Dating a students parent ....is it feasible or am I crossing a line?!! ***Updated***

[Watercolors]

11 hours ago, elaine567 said:

Ok but she is now hostile to him...
She could allege all sorts, how does he prove nothing happened...

 

I highly doubt it. She's 16. He's been her mentor for a few years. Her response to rebel in his class is totally normal. She just needs time to adjust to his dual role in her life. She will do fine as long as CallingBeau is consistent with his roles in her life as her teacher and her mother's boyfriend. 

[Lotsgoingon]

He's known her a long time ... they have a good bond. She's a great person he has loved teaching and interacting with. She's not gonna allege improper behavior--unless she's a psychopath.  

[elaine567]

She doesn't need to be a psychopath, but she is taking the piss in class and kicking off to the extent he had to put her out of the room.
She is a loose cannon at the moment, capable of anything...

[Watercolors]

She's also 16. Puberty. Raging hormones. Cognitive development stages happen until 18: 
this is where teens will be more philosophical, and concerned with their future Also, they'll be more analytical and start to try to form their own code of ethics, ("What do I think is right?"). They will also think about their own identity ("Who am I?") And they'll start to wonder about their future goals (What do I want out of life?") 

 

As her teacher, her mentor; help her set goals, think about her possibilities for her future, make well-thought out decisions and help her re-evaluate the poor decisions she's made by giving her parameters (if this/then that, kind of thing). 

Edited December 13, 2019 by Watercolors

[CallingBeau]

Update:

So I (being her form tutor) has her in for detention today at lunch time.

 

She showed up ( I was very relieved about that! Wasn’t sure she would, and had she not it would have been straight out of my hands and escalated to the deputy... which wouldn’t have been great!)

 

I straight up just said to her what an asset she is to the class, how much I love teaching her and how highly I think of her (she was a bit detached.)

 

Then I said that obviously I’m aware that there have been changes in our relationship outside school and that I understand why that’s ffecting us inside school, but that I’m really keen to keep ‘inside school’ as unchanged as I possibly can and therefore would really appreciate her agreeing to have a chat with me about ‘outside school’ on Sunday before this meal her mum has scheduled, just me and her (She agreed to this, still really detached though)

 

Then I asked her if, as she was stuck with me for 45mins anyway, if instead of doing revision work she’d help me with editing and remix some of the music the drama department had asked me to do for a performance there students had (music is her thing, she’s really talented, so this was an absolutely shameless stunt from me here haha)

 

Somewhere along while doing this I’d say things felt almost normal. She actually got into it and engaged with the task like I hoped she would and then started to engage with me even if it was about the task. She even had the slightest little smile at some of my meant-to-be-funny-jokes 

 

I feel like that went as well as it could have done, but it’s going to hinge on what happens Sunday I guess!!

 

23 hours ago, Lotsgoingon said:

This situation is different--you bonded with the daughter BEFORE you bonded with her mom, before you began dating her mom. And daughter is 16 ... and 16-year-olds think they're 30! Therefore, I think it make sense for you to talk to daughter directly.

Yeah exactly!! I think that’s what makes the whole thing such a minefield!!

 

Quote

You'll know the right thing to say to this student you feel close to! You'll feel it. And of course, students can read their favorite teachers like a draftsman can read a blueprint. So, you won't be able to fake it too much--she knows you. (I still remember the time for a unit on comedy that a student did a stand-up comedy imitation of me before the class. He was spot on!) 

I’m hoping you’re right, I’m hoping it will just flow once I sit down with her!

 

Haha! I had a student once who wrote a comedy song about the school and her teachers (mega talented), I didn’t realise I did any of the things she said until she sung about them and then everyone else was like ‘omg she’s got you bang on, you do/say that all the time’ 

 

Quote

I really have a sense that daughter fears that if she gets you as a step-dad, the wonderful guy in the classroom will be gone. The truth is ... she'll have MORE of you! 

