ZA Dater Posted December 11, 2019 Posted December 11, 2019 From the start I need to make it clear that for me dating has become a bit of nonsense to be frank. Why, well because the women that I actually want are not attainable so in order to not look like a complete looser I need to do some dating so this is me trying to make do. This was a typical Tinder date, I once again took some chances with the pictures so I expected the date to flop and it pretty much did, no surprise there and to be honest I didn't feel bad about it at all, this time I trotted out everything I am proud of in life, everything I stand for and in short dispensed with any sort of "small talk", well I was not in the mood for it and to be fair I knew I wasn't going to see her again anyway. She did try to rise to some sort of intellectual challenge on my part and the conversation was actually pretty much ok. As usual there was no attraction on her part, cant help the way my face looks and I haven't yet found a convincing enough mask to wear to a date. Granted she was much heaver than her pictures suggested so again I'd say the embellished selling was much of a much on both sides. However, it never ceases to amaze me the wholly and rather typical nature of some ladies, they sit back go on dates, doll themselves up enough to hopefully snag that guy who will provide for them forever or one night, whichever ends first. Yet, they offer up very little. As I say I didn't take this too seriously, my goal here was to project some confidence which I think I did, try and just talk with no expectation at all. On those fronts it was a success. All is not lost though I did see quite a few realty nice looking ladies, at least I know they are out there even if I cant get them.
elaine567 Posted December 11, 2019 Posted December 11, 2019 1 hour ago, ZA Dater said: However, it never ceases to amaze me the wholly and rather typical nature of some ladies, they sit back go on dates, doll themselves up enough to hopefully snag that guy who will provide for them forever or one night, whichever ends first. Yet, they offer up very little. What are you expecting them to offer you? You dispensed with the small talk you were "not in the mood" and then you launched into what was a essentially a verbal CV... Oh dear. "Now I have told you all about me, can you please tell me what you think about me?" 2
alphamale Posted December 11, 2019 Posted December 11, 2019 ZA, what exactly are you bringing to the table? what do you have to offer these women? 1
Author ZA Dater Posted December 11, 2019 Author Posted December 11, 2019 2 hours ago, elaine567 said: What are you expecting them to offer you? You dispensed with the small talk you were "not in the mood" and then you launched into what was a essentially a verbal CV... Oh dear. "Now I have told you all about me, can you please tell me what you think about me?" I don't know, perhaps sell their good qualities to me, give me a reason why I might want to see them again. The problem I used to have with dating is I went expecting to be actually impressed in some way by the date, I realised this wont really happen because as usual I cant get the impressive people to go out with me, so ostensibly all I am doing here is trying to get some sort of decent conversation, the type of conversation I like to have versus this tip toe around like I am walking on eggs, pretending to talk about nothing. Granted this method comes across as very intense which I suppose isn't ideal but so be it, its decent enough for a conversation at least.
Author ZA Dater Posted December 11, 2019 Author Posted December 11, 2019 43 minutes ago, alphamale said: ZA, what exactly are you bringing to the table? what do you have to offer these women? What do they have to offer me? In short mostly nothing at all. The reality is almost all relationship type experiences can be bought with hard currency. What I bring is irrelevant, what they offer is because I finally realised I don't need to put up with average, I can actually buy what I want ,its a case of do I actually want to or do I simply want to try acquire it the semi normal way. Unlike my approach before I am not desperate to date them , they don't like me, frankly I really couldn't care less. I had plenty to offer the few dates I did like but I am certainly not going to bother investing in people I don't feel are worth investing in. Give you an idea I lost out with one lady because some guy spent $500 on flowers. I couldn't care less about that, there will always be a bigger wallet around and women will mostly always gravitate toward that wallet.
