freckles3131 Posted October 3, 2005 Posted October 3, 2005 Was told(this was a take it slow and see thing) that he "didn't feel as strongly for me, as I do for him. (there is a potential move happening, part of me wonders if he nipped it in the bud now, before he moves far, far away...we have only been dating less than 3 months...*second chance) So day 4, I get a text message asking if he can play on the golf team I am putting together.....I IGNORE it. He then writes, "no answer"? I IGNORE IT....then I had accidently texted him instead of a guy friend of mine I wrote. He writes to me, "who are you texting?"(it was obvious it was a male) I wrote, "It got sent to you accidently" he replied, "WHO was it to???" I IGNORED IT......then he texted again, same question....I IGNORE that one too... THen he is texting me, on and on...FINALLY I write..." None of your frickin' business. I am moving on. You are not worthy of my devotion and I can do better" Which he replies..."Better, yeah right!"(wounded ego...me already "texting someone else...he doesn't know WHO) I say, "Goodnight, Day 4 and I am over it." He writes, "Must have "cared" alot about me, if you are over it in 4 days" (OBVIOUS wounded ego) Is this ALL IT IS? Or is there more to the story?? Is he just jealous now or do you think he might be having regrets....YES< I KNOW.....no more contact..but I didn't want him thinking I was ignoring him because I was still all heartbroken and being a sap..you know...I wanted him to KNOW, I'm doing JUST FINE.... He wrote 3 more text messages after that and I IGNORED all 3 and have had no contact since.... What is your take??
Art_Critic Posted October 3, 2005 Posted October 3, 2005 then I had accidently texted him instead of a guy friend of mine I wrote. Why create all the drama ?
Art_Critic Posted October 3, 2005 Posted October 3, 2005 Is this the same guy from your previous posts about going LDR ? So you broke up ?
Author freckles3131 Posted October 3, 2005 Author Posted October 3, 2005 Yes, we broke up. Remember I professed my true feelings....Well, apparently it was too much, too soon, too fast, him part of that time getting over being burnt by his ex(all of this in 3 months...the ex issue/the potential move and me professing MY feelings) and with him possibly moving away....(will find out for sure this week) So yes, he was honest(or like I said, doing what would be easier in the long run...with the move) and told me, "I don't feel as strongly for you. Ihave love for you, I care for you, but it is happening too fast and with every other factor added in.) I might have come on too strong, but felt if he was going to move...he should know how I felt. He also knows....(due to my crying after the news......that I was hurt.) So could he think we are still buddies and that is why the question "Can I play golf on your team this Sunday?" I mean.....jeez, he saw how hurt I was....I am doing a good job of "convincing him"(by previous phone contact) that I'm going to be okay, but that would only be 6 days after the break-up...(if he played golf) I mean, what the hell...is it that HE is THAT detached? OR......maybe he just can't admit his true feelings becuase the move is something he needs to do for himself for a little while and he doesn't want to add on top of that life changing item, trying a LDR...... AND>>>>>>>>>>>>the TEXT WAS ACCIDENTAL....honest....I did have many drinks(my gal friends took me out for a good time) and his text was still on there and in my drunken stupor I hit the send too fast and in a haze without realizing it was too him....honestly. He was texting me that night I had many opportunities to just write back, if I was being weak...I felt pretty good, and strong, so that wasn't it... ANYWAYS......what is he doing??
