robaday Posted December 18, 2019 Posted December 18, 2019 I have been seeing a woman for about seven months now. It's been great and after a number of years of being jaded with relationships I want a serious relationship with her. I haven't really felt this way for a long time. The trouble is I've lost myself a little, we moved pretty fast, spending four or so nights a week with each other and spending time with her family and friends and mine. I noticed recently if she hasn't been in touch or pulls away slightly I am feeling needy and it's really unlike me. I had this issue a long long time ago, but thought I had fixed it. She cancelled on a date a month ago after not seeing each other for two weeks (she had been away), and then it was recently my birthday and she didn't get me anything and i guess that further made me think I was more into her than she is into me. I am probably over analysing things, she is still making future plans and we are still spending time together, but I feel like I need to get my confidence back somehow whilst in the middle of all this. Any ideas?
preraph Posted December 18, 2019 Posted December 18, 2019 Did she know it was your birthday? Because as you know women usually remember birthdays. I mean it sounds like you two have a real relationship going on. You see each other so much that you know if it was falling apart. Does she realize she forgot your birthday? Did you go do anything on your birthday for your birthday?
Author robaday Posted December 18, 2019 Author Posted December 18, 2019 Yeah she knew we went out for drinks with friends for my birthday celebrations
mark clemson Posted December 18, 2019 Posted December 18, 2019 Hmm. Hard to say. Perhaps she's waffling a bit trying to figure out if it's you and her for the long term or not? That's just a guess tho.
Ami1uwant Posted December 18, 2019 Posted December 18, 2019 1 hour ago, mark clemson said: Hmm. Hard to say. Perhaps she's waffling a bit trying to figure out if it's you and her for the long term or not? That's just a guess tho. I agree... at this point its a cross roads and she may not be sure what this will be going forward as something serious or not. As you said you have spent 4 days together a week and maybe she is expecting something steps to occur that haven’t happened or she doesn’t want that right now so she has pulled back or she isn’t sure how you feel. she may be afraid if she got you something to personal or serious it scare you away, but if she got something for you that was small then you might react negatively thinking you were not a serious thing do you would pull away
Author robaday Posted December 18, 2019 Author Posted December 18, 2019 Ive told her how I feel about her and that I want a relationship with her after she asked where it was going. This was probably a conversation we had two months back. Since then she's been a little distant, still seeing me but there has been a noticeable change in contact. I figure if she's still making future plans and seeing me, then I should be ok, just I am scared of feeling vulnerable like this, not her fault! Just its been so long since I have really liked anyone enough to want to commit.
fromheart Posted December 18, 2019 Posted December 18, 2019 Cancelling a date after going on holiday for 2 weeks, not getting you anything on your birthday.... Personally I'd just dump her. I'm attracted to women who spend my birthday with me. You have to be a bit tough about this, is this the sort of thing you want from a woman on your birthday? No, of course not. So why are you still having these feelings for her? She knows that your settling for less here, and its further diminishing her attraction for you. Its not love, its neediness. It never really gets better from here, which is why I advise to end it and tell her to give you a shout if she ever feels the same way. Though if its not happened by now, the reality is it probably wont. There's nothing a woman could do to get back my attention at this point though. Better to be single then settle for less. 2
2BGoodAgain Posted December 18, 2019 Posted December 18, 2019 11 hours ago, robaday said: I have been seeing a woman for about seven months now. It's been great and after a number of years of being jaded with relationships I want a serious relationship with her. I haven't really felt this way for a long time. The trouble is I've lost myself a little, we moved pretty fast, spending four or so nights a week with each other and spending time with her family and friends and mine. I noticed recently if she hasn't been in touch or pulls away slightly I am feeling needy and it's really unlike me. I had this issue a long long time ago, but thought I had fixed it. She cancelled on a date a month ago after not seeing each other for two weeks (she had been away), and then it was recently my birthday and she didn't get me anything and i guess that further made me think I was more into her than she is into me. I am probably over analysing things, she is still making future plans and we are still spending time together, but I feel like I need to get my confidence back somehow whilst in the middle of all this. Any ideas? The reason why they're called "issues" is usually b/c it isn't really ever 'fixed'... though i'm sure some would argue against me about it... you just "manage" it better, so you see the warning signs and cut it off before it progresses too badly. we are often blind to our character flaws(?)? until it's usually too late in the game. As for your gf... 1) just b/c she's planning the future with you, doesn't mean it's OK. it just means she may be going thru the motions while figuring things out in her head/heart. She doesn't want to end things with you, otherwise she may already have, but you know her better than us... is she the type of person to end things if she knows it should end, or is she the type of person to let you make the move or create a scenario where you end it for her, b/c she's too chicken**** to end it herself b/c it's too hard? 2) she took you out with friends, so that's something. As for a gift, usually a girl gets you something if she's into you... has she always given you a b'day gift? and this time she didn't? then I'd be concerned. 3) as someone earlier said, she may be looking for something to have triggered within herself concerning you, and perhaps it hasn't happened yet... and it's causing her to have doubts, so though she may be going thru the motions of planning the future... it may be she's thinking something else. 4) you could be the safe bet, while she seeks something better..... in which case.. RUN... this is not the type of person you want to be with. 5) BUT before you take any action.... take a step back and look at the bigger picture... the birthday situation and the cancellation may be just the symptoms of the actual situation.. her feelings about you. I'd say, talk to her and share with her your concerns that if she's having doubts about you two or something isn't quite right, you deserve to know what it is, so either a) you two work on it together... to solve whatever it is. b) you two end it, and walk way with respect and mutual good feelings ending it. it never feels good to end a relationship, but it's better than hurting each other more. she may not be ending it b/c she DOES know how badly you've been burned before and she doesn't want to hurt you until she's really sure, or she's just too chicken**** to be the person to do it. so it may be easier if she creates a situation where you wanna get out, rather than she having to do the adult thing and end it. good luck to you.
Lotsgoingon Posted December 18, 2019 Posted December 18, 2019 The birthday is a problem. Period!--but especially when you celebrated hers out with her. The problem is on two levels. First level you let her slide of ignoring you on your b-day and she'll sense you'll let anything slide ... But the second level, which others have alluded to, is that her missing your birthday might not have been a mistake or oversight. It could be a symptom, a sign that she isn't that into you. Of course, you can flip the last sentence and say: it might be a sign that this woman isn't up to your standards.
preraph Posted December 19, 2019 Posted December 19, 2019 Did you get her something on her birthday, or hasn't she had one since you've been together? Did you take her out? Is that basically what she did with you, take you out with some friends? If so, that is something. If she has not had a birthday yet in this relationship, maybe she didn't want to be the first to give a gift. I wouldn't bring it up with her. I'd wait and see what else transpires, but if your relationship begins to lose momentum, then you should talk and just find out if it's falling apart or not. Doesn't sound bad, but maybe she isn't all in yet. Maybe it's too soon, though.
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