justabottle Posted December 13, 2019 Posted December 13, 2019 This is our first overseas trip. When we first booked the ticket, I told him to book it because he said he wanted to bring me on a trip. So I told him to book. Then the prices for the air tickets were not consistent and it kept going higher. So he scolded me for that. And he refused to let me help him out and refused to answer my calls. In the end, he blamed it that I should be the one booking. Okay fine, I settled the remaining that he did not - selecting seats and baggage. Then we had a another saga - you can read at my another post. I wanted to reply on my post but that time loveshack was moving so I couldn’t log in. Follow up on that, he has been badmouthing about my mom to me and told me not to be like her. I gave him the stare to stop and told him that he shouldn’t talk like that about her. Then came the trip, he still said. I let it go. Then today, I was feeling cold so I said to him I’m cold as I snuggle into the sheets. Usually he’d asked am I okay and give me a hug. Today he kept looking at his phone about where to go tomorrow and I’m like that can wait. So I made a bit of fuss. Then it was settled. We went down to get bottled drinks because we ran out of it. Then after we came back I was still feeling cold. So I put on another shirt and said, I want hugs. He ignored me thrice and the last draw I just blew. Things went out of hand and he said he wanted to break. He said that I was clingy throughout the trip, I was acting like my mom, I wanted things my way (we go to the places he recommended, whatever I recommend, he doesn’t like and kept making comments), and doesn’t give him the personal space (which I agreed it was my fault). Now, he wants to break and said everything’s my fault. There’s still 3 more days together though. Sigh. Tl; dr: had an argument with bf during trip and now he wants to break.
preraph Posted December 13, 2019 Posted December 13, 2019 Well, sounds like it's his way or the highway. Unless you are a person with no preferences and don't mind someone making all the decisions for you, there's no way to have a long relationship with someone who doesn't take turns and compromise. I mean, you can't find someone whose preferences are exactly like yours across the board, so you have to both compromise and take turns. Find someone who wants to be with you and is mellow enough to compromise. 1
d0nnivain Posted December 13, 2019 Posted December 13, 2019 Do what you have to do to make the best of these last 3 days but seriously, the petulance of this guy. . . good riddance. 2
Ruby Slippers Posted December 13, 2019 Posted December 13, 2019 This relationship is full of negativity, criticism, and ickyness. What I've learned is that the tone that is set from the very beginning of a relationship is generally the one that sticks. And people are on their best behavior in the beginning. So if this is the best... what's the point?
Watercolors Posted December 13, 2019 Posted December 13, 2019 (edited) 1 hour ago, justabottle said: Now, he wants to break and said everything’s my fault. There’s still 3 more days together though. Sigh. Well, he sounds mature. *not* If you stay for the last 3 days of your vacation with your boyfriend, it will surely be awkward for the rest of your trip together. Do you have enough money to fly home early? Or, finish your vacation alone; pay for a separate hostel/hotel room where you are? Edited December 13, 2019 by Watercolors
Author justabottle Posted December 13, 2019 Author Posted December 13, 2019 40 minutes ago, preraph said: Well, sounds like it's his way or the highway. Unless you are a person with no preferences and don't mind someone making all the decisions for you, there's no way to have a long relationship with someone who doesn't take turns and compromise. I mean, you can't find someone whose preferences are exactly like yours across the board, so you have to both compromise and take turns. Find someone who wants to be with you and is mellow enough to compromise. I have no preference, just one place I wanted to go and he also hasn’t brought me there yet. The thing is, now we have arguments, he’d bring up break up. And now he’s pushing the blame onto me. 23 minutes ago, Ruby Slippers said: This relationship is full of negativity, criticism, and ickyness. What I've learned is that the tone that is set from the very beginning of a relationship is generally the one that sticks. And people are on their best behavior in the beginning. So if this is the best... what's the point? Sigh, I agree. But I hate it that if we have to break up now, he’s blaming it all on me! 13 minutes ago, Watercolors said: Well, he sounds mature. *not* If you stay for the last 3 days of your vacation with your boyfriend, it will surely be awkward for the rest of your trip together. Do you have enough money to fly home early? Or, finish your vacation alone; pay for a separate hostel/hotel room where you are? I don’t have enough I paid for accomodation (1.3K) and our expenses here already (1.8K). He’s been in and out of jobs for the past 6 years
Watercolors Posted December 13, 2019 Posted December 13, 2019 Can you call home and ask your parents to pay the fee so you can fly home early? You can always repay them over time.