Well, you know this is a really valid point! I guess I’ll see what she says, hopefully she will open up to me about it. I was, well I am, a bit hesitant about trying to ‘sell it’ to her like that, because I feel like that sounds like I’m heaping a lot of pressure on to her by presuming to have a bigger role in her life than what she’s opened up but your right, truth is, I’d be so much more involved that I would seeing her 1-2hours a day, normally in a class with 20 other kids!

Edited December 13, 2019 by CallingBeau

[CallingBeau]

3 hours ago, Watercolors said:

She's also 16. Puberty. Raging hormones. Cognitive development stages happen until 18: 
this is where teens will be more philosophical, and concerned with their future Also, they'll be more analytical and start to try to form their own code of ethics, ("What do I think is right?"). They will also think about their own identity ("Who am I?") And they'll start to wonder about their future goals (What do I want out of life?") 

 

As her teacher, her mentor; help her set goals, think about her possibilities for her future, make well-thought out decisions and help her re-evaluate the poor decisions she's made by giving her parameters (if this/then that, kind of thing). 

100%!

As a school that’s the theory behind why we give the kids so many 1-2-1’s with their tutor and small group tutorial with tutor.

literally every day of the week I do at least two tutorials. Idea being that we ensure the teen feels supported as an individual Within the school environment, at a time when they are under lots of different stresses and pressures and forming their own identity! 

[OatsAndHall]

I'm also a teacher and dated the mother of one of my students. We had a good time but it was a situation where I told myself that I'd call it off if it resulted in professional issues. Her son was always a difficult student but he cranked it to an 11 about three months into my dating his mother. I don't know if it was due to the relationship or not but I ended things with her quickly after that. Her kid's behavior would have put a strain on our relationship and could have potentially caused me problems with the administration.

[Lotsgoingon]

She even had the slightest little smile at some of my meant-to-be-funny-joke. Great to read that, CallingBeau.

And she agreed to talking (just you and her) before dinner with her mom. 

 

Dude, sounds to me like you handled the moment quite quite well. And she didn't disconnect (though she was distant) from you. 

 

Good job, brother teacher. 

 

Hoping the talk goes well ... but again, just show up and be real. 

 

 

[fromheart]

I train adult women, am in the fitness industry.

No way in F' I'll date them or their relations, for the purposes of their training.  I'm their teacher first.

[elaine567]

8 minutes ago, fromheart said:

No way in F' I'll date them or their relations, for the purposes of their training.  I'm their teacher first.

That is how I see it too, dating the mother of a pupil the OP is very close to, is unprofessional.
I am not too sure if I am entirely on board with this one on one 16yo F pupil/29yo M teacher "closeness" either to tell the truth.

[mortensorchid]

I am a teacher myself so I know certain things you are going through.  It's also ridiculous these days that people do not accept that teachers are people like everyone else.  You are expected more or less to be loving like a nun and never have one bad moment.  But I digress...

 

You are not dating a student (that would be horrific), you are dating a student's parent and you are both adults.  No amount of catering or rejecting the student's needs is good enough for them.  If you are called on the carpet for anything, it should be your business but unfortunately it's not anymore.  Just be who you've always been and be happy in the relationship. 

[fromheart]

22 hours ago, elaine567 said:

That is how I see it too, dating the mother of a pupil the OP is very close to, is unprofessional.
I am not too sure if I am entirely on board with this one on one 16yo F pupil/29yo M teacher "closeness" either to tell the truth.

No, I wouldn't do it.  In fact I may ask for a parent to be present in the case of an under 18.

I think the OP would be well advised to not be involved in any way, until after the student graduates.  Putting his love interests' child first, would be a very noble thing to do and would better serve his career.

[CallingBeau]

On 12/13/2019 at 11:38 PM, OatsAndHall said:

I'm also a teacher and dated the mother of one of my students. We had a good time but it was a situation where I told myself that I'd call it off if it resulted in professional issues. Her son was always a difficult student but he cranked it to an 11 about three months into my dating his mother. I don't know if it was due to the relationship or not but I ended things with her quickly after that. Her kid's behavior would have put a strain on our relationship and could have potentially caused me problems with the administration.

