She called me out on the second date

[Keeves1]

Hello again! 
 

I’m back with the updates on my second date with Maria. Well I don’t have so much to say. 
 

I met her after work and we started by eating sushi together. She mentioned last time that she has never had sushi before so I thought I’ll take her to try that. She thinks it was weird at first but she actually liked it. 
 

after we were done with eating I decided that we’d go ice skating. 
 

She was actually very quite the whole time so I needed to atleast say something.... right?
 

Maria called me out by saying that I was not prepared enough with the question on our first date because according to her I still don’t know anything about her.  

 

I told her that I take things as it comes and that I don’t want it to be like an interview. 
 

I would say that the questions I asked her was good. It was not much and very basic but I did not follow the question up with a comment or so. 
 

Here are the questions I remember I asked her: 

 

1. What do you do in your freetime?

2. What is your favourite food?

3. What is your favourite color?

4. What do you study?

5. Where do you see yourself in 5 years?

6. What do you work as?

7. Are you a morning or a night person?

8. Do you like coffee? 
9. What kind of music do you like?

10. What do you like to watch? 
 

However she still wants to meet me BUT I need to step it up. So what are some good and deep questions I should ask her to get to know her better? 

Edited December 15, 2019 by Keeves1

[Foxhall]

Ive always found try to get as much out of one question as you can ,

 

take your first question there- freetime interests?

 

listen to her interests, prompt her to share a bit more,

 

try and build a story around your interests, share something funny that happened to you playing football as a kid or something,

 

get a conversation going and flowing, sharing stories rather than too many questions.

[schlumpy]

2 hours ago, Keeves1 said:

Maria called me out by saying that I was not prepared enough with the question on our first date because according to her I still don’t know anything about her.  

 

1. What do you do in your freetime?

2. What is your favourite food?

3. What is your favourite color?

4. What do you study?

5. Where do you see yourself in 5 years?

6. What do you work as?

7. Are you a morning or a night person?

8. Do you like coffee? 
9. What kind of music do you like?

10. What do you like to watch? 
 

However she still wants to meet me BUT I need to step it up. So what are some good and deep questions I should ask her to get to know her better? 

 

Hmmmm…… Does sound like an interview. I don't know the cultural standards that active here but I don't sense that this girl is that enthusiastic about you. I'm not sure what she wants. You don't know anything about her? That's why you date! For her bring up an issue like this after the first date seems unnecessary. She could have just as easily demonstrated what she wanted by asking you the type of questions she thought were appropriate. Instead, she wants you to guess or read her mind. If she wanted you to know all about her, she could have handed you prewritten autobiography as unromantic as that sounds.

 

What is the attraction here? Is she a smoking hot Nordic beauty that makes steam out of your ears when she walks in the room? What are you basing your attraction on at this point? Better yet, what is she basing her attraction on?

 

I think another two dates and if she doesn't show it start from scratch. 

[d0nnivain]

2 hours ago, Keeves1 said:

Maria called me out by saying that I was not prepared enough with the question on our first date because according to her I still don’t know anything about her.  

 

What?!  That sounds soooo rude.  How dare she!  You had 1 date.  You were under no obligation to memorize everything about her from her profile or your past conversations.  For her to say that you were "not prepared" was awful.  Especially since you based the sushi menu on the idea that she'd never had it before,  it seems to me that you were paying attention.  So where does she get off telling you that were not learning about her?  Why on earth would you want a 3rd date with such a person?  

 

As for your Qs, they were fine but the whole thing feels rigid & scripted.  You are putting too much pressure on yourself.   A date is supposed to be fun.  It's not an inquisition & there isn't a test.     

 

Since you were OK with her nasty comment above & you kept talking to her, do you now know the answers to the Qs you asked?  Given her penchant for practically quizzing you on the details of her life, you best write down the answers & study before your next date.   Since you now know her favorite color & food,  if you will see her before the 25th you can get her a small, inexpensive trinket as a token holiday gift.  Your Qs for the 3rd date should flow more naturally based on what you learned & continue to learn about her but also what develops organically through the date itself.  

[Art.at.Heart]

I missed your first thread but does she ask you any questions? 

[stillafool]

3 hours ago, Keeves1 said:

 

However she still wants to meet me BUT I need to step it up. So what are some good and deep questions I should ask her to get to know her better? 

What were some good and deep questions that she asked you about yourself on the date?  

