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I do not drink

john9999

By john9999
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schlumpy Established Member

schlumpy

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Posted (edited)

Keep in mind Elaine there are many alcoholics who hide behind a wine bottle or beer can because it's not hard liquor, but I agree that someone who has a glass of wine at dinner is not necessarily an alcoholic.

Edited by a LoveShack.org Moderator
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alphamale Established Member

alphamale

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There is no way I would date a non drinking vegan lol.

agreed smackie9

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elaine567 Established Member

elaine567

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Keep in mind Elaine there are many alcoholics who hide behind a wine bottle or beer can because it's not hard liquor, but I agree that someone who has a glass of wine at dinner is not necessarily an alcoholic.

 

George Best the well known footballer and renowned alcoholic, I always assumed was drinking spirits as many do, but George Best drank white wine, he started in the morning and just kept drinking...according to a documentary about his death I viewed quite recently.

Piddy Established Member

Piddy

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I think you should bring it up, since it's been an issue more than once. I've been married for decades and no nothing about online dating.

 

If I were to do online dating I would disclose a lot of what I'm looking for so as not to waste time and money.

 

Here's my list so as to narrow it down. No recreational drugs, non smoker, social drinker, atheist or agnostic, liberal / progressive, need to like golf or not mind me liking golf :D, no prudes (like against porn etc.).

 

Not sure how many women would meet my criteria, but by getting my non negotiables out of the way early we can concentrate on compatibility / personality stuff etc..

 

If you have any deal breakers why not disclose them? And just to make sure, before the date happened I'd review the list with her just to make sure.

Foxhall Established Member

Foxhall

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George Best the well known footballer and renowned alcoholic, I always assumed was drinking spirits as many do, but George Best drank white wine, he started in the morning and just kept drinking...according to a documentary about his death I viewed quite recently.

 

 

"where did it all go wrong George" (in bed with the Miss World and champagne):cool:

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preraph Established Member

preraph

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Yes. Put it in your profile if you're dating online or let them know ahead of time. Plenty of people your age will be happy to see a clean sober guy, trust me. By that age, everyone is pretty much over the falling down drunk ones and thinking that's cool and novel. You're simply not a match for her. She is not representative of the norm, though. Most people aren't so into liquor they plan their outings around it, so most people will not care nearly as much as she would.

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The Outlaw Established Member

The Outlaw

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It would be worth mentioning before a first date or during. If it's a deal breaker for her, just move onto the next one. And my hat is off to you for 34 years of sobriety.

CAPSLOCK BANDIT Established Member

CAPSLOCK BANDIT

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Just curious, but (What) does liking women who make a lot of money have to do with them liking that you don't drink?

 

Because these women like to take on the typical 'project' dude and end up funding their alcoholism or end up in this kind of trade relationship where the dude will take on responsibilities so he can get his 3 8 packs daily. It is very common among the older, rich women, where they will have this dime piece dude around with the washboard abs who ends up becoming a beer drinking couch ornament.

 

Me? If my bills are paid, ill take on whatever responsibility is required of me within reason and when I say "I don't drink" this is typically what that implies and they love it.

 

OR, you got the woman with a lively social life who wants to go out every weekend with her girls and their men and I end up DD'ing for the whole group. Been many relationships I have had where the entire thing is just founded on me being a DD for a couple hours a weekend.

GoreSP Established Member

GoreSP

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I don't drink. Not that I ever had issues with it, I just don't like it. I'll have a bit of red wine if I don't have to drive home (like a sleep over) but I get «dizzy» too quickly and hate the feeling.

 

Somehow, people just.don't.get.it. and seem very confused by that fact. Would love to meet someone who doesn't drink.

 

Anyhow, sorry, I have nothing more than venting to offer but good luck!

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SammySammy Established Member

SammySammy

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I don't drink, smoke, or use any drugs, but I don't mind a woman who is a social drinker.

 

I would let her know my stance in casual conversation. If she makes a big deal of it, then - from personal experience - I know we are not compatible.

 

Just wish her well and move on.

mortensorchid Established Member

mortensorchid

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I don't drink either. I haven't had a drink in 22/23 years. If and when people ask me why, I tell them I am sober. Which is the truth, I am sober but I didn't go to AA for it. I just can't do it like some people can, I have no tolerance for alcohol and I can't do it. If and when casual acquaintance ask why, I tell them I am sober and they straiten up about it. For dating situation? Tell them the same thing if you don't want them in your business.

Highndry Established Member

Highndry

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I don't drink at all, either, and I don't date women who drink. I prefer a healthy lifestyle and drinkers are of no interest to me. I have had no problem meeting women and I don't think you will either.

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unlisted Member

unlisted

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Yes, put it on your profile that you do not drink. I've avoided messaging people when I read that so we don't waste each other's time.

CLS63AMG Established Member

CLS63AMG

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Not drinking isn't a bad thing, most women by now have had guys that drank way too much and it became a problem for them.  If its a no-go for her then I'd assume she's a heavy drinker and its a huge part of her life.  A woman that has a glass of wine here and there isn't going to mind, she may actually prefer that you don't drink.  She gets a stable guy all the time, a DD and a guy with a functioning PP at the end of the night lol

Els Established Member

Els

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If you don't drink to the extent that you can't even attend wine tastings (which are usually small portioned), then yeah, I'd bring it up early.

Els Established Member

Els

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Posted (edited)
8 hours ago, S2B said:

When it’s a big deal for the person that drinks - that tells me (the non drinker) that this is a person that really likes to organize their life around having drinks and that doesn’t match up to my goals.