How old was her son if you don't mind me asking?

[CallingBeau]

On 12/15/2019 at 7:02 AM, mortensorchid said:

I am a teacher myself so I know certain things you are going through.  It's also ridiculous these days that people do not accept that teachers are people like everyone else.  You are expected more or less to be loving like a nun and never have one bad moment.  But I digress...

Preach it!!

 

On 12/14/2019 at 6:59 PM, elaine567 said:

I am not too sure if I am entirely on board with this one on one 16yo F pupil/29yo M teacher "closeness" either to tell the truth.

You know, people wonder why theres a lack of male teachers, and an even bigger lack of good ones at that, this is half of it!

You have to find a way to connect, show enough of yourself, find a way to inspire - but don't whatever you do be deemed 'close'.

Teach the class, but understand the individual. Learn what motivates them, what engages them, what is going to spin them out and why - but if they start to talk to you about other classes or their life outside school try as hard as you can to make sure that at least one other person is present, make sure you don't stand between them and the door, and maintain impartiality!

Yeah talk to that student that bursts into your office crying - but before you do, get up and walk them to an empty classroom so you're in clear sight of passerbys.

Yeah take get involved on that coasteering fieldtrip, and yeah offer that girl your hand to help her up to a rock - but also stand there dumb trying to work out whether it would be crossing a line when that same girl asks you to roll her sleeve up because her hands are covered in mud ...and then decide that anything you have to think that hard about potentially could be seen as dodge so find another student and ask them to do it for her!

 

Don't misunderstand me, I understand the need for all the policies, I am 100% safeguarding of children. My point is, it really doesn't matter what you do, all it takes is one comment, one completely innocently made comment and it can be really hard to shake... that’s a tough culture to work in, and when teachers are under a lot of pressure anyway that’s another real tough element to consider on top!
 

I’m an honest guy, with nothing to hide, like mortonsorchid said, I’m only human, I weigh up the decision and I make the best one I can! But so much of everything is grey rather than black or white, you can only do why you can do!

 

...I still love teaching though! At the end of the day I know that I get to make a tiny little difference in peoples lives and that’s pretty special!

[CallingBeau]

Sorry it’s taken me a long time to update, been so busy with the end of term and Christmas!

Talk with her was decent I think...

I can understand that she felt somewhat betrayed by finding out from her mum we’d been seeing each other, and I think (although she might still be a bit begrudging about it) she does understand that our intention was never to ‘go behind her back’, simply that you don’t tend to tell your kids/students about an early stages relationship.

And I assured her that my confidence to her is still exactly what it was before I.e. she’s under 18 so if I was ever worried by anything she said I was duty bound to call her mum and that hasn’t changed, but at the same time my relationship with her is still what it was, I’m still her teacher and her tutor, and what she voices to me in that capacity doesn’t equal dinner conversation with her mum!

This pleased her, she opened up a little more then. She said that -quote- “not in a weird way” she felt close to me, particularly after everything with her dad, and that basically - to paraphrase - shes appreciated the system of support put in place by the school (i.e. a consistent tutor that follows the class year to year (me), tutor greeting and registering class each morning, 121 and small group tutorials every term, etc etc).

I explained to her that, while I understand things being a bit weird, this doesn't mean that she loses any support from me that she had before. We still have the same professional relationship we always did. The difference is that, although yeah we're going to have to both learn to balance it, under these circumstances she actually has more of my support than she ever did before! I know what it means to date a woman who has a children, I get its a package deal, and I am fully committed to being a part of that family.. if they'll have me.

I did a whole other little speech about how I'd never try to replace her dad, I am me after all, that's all I can be and all I'm ever going to try to be. But I genuinely mean the family thing. That is the only way this relationship will work!