[Saracena]

What a strange thing to say!  Judging by your list, I think you did very well. I suspect she may just want to know you're not serious about dating her and not just want an FWB! Can't know for sure.

 

Takes all kinds I guess, but I would hate to be bombarded with a list of questions of a first date. Like a job interview. I much prefer when information evolves naturally through conversation.

[stillafool]

Look stop treating this chick like some princess.  When she tells you that you aren't prepared enough with questions about her ask her what are her questions about you.  If she doesn't have a list of them tell her you both are apparently unprepared and suggest you both get prepared and meet again in the future.  Then find another girl.

[OatsAndHall]

1 hour ago, stillafool said:

Look stop treating this chick like some princess.  When she tells you that you aren't prepared enough with questions about her ask her what are her questions about you.  If she doesn't have a list of them tell her you both are apparently unprepared and suggest you both get prepared and meet again in the future.  Then find another girl.

 

 

I agree with this statement.  It sounds to me like she needs to realize that dating should be a fun, organic process where you get to know one another. She is essentially asking for an interview and that's just not enjoyable. And, I would venture so far to say that she WANTS it that way; she likes that you're putting her up on a pedestal and "proving" your interest to her. I look for intelligent conversation and banter when dating but I certainly don't demand it. If a woman and I can't hold a decent conversation then we'll just go our separate ways; no muss no fuss.

 

I dated a woman for a bit that claimed to want a man who "challenged" her intellectually.  Her and I had great, intelligent conversations as she is intelligent and well-spoken. However, we met at her place for dinner and a movie one night and I was tired and kind of quiet. I wasn't a mute but I just wasn't in the mood for a long, deep conversation about global politics; I just wanted to chill out, chat a bit and enjoy her company. She asked me if something was wrong several times and I told her that I was just worn out but was enjoying her company and the evening. It kind of rubbed me the wrong way as I wasn't being rude; I just wasn't cranking the intellectualism up.

 

The next day, she called and told me she was "disappointed" with our date and reiterated that she wanted someone to "challenge" her. I tried to politely explain to her that there were times when I was down for deep conversation but there were other times when I (and EVERYONE ELSE) just needs to relax a bit. She wanted to talk politics and I absolutely didn't have the energy or the patience that night for it. She kept up with the diatribe about wanting someone to "challenge" her (i.e. she wasn't listening to a damn thing I was saying) so I told her that I wanted to DATE her, not be a dancing monkey for her entertainment.

[smackie9]

My isn't Maria a quirky one lol. Everyone is saying to dump her, but I see this as an interesting challenge. Are you up for it??

My guess is you are a little reserved and she was just egging you on to get you more interacting with her. She sounds like the assertive type, and doesn't have a lot patience.

Anyways I don't know you, but I have a feeling like most guys are not so willing to be really deep about things when you are still like strangers. You like to get a good feel for what they are about before that happens am I right? Next time she mentions it again, tease her back with a joking comment like "so? don't you like a little mystery? I know I do" then give her a little smirk and a nudge. The teasing will have her just reeling, but possibly wanting more.

Hey you got this.....and take the lead.

Edited December 15, 2019 by smackie9

[fromheart]

Look man, just chill out and have a conversation with the girl.  If a woman had a list like that prepared for me, I'd run a mile.

[kendahke]

What exactly did you talk about on the first date? 

 

[preraph]

She sounds like a jerk.

[CAPSLOCK BANDIT]

her point is not really a valid one and it speaks to a mindset like this: She is sick and tired of guys just after the nookie without getting to know her... Which also speaks to the fact that she has been letting the guys get the nookie without getting to know her at all and because of that, she is now drawing a line in the sand with you... This is all her problem, not yours, I would run away bro.

 

In addition... I bet if you pressured her right now, she would give it up, even though she is complaining she doesn't know you that well.

Edited December 15, 2019 by CAPSLOCK BANDIT
In addition...

[Keeves1]

8 hours ago, Foxhall said:

try and build a story around your interests, share something funny that happened to you playing football as a kid or something,

 

get a conversation going and flowing, sharing stories rather than too many questions.

Good advice! Problem here is how do I share my stories all of a sudden? 

[Keeves1]

7 hours ago, d0nnivain said:

 

What?!  That sounds soooo rude.  How dare she!  You had 1 date.  You were under no obligation to memorize everything about her from her profile or your past conversations.  For her to say that you were "not prepared" was awful.  Especially since you based the sushi menu on the idea that she'd never had it before,  it seems to me that you were paying attention. 

