Frazzle Posted December 12, 2019 Posted December 12, 2019 I don't date much so I don't have much experience. I went on a date with a girl tonight and while there wasn't crazy chemistry or sparks, we had a lot to talk about because of our shared interests. She wanted to split the bill but I said I'd treat her. She said she'd treat me next time...but joked that it would happen only if I was normal. We said farewell and was about to leave and she said, "no hug?" so I hugged her. Was there interest from her? Is there going to be a second date? I'm going to ask her for a second date regardless but just wanted to ask for feedback from you guys. Thank you in advance.
Magicmontazzle Posted December 12, 2019 Posted December 12, 2019 Sounds good - ask her soon. Good luck
Lotsgoingon Posted December 12, 2019 Posted December 12, 2019 (edited) She at the minimum, at least likes you. Did she feel a great spark? Not necessarily ... but she seems open to a spark developing. More to the point, sounds like you didn't feel a great spark. Focus on that--not on what SHE is thinking. Do YOU want another date given that you didn't feel anything special after the first one? Some people would say yes. Others, like me, would say no. BTW: did you figure out what "normal" means, that she would treat the next time as long as you were "normal"? I didn't get that line. Edited December 12, 2019 by Lotsgoingon 1
Author Frazzle Posted December 13, 2019 Author Posted December 13, 2019 7 hours ago, Lotsgoingon said: She at the minimum, at least likes you. Did she feel a great spark? Not necessarily ... but she seems open to a spark developing. More to the point, sounds like you didn't feel a great spark. Focus on that--not on what SHE is thinking. Do YOU want another date given that you didn't feel anything special after the first one? Some people would say yes. Others, like me, would say no. BTW: did you figure out what "normal" means, that she would treat the next time as long as you were "normal"? I didn't get that line. Well she was joking that she would treat me on the second date if I turned out to be a "normal" guy...meaning not crazy because she said she's only known me for an hour. I think that was a joke... or maybe half joke.
healing light Posted December 13, 2019 Posted December 13, 2019 Sounds promising. I would not be searching for hugs from guys I didn't feel any kind of connection with on a first date if they didn't give me one. Also she implied there would be a second date, so I say ask her out soon. I bet she'll say yes!
Foxhall Posted December 13, 2019 Posted December 13, 2019 lol, yes my girlfriend I did not hug her on our first date and she said nearly did not give me a second date over it! the ladies like to be hugged and kissed if they feel a connection, if not they will turn away and out of there as fast as possible, Id imagine you will get a second date- go for a kiss at the end of it.
d0nnivain Posted December 13, 2019 Posted December 13, 2019 I think it went OK. It was positive that she asked for the hug. Do request a 2nd date soon, preferably today, the day after your date. You can wait a but to see her if you need to but ask sooner rather than later. Do not assume she will treat but accept if she offers. As for the comment about you having to prove yourself to be "normal" I suspect she was trying to lighten the mood & get you to relax. She was probably picking up on your nervousness.
PRW Posted December 13, 2019 Posted December 13, 2019 (edited) The date was weak, but not a complete loss. A lot of my 1st dates end with only a hug if I am not completely sold on them or I judge from them that they are not completely sold on me for whatever reason. But starting to walk away and forcing her to ask "No hug?" was really bad, and could cause you to not get a second date. Her comment about "next time" only being if she thinks you are "normal" means that she sees warning signs in you that are negative and similar to what she has seen in others. Why do I say that? Because if she was impressed and confident in her impression of you she would have had no reason to make such a comment and would have been eager to see you again. So, anyway,...I don't know how long ago this date happened, but as a rule the early dates should be once a week. If you have the date on a weekend then you wait a few days (Mon, Tues, or Weds) and then make the next date for the upcoming weekend. Just rinse and repeat. Edited December 13, 2019 by PRW
Author Frazzle Posted December 15, 2019 Author Posted December 15, 2019 On 12/13/2019 at 3:43 AM, d0nnivain said: I think it went OK. It was positive that she asked for the hug. Do request a 2nd date soon, preferably today, the day after your date. You can wait a but to see her if you need to but ask sooner rather than later. Do not assume she will treat but accept if she offers. As for the comment about you having to prove yourself to be "normal" I suspect she was trying to lighten the mood & get you to relax. She was probably picking up on your nervousness. I asked her for a second date and she sounded enthusiastic. She said something along the lines of "let's not be normal this time." However, she couldn't make it on the day I planned it for because her mom was in town so I gave her an alternative day. That was 2 days ago and she hasn't responded.
