seanster Posted December 13, 2019 Posted December 13, 2019 Hi, there's this girl I liked who finally said "we can try" (not sure what it means, do I have a girlfriend or what?) anyway.. moving on: It's only been about 2 weeks, she very occasionally shows interest, mostly nothing. now and then if we are together she might lean on to me on the sofa and we hug.. but its a rarity. today, before going on a night out, she came to visit me and my friends but ofc mostly my friend as she is her best friend. She barely noticed me, my friend had to tell her to show me some affection (i didnt ask for it) so she gave a small kiss and turned around to go and i said we can hug (she had lipstick so kissing wasnt a good idea) so i tried to hug her and her arms were limp.. it was like hugging a dummy... so i was thinking ok wtf.. uhhhh.. fine it's common that she shows no affection, no sign of interest.. but then sometimes she does.. im confused asf!
d0nnivain Posted December 13, 2019 Posted December 13, 2019 She is open to you occasionally but you are not a priority. I don't know what "we can try" means either but until you get clarification I would not assume you had an exclusive GF
Author seanster Posted December 13, 2019 Author Posted December 13, 2019 1 minute ago, d0nnivain said: She is open to you occasionally but you are not a priority. I don't know what "we can try" means either but until you get clarification I would not assume you had an exclusive GF makes sense .. i forgot to mention, she barely speaks english haha. im british and she is finnish, i now live in finland.. so there's that.
smackie9 Posted December 13, 2019 Posted December 13, 2019 (edited) dude if a girl is interested she would be all giggly, smiles, flirtatious and wanting to always be around you. Sounds like you wore this girl down, this "ok we can try" was to pacify you. Language of love and romance is universal. Mixed signals, means there really aren't any. Edited December 13, 2019 by smackie9 2
Author seanster Posted December 13, 2019 Author Posted December 13, 2019 13 minutes ago, smackie9 said: dude if a girl is interested she would be all giggly, smiles, flirtatious and wanting to always be around you. Sounds like you wore this girl down, this "ok we can try" was to pacify you. Language of love and romance is universal. Mixed signals, means there really aren't any. that also makes sense. her friends say it's just how she is.. but to me, it doesn't seem right because as you said, someone that likes you shows a little more affection or interest than hugging a tree. And if she wanted to "try" she's doing a pretty sh*tty job at that intentionally ofc.
smackie9 Posted December 13, 2019 Posted December 13, 2019 (edited) Like I always say, date those who treat you the way you want to be treated. IMO there will be other more affectionate/receptive girls out there to meet. Think about it...don't you want that? Someone who wants to touch you, desire you? Reaches affectionately for your hand? Don't short change yourself trying to get anything off the ground with this one. You shouldn't have to work THAT hard for it. Edited December 13, 2019 by smackie9
Author seanster Posted December 13, 2019 Author Posted December 13, 2019 (edited) 23 minutes ago, smackie9 said: Like I always say, date those who treat you the way you want to be treated. IMO there will be other more affectionate/receptive girls out there to meet. Think about it...don't you want that? Someone who wants to touch you, desire you? Reaches affectionately for your hand? Don't short change yourself trying to get anything off the ground with this one. You shouldn't have to work THAT hard for it. that was well written tbf.. This might sounds rediculous but would you maybe construct me a "break up" short text like what you wrote above, I am having a hard time trying to word anything like you have. I don't really want a to say "it's over" i want to give a reason why I made that choice just on the off chance that she might not want it to be over.. you know what i mean? Edited December 13, 2019 by seanster
d0nnivain Posted December 13, 2019 Posted December 13, 2019 You can't discount the language barrier but there are ways to communicate non verbally.
preraph Posted December 13, 2019 Posted December 13, 2019 57 minutes ago, seanster said: that also makes sense. her friends say it's just how she is.. but to me, it doesn't seem right because as you said, someone that likes you shows a little more affection or interest than hugging a tree. And if she wanted to "try" she's doing a pretty sh*tty job at that intentionally ofc. Well, if that's "how she is," then now you know and you should run. Because she sounds cold, not warm, and no, you can't change that if that's who she is. She may just want to be able to say she has a bf (play house) instead of actually participating, you know, for social media reasons or just telling friends.
Author seanster Posted December 13, 2019 Author Posted December 13, 2019 1 hour ago, smackie9 said: dude if a girl is interested she would be all giggly, smiles, flirtatious and wanting to always be around you. Sounds like you wore this girl down, this "ok we can try" was to pacify you. Language of love and romance is universal. Mixed signals, means there really aren't any. 10 minutes ago, d0nnivain said: You can't discount the language barrier but there are ways to communicate non verbally. done that 3 times
smackie9 Posted December 13, 2019 Posted December 13, 2019 (edited) You can say "sorry but I don't think this is working out for me". or "I don't think we are a match." That's more than enough explanation. You don't need to go on about the lack of affection, etc. It's pretty obvious why...... Edited December 13, 2019 by smackie9
Super Phantom Posted December 13, 2019 Posted December 13, 2019 You are sucked in her frame. The best thing to do is to either dump her or date other women at the same time and make her feel dread. When you do this you have to stand by it. You can't just quit when she immediately bends to you.
