Ebhan Posted December 3, 2019 Posted December 3, 2019 Hi all, I have had sex dates only with MrX for over 6 months. We are not exclusive. I wanted to try serial dating but I have not been able to date any of my OLD matches. He has a lot of dating apps. Until around 2 months ago, we would meet once a week. 2 months ago, I asked him to go out and he said no, he was busy. Since he didn’t propose an alternative day or activity I assumed he didn’t want to meet outside the sex so I told him that the sex was still great but after 6 months of only having sex dates it was getting repetitive and I told him I wanted to stop seeing him because if I keep seeing him I would stop looking for the real deal. He reacted really bad and blocked my number. After a couple of days, he texted apologising for his reaction and he told me that on that day he had had a bad date in which he even had to call the police etc. He said that it was not healthy that we were not seeing each other anymore. I agreed to that but I repeated that if I kept seeing him I would not be looking for the real deal. After a couple of weeks, needs kicks in and I text him to meet. He reacts with a Pffffff first but the following day he reaches out to meet. We meet and have yet another sex date. A week goes by and he reaches out with a booty call. I cannot meet on Saturday, I tell him on Sunday but then when on Sunday he textes me, I am too tired and I reject to meet him. Following week he reaches out again and wants to meet but I am going to a concert with my best friend, he tries to invite himself and I confront him telling him he is not allowed to join us. I told him, what do you want, I asked you out and you said no and now you want to join for a concert with my best friend. He said that he said no to go out that night but it doesn’t mean he will say no all the time. I then tell him that if he doesn’t tell me that I can assume that he doesn’t want to. He then proposes to go for a weekend away and I accepted. Last weekend we were together from Friday evening until Monday morning. He was a bit more open, talking about his family, it is then when he told me about his medication, we discussed global warming, politics. It was my first weekend away with a man after 3 years. I'm very used to be on my own so it was stressful. We did nice things but I was bored I have to say. Sex was amazing like always. So, if I was bored, why I still stayed with him on Sunday at his place? why did he ask me to stay at his place on Sunday if we didn’t have sex? Why do I want him to reach out? If he is a serial dater, why does he want to make the extra effort, weekend away, me staying without having sex at his place? Can you please bring some clear light to this mess I'm feeling?
ExpatInItaly Posted December 3, 2019 Posted December 3, 2019 I don't see the benefit in this situation at all, apart from regular sex, I suppose. Perhaps you continually reach out or accept his invitations because you are lonely or bored? When was your last relationship?
Author Ebhan Posted December 3, 2019 Author Posted December 3, 2019 I don't see the benefit in this situation at all, apart from regular sex, I suppose. Perhaps you continually reach out or accept his invitations because you are lonely or bored? When was your last relationship? this could be the case. I am an expat with almost no friends in this area. I have been single for over 3 years now. But yes, for me, it could be that. What do you think about his reactions?
Zinging Posted December 3, 2019 Posted December 3, 2019 So, if I was bored, why I still stayed with him on Sunday at his place? why did he ask me to stay at his place on Sunday if we didn’t have sex? Why do I want him to reach out? If he is a serial dater, why does he want to make the extra effort, weekend away, me staying without having sex at his place? Can you please bring some clear light to this mess I'm feeling? Because you're feeling a bit lonely. And he's being (acting?) unavailable throughout. Unless one's at complete peace with oneself, the heart generally chases what it cannot have. Similarly, when you started questioning his stance, stopped reaching out, said 'no' a couple of times, suddenly he dropped the serial-dating and chased you for a bit. Allow yourself to return to your old ways, and so will he. I might be mistaken, but it doesn't even seem like a FWB situation (since he doesn't come across as someone very friendly) - you're essentially sex-buddies with dashes of ego-clashes keeping the flame alive. From what I hear, FWB shouldn't be so tough? So, is the sex really worth all this hassle and headache then? It's up to you to evaluate that...
