Author Ruby Slippers Posted December 11, 2019 Author Posted December 11, 2019 We've had initial conversations about combining finances in marriage, inheritances, etc., and are on the same page. Obviously, as the parent, those are his decisions to make, not the kids', and that's his stance. They're both on track for successful careers of their own. Of course I'd never discuss any financial matters with the kids unless he's involved. I'm a big kid at heart and he loves that. Last night we watched The Grinch and had a blast. We're going to decorate the tree and make a fun party of it, whether it's the two of us or a larger group with family and friends. The kids are in college and live with their mother, visit him at his house some of the time he's in town, always just overnight. Even when he's there alone, they have their own lives and aren't there every night.
fishlips Posted December 11, 2019 Posted December 11, 2019 I think it's pretty normal for college aged kids to rely on their parents for money. They are old enough to live on their own, but too young to really have careers. It's also not so unusual for "kids" that age to be a little petty or not understand that money doesn't grow on trees. Eventually they will get jobs and not rely on their father so much. Just be yourself and you should be fine. They aren't little kids, so I don't think they are as likely to be jealous or resentful. 1
Author Ruby Slippers Posted December 11, 2019 Author Posted December 11, 2019 Yeah, they really don't strike me as small-minded people. They seem smart, stable, and open-minded, just like their dad. While I've been financially self-sufficient since age 17 and their financial dependency is hard for me to relate to, I get that it's "normal" and I'm the anomaly. Also, I'm on track to retire very comfortably on my own, so I'm not concerned about his finances beyond the philosophical ramifications of a union.
BC1980 Posted December 11, 2019 Posted December 11, 2019 (edited) I would sit back and let them initiate most of what happens. They are older, which is easier than introducing younger kids into a new relationship. My ex's son was 8 years old when we started dating. Much different dynamic because his child needed more attention. My rule of thumb was to sit back and let his son decide how involved with me he wanted to be, what he wanted to call me, what kind of relationship he wanted, ect. I really think that's the best approach. It can be difficult for children to see their parents dating for a number of reasons. They are scared you might take time away from them, and kids don't like to think their parents have sex. Don't put too much pressure on this initial meeting or think you have to force them to like you. Just be open, and let things happen naturally. Edited December 11, 2019 by BC1980 1
Author Ruby Slippers Posted December 21, 2019 Author Posted December 21, 2019 I'm here and the kids have been fantastic so far. They picked us up from the airport and brought me flowers! They're both very polite, well-mannered, and great conversationalists. His son has a cold, but we had lunch with his daughter today and she's terrific! I get the impression they're happy and supportive of their dad's new romance. They know he's been searching for the right woman for a long time and seem glad we met. All is well 2
CautiouslyOptimistic Posted December 21, 2019 Posted December 21, 2019 5 minutes ago, Ruby Slippers said: I'm here and the kids have been fantastic so far. They picked us up from the airport and brought me flowers! They're both very polite, well-mannered, and great conversationalists. His son has a cold, but we had lunch with his daughter today and she's terrific! I get the impression they're happy and supportive of their dad's new romance. They know he's been searching for the right woman for a long time and seem glad we met. All is well That's awesome!!! 1
LivingWaterPlease Posted December 21, 2019 Posted December 21, 2019 Sounds good, RS! So nice to read about a romance that's going well! Especially this time of year! 1
Author Ruby Slippers Posted December 22, 2019 Author Posted December 22, 2019 His son is feeling a little better and came over for lunch today - his dad and I cooked a nice meal. His son is so polite and sweet. The kids were obviously raised well. He's coming back this evening to spend the night. Not sure what we'll do, but I'm sure it will be nice, as everyone is being gracious and kind
schlumpy Posted December 23, 2019 Posted December 23, 2019 It's so nice to feel such optimism. I think I'll just stand here for moment and enjoy the warm breeze. Best wishes Ruby. 1
Author Ruby Slippers Posted December 27, 2019 Author Posted December 27, 2019 (edited) Everything has gone so well. Last night we cooked Christmas dinner for everybody and opened presents. They gave me a beautiful necklace and seemed to really like what I gave them. Later, my boyfriend told me they've never talked and laughed so much with anyone he's dated. The evening was relatively quiet. All four of us are quiet, brainy introverts, so we understand each other! I've done my best to be gracious with them and let their preferences take priority - but the wonderful part is they've been every bit as gracious, obviously really love their dad and want him to be happy. Our nice evening only strengthened the bond. He was cuddling me tight all night long. Every time I stirred a little, I thought, "This is such a perfect cuddle." I really like his kids and enjoy hanging out with them! I'm already feeling like I'm going to miss them when I go back. But I've already started making the pitch for why they should come visit us where we live. He moved there for work and they haven't visited yet, but hopefully will! Edited December 27, 2019 by Ruby Slippers
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