 

I think what you guys said is totally right, she might not see it off the bat, but ultimately shes only going to get more of my attention in her life, not less.

 

Anyway, she was like "Does this mean I can at least get a lift to school then?" ...which I take as a good thing haha!

 

 

They're having their usual family Christmas at home tomorrow, I don't want to impose. But then they're going to come to my mum and dads house on Boxing Day to join my fam for food and games and the works. I have a BIG family (I'm one of four, and I'm the baby so they all have wives/husbands/gfs/kids of their own). This will be the first time that my gf has met all my family (shes met some) and the first time that her kids will meet any of my fam. I was slightly worried it might be a bit 'baptism of fire', but at the same time they'll be so many people there and so much going on that it should take the pressure off a bit!

Either way I think seeing me with my family really does break that 'teacher' mold she usually sees me in, so I think it's going to be a really important day for us!

 

On 12/14/2019 at 12:59 AM, Lotsgoingon said:

Good job, brother teacher. 

 

Hoping the talk goes well ... but again, just show up and be real. 

Thanks man!!

[Lotsgoingon]

Sounds good my man.

 

"Does this mean I can at least get a lift to school then?" That bit of humor there is like a high endorsement coming from a 16-year-old. A 16-year-old doesn't want to admit that an adult might be right about something if her initial feelings were against ... But if she gets witty, that's great! Also a possible sign that daughter  may have discussed you with some friends ... and the friends were like, "hey, at least you can get a ride to school." Which means the friends didn't see your relationship with mom as weird or inappropriate. Just guessing here, of course. 

 

BTW: you know I disagree with others who say your dating is inappropriate. I strongly disagree. Teachers are human ... and nothing wrong with a teacher falling in love with a parent.  And teachers teach their own children all the time. In some school districts, there aren't enough teachers to have the teacher's kid assigned to someone else.  Coaches coach their own sons in all kinds of activities. Anyway I don't know how small your school is ... but I'm wondering if you wanna give your principal a heads up at some point. This should all be above board--not hidden--at least I think. Anyway, just looking to keep you safe here.

 

Talking to daughter without mom shows so much respect for daughter, respect she seemed to really need and want--though she couldn't admit it or articulate it (understandably so). 

 

Good luck with the family gathering ... With all the spouses there, I think you're safe. The craziest moments with my family where when there were no outsiders present, then all the tensions and conflicts would eventually boil over.  And now your gf and the daughter will be new energy.  My family always behaved better when outsiders were around. Should be fun. 

 

Wow, it will be exciting for daughter to see you around your family members. To see a mentor in a new situation ... is thrilling in some ways.  And actually seeing you in a new situation sorta gives her some power. You're not supervising her ... and she gets to observe you and learn more about you. 

 

 

[OatsAndHall]

On 12/24/2019 at 2:04 PM, CallingBeau said:

How old was her son if you don't mind me asking?

 

He was 16 years old at the time. I don't really know what happened with him; I spent time with both he and his mother over that summer and things were calm and laid back. But, his behavior got out of control the next school year and her and I both realized that it would be ugly if we continued to date. I had a quality administrator but he wouldn't have been so understanding if he felt like the kid's crap attitude in school was born out of my seeing his mother.

 

I don't think this anything morally or socially wrong with dating a student's parent as long as you're not using a relationship with a student as a bridge to a parent. I had met and chatted with this parent outside of school on several occasions (she was also a teacher) so it was a smooth transition into dating. One of my former stepsons had a male teacher that basically cold called my ex-wife before her and I started dating through my former stepson. It was creepy: "Hey, ______ told me that he collects coins and I do as well; maybe the two of you could come over to my place for dinner and see my coin collection".  Thankfully, it creeped her out and she avoided the guy.

 

But, as I stated earlier, a teacher does take a professional risk by dating a student's parent. No administrator can dictate what you do in your personal life but they can (and will) if it affects the work environment. "Yeah... I know Billy is only acting out in my class and it might have something to do with me seeing his mother..." That's a conversation I don't want to have.

