max3732 Posted December 9, 2019 Posted December 9, 2019 During my 2nd date I was mainly focused on having fun and being myself, but also did some very basic touching when I could. Still nowhere near as much as I wanted and I chickened out on holding her hand at all, but I did guide her by putting my arm on her back. I also put my arm on her shoulder a few times. The thing is though I'm still so scared and it's so unnatural that I do it for a second and then pull right away. She did seem receptive though and didn't say anything. At the end of the date I went to drop her off and we were chatting in the car. I just told myself to go for it and I went in I think I very lightly kissed her on the lips, but it was very soft. Then we kept chatting and she mentioned something about how a lot of guys online are just trying to find someone to sleep with and I told her I'm not that way at all, although if I find someone I like I would definitely like to kiss her. That just kind of came out involuntarily since my heart was pounding so hard and I wasn't thinking. Right after that I went for another kiss and that time I definitely felt her lips against mine.It's been a long time since my last kiss and this is the 1st time I've ever initiated a 1st kiss, so it was a huge deal for me. We've got a 3rd date planned and I'm wondering what this means going forward. Am I OK greeting her with a kiss on the lips or touching her more now? What kinds of questions/topics should we discuss on a 3rd date? 1
d0nnivain Posted December 9, 2019 Posted December 9, 2019 (edited) Glad it went well. Yes you are OK greeting her with a kiss. If you chicken out, at least kiss her cheek hello. Talk about whatever seems natural & topical. There is no magic script. Given the time of year, ask about her upcoming plans. You want to feel her out about whether you two will be spending New Year's Eve together. You can't leave that to the last minute. Before you start that conversation, you better have a plan . . . a house party at a friend's, a wonderful dinner out or something more extravagant. Edited December 9, 2019 by d0nnivain 1
Ruby Slippers Posted December 9, 2019 Posted December 9, 2019 You're doing awesome! Way to go! Yes, definitely keep the kisses and affection escalating. Women want to feel desired - in a caring, respectful way, but not too nice guy. I agree with the advice to feel her out for New Year's Eve and invite her to do something. There's no better time in the world for an earth-shaking kiss than the moment the new year begins 4
preraph Posted December 9, 2019 Posted December 9, 2019 Yay! You took the first step. It's always the hardest. Yes, now you can kiss her hello and go in for a longer kiss when you kiss her goodnight IF you want to. If you're at a movie, you can put your arm around the back of her seat or something like that. Hopefully you'll both get move comfortable with it soon. 1
Author max3732 Posted December 9, 2019 Author Posted December 9, 2019 2 hours ago, preraph said: Yay! You took the first step. It's always the hardest. Yes, now you can kiss her hello and go in for a longer kiss when you kiss her goodnight IF you want to. If you're at a movie, you can put your arm around the back of her seat or something like that. Hopefully you'll both get move comfortable with it soon. This was a huge step for me! Like I said before I've never had the courage to do this before in my entire life so I'm extremely proud of myself even though the way I did it was not exactly smooth. Almost more important was that I remained calm even when I messed up and was able to stay relaxed and fun the whole time. In the past I would have panicked when things didn't go as planned and would also have become very serious when talking about different things. There are still major areas where I could have done better that I view now as learning experiences rather than missed opportunities. What I mean by conversations for the 3rd date is should I move on to heavier topics like political views (haven't discussed that at all and I'm in the minority where I live), disclosing health issues I have (nothing that should be a problem going forward, but you never know), is she wants children (I do), etc. So far most of our conversations have been fun and light. You also mentioned movies. Would it be appropriate to ask her if for the next date she'd want to watch a movie and cook something at her place? Or would she take that to mean I'm looking to sleep with her? In reality I'd like to cuddle and make out when we watch a movie, but am not ready to sleep with her. 5 hours ago, d0nnivain said: Glad it went well. Yes you are OK greeting her with a kiss. If you chicken out, at least kiss her cheek hello. Talk about whatever seems natural & topical. There is no magic script. Given the time of year, ask about her upcoming plans. You want to feel her out about whether you two will be spending New Year's Eve together. You can't leave that to the last minute. Before you start that conversation, you better have a plan . . . a house party at a friend's, a wonderful dinner out or something more extravagant. This is going to make me sound like a stick in the mud, but I've never been much for New Years. Maybe it's because I've never had date around for it, but I normally just watch the ball drop on TV. A few times I've gone out to dinner with family/friends, but it seemed like it was so expensive and I don't enjoy staying up late. I also have no idea how to dance. I know she has girlfriends she gets together with and has mentioned at least one guy friend. If I invite her for New Years what would I invite her to do? I guess I could do dinner, but I'm afraid of making a fool out of myself in front of her or her friends if there's dancing involved. I also don't drink and I know that she does, that could be another issue.