CAPSLOCK BANDIT Posted December 15, 2019 Posted December 15, 2019 When she wants to split the bill, you should always pull back, so you did good not trying to hug her and her offer for one is a good sign. Let this one chase you more than you chase her. 41 minutes ago, Frazzle said: I asked her for a second date and she sounded enthusiastic. She said something along the lines of "let's not be normal this time." However, she couldn't make it on the day I planned it for because her mom was in town so I gave her an alternative day. That was 2 days ago and she hasn't responded. Dont follow up again, discover more prospects and let her come to you
FMW Posted December 15, 2019 Posted December 15, 2019 (edited) 8 hours ago, CAPSLOCK BANDIT said: When she wants to split the bill, you should always pull back I know that a lot of guys here on LS take that as a rejection, but honestly, I'm a woman - I always prefer to split the bill. It doesn't mean I'm not interested in the guy - it just means I don't know him well enough to feel comfortable accepting a free meal (or free anything) from him at that point. Conversely, many women, including some of the posters her on LS, fully expect the man to pay. But that doesn't mean they are necessarily interested in seeing the guy again. So unless the OP feels it's a deal breaker (and he doesn't seem to) I wouldn't use her splitting the bill as a significant issue. Edited December 15, 2019 by Finding my way 1
smackie9 Posted December 15, 2019 Posted December 15, 2019 (edited) Women are like snowflakes, none are alike, which is why it can be so confusing. They are as an individual as you are. Think of it this way, she obviously found you attractive enough to say yes to a date. You have common interests and had lots to talk about. She asked for a hug, so that means she's comfortable enough to make physical contact with you, and not rush out of there. To me that's worth a second date. Ask her out again. Just like last time, keep it simple/ casual and talk some more. 56 minutes ago, Finding my way said: I know that a lot of guys here on LS take that as a rejection, but honestly, I'm a woman - I always prefer to split the bill. It doesn't mean I'm not interested in the guy - it just means I don't know him well enough to feel comfortable accepting a free meal (or free anything) from him at that point. Conversely, many women, including some of the posters her on LS, fully expect the man to pay. But that doesn't mean they are necessarily interested in seeing the guy again. So unless the OP feels it's a deal breaker (and he doesn't seem to) I wouldn't use her splitting the bill as a significant issue. I was the same way, I never expected the guy to pay for everything, and sometimes I paid in full because I was the one that asked him out. Some of us are more independent, and don't always follow the same old rules/dating etiquette. Her coming right out and asking for a hug makes me think she's that way. Edited December 15, 2019 by smackie9
PRW Posted December 15, 2019 Posted December 15, 2019 5 hours ago, Finding my way said: I know that a lot of guys here on LS take that as a rejection, but honestly, I'm a woman - I always prefer to split the bill. I may let them split the bill if they insist and won't take no for an answer, just to avoid the conflict. But I won't offer another date after that,...they are done. Paying for the date is my way of showing responsibility and the date is meant to be a gift to her. Her insisting to pay either insults the gift, or is cutting in on me,...depending on which aspect you want to focus on. It also gives me the impression that she doesn't trust me (doesn't want to "owe" me anything),...or that she has an aggressive "I'm taking over this show" mentality. I tend to have ongoing contact with my past dates because of a common social life and in the situations where this has happened my interpretation has always been proven correct later on down the road as I got to know them better. I haven't been proven wrong yet On later dates after exclusivity is achieved then I have no problem with pooling resources so that we can do more elaborate dates that would be too much for me to afford on my own, but we would be agreeing on that at the beginning of the planning for such. But on those early dates, particularly the first 3-4 of them,...I'm offering, I'm planning, I'm paying. I'm not going to offer one that I'm not also planning to pay.
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