[SincereOnlineGuy]

On 12/24/2019 at 1:23 PM, CallingBeau said:

Sorry it’s taken me a long time to update, been so busy with the end of term and Christmas!

Talk with her was decent I think...

I can understand that she felt somewhat betrayed by finding out from her mum we’d been seeing each other, and I think (although she might still be a bit begrudging about it) she does understand that our intention was never to ‘go behind her back’, simply that you don’t tend to tell your kids/students about an early stages relationship.

And I assured her that my confidence to her is still exactly what it was before I.e. she’s under 18 so if I was ever worried by anything she said I was duty bound to call her mum and that hasn’t changed, but at the same time my relationship with her is still what it was, I’m still her teacher and her tutor, and what she voices to me in that capacity doesn’t equal dinner conversation with her mum!

This pleased her, she opened up a little more then. She said that -quote- “not in a weird way” she felt close to me, particularly after everything with her dad, and that basically - to paraphrase - shes appreciated the system of support put in place by the school (i.e. a consistent tutor that follows the class year to year (me), tutor greeting and registering class each morning, 121 and small group tutorials every term, etc etc).

I explained to her that, while I understand things being a bit weird, this doesn't mean that she loses any support from me that she had before. We still have the same professional relationship we always did. The difference is that, although yeah we're going to have to both learn to balance it, under these circumstances she actually has more of my support than she ever did before! I know what it means to date a woman who has a children, I get its a package deal, and I am fully committed to being a part of that family.. if they'll have me.

I did a whole other little speech about how I'd never try to replace her dad, I am me after all, that's all I can be and all I'm ever going to try to be. But I genuinely mean the family thing. That is the only way this relationship will work!

 

I think what you guys said is totally right, she might not see it off the bat, but ultimately shes only going to get more of my attention in her life, not less.

 

Anyway, she was like "Does this mean I can at least get a lift to school then?" ...which I take as a good thing haha!

 

I... agree-with/recognize your observations and sentiments in all of this.

 

Of course there will be times when it is important to take things step-by-step, and on an individual basis when affording the daughter the continued outlet for expression.

 

How in the heck can most of us relate to what it's like to lose a father, and then evolve to have a teacher dating our mother?     NOTHING at all is wrong with that, but the uniqueness of it alone gives license to take the step-by-step on an individual  basis.

 

Ultimately, the most attainable thing you could want  from all of this... is to be age 75, still with her mother, AND both be entertained by the healthy, thriving lives of that daughter (and her brother) along with their own families.

 

SO next time you sense uncertainty, don't hesitate to fast-forward to that point in the distant future, and work backward toward the present as IF you have the answers written in the back of the math book  and are merely trying to get back to understanding what to write on your paper today (in terms of HOW best to reach that answer ).

 

 

On 12/24/2019 at 1:23 PM, CallingBeau said:

 

 

[CallingBeau]

On 12/24/2019 at 10:34 PM, Lotsgoingon said:

Sounds good my man.

 

"Does this mean I can at least get a lift to school then?" That bit of humor there is like a high endorsement coming from a 16-year-old. A 16-year-old doesn't want to admit that an adult might be right about something if her initial feelings were against ... But if she gets witty, that's great! Also a possible sign that daughter  may have discussed you with some friends ... and the friends were like, "hey, at least you can get a ride to school." Which means the friends didn't see your relationship with mom as weird or inappropriate. Just guessing here, of course. 

 

BTW: you know I disagree with others who say your dating is inappropriate. I strongly disagree. Teachers are human ... and nothing wrong with a teacher falling in love with a parent.  And teachers teach their own children all the time. In some school districts, there aren't enough teachers to have the teacher's kid assigned to someone else.  Coaches coach their own sons in all kinds of activities. Anyway I don't know how small your school is ... but I'm wondering if you wanna give your principal a heads up at some point. This should all be above board--not hidden--at least I think. Anyway, just looking to keep you safe here.

