Cora Posted December 14, 2019 Posted December 14, 2019 Met this guy a couple days ago on a dating app. Conversation went well and we decided to meet up today for coffee. I get to the coffee shop, park and I’m about to go inside when I get a text from him saying he will have to take a raincheck as his car is overheating. A couple weeks ago I was talking to another guy and we decided to meet up for sushi. He texts me the day before saying he can’t make it as his ex wife had a work meeting come up that night and didn’t have child care for their daughter which meant he would have to keep her. So had to cancel our date. I’m starting to wonder if these guys were just flaking because something better came up or if I really have bad luck with things happening before I’m supposed to meet these guys. These guys were the ones who planned the dates and were so eager to meet and then back out. Is this the new norm with online dating? You go into a date with a 50/50 chance of the person actually showing up? I’m kinda bummed and debating if I even want to keep dating if this is just going to keep happening.
fishtaco Posted December 14, 2019 Posted December 14, 2019 Don't over think it. The world is a big place, some people do it for legitimate reasons, some people don't. Just roll with it. What I did (although I haven't been single for a long time), was that the person that cancels has to reach out. So if a woman cancels on me, I expect her to reach out to me. The only thing I would do is to make her know that I'm open to it. Then after that it's up to her. If she doesn't reach out then I don't care if her reason is legit or not, it's a dead end. When someone likes you, they WILL make the effort regardless of their circumstances. Sure, maybe I've had women that weren't confident so they didn't reach out, even though they wanted to. But that's their problem, not mine. There's no babysitting in dating. If I screwed up, I deal with the consequences. If a woman makes the wrong move, then she deals with the consequences. So just move on. I believe it's much easier for a woman to get dates online than men anyway. So you should have no problem. Just next them and don't think about it. They'll come back if they want to. Then you can decide if you want to give them another chance. 5
stillafool Posted December 14, 2019 Posted December 14, 2019 It does sound kind of shady but maybe it's just a coincidence. 1
K.K. Posted December 14, 2019 Posted December 14, 2019 Sometimes things happen though. They really do. Give it some time to see if they contact. I could never do the online dating. I mean there you are going to meet some stranger with the sole purpose of feeling a spark. Terrifying. 1
Author Cora Posted December 14, 2019 Author Posted December 14, 2019 Thanks for the replies. Yeah, I just told him no worries and I don’t plan on contacting him anymore. He can reach out if he really wants to meet. I get that things happen as I had to cancel on a guy once because I legitimately got sick. It just seems like these things happen to me more and more now.
Berteau Posted December 14, 2019 Posted December 14, 2019 It’s the norm now. I don’t think it was this hard a year ago.
snowboy91 Posted December 14, 2019 Posted December 14, 2019 Some people are just generally flaky these days. But I'm a lot more appreciative of having enough notice such that I can change my plans. Standing someone up is much worse in my opinion - always at least have the decency to say you're not coming. 1
Saracena Posted December 15, 2019 Posted December 15, 2019 1 hour ago, snowboy91 said: Standing someone up is much worse in my opinion - always at least have the decency to say you're not coming. Absolutely. Pretty much what I was going to say. At least be thankful they let you know! Heard about someone recently who was left sitting alone in a busy pub and when she texted asking where he was, he pretended he thought it was the following week! Even though the day before she'd said 'See you tomorrow'! Incredible!
CAPSLOCK BANDIT Posted December 15, 2019 Posted December 15, 2019 Most dudes will flake on you when your going out for coffee or food. Meet ups have to be something unassuming and free. Once the meet up goes well, you can consider going out, but dont expect to go out first, do a quick meet up first, then do an outing.
smackie9 Posted December 15, 2019 Posted December 15, 2019 (edited) People are just plain flaky period! not only on dating apps, but even on craigslist when I'm trying to buy or sell something. I think people either were never taught manners or forgot them. The old "Ya I want it don't sell it on me, I will be there in an hour..." no show, stop answering my text messages. What they don't realize or think about is, I take time out of my day for them. It's just plain rude. It's no different than going to a date. You spend time getting ready, time and gas getting there. *OP if the cancellation is legit, most often they would automatically suggest another time to make up for it because they really do want to meet you. So make note of this. Edited December 15, 2019 by smackie9
Inspire Posted December 16, 2019 Posted December 16, 2019 Maybe it was just a coincidence. The only way to really know for sure at how interested they are is if they reschedule and actually go through with the date. I actually had a situation like this happen years ago. I was on my way to go meet a girl I had met online and I stopped for gas. When I tried to start the car the motor wouldn't turn over. I quickly called her and told her what had happened but the whole time I was thinking: "there is no way she is going to believe me." To make matters worse, she knew I had a new car! Thankfully she took it in stride, I got the issue fixed and I met up with her the following week. It was funny to share both our perspectives on it and we both had good laugh about it. 2
greymatter Posted December 16, 2019 Posted December 16, 2019 I don't think it's the norm, at least not in my recent experience with dating. You'll read about it here a lot because people come here to vent when this happens, but it's hard to know how common it really is. It's never happened to me.
Super Phantom Posted December 16, 2019 Posted December 16, 2019 If the man had a child he may have to cancel. His child is going to come before yoy
scooby-philly Posted December 16, 2019 Posted December 16, 2019 Agree with the previous posts - the only way to know the "truth" is to see what happens afterwards. Car problems and problems with family do happen. But...yes, people are 100x more flaky now then they were 5 or 10 years ago. That's the unfortunate side effect of so much technology and what's going on in various parts of our society. Not knocking it completely, just saying that there are consequences to things. That said, while I'd put the onus on the person who cancelled to setup the rescheduled meetup, I'd also, as a man, not mind getting a text or message from you saying you were looking forward to it. That way if the reasons was legit, they know you're not holding a grudge.
hercules22 Posted December 23, 2019 Posted December 23, 2019 Its not just online where people are flaky even the ones you meet in person from bars or nightclubs most of the time they are looking for a quick fix as they have just got out of a relationship so they look to rebound or they just dont want to date and only have fun so they flake as they change there mind as a date is to serious for them
smackie9 Posted December 23, 2019 Posted December 23, 2019 People have always been flaky just technology lets us see more of it.
Andy_K Posted December 23, 2019 Posted December 23, 2019 It's pretty common. Less so after you've met someone and become a 'real' person in their head instead of a digital connection though. The general rule is, if someone cancels and is apologetic and makes an effort to reschedule for another specific date/time, it's genuine. If they don't, you're being flaked on and likely won't ever see them again.
max3732 Posted December 23, 2019 Posted December 23, 2019 This has happened to me several times. Unfortunately a lot of people don't seem to care about others feelings. I would never do that to someone.
kendahke Posted December 23, 2019 Posted December 23, 2019 On 12/14/2019 at 4:06 PM, Cora said: I’m starting to wonder if these guys were just flaking because something better came up or if I really have bad luck with things happening before I’m supposed to meet these guys. These guys were the ones who planned the dates and were so eager to meet and then back out. No. Nothing better came up nor does your bad luck play any role in this. "Why bother?" mentality is the culprit and the older one gets, the more prevalent this mindset is.
MeadowFlower Posted December 25, 2019 Posted December 25, 2019 (edited) Some guys might be more talk than action, maybe they chicken out. And then you have the cave man style guy who's main objective is sex. Edited December 25, 2019 by MeadowFlower
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