 

Haha, no. I've gone months without alcohol easily (not on purpose - there just wasn't an occasion that involved nice wine), and I'd be very wary about dating a person who is completely against having even a few sips of wine (which is usually what a wine tasting event involves - those things aren't exactly bar crawls and nobody gets smashed from them). It's not the lack of alcohol that bothers me so much as the inflexible "all alcohol is bad" mindset.

 

If they couldn't drink due to a health issue (some people have genetic metabolism disorders), that would be totally fine with me.

Edited by Elswyth
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lana-banana Established Member

lana-banana

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There are a lot of assumptions going around here about relationships to alcohol. The moral of the story is that if someone's habits don't feel right to you, they aren't a good fit, period. It's irrelevant whether they're just being too judgmental or making excuses for alcoholism. That's not the point and doesn't matter if you know you aren't interested in the person. You are allowed to have whatever dealbreakers you want. If it bugs you that much, move on.

 

I spend a ton of time obsessing over everything I cook and on weekends that usually means finding the best wine pairings for our cooking. We belong to several vineyard subscriptions and we go beer/whiskey/wine tasting on occasion. But I'm also very short and not fond of being drunk, so I don't drink unless it's with meals. When I'm at bars or boozy parties I stick to water. I wouldn't want a partner who didn't share my love of flavors and pairings, and didn't have strong opinions (although my husband doesn't like grenache but he loves big CdRs and I don't even know how that makes sense??). But there's more to beverages than alcohol. We also do a lot of homemade sodas and teas with no booze at all.

 

If you want or need your partner to have certain habits, that's your prerogative, but don't make assumptions. Life can surprise you. My neighbor owns several bars and is a supertaster, which means her palate is hypersensitive, so she almost never drinks. Her husband's a bartender who doesn't hold back. They manage because alcohol is a big part of their lives without being a big part of their relationship. 

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Ami1uwant Established Member

Ami1uwant

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Posted
On 12/1/2019 at 11:37 PM, john9999 said:

I am a 53 year old male. Just had a first date in about 30 minutes ago. Everything was great except that she seem to make a big deal over the fact that I don’t drink. I had a problem as a teenager and I’ve been clean and sober for 34 years. She said she likes to go to wine tastings in Napa and would want her guy to enjoy that with her.

 

This is not the first time this has been a No-go issue for me with some women. So here’s the question. Do I bring this up before a first date? And just get it out-of-the-way so that if it’s a problem we don’t do the first date and waste time and money?

 

 

Your reason son sounds like you are an alcoholic thus they need to give that up to date you.  This is similar to other interests prop,e have they have to give up to date.

 

you also bring this up can scare some away.

 

i don’t drink alcohol because of meds I take so I know my limits.  I’ll have an occasional drink like at a special dinner or I’d sample some wines.

schlumpy Established Member

schlumpy

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Posted

The problem with admitting to someone I don't drink is that they immediately feel I'm judging them, which of course, I'm not. I believe in freewill and individual choices. My own sister was flabbergasted when she found out I didn't drink. She drinks wine. She didn't press me, but I could tell she was mentally going over all the conversations between us over the years where she had talked about her drinking. 

 

There are some of us, I don't know how many, that choose not to drink because we grew up with an alcoholic family member which made a life-long impression on us. I didn't have any trouble finding a marriage partner who doesn't drink so it's not an issue. It is interesting how defensive people get about it.  

fishlips Established Member

fishlips

Posted
Posted (edited)

Congrats on your sobriety. Yes, you should put it on your profile that you don't drink. Being around someone who drank a lot wouldn't be good for you, and besides, it's no different than putting on your profile that you want a nonsmoker. When I used to date online, I would put it on my profile that I wanted a nonsmoker, although I could take or leave drinking. 

Edited by fishlips
thefooloftheyear Established Member

thefooloftheyear

Posted
Posted

I don't drink...and while most of the people I know drink to some extent, its never been a cause of any concern...In my case, its more or less the thing that for one I hate not being in control of myself, and the other for some reason is a low tolerance for alcohol...Even as a 235 lb man, one glass of wine or beer will make me a bit tipsy, forget what would happen if I actually had a few, done that eons ago...I was sick for days...literally...

 

I don't need to be liquored up to "loosen up" I can have a good time and enjoy just about anything without the need...I've been to a few of those wine tasting events...Total snoozefest...

 

I guess for some, they need a drinking buddy along with a bf/gf....For those, I guess it matters...I would think if someone is a casual drinker they probably wouldn't care if their other half didn't drink, I see no reason why that would be an issue, but who knows..??


TFY

thr1986 Established Member

thr1986

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Honestly, I think someone’s ability to socialize and date someone without alcohol says a lot about their relationship with alcohol. I drink but I have dated women in the past who don’t drink and I actually found it to be nice. I would be confident about it And tell her you don’t drink and you haven’t since you were a teenager. It’s healthy and would probably be better for her. You could still go to Napa - you will just remember everything perfectly! They pour grape juice in Napa for non drinkers.

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SincereOnlineGuy Established Member

SincereOnlineGuy

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Posted (edited)
On 12/2/2019 at 7:09 AM, lurker74 said:

^I disagree, Twizzle. Drinking alcohol is a VERY common thing in dating. I would venture to guess that 80%+ first dates are over drinks. But even that is understating it; whether you drink or not, the majority of people do and many romantic things center around drinking, such as wine/beer tasting, cocktails out, and the like. To me, it's like being a vegan; I would want to know before I dated you that we would have to choose restaurants very carefully. I don't think that's judging.

 

 

LOL - just what restaurants deny admission to those who don't drink???

 

 

And the whole notion of alcoholics who claim they  don't drink  isn't appropriate to those who truly don't drink.

 

 

 

Edited by SincereOnlineGuy
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