 

As for your Qs, they were fine but the whole thing feels rigid & scripted.  You are putting too much pressure on yourself.   A date is supposed to be fun.  It's not an inquisition & there isn't a test.     

 

Since you were OK with her nasty comment above & you kept talking to her, do you now know the answers to the Qs you asked?  Given her penchant for practically quizzing you on the details of her life, you best write down the answers & study before your next date.   Since you now know her favorite color & food,  if you will see her before the 25th you can get her a small, inexpensive trinket as a token holiday gift.  Your Qs for the 3rd date should flow more naturally based on what you learned & continue to learn about her but also what develops organically through the date itself.  

I think many people here are more against her but in her defence she has never had a BF before and the first time she slept with someone was last year. She could not even answer me when I asked her what she is looking for in a relationship. 
 

She also admitted that she is an introvert so that’s why I was OK with her rude comments. I’m sure she get more comfortable after a while. 
 

Yes I do know the answer she gave me. 
 

1. She likes to hit the gym and play soccer in her freetime. 
2. Her favourite food is Pizza with pepperoni.

3. Her favourite color is black and gold.

4. She is studying interior design.

5. She don’t know what she will become in 5 years time. 
6. She work in a store that sells product for kitchen

7. She is an morning person

8. She don’t like coffee but likes chocolate milk or shakes. 
9. She likes KPOP music. 

10. She also likes to watch South - Korean Drama

 

How do I make it flow when she is an introvert? 

 

7 hours ago, Art.at.Heart said:

I missed your first thread but does she ask you any questions? 

She does! She asked me something deep. 
 

like tell me 3 things you like about yourself including looks and personality. And also 3 things that I don’t like. 

Edited December 15, 2019 by Keeves1

[d0nnivain]

You don't push introverts.  You have to let them warm up & that takes a while.  She doesn't sound like an introvert.  Introverts are not that forward.   She was very pushy.  I didn't need the answers to the Qs.  You simply needed to know them.  

 

Are there any museums near you that feature interior design as theme / exhibit?  Try taking her to one of those.  Heck, walk through an IKEA & get her to fake redecorate your apartment.  

[Mrin]

No. Just no. 

[Keeves1]

11 hours ago, d0nnivain said:

You don't push introverts.  You have to let them warm up & that takes a while.  She doesn't sound like an introvert.  Introverts are not that forward.   She was very pushy.  I didn't need the answers to the Qs.  You simply needed to know them.  

 

Are there any museums near you that feature interior design as theme / exhibit?  Try taking her to one of those.  Heck, walk through an IKEA & get her to fake redecorate your apartment.  

Sorry I thought you ment that I should write down the answers here yes I think I should just take it slow and don’t ask alot of questions. 
 

thanks for the Ikea idea! Their food is cheap as well hahha

20 hours ago, OatsAndHall said:

 

 

I agree with this statement.  It sounds to me like she needs to realize that dating should be a fun, organic process where you get to know one another. She is essentially asking for an interview and that's just not enjoyable. And, I would venture so far to say that she WANTS it that way; she likes that you're putting her up on a pedestal and "proving" your interest to her. I look for intelligent conversation and banter when dating but I certainly don't demand it. If a woman and I can't hold a decent conversation then we'll just go our separate ways; no muss no fuss.

 

I dated a woman for a bit that claimed to want a man who "challenged" her intellectually.  Her and I had great, intelligent conversations as she is intelligent and well-spoken. However, we met at her place for dinner and a movie one night and I was tired and kind of quiet. I wasn't a mute but I just wasn't in the mood for a long, deep conversation about global politics; I just wanted to chill out, chat a bit and enjoy her company. She asked me if something was wrong several times and I told her that I was just worn out but was enjoying her company and the evening. It kind of rubbed me the wrong way as I wasn't being rude; I just wasn't cranking the intellectualism up.

 

The next day, she called and told me she was "disappointed" with our date and reiterated that she wanted someone to "challenge" her. I tried to politely explain to her that there were times when I was down for deep conversation but there were other times when I (and EVERYONE ELSE) just needs to relax a bit. She wanted to talk politics and I absolutely didn't have the energy or the patience that night for it. She kept up with the diatribe about wanting someone to "challenge" her (i.e. she wasn't listening to a damn thing I was saying) so I told her that I wanted to DATE her, not be a dancing monkey for her entertainment.