preraph Posted December 9, 2019 Posted December 9, 2019 ^ Yeah, that Netflix and chill idea would make her nervous this early on. Go on a few more dates first. I recommend NO talking about politics! Seriously. religion and politics, avoid them as long as possible. There's plenty fun things to talk about. You did real good! Your confidence will grow as you just keep at it. Maybe a walk around a park and you could hold hands part of the time and sit on a bench or something like that. And that's FREE! Then go for ice cream or coffee. Ask her questions about herself, her hobbies and interests, what music and movies and tv she likes. She sounds like she really likes you! 1
d0nnivain Posted December 10, 2019 Posted December 10, 2019 NYE can be a high pressure date. If you really can't deal, then don't force the issue. IMO it's too soon for you two to sit on a couch & watch the ball drop on TV. There are other activities. . . first night & what have you. One year I went bowling with a group of friends. The lanes all flashed colors at midnight & the bowling alley had a buffet.
Legatus Posted December 10, 2019 Posted December 10, 2019 10 hours ago, max3732 said: What I mean by conversations for the 3rd date is should I move on to heavier topics like political views (haven't discussed that at all and I'm in the minority where I live), disclosing health issues I have (nothing that should be a problem going forward, but you never know), is she wants children (I do), etc. So far most of our conversations have been fun and light. Politics, health issues, or wanting kids seem like the opposite of fun and light, at least to me. Don't try to find the topics before the date. I learned it usually backfires. Instead think about what you would like to learn about her, even if it's a very specific thing. For example the girl I'm seeing right now teaches doctors how to perform knee and hip replacement surgeries. I asked her about how she deals with it being boys' club - she talked about it a lot but it gave me an idea how she thinks about many things. 1
d0nnivain Posted December 10, 2019 Posted December 10, 2019 Save those deep topics for 3 MONTHS in. All are way too deep. Ask if she's done with her holiday shopping, what's her favorite childhood memory or holiday carol. Stay away from the controversial stuff before the holidays at least. For pete's sake do not talk about your desire for children for at least 6 months. Wayyyyyyy tooo early now. You will scare her off & she will think you have no social understanding of what's normal. 1
Author max3732 Posted December 10, 2019 Author Posted December 10, 2019 2 hours ago, d0nnivain said: Save those deep topics for 3 MONTHS in. All are way too deep. Ask if she's done with her holiday shopping, what's her favorite childhood memory or holiday carol. Stay away from the controversial stuff before the holidays at least. For pete's sake do not talk about your desire for children for at least 6 months. Wayyyyyyy tooo early now. You will scare her off & she will think you have no social understanding of what's normal. OK, good advice. The thing with kids is that the dating app has a place to indicate if you have kids or want them and she left it blank. I've already established that she doesn't have them, but I have no idea about her plans. If she actually shows up this will be my 1st 3rd date in many years so even though I feel much more confident about 1st dates this is uncharted territory. Both for what's "normal" physically as well as connecting emotionally. One thing about her is she is a bit more quiet than other women I've gone out with. She definitely has her own opinions and a good career and is smart, but she lets me take the lead as far as conversations. I tried not saying anything for a bit and we just walked in silence. I've asked a few questions about her childhood but still don't know much about her interests or what drives her. I'm trying to not get my hopes up too much, but she's really attractive and seems to be kind, educated and wholesome woman.
d0nnivain Posted December 10, 2019 Posted December 10, 2019 Silence is not a bad thing. It's hard to find somebody you can just be quiet with.
Author max3732 Posted December 12, 2019 Author Posted December 12, 2019 On 12/10/2019 at 11:33 AM, d0nnivain said: Silence is not a bad thing. It's hard to find somebody you can just be quiet with. Definitely agree. There have been some women I've met who talk gibberish nonstop, which can get aggravating. I know it's kind of cliche to kiss at the movies, but unless we're sitting in the back row I'd feel rather uncomfortable. At the last movie date (with another woman) we were sitting in the middle of the theater and I could feel the people behind us looking at us. Would it be weird to ask her to sit more towards the back? Or should I just save the potential kissing for at the end of the date?