 

Talking to daughter without mom shows so much respect for daughter, respect she seemed to really need and want--though she couldn't admit it or articulate it (understandably so). 

 

Good luck with the family gathering ... With all the spouses there, I think you're safe. The craziest moments with my family where when there were no outsiders present, then all the tensions and conflicts would eventually boil over.  And now your gf and the daughter will be new energy.  My family always behaved better when outsiders were around. Should be fun. 

 

Wow, it will be exciting for daughter to see you around your family members. To see a mentor in a new situation ... is thrilling in some ways.  And actually seeing you in a new situation sorta gives her some power. You're not supervising her ... and she gets to observe you and learn more about you. 

 

 

Haha oh absolutely!! These days I am well used to taking my quiet victory from teenagers! The other one I love is when they suddenly stop arguing, and completely change the subject, chatting away about something totally irrelevant whilst simultaneously doing exactly what I asked them to previously (I don't mention this, and neither do they) haha!

But yeah I picked up that undertone too - she obviously isn't totally horrified by the thought of her classmates seeing her arrive with me and having to explain why!

 

 Yes! I have told our head now! A) to give her a heads up with that I am dating 'a parent' because I wouldn't ask her daughter to keep it a secret and hence people are going to start to know / work it out and I don't want to act like I'm doing something wrong, and B) because we have to register if we have any sort of 'outside relationship' with a student i.e. nieces/nephews, family friends, etc

 

 Haha, theres 14 people in my immediate family so our get togethers are always utter mayhem, but fun mayhem!

 

[CallingBeau]

On 12/26/2019 at 4:35 PM, OatsAndHall said:

But, as I stated earlier, a teacher does take a professional risk by dating a student's parent. No administrator can dictate what you do in your personal life but they can (and will) if it affects the work environment. "Yeah... I know Billy is only acting out in my class and it might have something to do with me seeing his mother..." That's a conversation I don't want to have.

Blimey! That'd creep me out too! What a weird thing to do!!

Yeah yeah I get that, thats a conversation I'm very keen not to have if at all possible either! She's never been a bad kid, a bit chatty, a bit over excitable, but never a bad kid, so I'm just really hoping her behaviour will settle down!

 

On 12/27/2019 at 3:13 AM, SincereOnlineGuy said:

I... agree-with/recognize your observations and sentiments in all of this.

Of course there will be times when it is important to take things step-by-step, and on an individual basis when affording the daughter the continued outlet for expression.

 

How in the heck can most of us relate to what it's like to lose a father, and then evolve to have a teacher dating our mother?     NOTHING at all is wrong with that, but the uniqueness of it alone gives license to take the step-by-step on an individual  basis.

 

Ultimately, the most attainable thing you could want  from all of this... is to be age 75, still with her mother, AND both be entertained by the healthy, thriving lives of that daughter (and her brother) along with their own families.

 

SO next time you sense uncertainty, don't hesitate to fast-forward to that point in the distant future, and work backward toward the present as IF you have the answers written in the back of the math book  and are merely trying to get back to understanding what to write on your paper today (in terms of HOW best to reach that answer ).

You know you're so right! I love that! I'm going to tell that to my girlfriend, next time she worries about them!

It's so true, and I think sometimes its so easy to lose perspective on that, the things that feel like a huge deal right now won't seem like anything more than the blink of an eye in 20 years time!

I can remember how much my mum used to worry one of my brothers because he struggled so much with academics at school... that seems like such a distant memory these days, he's taken over the family business, he has a lovely with, three gorgeous kids AND he still wouldn't be able to do algebra if his life was counting on it, but that matters so much less these days. He's a people person, he's always been a people person, and forming connections has taken him everywhere he's ever needed to go! ...Sometimes I think about him whenever I run into a kid who is really hitting their head against a brick wall when it comes to a certain subject.