BaileyB Posted December 11, 2019 Posted December 11, 2019 (edited) 24 minutes ago, ZA Dater said: I don't know, perhaps sell their good qualities to me, give me a reason why I might want to see them again. My friend, if you behaved the way you said you behaved on this date, she decided not to bother in the first five minutes. If you want a good date, you have to be a good date. You came into this date with a bad attitude and you have no respect for women. I have no doubt, she was watching the clock and counting the minutes until she could leave. Edited December 11, 2019 by BaileyB 2
BaileyB Posted December 11, 2019 Posted December 11, 2019 (edited) 1 hour ago, BaileyB said: double post. Sorry. Edited December 11, 2019 by BaileyB
Author ZA Dater Posted December 11, 2019 Author Posted December 11, 2019 3 hours ago, BaileyB said: My friend, if you behaved the way you said you behaved on this date, she decided not to bother in the first five minutes. If you want a good date, you have to be a good date. You came into this date with a bad attitude and you have no respect for women. I have no doubt, she was watching the clock and counting the minutes until she could leave. Frankly after years of trying to pander to women and grovelling and having women dictate my self worth it feels quite good to realise I did the whole thing wrong all along. Honestly I had decided before the date that this person held very little interest for me, simply put she wasn't really any better than any of the prior good dates, however with the advice here "you must give people a chance" (funny I am never afforded the same by people I do like) I decided to go along. It wasn't a total lost cause for her, I managed to network her with some decent contact in the industry she is in. For me it filled an hour where I didn't have much better to do. No I simply expect women to put some effort, you cannot just rock up wearing a low cut top and hope that you leave the guy dazzled. Dazzle me with knowledge, dazzle me with ambition, dazzle me with your interesting experiences but alas I realised most people simple cannot do any of these thing. I will say though that if she looks amazing I can overlook some of that but again not many dates I have had could be described as amazing looking. No this forum has been incredibly helpful with this new approach, you know what I smile most days, I don't care if I have a date for an event or not, the snide remarks about being a 35 yo virgin don't bother me so much, the couples sitting around me as eat dinner on my own don't phase me. I'll have to find warmth in life another way, be it accomplishment or whatever but I can tell you many a door opens when you flash cash around, suddenly the true nature of what dating is arrives, none of this love BS but a simple game of he with the biggest wallet has the biggest choice. Just last week I had the choice of a stunning Israeli lady and a French lady, why because I sold an utterly BS story, both were super keen to meet. Life is short enough and honestly I am never going to fit into the box called "catch" so I might as well just love life for what it is. Sure, I might be a catch if I make loads more money but at least I know that, that's the fascination for most women. I am very respectful of ladies but I refuse to put them on a pedestal.
chillii Posted December 11, 2019 Posted December 11, 2019 (edited) 6 hours ago, ZA Dater said: What do they have to offer me? In short mostly nothing at all. The reality is almost all relationship type experiences can be bought with hard currency. What I bring is irrelevant, what they offer is because I finally realised I don't need to put up with average, I can actually buy what I want ,its a case of do I actually want to or do I simply want to try acquire it the semi normal way. Unlike my approach before I am not desperate to date them , they don't like me, frankly I really couldn't care less. I had plenty to offer the few dates I did like but I am certainly not going to bother investing in people I don't feel are worth investing in. Give you an idea I lost out with one lady because some guy spent $500 on flowers. I couldn't care less about that, there will always be a bigger wallet around and women will mostly always gravitate toward that wallet. Decent women aren't about spending money like that on them , especially so early, the fool's literally trying to buy her, no way, that sucker can have her. Quote Edited December 11, 2019 by chillii 2
elaine567 Posted December 11, 2019 Posted December 11, 2019 45 minutes ago, chillii said: Decent women aren't about spending money like that on them , especially so early, the fool's literally trying to buy her, no way, that sucker can have her. Agreed. What kind of a woman is that? ZA, you lost nothing.
Author ZA Dater Posted December 12, 2019 Author Posted December 12, 2019 10 hours ago, elaine567 said: Agreed. What kind of a woman is that? ZA, you lost nothing. Probably indicative of where I live but frankly most attractive woman I come across are like that. Hence why when people tell me "well a average guy can attract a very attractive woman" I am deeply cynical because here its a case of the fatter the wallet, the more attractive woman you can attract. Which I guess I can live with now because I have made peace with that. I guess yes this date went wrong primarily because it was one I should not have gone on to begin with, I keep thinking if I meet enough people I will then get a better idea of what I really like but instead I am getting a greater idea of what I dislike. The fact I guess is at 35 I am probably at the point where I am set in my ways and being single is all I really know, I don't know any alternative. For some ridiculous reason I seem to find the idea of going on dates with tourists infinitely more attractive, probably because all of them I have met up with in the past were able to talk and there was enough "new" that made the whole date interesting and exciting. Whereas locals, well they are all much of the same. There is a certain degree of apathy I find in locals which I don't find in tourists. Of course the other issue with me is its very hard for me to overlook the inherent issues I have, the no partying, the no drinking, those things don't really align with people looking for a "good time" but single jaded moms don't really interest me either so its basically no mans land. Hence the reason I am just going to go on any date I can find, at least in the eyes of some I can be seen to be doing something. I am going to have to fight my inherent loneliness very hard over this festive season because each year I feel more and more alone, I look at people with kids and families, girlfriends and I just sit mostly on my own. The other issue I have now is even on Tinder, there is nothing to talk to these people about, honestly in half a day I am pretty much bored. Whether that me or them I don't know so I tend to think unless I could date someone with similar interest there would never be any glue to bind the whole thing together. Its shameful to say but all I really out of a good date is to either 1: go on a date with someone really pretty because I'd feel good about that. 2: go on a date with someone extroverted because I'd need to try keep up and I like that challenge 3: take someone home who is really pretty, if I am going to get laid then I want the best looking person I can find.
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