxed, confident and direct, she should respond quite well. 1
alphamale Posted December 20, 2019 Posted December 20, 2019 3 hours ago, smackie9 said: They have been on several dates...she ain't gonna ask him over because she would have done it by now, she's waiting for him to make the move. fair enough, then he should invite her for dinner at his place.... my experience with women is that many of them like to have first-time-sex at their place cause all their sh*t is there
preraph Posted December 20, 2019 Posted December 20, 2019 I can't remember. Do you have a place or not? I think it's been a few dates now and if you have a place, it's okay to just invite her over for pizza and a movie. And you can make out and just take things naturally to what's comfortable and seems mutual. Yes, you can french kiss her. Ideally, for it to really work, she has to do the same thing back so your tongues kind of meet in the middle. I would say let all that happen organically if possible. If you just do some longer kissing, it might just sort of happen. 1
Author max3732 Posted December 20, 2019 Author Posted December 20, 2019 5 hours ago, kingpineapple said: It is the mans job to lead and escalate, respectfully of course. She clearly likes you if its been multiple dates and I'm sure she's wondering "what's wrong with me that he hasn't made a move". Heres what you do: Whatever you guys have in common (movies, music, ect.), just invite her to do that in private at your place with a bottle of wine. Sit next to her on the couch, and establish touch early (quick but firm thigh touch preferably). After a bit of time, just go for the kiss. If shes kissing you back (she will be), try making out- Open your mouth a little and put the tip of your tongue in her mouth and see how she responds. Full blown making out will be much more tongue on tongue action and it will feel natural when it gets there. Then just go as far as you're comfortable with. And never, ever do anything she's not comfortable with. If you're relaxed, confident and direct, she should respond quite well. Thanks, that's very helpful! It's good to know that at this point it isn't too much to invite her to be alone in either hers or my place. She even mentioned she likes watching movies in her place, so I was thinking maybe that's a hint that she'd like to do that. The only warning side I've received is that when I greeted her with a quick kiss on the lips she seemed surprised, but still leaned into it and didn't pull away. Also that I'm always the one having to make a move, but I guess women aren't as interested or forthcoming in initiating this kind of contact as men? The only other thing I'd want to do is kiss her neck or ears or something. Down the road if things are still going well I'd want to touch her boobs, but I've never done that before with anyone and that's probably too advanced. I'm also assuming if she's not comfortable with something she'd let me know right away. As much as I enjoyed kissing and cuddling with her I enjoy just being with and looking at her and seeing her smile so I'd hate to throw away a chance at a real relationship over me doing something touch wise that she didn't like.
major_merrick Posted December 20, 2019 Posted December 20, 2019 OK, kissing tends to be a borderline-sexual kind of touch. To escalate things, you actually need to back up and escalate your non-sexual touch. I call this concept "girlfriending." If you hold hands, increase the amount of time that you do it. Brush her hair aside gently with your hand when you look at her face. If your holding her hand in yours, use one finger to gently/affectionately stroke the palm or back of her hand. Put your arm around her shoulders and/or rub her back. The idea is to get her used to being touched so she lets her guard down and doesn't think you're trying to jump into bed immediately. Your touch needs to be emotional, affectionate, and non-sexual. Only when she feels really secure will she be interested in more sexual kinds of touch and more passionate kissing. 1
preraph Posted December 20, 2019 Posted December 20, 2019 Well, you have plenty of time for all that, as you both get comfortable with things. You'll see once you're both comfortable, that things will just sort of naturally happen. Women mostly like men to take the lead because women mostly like men who are kind of leader types. It doesn't mean she won't ever down the road. 1
alphamale Posted December 20, 2019 Posted December 20, 2019 8 minutes ago, max3732 said: Down the road if things are still going well I'd want to touch her boobs... ha ha, that made me laugh, kiss her on the back of the neck before you move down south
alphamale Posted December 20, 2019 Posted December 20, 2019 6 minutes ago, major_merrick said: Only when she feels really secure will she be interested in more sexual kinds of touch and more passionate kissing. depends on the girl
