brooke7777 Posted October 3, 2005 Posted October 3, 2005 I'm having a real hard time with NC. Just a short little recap...we were together for 3 1/2 years. He broke it off saying that he lost his enthusiasm and didn't know if he could get it back. We talked once or twice a week for the first few weeks, before he decided that it was too hard on both of us and that we needed to make it a cleaner break for at least a month or two. So that brings us to today...it's been almost a month and it is killing me. I feel like I need to call him up and just talk. I'm still so confused and so hurt. I'm really struggling with this whole NC thing. It's driving me crazy that he seems to be able to just let go of everything we had in a split second. I feel like it's a big game. Who is going to contact who first? I wish I knew the right thing to do and what would ultimately lead to our reconciliation. It just seems like the more time that passes, the more I am struggling and aching to hear his voice. Why does this have to be a constant struggle????
Art_Critic Posted October 3, 2005 Posted October 3, 2005 Sorry to hear your having a tough go of it.. Just remember that you don't gain anything out of contacting him. You lose everything including your power by contacting.. Keep the strength.. Nice to see you on LS
johan Posted October 3, 2005 Posted October 3, 2005 Brooke, your situation sounds like mine. I'm sure my girlfriend thinks some of the things you think. How could I do that to her? I suggest you write him an email. Pour out all your love and sadness and anger. Then don't send it. When I wanted to contact my ex (still weird to call her that), I wrote an email instead of calling her. By the time I was through writing, I had gotten back in touch with all the things that got us to where we are. It reminded me why cutting off the communication was so important. If I had sent that email, I think I'd have regretted it. I think you'd regret contacting him. I'm sure he knows you love him, and you need to leave it at that. Hang in there.
chocolate_boy Posted October 3, 2005 Posted October 3, 2005 Yeah seriously... I felt the same, thought I may have closed the door for my ex, as my last conversation with her I was angry and told her to leave me alone.. which she did.. but I tried to open the door again to her, and she's just blanked me and you feel like ****.... Trust me don't do it. You might feel bad now, but you'll feel worse after it! Best way to get someone back... move on... seriously. Get your life on track, and then when you have, if he comes back, you can make a decision as to if you forgive him and he fits into your new life.
Drivetildriven Posted October 3, 2005 Posted October 3, 2005 I guarantee if you contact him, that you will feel ten times worse than you do right now. Trust me, I broke NC a couple of months ago for the same reason. I thought talking to her would help me, but ultimately it was an enormous blow to me recovery. Don't do it.
JosiePosie Posted October 3, 2005 Posted October 3, 2005 I left my bf on September 15th, that was a very difficult thing to do. But I had to, we were both in our own personal hell and really affected us being under the same roof. He emailed on September 20th apologizing and said that after some time on our own, he hopes to talk and sort it out. I didn't reply to his email. The only time I contacted him was last week so I can make arrangements to move the rest of my things out of the apartment. I agree that NC is very difficult. I miss my bf and our apartment sooo much. I cry everyday, have trouble sleeping and eating, and generally down and out. But I know that any sort of contact right now will make things worse. People tell me that he will come back, a part of me wants to reconcile (due to my love for him), and the other part is too hurt to give him that chance. Maybe he doesn't want to reconcile at all. The thought of that brings alot of pain. Sooo....as hard as it is....don't contact your bf. Be strong, you will get through this. As I know I will.
Author brooke7777 Posted October 3, 2005 Author Posted October 3, 2005 Thanks for all of your replies everyone. You saved me from contacting him...well at least not contacting him yesterday or today. But, I guess part of me is just scared that he's never going to contact me. Then what do I do? I feel like I'm not going to be able to move on. He was not only my boyfriend, but also my best friend and my number one confidant. So it just seems like a huge part of me is gone. I don't want to lose him completely. I just can't seem to understand how one week we were talking about our future together and the next he's lost his enthusiasm. It's so frustrating.
Winger Posted October 3, 2005 Posted October 3, 2005 I'm feeling the exact same way. I keep wondering if I ever mattered and if she'll ever want to hear my voice again...not even romantically...just to see if I'm still alive and well. Just keep doing what you're doing. You're doing a lot better than me. I've broken NC 5 or 6 times to no avail.
Fallen_Angel Posted October 3, 2005 Posted October 3, 2005 You ought to be proud of yourself for not contacting him yesterday or today. Seriously. Every single day is going to be a battle, so you should take solace in your success. I also was dumped by my ex after three and a half years, and he was also my best friend, the one I would first turn to when things went wrong. I constantly find myself missing the support he gave me. But when I gave in three weeks ago and called him (I was having an awful day), it didn't help. Sure, I felt better for a short while - maybe an hour or more. But at the end of the day, what did I accomplish? Oh, yeah, I basically showed my ex that he still has me in the palm of his hand. How pathetic. As horrifically difficult as this time will be, you have to realize this is all about finding yourself and learning to draw strength from within. Who you are is not defined by who you're with. Don't try to rush the healing process, either. Everyone is different. For some reason, some of us bounce back faster than others. Guys are really stupid. (Ok, bear with me - I'm a little bitter!) I too can't comprehend why guys run hot/cold all the time. Why not be honest and work on the issues instead of bailing?!?! Anyway, the important thing is that you don't want your ex to think he can take what he wants from you (friendship, etc.) without any sort of committment. Why give yourself away on a silver platter? And besides, as much as you DO want to contact him...doesn't he know your number?! Why do you have to be the one to give in? Hang in there!
Author brooke7777 Posted October 4, 2005 Author Posted October 4, 2005 Winger...I broke NC plenty of times in the beginning. We talked once or twice a week for the first few weeks. I think that NC is a big struggle for most of us. For me, it has definitely gotten harder the more time has progressed. I think part of me is realizing that it's right around that one month mark and we had stated that we needed NC for a month or so. Anyways, now I guess I'm getting that craving to talk to him b/c I know that we've reached that time period we alotted. Hang in there...I hope you have an easier time than me. Fallen Angel...I think we have a lot in common. My bf and I had kept in contact and he had told me to call him whenever I needed him...at any time, day or night. He wanted to support me and help me through this. Yet, then he decided that it was too hard for both of us and that we needed to have at least a month or so of NC. I know that calling him would allow him to see that he still has the power and that he is still able to manipulate my emotions, but I'm so scared that he's never going to be the one to give in and call, even if it is just to catch up. The other part of me is terrified that even if I do call, he won't answer and then I will be even more of a wreck than I am now. As for the whole hot/cold thing...that frustrates me beyond belief. I can't fathom how people just tend to give up when things get a little rocky, rather than try to work through them. After 3 1/2 years with someone, I think you owe them that much. We will make it through this...whether we end up with them or not. I guess we need to just take things one day at a time.
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