Art_Critic Posted October 3, 2005 Posted October 3, 2005 Sorry to hear you broke up.. you need to delete him from your phone so you don't make any more drunken mistakes. There seems to be a whole lot of drama revoling around this relationship. He is just fuc8ing with you to see if you still have the hook in your mouth.. By replying ot his text msgs you say that you still do.. I know it's tough and it has only been a few days but until you get some time and space and give him the same you will have a srewed up head.. Pull back.. and heal.. then you will be able to deal with his games better
Author freckles3131 Posted October 3, 2005 Author Posted October 3, 2005 But...should I be a complete @sshole? By not replying to ANY of his messages? He WAS honest after all...he could have just continued to hang out with me, then dropped the bomb. We have known each other and been friends(good friends, for the most part) for 5 yrs total....NOW, I'm suppose to be a bitch...? YES? no? Ignore the text messages/any calls? Or just be polite and say, .......? I mean when he came out and asked me if he could play golf......should I just ignore it? Sounds kind of harsh for all that he and I have gone through and our 5 yrs. (with a solid friendship)
Art_Critic Posted October 3, 2005 Posted October 3, 2005 He basically broke up with you.. Treated you poorly and you want to reply because you don't want to be rude.. It is rude of him to text msg you .. Being a biotch to him is just being nice.. He is an as*hole after all.. You need to toughen up some..otherwise you are going to keep getting hurt by this guy
Author freckles3131 Posted October 3, 2005 Author Posted October 3, 2005 Here's the thing....I'M the one that ended it.....I left because I didn't want to have these strong feelings for someone that couldn't/wasn't ready/possibly closed off due to being majorly burnt less than 3 months ago and is facing a possible move. He told me he DIDN'T want to stop seeing me, but he isn't feeling as strongly as me at this point(due to the above "stuff" I imagine) So, because he was honest, admits to having some feelings of love/caring, BUT....could be moving in a month/still getting over the ex. cheating/closed off to some extent.....I think it is wrong to do TOTAL NC. I think not responding right away...OR INITIATING contact....OR accepting any invitations to hang out...would be the way to go....THEN, if he finds out he ISN"T moving......let him come to ME, if he is then able to open his heart/emotions(as opposed to keeping his distance due to maybe leaving in a month) Just go about my business...me NC...live my life/keep busy with work/yoga/volleyball etc...continue to work on MY self-awareness/happiness and IF he does open his heart, we can talk then.....BUT....not "wait around"/contact him out of the blue/be consumed/etc.....like, live my life and whatever happens, happens.(without ANY influence from me) I think once he gets the news about whether or not he is moving...and if he is NOT.....we will know alot more.......OR...do you stand by your original advice, Art Critic? Anyone else????
Author freckles3131 Posted October 4, 2005 Author Posted October 4, 2005 HELP!!! Now I find out that he is back on match.com already.....he hasn't been on match. in about 6 months....and we just parted ways less than a week ago......what the hell? Is this the "date others to make sure I'm the one" thing.....or the "I'm totally moving on" thing?
Art_Critic Posted October 4, 2005 Posted October 4, 2005 Realx.. I did this to my last girlfriend.. I did it to hurt her .. Immature .. YES.. It bit me back in the as* though.. because about 2 weeks after I broke it off with her I realized I made a mistake and when I called her up she blew me off.. and I'll bet anything it was because I was back online.. The worst part about it was that I didn't want to date anyone but her and I was playing a game.. Nothing you can do about it.. You are not together anymore.. and he most likely is doing it to hurt you
Author freckles3131 Posted October 4, 2005 Author Posted October 4, 2005 Yeah, I think so too! I was out with some mutual friends of ours and telling them I ran into a friend from high school that there has been a mutual attraction for...but we have both always been taken...and he asked me out. I said something casual would be nice (like out for coffee) We have been friends on and off thru the years, so it would be nice to catch up and have coffee....and it would be nice to get my mind off of things(my thoughts, didn't say it out loud) BUT....I have a feeling that after our conversation last nite (with him saying "I didn't want this to end, you are ending it etc....) and I also bet our friend told him I have a "date" coming up.....PLUS>>>I actually thought about re-activating my match. membership last night(to show him I'm doing fine....) I think he is doing that ....I mean, COME ON....he might be moving in a month....and on top of it all this is the FIRST TIME I have been standing up for my self-worth...(I.E. when he said, "I dont' want this to end....can't we still go out on dates etc....and I said, "NO, I have compromised my integrity enough by dating someone who can only give me 50%....and the OLD me would have taken what I could get.....no question about it in either one of our minds, I'm sure.......so HA! I bet he is like, "Whoa! This is new! She never did THIS before...AND she has a "date" already! And with the "I guess you didn't care as much as you said" to re-inforce the whole thing......So I need to chill...right?!?! He KNOWS how I feel...if he can't wrap his head around that and jump on board right now, till he finds out about the move/figures out what he wants.....that's his issue....No need for me to re-enforce my "feelings" right? (guess, I'm afraid of being too "stand-offish" (stoopid, right? YOU ARE the BEST AC~ I understand why everyone is always singing your praises on here.....you are keeping me in check.....