Author max3732 Posted December 21, 2019 Author Posted December 21, 2019 41 minutes ago, major_merrick said: OK, kissing tends to be a borderline-sexual kind of touch. To escalate things, you actually need to back up and escalate your non-sexual touch. I call this concept "girlfriending." If you hold hands, increase the amount of time that you do it. Brush her hair aside gently with your hand when you look at her face. If your holding her hand in yours, use one finger to gently/affectionately stroke the palm or back of her hand. Put your arm around her shoulders and/or rub her back. The idea is to get her used to being touched so she lets her guard down and doesn't think you're trying to jump into bed immediately. Your touch needs to be emotional, affectionate, and non-sexual. Only when she feels really secure will she be interested in more sexual kinds of touch and more passionate kissing. That makes a lot of sense. Next time we meet I'm going to try that kind of touch during the date. She's definitely shown interest in touch like that so I shouldn't be too nervous doing it. Unfortunately I won't see her until after Christmas and I can't get her out of my mind. 3
Lotsgoingon Posted December 21, 2019 Posted December 21, 2019 (edited) I like the idea of going for prolonged hand holding. You can do this in the movies, btw. Moving hand-holding can be quite fun and comforting and intense. Also time to look her in the eye and give her a romantic compliment. Tell her she looks great ... you love her hair ... in the movie, while holding hands, tell her she has a great smile or whatever it is you like about her appearance. Best to say something you really do like--don't fake that. You know you've done good because she'll grip your hand harder and tighter and/or give you a big big smile. So say some words, looking her in the eye, looking her in the eye and complimenting her her beauty or her energy ... and this is not a matter-of-fact statement. This is said, with a touch of awe in your voice. Wow, you look great. Great to see you ... and hug her. Dude, this woman knows you are not that experienced and she apparently if fine with that! Therefore, she's not expecting you to turn into Mr. Smooth and Debonair Romance Guy all of a sudden. So chill. Touch her hand while walking on in the movie ... Grip it ... and see if she grips in return. Most likely she will ... and keep that going. At some point things will happen. Edited December 21, 2019 by Lotsgoingon 3
smackie9 Posted December 21, 2019 Posted December 21, 2019 (edited) 15 hours ago, alphamale said: fair enough, then he should invite her for dinner at his place.... my experience with women is that many of them like to have first-time-sex at their place cause all their sh*t is there I don't think she's the type for that. BUT I wasn't suggesting they have sex. I was thinking more along the lines of a heavy makeout session because they are taking things slower than most. Edited December 21, 2019 by smackie9 1
Author max3732 Posted December 21, 2019 Author Posted December 21, 2019 4 hours ago, smackie9 said: I don't think she's the type for that. BUT I wasn't suggesting they have sex. I was thinking more along the lines of a heavy makeout session because they are taking things slower than most. That sounds good to me. Another question is whether I should tell her I'm a virgin and have never even seen boobs before or just go with the flow if things are going well? I'd really like hand holding, cuddling, or anything else like that. 2
alphamale Posted December 21, 2019 Posted December 21, 2019 2 minutes ago, max3732 said: That sounds good to me. Another question is whether I should tell her I'm a virgin and have never even seen boobs before or just go with the flow if things are going well? I'd really like hand holding, cuddling, or anything else like that. wtf??
Author max3732 Posted December 21, 2019 Author Posted December 21, 2019 1 hour ago, alphamale said: wtf?? I just letting her know that I'm really inexperienced with this and am figuring it out as I'm going along 1
preraph Posted December 21, 2019 Posted December 21, 2019 (edited) NO! It's a huge turnoff when someone confesses they're inexperienced and worried about it. She likely knows there's a 50/50 chance anyway. And don't ask her if she is or how many!! It will make everything turn to crap! Confessing is usually just a BAD idea, in general. You are doing a stellar job of moving this thing along. Everyone was a virgin once. Everyone pretty much gets past it. And anyway, you are not trying to have sex right now or maybe even in the foreseeable future. Don't make her self-conscious by telling her you've not seen boobs or anything like that. Just do less talking and more doing! So you'll feel or see a boob once you two are really making out a lot and it's all very comfortable and feeling no tension and just more natural. You don't have to plan that or forewarn her! Just takes time to get to that point, and this is still a new relationship with two inexperienced people, so no hurry. But you're doing great as long as you don't start making confessions. Edited December 21, 2019 by preraph
alphamale Posted December 21, 2019 Posted December 21, 2019 ^this, I agree whole-heartedly with preraph 1
smackie9 Posted December 21, 2019 Posted December 21, 2019 1 hour ago, max3732 said: I just letting her know that I'm really inexperienced with this and am figuring it out as I'm going along You say nothing about it. I tell you this, it will come naturally....you both will be exploring each other. You can tell her yes I like that and she will say the same thing as you go along. 1
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