Author max3732 Posted December 13, 2019 Author Posted December 13, 2019 Something else I was thinking about is I've never told her that she's pretty. Considering how gorgeous she is I'm guessing she gets that all time.But should I tell how pretty she looks or only give compliments on specific things, like that she has beautiful eyes?
preraph Posted December 13, 2019 Posted December 13, 2019 Don't go overboard with compliments. It can make you look desperate. But there's ways to compliment without looking weird. My advice would be when you see her for the next date, just tell her, You look nice! It's not overboard and won't sound manipulative or planned or desperate.
Versacehottie Posted December 14, 2019 Posted December 14, 2019 Definitely tell her she looks good/pretty!! Think about it like this: if random strangers tell you you look pretty regularly but the guy you're dating and would most like to hear it from says nothing, how enticing is that? Not very. Strive to be real without going overboard or putting her on a pedestal, which essentially means you throw yourself down. You want to convey: "hey, we are both pretty great. I notice xyz about you and it draws me toward you & makes me more interested and we bring out the best in each other". Definitely treat yourself like an equal though she IS pretty and you recognize that. Good luck. Also I am against the netflix and chill date and politics or child bearing talk: too much too soon, especially since you take things more slow or conservative. Just keep with the goal of having fun. Most things about politics or view on life and goals come to light over time. I don't necessarily think girls should be the one to make it official but i do think it's easier and more common that they bring up stuff where they are encouraging you to move the relationship forward and want to know where it's headed. I'm going to guess that she is perceptive enough to know that you want a family. I haven't met you and get that vibe Just keep having a good time and getting to know her in more of a lighthearted way. Good luck!
preraph Posted December 14, 2019 Posted December 14, 2019 No, don't ask her to sit on the back row. Kiss at the end of the date saying goodnight. You can even ask her what she likes to talk about. 1
Author max3732 Posted December 14, 2019 Author Posted December 14, 2019 3 hours ago, Versacehottie said: Definitely tell her she looks good/pretty!! Think about it like this: if random strangers tell you you look pretty regularly but the guy you're dating and would most like to hear it from says nothing, how enticing is that? Not very. Strive to be real without going overboard or putting her on a pedestal, which essentially means you throw yourself down. You want to convey: "hey, we are both pretty great. I notice xyz about you and it draws me toward you & makes me more interested and we bring out the best in each other". Definitely treat yourself like an equal though she IS pretty and you recognize that. Good luck. Also I am against the netflix and chill date and politics or child bearing talk: too much too soon, especially since you take things more slow or conservative. Just keep with the goal of having fun. Most things about politics or view on life and goals come to light over time. I don't necessarily think girls should be the one to make it official but i do think it's easier and more common that they bring up stuff where they are encouraging you to move the relationship forward and want to know where it's headed. I'm going to guess that she is perceptive enough to know that you want a family. I haven't met you and get that vibe Just keep having a good time and getting to know her in more of a lighthearted way. Good luck! Thanks! When we first met I told she looks great and also mentioned how I liked her earrings and some other things I noticed were different from date to date. I did greet her with a kiss and she seemed a bit surprised, but didn't pull away or anything. During the movie (in the movie theater) we held hands and cuddled a bit. We discussed a variety of topics that were mostly light, but also a few more background info about each other. While I do think I made things light and fun I definitely felt more tense than in the previous dates. Getting to this # of dates as well as connecting more to her feels like uncharted waters and I felt more pressure because of it. I'm also really falling for her and unlike the women from 1 or 2 dates that I haven't invested much in (emotionally, financially or physically) I think if she didn't want to see me any more it would really hurt. That said I really enjoyed our time together and by the end I almost felt like we're boyfriend/girlfriend and we kissed a few times at the end of the evening. She said she wants to see me again both in person and text. I just don't know what activity to do. I like to do thing besides meals so there's something natural to talk about besides just the restaurant or food. It's going to be tough for both us to meet up before Christmas so I've got till then to figure something out. 1
preraph Posted December 14, 2019 Posted December 14, 2019 Sounds like it's going great! Have you asked what she likes to watch on tv?
Author max3732 Posted December 15, 2019 Author Posted December 15, 2019 Believe it or not I haven't yet. She said she watches quite a bit of TV, but we must have jumped to another topic since I never found out what kinds of shows she likes. One of my best memories of my ex was her coming over and us cooking together then snuggling up on the coach to watch something. We'd inevitably start kissing as well, but never went beyond that. I don't remember how long we had been dating before we started doing that.
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