You took a good choice there and she also needs to understand that people don’t always need to be deep in the conversation because that would be exhausting to use your brain all the time

19 hours ago, smackie9 said:

My isn't Maria a quirky one lol. Everyone is saying to dump her, but I see this as an interesting challenge. Are you up for it??

My guess is you are a little reserved and she was just egging you on to get you more interacting with her. She sounds like the assertive type, and doesn't have a lot patience.

Anyways I don't know you, but I have a feeling like most guys are not so willing to be really deep about things when you are still like strangers. You like to get a good feel for what they are about before that happens am I right? Next time she mentions it again, tease her back with a joking comment like "so? don't you like a little mystery? I know I do" then give her a little smirk and a nudge. The teasing will have her just reeling, but possibly wanting more.

Hey you got this.....and take the lead.

YES! Everything you wrote is correct! I’m normally a reserved person because I don’t know the person yet and it takes time to me to warm up. Also yes I am up for the challenge! 
 

 

[wgmitch]

This is, for all intent and purposes, an interview not a date. I'm sorry. Her questions to you are text book interview questions. I'm a hiring manager and I ask questions like this of applicants all the time.

 

I was approached by a woman, who I had seen before in the supermarket and she gave me her number. I text her as I found her attractive and I was very flattered. This had never happened to me before and she swore that she had never done anything like this before. So we started out really cute, right? Well we had one date, a walk around a local park on a beautiful evening. It was a complete interview, her being the interviewer with exactly questions like you have presented here. I literally was waiting for her to ask me how much money I make. Ha!

 

When she text me later on that evening I told her she was very nice, but I thought we were different people. She sounded upset and said we didn't even know each other. I told I thought the date was more like an interview than a lite heart conversation, she rolled her eyes. (She sent a rolling eye emoji, same thing.) We never spoke again.

 

Dating is hard, but it doesn't have to be. I know when I meet the right one it will all feel natural. Maybe I won't even mind an interview.

Edited December 16, 2019 by wgmitch

[stillafool]

21 hours ago, Keeves1 said:

• I think many people here are more against her but in her defence she has never had a BF before and the first time she slept with someone was last year. She could not even answer me when I asked her what she is looking for in a relationship. 

She also admitted that she is an introvert so that’s why I was OK with her rude comments. I’m sure she get more comfortable after a while. 

 

 

 

It doesn't matter that she's never had a bf before and now you know why.  15 year old girls handle themselves better than her.  She's rude and expects you to put up with it.  If you get involved with this woman she will drag you around with a hook in your nose.  You can do better.

Edited December 16, 2019 by stillafool

[Foxhall]

On 12/15/2019 at 8:56 PM, Keeves1 said:

Good advice! Problem here is how do I share my stories all of a sudden? 

 

Yes well you need to be getting an interested vibe from the other party, if conversation is going ok, I love to direct things towards where I can tell a story, anything that comes to mind,

a near death experience I had as a 12-year old, "what do you think of the afterlife" might be the conversation starter and I can build in my story then,

 

my most embarrassing moment,

even sharing other bad dates stories can be an interesting topic on a date,

Ive had situations too where they did not want to hear my stories, thats ok, fair enough just no connection here,

 

but yes take any topic, food or whatever,and say to yourself there are loads of ways this topic could be expanded,  and put your own slant on it.

 

 

[Keeves1]

On 12/15/2019 at 2:51 PM, d0nnivain said:

Your Qs for the 3rd date should flow more naturally based on what you learned & continue to learn about her but also what develops organically through the date itself.  

Hi again d0nnivain. I’m qouting you on your last sentence. I’m meeting her tomorrow and I still have no idea how I am supposed to «base» my questions naturally on what I have learned about her. 
 

She is coming over and I must have something to talk about right? Or else it’s just going to be awkward just two of us sitting there staring at each other.

 

I don’t know if you’ll ever see this but if you do please reply

[Caauug]

She putting you on the spot to test your confidence. Try Google for 'How to pass women's tests" There is another name for it but I would likely get slapped for typing it here. "S _ _ T Test" fill in the blanks and google it. Good luck.

[Redhead14]

She's trying to control/direct how you date her and what questions to ask???  Paleeze.  Ask her if her feet hurt .  .  . that huge ego of hers must be heavy to carry around. 

Edited December 20, 2019 by Redhead14