[CallingBeau]

Boxing Day went well! It seemed to anyway. My girlfriend definitely had a good time, which is great, and her son loved it - I've got 5 nephews and 2 nieces ranging from 18-4 so he had loads of other kids to be around and hang out with.

It was probably a little weird for my girlfriends daughter because, well if anything was going to break the 'teacher persona' I've built up, then watching me with karaoke with my 18 year old nephew to 'it's raining men', I mean that'd probably do it!

 

But I feel like that's a good thing. I feel like her seeing me as 'Mr C' has been making this weird for her and, hopefully, seeing me as just a normal guy... or maybe not 'normal' haha, but I'm a lot more than just a 'teacher'.. I'm a brother, a uncle, a childhood friend, a grandson...... hopefully that helps her see me as 'her mums boyfriend' too.

 

Anyway, things have been pretty good since then, I've spent a bit more time over at my girlfriends place, with the kids there, and they both have seemed chilled about it. The real test though will be next week once we go back to school. I need to demonstrate that shift back to being teacher in the classroom, while still being normal me on the weekend. Which, you know we spend so long talking about consistency and how kids really rely on that, I can understand why getting to grips with that constant change in dynamic and to some degree personality could be confusing for a teenager!

 

[Gr8fuln2020]

What the frick!

On 12/12/2019 at 4:34 PM, elaine567 said:

Should a 29yo male teacher be "going out" with a 16yo female pupil?

Do you not have laws, mandatory training, about discretion, sexual discrimination, improper contact, etc??? [rhetorical question] A teachers are STRONGLY advised to take specific precautions when it comes to communicating, being in contact with students. Any semblance of impropriety can mean losing your job or worse. It doesn't matter that you are dating her mother, you are her teacher FIRST. Every attempt needs to be made to be objective, impartial in dealing with her. OR end your relationship with her mother. She now sees you as a threat. You have encroached into her life in a capacity that has now changed. It doesn't matter if you feel differently, your dating her mother has inevitably changed how you now view, treat her and any confidentiality, impartiality you may have had has been compromised.

As far as you not involving your administration...dangerous and not wise. It simply doesn't make sense to go at this alone. You need to at least inquire as the policy, in writing and expectations as to what is permitted. There are reasons why these policies are or should be in place...not just to protect the student, but also you.

I would generally agree that the child has little to say about whether a parent should or shouldn't get into a relationship with another, but your situation is much more complicated. You have a professional and a personal relationship with this child. Tread very very lightly. Protect yourself first and speak via the mother to solace the girl.

[CallingBeau]

4 minutes ago, Gr8fuln2020 said:

As far as you not involving your administration...dangerous and not wise.

....

You have a professional and a personal relationship with this child. Tread very very lightly. Protect yourself first and speak via the mother to solace the girl.

Of course we have laws and safeguarding policies just like everywhere else.

And whoever said about not involving administration? My schools SMT are aware.

I can’t speak via her mother to her every time I’m round their house. Yeah that works initially, but there’s no long term scaling of that! Our dynamic hinges in the long term on me and this girl being able to balance that professional and personal relationship  

[Gr8fuln2020]

On 12/10/2019 at 11:56 PM, CallingBeau said:

That said, whilst there’s nothing I. My contract/policy about dating a kids mum (I’ve check) I’m still really hesitant to ‘kick it upstairs’ A) I’ve never been that kind of teacher, I mange my own classroom

I must have taken this out of context...my question involving laws, of course, was rhetorical.

[Gr8fuln2020]

6 minutes ago, CallingBeau said:

I can’t speak via her mother to her every time I’m round their house. Yeah that works initially, but there’s no long term scaling of that! Our dynamic hinges in the long term on me and this girl being able to balance that professional and personal relationship  

Not what I meant. You should discuss with the mother how she can be the driving force in this, not you going on dates with the child. Do not fall into the trap of discussing such matters in school either. Not the place. Your lady-friend is the one who should be doing the lion's share of talking to the daughter. Why not step back and make the relationship less obvious? Not meet while the daughter is around until things cool-off?