dramallama Posted December 4, 2019 Posted December 4, 2019 It's come to the time of year when friends are starting to ask what I'm doing on New Year's Eve, and I'm child free for the first time in years. I'd really like to suggest doing something with the guy I'm seeing, but my friend says that's a REALLY BIG DEAL and maybe it's too soon. Thoughts?
Author dramallama Posted December 4, 2019 Author Posted December 4, 2019 3 months, but it's only been 8 actual meet ups as we're both juggling (though they tend to be overnights with activities evening and day). He's a huge texter - multiple times a day every single day since late August, he's asked about my Xmas plans (I was unsure at the time re: child), his comms are more 'boyfriend-y' than casual in tone, it feels like he's sticking around.... So am I getting the sense that it is a bit of big deal? :-)
lana-banana Posted December 9, 2019 Posted December 9, 2019 It's only as big a deal as you make it. If his idea of NYE is a house party with a couple buddies, there isn't any reason why you shouldn't spend it together. But if either of you are envisioning five-course dinners and toasts with Dom Perignon, that's different. The good news is it's probably not the latter because reservations like that would have been made by now. Why not just ask what his plans are? 1
CAPSLOCK BANDIT Posted December 9, 2019 Posted December 9, 2019 When your friend says it is a big deal, what she means to say is that the expectations will be different than just a regular day together and I would agree with her. Set whatever boundaries you feel are necessary and refrain from introducing him to your friends on NYE... Maybe Dinner and a movie, then some drinks at home is the solution, I dont know, but bringing him around your friends without really knowing if this person is your boyfriend or not, just kind of ambiguous dude hanging around isn't so much fun on NYE, especially if he starts hitting on your friends or something.
d0nnivain Posted December 9, 2019 Posted December 9, 2019 (edited) It is a milestone in the relationship but it's hardly a proposal. In your shoes I'd casually ask if he had plans to spend NYE with you. When you raise the issue you need to strike a balance between wanting to see him that night be totally being OK if he has other plans. Personally I'd be annoyed if my new SO didn't want to spend it with me. I mean seriously who else will he be kissing at midnight? If you have suggestions for what you are doing -- like you have an invitation to a party -- you can share that info. He may have other plans. He may hate the hubbub of the whole thing. At a minimum you need to say something sooner rather then later. If he has elaborate plans for a black tie soiree you need some time to get your outfit together. Edited December 9, 2019 by d0nnivain
Author dramallama Posted December 10, 2019 Author Posted December 10, 2019 Thanks folks. It should be so easy to say 'what are you doing' but I'd liken him to a butterfly - he's always off flitting about doing something interesting, his work sends him all over at short notice, and he's a last minute / slack planner. That's the one thing on my cons list right now, and I can live with that if I feel secure - my ex couldn't plan his way out of bed on a morning but we were together 13 years. Last night I was enquiring what his movements are for the week with a view to try and line something up as we didn't see each other this weekend just gone, and he said he was in discussion with family about a visit so he'd confirm his plans as soon as he could. At the time it was fine but later, I reflected and was feeling rather frustrated with him. He texts me all the damned time and has made himself a presence in my life but he's not making me feel like it's a priority to spend time together. I don't want a penpal, what's the point - I've even told him that early on and he agreed! So I sent him a light toned message to make my point along the lines of 'you make me feel like I'm nagging at you when it would just be nice to see you - it's your own fault for being so damned more-ish' and his response was a laughing emoji, said that he doesn't feel like I'm nagging at all, and he does love to spend time with me, and then an affectionate sign-off. He's been on the charm offensive today over text but I think I need to back off a little (at least emotionally), plan whatever I want to plan, and he can fall in with me or not. The time we spend together is really magical but I can't let myself get further invested unless he starts making obvious efforts to make time for me. Oh, there he is texting me again.... see ya all....
Author dramallama Posted December 11, 2019 Author Posted December 11, 2019 Oh, he made plans for tonight. Got to give him credit for that after complaining!
Recommended Posts