CAPSLOCK BANDIT Posted December 13, 2019 Posted December 13, 2019 You should look at how your significant other treats the people they live with; for example, if they do not live with you, but roommates, look at how they treat their roommates and that is exactly how they will treat you when you two live together or even travel together. It is an unfortunate situation because travelling is supposed to be a blissful experience, but when you are low on funds to begin with, maybe travelling was not the best option for you two in the first place... Like, if any conversation comes up about expenses during travelling, you should have enough money on hand to have a lot of options available or better yet, purchase your flights ahead of time at the locked down price that cannot change, as opposed to just going on the fly and coming back when you feel like it. Yeah, somebody who does not groove well with roommates to begin with is definitely not going to be a pleasure to travel with when there are financial troubles about.
smackie9 Posted December 13, 2019 Posted December 13, 2019 Ya I agree you should just make the best of it, give him space, no confrontation whatsoever. When you get home, say nothing and go your own way. Everyone is telling you to kick him to the curb anyway, but you know, emotions cool off, time spent to think, he may want to make things better who knows. I know you came here to find out wt% happened, we can't give you any answers to what's really going on. Give him his space, and see what's next. 1
normal person Posted December 13, 2019 Posted December 13, 2019 Honestly, if there are this many issues over relatively trivial things, it's not worth the effort. If it isn't easy, it's not right. He sounds awful, just go home early (or wait the trip out) and break up with him. Why subject yourself to this? 1
preraph Posted December 13, 2019 Posted December 13, 2019 He's gaslighting you because of course he can't be wrong. He doesn't even argue fair. Tell him you know he's gaslighting you because he can't stand to be wrong and that it's his way or the highway and bye-bye.
Author justabottle Posted December 17, 2019 Author Posted December 17, 2019 Thanks all. He reached out and apologised for overreacting the next day. We had a long talk and I told him that while I may have made mistakes, it isn’t the way to go for him also if he always brings up break up during our quarrels because I really may do it if he brings it up again.
kendahke Posted December 17, 2019 Posted December 17, 2019 (edited) then break up with him. I'm reading nothing but a lot of incompatibility between you two. He isn't the guy for you, so you might as well take him up on it. What's the point in being with someone like this? Quote he always brings up break up during our quarrels because I really may do it you two are not compatible if this is going down between you two. No behavior happens in a vacuum. Quote Sigh, I agree. But I hate it that if we have to break up now, he’s blaming it all on me! Stop trying to control his actions. Worry about your own actions. He's going to do exactly what he wants to do and you can't do a dang thing about it. Edited December 17, 2019 by kendahke
Els Posted December 17, 2019 Posted December 17, 2019 (edited) On 12/14/2019 at 3:31 AM, justabottle said: This is our first overseas trip. When we first booked the ticket, I told him to book it because he said he wanted to bring me on a trip. So I told him to book. Then the prices for the air tickets were not consistent and it kept going higher. So he scolded me for that. And he refused to let me help him out and refused to answer my calls. In the end, he blamed it that I should be the one booking. Okay fine, I settled the remaining that he did not - selecting seats and baggage. Okay, I know that most people here are siding with you, but I re-read your post and have a feeling that there's something strange going on with BOTH of you here. What's up with this, how exactly did you "tell" him to book a trip that both of you are taking together, and is there a reason you didn't just book it in the first place instead of telling him to do it? Quote Then we had a another saga - you can read at my another post. I wanted to reply on my post but that time loveshack was moving so I couldn’t log in. Follow up on that, he has been badmouthing about my mom to me and told me not to be like her. I gave him the stare to stop and told him that he shouldn’t talk like that about her. I read the other thread and don't quite understand it either. Was your boyfriend buying the renovation items for your mum or did he make her pay for items that he chose? Quote Then came the trip, he still said. I let it go. Then today, I was feeling cold so I said to him I’m cold as I snuggle into the sheets. Usually he’d asked am I okay and give me a hug. Today he kept looking at his phone about where to go tomorrow and I’m like that can wait. So I made a bit of fuss. Then it was settled. I think it's pretty normal to be planning where to go the next day, and a bit less normal to make a fuss about someone not hugging you at the exact moment that you expect to be hugged. What would he have done if you just hugged him? Quote We went down to get bottled drinks because we ran out of it. Then after we came back I was still feeling cold. So I put on another shirt and said, I want hugs. I don't understand, who even does this instead of just HUGGING them? Or was he pushing you away if you try to hug him?!!? I mean, I'm not defending him, there are definitely some red flags in this guy. But honestly, you sounded like a child to me in this post, unless I am interpreting your words wrongly. Edited December 17, 2019 by Elswyth 1
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