Red flags or just paranoid?

[Truthdetermine]

Been seeing someone for a few months and our relationship has progressed quickly. I’ve been a widow for 8 years and this is my 3rd relationship in that time period.

My adult daughter who lives far away met my new boyfriend for the first time on thanksgiving. My son has met him several times and at first he was unsure about him but says he likes him more now.

I told my bf that my daughter can be critical but she’s generally fair minded and protective of me.

My bf can be somewhat bossy and he is generally very kind but does have an edge on occasion and some would say a bit of arrogance.

When he met my daughter he was cooking dinner for me, my family and friends and his kids. We both cooked for 8 hours straight. My daughter arrived with her boyfriend and she wasn’t in a great mood. She has been through a bumpy flight and was tired. The first half hour they met was ok but then it went downhill. My bf told my daughter our cat needs to stay in basement during dinner because his son is allergic and the cat has been a bit nasty lately so he didn’t want his grandkids near the cat. He told her the cat has kidney issues which is somewhat true. She got really upset and cried. I worked it out that the cat only had to leave while we had company. But then she mentioned where she lived and my bf said I wouldn’t want to go there. She says it’s a nice city and he says maybe in the spring it’s nice but not for me. She told me she felt he attacked her words about a lot of things and didn’t like him.

I talked to him the next day and he felt bad and said he didn’t intend to be mean. I told him to leave unless he straightened things out with her. He eventually talked to her but not sure exactly what he said and he did apologize to me several times. They seemed to get along the next day.

My daughter said only 1 prior boyfriend “knew his place” so she liked him and she thought the other ex boyfriend was opportunistic but would not have talked to her negatively and bossy like my current bf.

 

Is his behavior a red flag? He is generally nice and considerate so I don’t know why this happened.

Edited December 1, 2019 by Truthdetermine

[preraph]

Well, he's awfully bossy and blunt to people he doesn't really know that he should be trying to impress! And it's not his call about the cat! I've been allergic to cats my whole life. You take an antihistamine and keep your mouth shut and maybe pack your own linens.

[d0nnivain]

I don't know that it's a red flag but definitely a yellow caution flag. People don't have filters any more. I think it was just blunt. Since your daughter was tried the combo just made everything worse.

 

Do pay attention to see if there is a pattern .

 

He did apologize so that is something

[hippychick3]

Given that he apologized and talked to your daughter afterwards, I would be appreciative of that. Just continue to observe to see if he has learned from his “mistakes.” Perhaps he didn’t realize how he was behaving and now that it’s been pointed out to him, he will do better.