stillafool Posted January 5, 2020 Posted January 5, 2020 I'm still trying to understand why you so desperately want to be his friend when he has treated you so badly? You can't control how others act and if it doesn't fit your standards then you remove yourself. He's angry because you're bothering him not because he's got some hidden feelings he's not expressing to you. This guy has done everything to push you away and still you want to be his friend. You said the issue is not the money in a previous post so if he doesn't give it back to you on 1/15 you need to block him and finally put this behind you. You've only seen him twice and don't know where he lives yet you loaned him money. 2
stillafool Posted January 5, 2020 Posted January 5, 2020 1 hour ago, Love2015 said: He plays offended that I think he could be a con. I understand in my heart he is not but the actions shows he may be. Reason cause he asked for money after first date and then when we were technically just "friends" he still didn't show me who he is. He knows me, where I live, has seen pics of friends and family. I have never been to his place, don't know his job exactly nor has he ever sent pics. I mentioned this and I find any normal person would realize what I was talking about. .he used my thinking and shows anger and says oh here I will give you the money but after we done and tell the people who telling you stuff like this to f"o*. ..I gave it time and he still behaves same making me wonder..... You shouldn't have asked him if he is a con until you got ALL of your money back and frankly not even then. Who cares at this point what he is as long as he gives back your money and get's out of your life. Being just friends doesn't mean he's going to introduce you to friends and family. You should however know where he lives and works especially if you are lending him money. Why didn't you ask him these questions? Meeting his friends and family is something a guy does to a girl he wants a relationship; not necessarily a friend unless it just happens through a party or get together. Why are you still giving him "time" when he has told you he's done when he gives you your money back? Time for what?
Author Love2015 Posted January 5, 2020 Author Posted January 5, 2020 Sorry I do understand he doesn't want to be part of my life. I don't bother him this is my point. How is twice in a month for a general Merry Xmas and New year bothering someone who owes you money? When I lent him money he had already asked me to be his gf and we were having phone sexual conversation while he was away in a trip. Our standards are different definitely. I don't think being cordial and nice is equal bothering nor wanting a relationship. He rejected me after doing a lot of hot and cold when I confronted it with it by being text crazy about it. I accepted it. The friend part comes from me being a pushover as I do not like being treated wrongly. At present he has been blocked. I am unblocking on Jan 14 through 16 to get money back. I don't really like feeling angry nor someone misbehaving so wrong so that is where I am at fault ..the whole "trying for him to change and show me respect " is where I am at fault. I get it. This forum is my space to vent as I don't want to fall for it over and over again. He HAS been hot and cold and doing this for a while now so yes I think I am correct in being angry and hurt. I liked him initially and he just treated me as I don't deserve love. When I accepted he is not into me..he kept coming for mean doing same and I allowed it. I think getting the money back is my way of validating I am not worth being mistreated so much!
Author Love2015 Posted January 5, 2020 Author Posted January 5, 2020 37 minutes ago, stillafool said: Being just friends doesn't mean he's going to introduce you to friends and family. You should however know where he lives and works especially if you are lending him money. Why didn't you ask him these questions? So to reply to this...I am frustrated because there is a period of time where he went from wanting to be gf/bf to friends. At that point I did say hey I know nothing about you like where you live, what you do let's start with this and I agreed we didn't know each other for a bf/gf relationship. I also did say to him I gave you money out of goodness and blind trust. To his he starts with still not wanting to be properly open ..even about where he lives..so I lump all together ...in my talks. ..he then goes to say I need therapy and so forth. I would stop msging him and he would msg me after 3-4 days and I woul reply and have a conversation for him to stop msging like as if he is only seeing if I am there. I proceeded to date others from past and told him I have moved on yet he kept on pulling the whole you are after me and I am not. ... I guess what I truly have to acknowledge is I liked someone who didn't like me back and I let him treat me poorly. When I say give it time is time for things to calm down and he become normal yet normal never came back. Hope all of this is making sense. One of the people I saw in the middle is from past and we booty called it twice...and once it was done it was done. This makes me realize I CAN LET GO and be normal. I think I am frustrated that's all guys!
chillii Posted January 5, 2020 Posted January 5, 2020 Yeah of course , it's much more than just money for ya and it's all been pretty mind and heart bending too. But at least if he paid that back it would be a small help l guess huh. Good luck anyway
stillafool Posted January 5, 2020 Posted January 5, 2020 16 hours ago, Love2015 said: I guess what I truly have to acknowledge is I liked someone who didn't like me back and I let him treat me poorly. This is what you have to focus on so you will not be pulled back in with breadcrumbs if and when the money is paid back. TBH, you were an easy mark and he sees how easy it is to get you to do whatever he wants without even knowing where he lives. He will ask for more money the next time and probably won't pay that back.
stillafool Posted January 5, 2020 Posted January 5, 2020 17 hours ago, Love2015 said: The friend part comes from me being a pushover as I do not like being treated wrongly. I don't understand this sentence. If someone treated you wrongly and you know you were a pushover for them why would you now want to be their friend?
Calmandfocused Posted January 5, 2020 Posted January 5, 2020 Love please stop doing this to yourself. This man has rejected you, humiliated you, used you and lied to you. He’s repeatedly kicked you whilst you’re down. However you respond by picking yourself off the floor and then ask him to kick you all over again (metaphorically of course). Why? Is the thought that he doesn’t want you so intolerable that you will do anything to get the attention and affections of this clown? Love, you don’t want a man like this. Please, for goodness sake, get some help for your boundaries and self esteem. And stop lending money to men you don’t know .Take this experience as a harsh lesson, not to be repeated. 1
Gr8fuln2020 Posted January 5, 2020 Posted January 5, 2020 (edited) Do not lend money to people you date. Full Stop. I don't care if you have been dating for over a year or more, if he/she cannot fend for themselves, do not lend money. If you are living together, it becomes a little complicated, but continue to protect yourself. No joint leases, no joint bank accounts, no joint-anything. Until you two are married, then make those ginormous decisions. Even after that, be prudent about how you separate and combine your income. Unless something catastrophic occurs, someone's inability to pay for their own livelihood is an indication of drama you don't want in your personal life. MONEY is one of the top 3 reasons for relationship failures, exploitation, etc. I will not date anyone who is not financially independent. I tried once trying to be 'open-minded' and nice, and quickly got myself out of there. It was clear that that person was where she was because of a long series of poor decisions and her thought pattern regarding money did not change or she was unwilling to make the hard decisions to change her situation. Also think about how selfish it is for someone in that position to bring that kind of situation into a new relationship. Imagine the gall. People need to be transparent upfront about all their baggage so that the other person is given enough information to make a more reliable decision as to whether a relationship is desired. Many don't. It hasn't happened often as I try to find professional women, but the couple of times I have, I didn't find out until we had developed a comfortable relationship that things were a mess financially. Some people hope to create this coziness before bombarding you with all their mess. Ugh. Edited January 5, 2020 by Gr8fuln2020
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