Matt88 Posted October 3, 2005 Posted October 3, 2005 My name is Matt and I am turning 17 in 1 month. while I try to avoid vanity I will say that I know I am not the worst looking person in the world and almost everyone I know tells me I have a fantastic personality, I am genuine and loving and an all around wonderful person. On that note I can’t seem to get into a relationship to save my life. I guess you could say I'm the "just friends" guy. No matter what I do or who the person is I am never the person for them. It’s not the fact that I can’t get a date, it’s the feeling that I am not good enough for anyone or that I am inadequate. Hell, I am a junior in high school and I still haven’t gotten my first kiss. The worst part about it is that every girl I want or have ever wanted has gone for the a**h*** jock or the stoner/alcoholic which is the complete opposite of me. Is the world telling me I should be a bully or a junkie?? Can anyone shed some light on my problem? Or has anyone else experienced my frustration? Thanks, Matt
RecordProducer Posted October 3, 2005 Posted October 3, 2005 Actually while the junkies and alcoholics will most likely stay that and be considered low class scums some day, you will be the kind that will attract women. Life doesn't end at age 20. It actually starts then. Do you think we've all had GFs and BFs ate 17? I did but he was 6 years older than me. I didn't care about the guys my age. Don't start with the vice in order to attract gilrs and ruin your life. Healthy life is considered sexy and classy in the adults' world.
Gold Pile Posted October 3, 2005 Posted October 3, 2005 Do little things to add a sense of danger. Give your cell number to a few people, because you won't be going home tonight. Show up real late and ask if anyone knows where you were the day before...as you can't recall. Ask your buddies to keep an eye out for 3 motorcycle dudes that might be after you. In a quiet moment with a girl, put your head in your hands and say "I gotta change my life, I want to live to see 25" Be evasive when answering her questions. Thank her for her advice and ask her if she could help you again tuesday.
Outcast Posted October 3, 2005 Posted October 3, 2005 Don't listen to the goofballs who tell you to pretend you're something you're not. When they find out you're not the idiot drunkard, they'll ditch you. Don't follow the crowd into acting stupid just to get a warm body. You'll not enjoy it when you get it if that's what you have to do. You've got about 73 years left. I wouldn't worry a whole lot that you don't have a gf when you're barely out of puberty.
lindya Posted October 3, 2005 Posted October 3, 2005 I guess you could say I'm the "just friends" guy. No matter what I do or who the person is I am never the person for them. Stick with being who you are, Matt. I remember a guy I was friends with when I was 17 - lovely guy but never seemed to go out with anyone. Then when he did meet a girl he clicked with, the rest of us were so envious of their relationship. What I will say about the girl he clicked with....she wasn't stand-out pretty. She was attractive in a subtle, quiet way that nobody except him had noticed. Needless to say, as soon as the two of them developed a relationship, they both increased their sex appeal by about 1000%...but they only had eyes for eachother :love:
Nubemeister Posted October 3, 2005 Posted October 3, 2005 I say stick with who you are. There will be that girl that can see all of you. Don't turn into what you are seeing, which are your peers. If who you are is the opposite...then so be it. Like someone said...your barely starting. Or like Outcast said you do have 73 years left:D
ReluctantRomeo Posted October 3, 2005 Posted October 3, 2005 Since I was that undated 17 year old guy, I feel obliged to add my 2 pennies. I'd go with the advice given so far (apart from Goldpile, who is just having a laugh). Specifically, what you have to offer will come into its own later, not now. Class reunion type things are always fun for me because my pulling power is now about 10 times that of the former jocks. In fact, I would actually recommend not dating until your 20s. When I look at my friends, those of us who held off a bit have done better both romantically and in life. You see, your first romances set the pattern for later - better to come to the first romance with more wisdom. And while my friends were learning drama and bad lovemaking techniques, I was learning how to listen and relate to women. Not to mention doing well at school.
fundamental Posted October 3, 2005 Posted October 3, 2005 My name is Matt and I am turning 17 in 1 month. while I try to avoid vanity I will say that I know I am not the worst looking person in the world and almost everyone I know tells me I have a fantastic personality, I am genuine and loving and an all around wonderful person. On that note I can’t seem to get into a relationship to save my life. I guess you could say I'm the "just friends" guy. No matter what I do or who the person is I am never the person for them. It’s not the fact that I can’t get a date, it’s the feeling that I am not good enough for anyone or that I am inadequate. Hell, I am a junior in high school and I still haven’t gotten my first kiss. The worst part about it is that every girl I want or have ever wanted has gone for the a**h*** jock or the stoner/alcoholic which is the complete opposite of me. Is the world telling me I should be a bully or a junkie?? Can anyone shed some light on my problem? Or has anyone else experienced my frustration? Thanks, Matt Many people have gone through what you are going through... it normal. Right now you are having self-doubt....feeling that you are untouchable and inadaquate. Since you are currently battling your confidence, right now is not the time for you to be pursuing women as it will do more damage than good. A rejection might destroy your remaining confidence. Think of yourself as a soccer player. In order to make your goals, you have to practice, you have to train (exercise your body and mind), you have to improve yourself (find things that make you happy), you have to eliminate negative thoughts...or at least minimize them for now. You have to be who you are and not change your style for anyone. You cannot dwell on things that haven't happened yet (the first kiss) ... Aim for self-improvement....enjoy your hobbies, friends, family... When you do this, you will become more confident and relaxed. The problem is if you were the soccer player, you'd be more focused on missing goals than making them. You should be focused on making your goals...training, self-improvement, and the elimination of negative thoughts. Always remain a good guy... never become a bully, junkie because women do not like guys like them... if they do, then they are the ones with problems and would not be right for you. Be a good guy...not a nice guy...a nice guy is only nice because he is desperate. A good guy is nice because he is genuinely happy.
circusfood Posted October 3, 2005 Posted October 3, 2005 Matt, you aint alone, my brother. been there...You are Me at the same age.. You'll find someone, no need to try and be anything that you are not... I stayed the same person and eventually i found someone.
JayKay Posted October 3, 2005 Posted October 3, 2005 You probably just need to develop your sense of confidence. Start taking small risks -- it's hard at first, but over time you will be less nervous about approaching people. I think sometimes in school you get lumped into a 'category' that's hard to shake. So maybe try meeting people outside of school who can see you outside of the 'great guy to have as a friend' box. Try doing some volunteer work somewhere.....or join a gym.....where you can meet new people
Author Matt88 Posted October 4, 2005 Author Posted October 4, 2005 I know exactly where all of you are coming from and I completely agree, but it's hard not to feel alone However I love fundamental's analogy of soccer. I never looked at it that way. And JayKay's idea of looking somewhere else like a gym is an awesome idea. Maybe I will try something like that lindya, I love your story about your friend's relationship. I find myself looking for a genuine relationship like that instead of some kind of booty call. Call me crazy lol
RecordProducer Posted October 4, 2005 Posted October 4, 2005 I was extremely depressed when I was at your age. I had my reasons, but that's not the point. You need to learn that in life things don't always go smoothly. Often it seems that everyone around you is happy except you. But that's not true. Life has good and bad phases. You can't always be euphorically happy. Just be patient until you find the right girl.
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