Author freckles3131 Posted October 4, 2005 Author Posted October 4, 2005 He has gone as far as to "wink" at other girls......(yes, bad of me...I have his password on there) He doesn't know I know it....so he wouldn't know I KNOW he has winked at girls(if he was trying to piss me off) But, then again...back to his pride issue.....might be trying to build up his ego...yes? no? I mean, why wink at girls and possibly date them when he could be moving in a month??
Art_Critic Posted October 4, 2005 Posted October 4, 2005 Your going to be just fine .... Moving on is going to be a breeze to you .. Reactivate your membership when you are ready.. My last girlfriend did that also the next week and it really backfired on me when she went out and started dating someone new within weeks.. Here I was using Match to hurt her and then I was trying to get her back and she goes out and replaces me with a punishment guy... She is still dating the punishment guy .. So if you go by my experience then you will be dating in weeks not months
Art_Critic Posted October 4, 2005 Posted October 4, 2005 He has gone as far as to "wink" at other girls......(yes, bad of me...I have his password on there) He doesn't know I know it....so he wouldn't know I KNOW he has winked at girls(if he was trying to piss me off) But, then again...back to his pride issue.....might be trying to build up his ego...yes? no? I mean, why wink at girls and possibly date them when he could be moving in a month?? See ... He is just doing it to hurt you .. but it doesn't now that you know why he is online..
Author freckles3131 Posted October 4, 2005 Author Posted October 4, 2005 Man, me and my Irish feistyness..... Thank god for you! Tremendous help! So....you really feel he is just being a [email protected] to my being strong? (no fun for him me being this way, right?) He gave me a window and I didn't take it.....stood firm. That must have blown him away to some extent....he does suffer from low self-esteem. The Ex verbally bashed his "size" and sexual experience/techinique then left him for someone younger that "could give her what she wanted for hours" then he and I......and now....me standing firm with the possibility he knows about my "date" and me saying I would rather be alone than with someone who can only give me 50%......Yep, must be the low self-esteem and trying to hurt me...he KNOWS I am curious enough to check to see if he re-activates the match thing.....I'm pretty sure he would think that....so I'm good. So how am I doing....sound about right?(you know men better than me, that's for sure....)
Art_Critic Posted October 4, 2005 Posted October 4, 2005 You are right about him .. .. Just heal and get better.. Keep going
Author freckles3131 Posted October 4, 2005 Author Posted October 4, 2005 I'm right about.......? the insecurity stuff? and the trying to hurt me by doing this? That he is just being an idiot....he can't commit to me, but when I back off a bit....he gets all weird/insecure/etc.....well, maybe this is just what will snap him the heck out of it........or....should I say the hell with him altogether?
Art_Critic Posted October 4, 2005 Posted October 4, 2005 I'm right about.......? the insecurity stuff? and the trying to hurt me by doing this? That he is just being an idiot....he can't commit to me, but when I back off a bit....he gets all weird/insecure/etc.....well, maybe this is just what will snap him the heck out of it........or....should I say the hell with him altogether? your right about all of them .. including saying to hell with him altogether.. You need to heal first..
BeCareful Posted November 26, 2005 Posted November 26, 2005 Look. This is the old "want what you can't have" game. It's called jealosy and it often works. If you want him, you got him. Make him try and try and give him an inch for 3 inches of effort. Will he balk again? Maybe. More like if you run back in desperation though. It's not like the man cheated on you, from what you've mentioned. You two are broken up, remember. Jealousy works on guys, unfortunately.
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