ironstick Posted December 2, 2019 Posted December 2, 2019 Hello all, About a year ago, I started talking to this girl in Brazil from a dating website. It wasn't your "mail-order bride" type of site, but just a regular dating website where people go to meet potential local love interests. I made the first step. We hit it off pretty well. Although she's from a so-called developing country, she's from a fairly well-to-do family: her father is dentist, her mother a landlord. She's a physical therapist herself, and very well traveled for the record. We Chatted and video-chatted non-stop for months, talking about everything. Finally, a few months ago we seriously started thinking about meeting in person.We finally opted and made arrangements to meet in Lisbon. After a few initial awkward moments, things went pretty well and there was some real chemistry between us. She even introduced me to one of her girlfriends living there. After both being back home, we quickly stayed talking about seeing each other again quick, and about what to do to live nearby each other hypothetically. It might seem a little fast, but we're both in our late thirties and aren't exactly young anymore. In spite of her being from a wealthy family and being the same age, the "being used" thing had always been in the back of my mind, and always have been looking out for red flags. She never really said anything that could sound like a red flag, but she's never made a mystery that she wouldn't mind leaving Brazil. She isn't necessarily keen on living in the US, but is inclined to Canada, the UK, Germany, and that kind of countries. She knows I have both US and UE citizenship. I mentioned moving to Lisbon to be together, both because it is something I am interested in and also to "test the waters". She replied "no" without a thought, and added that we wouldn't stay together if I moved there. Her reaction got me concerned about her real intentions. What do you think? Thanks for your feedback.
CautiouslyOptimistic Posted December 2, 2019 Posted December 2, 2019 It wasn't your "mail-order bride" type of site, but just a regular dating website where people go to meet potential local love interests. I'm confused. Is she local to where you live? Where exactly do you live?
Author ironstick Posted December 2, 2019 Author Posted December 2, 2019 I'm confused. Is she local to where you live? Where exactly do you live? No, I live in socal and she lives in Brazil. I meant that the website where I met her is a regular site, not a mail-order bride one.
chillii Posted December 2, 2019 Posted December 2, 2019 Just ask her what she meant and why she responded that way first of all, hear what she's got to say.
Scarlett.O'hara Posted December 2, 2019 Posted December 2, 2019 I don't know her, but based on what you have said I think her intentions are pretty clear. She was looking for a man on a dating website in your area, not her own. Evidently she wanted to meet a man from another country. She is happy dating you long distance in your current location, but not if you moved to Lisbon. That might be a sign that she is more interested in your current address, or she might not like the thought of living there herself so tried to put you off the idea by telling you that you would be doing it alone. That doesn't mean her feelings for you aren't genuine, but you would be naive to think there weren't other factors at play. It would be interesting to know how she would react if you said you wanted to move to Brazil to be with her. If she said no to that idea, I think that would be more cause for concern. It's definitely worth talking to her more about what her long term hopes and plans are. Don't make any rush decisions until you are sure. 2
BaileyB Posted December 2, 2019 Posted December 2, 2019 If you want to know her true intentions, slow it down and see how she responds. Or, as you have done, tell her that you would like to settle someplace not on her “list.” I agree with the above, it may be that she develops feelings for you but you would be very naive to think there are not other factors at play. And, similar to the posts that say “is this behavior appropriate” - you would not be posting here if you didn’t have some concern. Your intuition is telling you to be careful about this situation - trust that. If something feels “wrong,” there is usually good reason...
Els Posted December 2, 2019 Posted December 2, 2019 Realistically speaking, the vast majority of people who want a regular relationship are not going to be looking specifically on OLD for someone who lives in a different country. Most LDRs start because someone had to move, or because they met organically (i.e. while traveling, or chatting on a non-OLD site). That being said, I wouldn't immediately jump to the conclusion that you are "being used". It could just be part of her requirements, just as how you have your own for a woman, I'm sure. Doesn't necessarily mean she doesn't care about you or doesn't love you.
elaine567 Posted December 2, 2019 Posted December 2, 2019 just a regular dating website where people go to meet potential local love interests. SoCal is not "local" to Brazil...
alphamale Posted December 2, 2019 Posted December 2, 2019 yes you are being used for immigration to the USA (aka "Green Card")
d0nnivain Posted December 2, 2019 Posted December 2, 2019 I don't thinks she's using you for a green card. I think there are too many immigration issues at play here to make this work
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