Author seanster Posted December 13, 2019 Author Posted December 13, 2019 26 minutes ago, Super Phantom said: You are sucked in her frame. The best thing to do is to either dump her or date other women at the same time and make her feel dread. When you do this you have to stand by it. You can't just quit when she immediately bends to you. my friend is currently playing that role on a FB post on my wall.. flirty. she also gave your advice "just so she knows you can get it elsewhere when you want it"
smackie9 Posted December 13, 2019 Posted December 13, 2019 (edited) That's kinda mean don't ya think? This girl isn't intentionally f$%^&*@ with ya. She may have self esteem or security issues, anxiety around guys, etc. I doubt she is playing games to make your life uneasy. Rubbing her face in it makes you look like a jerk. Edited December 13, 2019 by smackie9 1
Super Phantom Posted December 13, 2019 Posted December 13, 2019 7 minutes ago, smackie9 said: That's kinda mean don't ya think? This girl isn't intentionally f$%^&*@ with ya. She may have self esteem or security issues, anxiety around guys, etc. I doubt she is playing games to make your life uneasy. Rubbing her face in it makes you look like a jerk. She's playing games they all do at some point
Watercolors Posted December 13, 2019 Posted December 13, 2019 5 hours ago, seanster said: "we can try" Yoda himself said, "There is no 'try.' There is only 'do.'" 5 hours ago, seanster said: it's common that she shows no affection, no sign of interest.. but then sometimes she does.. im confused asf! She's definitely not interested in you romantically. Sorry. If she were, like the Great Yoda observed, she would be straightforward with you and her hugs would not be dummy-limp, but reciprocated and firm.
smackie9 Posted December 13, 2019 Posted December 13, 2019 (edited) 11 minutes ago, Super Phantom said: She's playing games they all do at some point So stooping to their level is a good thing? How about not tolerating it and move on? Edited December 13, 2019 by smackie9
Author seanster Posted December 13, 2019 Author Posted December 13, 2019 34 minutes ago, smackie9 said: That's kinda mean don't ya think? This girl isn't intentionally f$%^&*@ with ya. She may have self esteem or security issues, anxiety around guys, etc. I doubt she is playing games to make your life uneasy. Rubbing her face in it makes you look like a jerk. i dunno what to do, everything i do is wrong all so contradicting and everyone's opinion seems to be the right one.. but they can't all be right .. so far its stuck logically that she just aint interested
Author seanster Posted December 13, 2019 Author Posted December 13, 2019 i should just stop caring tbh.. not end it and not try to make it work.. just not care - which is what she does anyway. this way, i've not made any wrong move...
Super Phantom Posted December 13, 2019 Posted December 13, 2019 42 minutes ago, smackie9 said: So stooping to their level is a good thing? How about not tolerating it and move on? Yes. There are times in life where you have to get dirty to show people you mean business.
Author seanster Posted December 13, 2019 Author Posted December 13, 2019 34 minutes ago, Super Phantom said: Yes. There are times in life where you have to get dirty to show people you mean business. you won't win a clean fight with a dirty fighter.. i guess
Inspire Posted December 14, 2019 Posted December 14, 2019 She isn't making you a priority and she doesn't seem overly invested. Hence the hot and cold. Perhaps she sees you as a beta, you're there when she needs you to be. I can definitely see a language barrier having some role in all of this, but don't get caught up on the "how and why" ... focus on what is.
Super Phantom Posted December 14, 2019 Posted December 14, 2019 6 hours ago, seanster said: you won't win a clean fight with a dirty fighter.. i guess No such thing as a clean fight unless its and official boxing match or mma
Author seanster Posted December 14, 2019 Author Posted December 14, 2019 (edited) last night on messanger i get: "Hey " *1 hour later* "goodnight " this morning she is here.. i barely exist.. this is what i mean. she just said hi when i said hi and then she turned back to the TV ffs Edited December 14, 2019 by seanster
Author seanster Posted December 15, 2019 Author Posted December 15, 2019 progress.. i went out with a friend for a meal while my current "girlfriend" was here, just got up and left, said ima meet someone. things were different when i got back. she stayed the night and we had a chat.. here are the basics: her: im shy, i am waiting for you to be affectionate and you are waiting for me.. so neither of us are getting it. her: i rarely spend time with you because of work hours, so every time i see you it's almost like the first time, which is why im still to shy to just reach for your hand or kiss or hug you. me: is everything going ok between us? her: i like you, i want it to work. she was worried that i went to meet another girl.. which is reasonable if what she said above is true. then that makes me feel like a complete jerk for going out. so i told her it was just a meal with a friend because i needed to get away for a bit.
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