Author Ebhan Posted December 3, 2019 Author Posted December 3, 2019 Similarly, when you started questioning his stance, stopped reaching out, said 'no' a couple of times, suddenly he dropped the serial-dating and chased you for a bit. IM NOT SURE HE DROPPED SERIAL DATING, HE DID THE CHASING TOWARDS ME Allow yourself to return to your old ways, and so will he. YOU MEAN THAT IF I REACH OUT AGAIN ETC, WE WILL GET BACK TO THE SEX DATES ONLY I might be mistaken, but it doesn't even seem like a FWB situation (since he doesn't come across as someone very friendly) - you're essentially sex-buddies with dashes of ego-clashes keeping the flame alive. From what I hear, FWB shouldn't be so tough? So, is the sex really worth all this hassle and headache then? It's up to you to evaluate that... IT IS NOT A FWB SITUATION. IT WAS ONLY SEX DATES UNTIL I CONFRONTED HIM HE TAKES AMFETAMINES AS MEDICATION, HE DIDNT TELL ME WHY. I SEARCHED AND THAT MEDICATION IS USED FOR AUTISM, ADHD OR NARCOLEPSY In a way, i want to enjoy the moment. I am planning to move to another area and i enjoy the sex together so why not continuing until i move? on the other hand, even though i found him boring, i feel attached (it might be because of loneliness) and i dont want to hurt myself if i continue with this situation
elaine567 Posted December 3, 2019 Posted December 3, 2019 I think you want "more" from him to validate you, and you are desperate to see signs you may be more important to him than NSA sex. By stepping back you forced his hand, he has had to up his game to get the sex he wants. He even pushed out the boat to take you away for the weekend, but does that mean he cares? I don't know. He had a very nice arrangement there, so a week-end away to keep you on board may be worth it from his POV. As the "real him", bored you silly, then I do not see this as a viable relationship, if that is what you really want. Put all your energy into finding a proper date and forget about this guy. You could waste a lot of your time here.
Author Ebhan Posted December 3, 2019 Author Posted December 3, 2019 I agree that I might be looking for validation which it is indeed stupid if i find him boring, what is the point really? thank you for your input, i appreciate it. 1
smackie9 Posted December 3, 2019 Posted December 3, 2019 There isn't any real commitment from him, and these past 6 months prove it. IMO he is simply manipulating you when you pulled back. It's just a game to him. BUT hey, there is nothing wrong with filling some of your time seeing someone casually while you keep looking, no matter your reasons.
ExpatInItaly Posted December 3, 2019 Posted December 3, 2019 this could be the case. I am an expat with almost no friends in this area. I have been single for over 3 years now. But yes, for me, it could be that. What do you think about his reactions? That he's still really only in this for sex. There's very little in the way of consistent and genuine interest in something more. I'm a fellow expat too so I do understand feeling socially off-kilter. It is important to try to build up a friendship group by getting involved in local activities or community clubs/groups, if it's possible. You'll have a much better chance of meeting like-minded folks, including men, so you don't sink too much time or effort into dead-end situationships.
preraph Posted December 3, 2019 Posted December 3, 2019 You're chasing your tail. This guy isn't good for anyone. The new has worn off the sex. He will see others out but not you, until now. And you now know more than a little sex meetup is painfully boring anyway. So there you go. See, dating is about getting to know if someone is right for you. It really only took one date and one weekend together to realize he is a NOT right for you and that there is NO WAY you would want to commit to him and have him around more. I think you just got in the habit of focusing on winning him (yes, for validation) and that now you have a "Be careful what you hope for" situation. In all honestly, YOU need to stop with him entirely and date someone else and NOT settle for an FWB situation. Have boundaries so you don't fall into that. Go for what you need. Don't settle for whatever. Look what you got? A big bore.
CAPSLOCK BANDIT Posted December 4, 2019 Posted December 4, 2019 Autism is a pretty serious thing, especially if he needs to medicate himself at that age in order to manage himself... Autism has a whole spectrum of behavior associated with it and I would definitely be invested in finding out where he is at there before you continue your efforts. Some people are autistic and you would never know, they are next to normal people other than a couple small anxiety related issues or something, again, the spectrum is just so vast to make any judgement is in bad taste.
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