Sassydiva Posted December 1, 2019 Posted December 1, 2019 Or do you let him?...I did spent the entire holiday with this guy so I was with him almost 4 days straight. He mentioned doing dinner tonight and I do realize it’s early.. I texted him in the morning and he hasn’t replied at all.. I don’t know if I should assume he is hungover and go about my day or what. His friend visited from out of town so he was probably out late.
smackie9 Posted December 1, 2019 Posted December 1, 2019 You already reached out, and no response, so I would take that as a no.
d0nnivain Posted December 1, 2019 Posted December 1, 2019 I do reach out to confirm early dates the day of. I confirm all meetings. I have a standing meeting with my neighbor to go to a book club event on Monday nights; we have been doing this for 18 months & we still touch base on Mondays to confirm. You reached out. Give him a chance to respond. But if you don't hear from him I would assume your date is cancelled. 1
mortensorchid Posted December 1, 2019 Posted December 1, 2019 Yes, you reached out already, let him contact you now.
Author Sassydiva Posted December 1, 2019 Author Posted December 1, 2019 I do reach out to confirm early dates the day of. I confirm all meetings. I have a standing meeting with my neighbor to go to a book club event on Monday nights; we have been doing this for 18 months & we still touch base on Mondays to confirm. You reached out. Give him a chance to respond. But if you don't hear from him I would assume your date is cancelled. I will, but should I call him out on his shady behavior? Seems like he only does this when he’s around certain friends.
preraph Posted December 1, 2019 Posted December 1, 2019 He's probably thinking, Jeez, she already knows I'm seeing her tonight, why is she texting? He's probably just busy. You know, it's rude to be answering texts when with friends you don't see often. Just wait and see if he tells you what time the date is, if you don't already know. There's no rule that someone has to stop what they're doing and text right back. Be reasonable. Then if the worst happens and he stands you up, you can just be done with him, but why start a bunch of nagging about texting? He doesn't have a date to TEXT with you. He has a commitment to see you LATER.
Author Sassydiva Posted December 1, 2019 Author Posted December 1, 2019 He's probably thinking, Jeez, she already knows I'm seeing her tonight, why is she texting? He's probably just busy. You know, it's rude to be answering texts when with friends you don't see often. Just wait and see if he tells you what time the date is, if you don't already know. There's no rule that someone has to stop what they're doing and text right back. Be reasonable. Then if the worst happens and he stands you up, you can just be done with him, but why start a bunch of nagging about texting? He doesn't have a date to TEXT with you. He has a commitment to see you LATER.No, I didn’t expect a response right away but it’s been like 2 hours. He is CHOOSING to do so. This wouldn’t be the first time we made plans and he just dumbed out. Its not a big deal because we spent days together, but I would have appreciated a response as far as what the plan is or isn’t. He seems to think it’s ok to ignore me and just reach out to me a day later.
preraph Posted December 1, 2019 Posted December 1, 2019 He's busy! Two hours is nothing. You already know you have a date.
stillafool Posted December 1, 2019 Posted December 1, 2019 I've always let the guy contact me the day of the date. If I don't hear anything by a certain hour I would make other plans. I never call someone out on their behavior I prefer to show them by not being around. That always worked for me when I was single. If my boyfriend had a friend in town visiting him I would leave them alone to have fun and would not expect to spend time with him until said friend is gone. 4
Saracena Posted December 1, 2019 Posted December 1, 2019 I've always let the guy contact me the day of the date. If I don't hear anything by a certain hour I would make other plans. I never call someone out on their behavior I prefer to show them by not being around. That always worked for me when I was single. If my boyfriend had a friend in town visiting him I would leave them alone to have fun and would not expect to spend time with him until said friend is gone. Exactly this.
Author Sassydiva Posted December 1, 2019 Author Posted December 1, 2019 I've always let the guy contact me the day of the date. If I don't hear anything by a certain hour I would make other plans. I never call someone out on their behavior I prefer to show them by not being around. That always worked for me when I was single. If my boyfriend had a friend in town visiting him I would leave them alone to have fun and would not expect to spend time with him until said friend is gone. I understand that, but the least he could have done was shoot me a text to let me know..he just flaked on me and said nothing.
d0nnivain Posted December 2, 2019 Posted December 2, 2019 Calling him out isn't going to change anything. He will still be friends with the people you consider shady. Since this has happened before you know he's unreliable. Especially because his is unreliable confirming every meeting with him is essential. Without confirmation you need to assume it's not happening & do something else. Knowing that you can't trust him to be keep his word & be there when he makes plans with you, you have to decide if you are willing to put up with this. One flaking is forgivable but if this is a pattern of behavior I wouldn't put up with it. 1
stillafool Posted December 2, 2019 Posted December 2, 2019 I agree and if he hasn't contacted you by a specific time why aren't you out doing other things instead of waiting for him? He's obviously tied up with his buddy so you should be out doing things. 1
Versacehottie Posted December 2, 2019 Posted December 2, 2019 I agree with stillafool and others. I would just add that also if you're somewhat newly dating and have seen each other for 4 days in a row over the holiday and about to go out for the 5th, maybe he feels smothered or a lack of autonomy? I realize you may be excited but probably a bit of space will do both of you some good. Maybe he wants to hang out with his friends, be just who he is rather than 1/2 of a couple? He may be failing to see your value if you are always...there.... Also you can't choose his friends, that's not going to go over well. If you disapprove so much, he's probably not someone you should be dating. After all, his bad behavior is his own, slightly influenced but by no means entirely influenced by other people. Him flaking is just him not wanting to consult, get your approval, or get into a confrontation with you about it and in the meantime he will do what he wants. A guy friend of mine says often that he thinks it's better to ask for forgiveness rather than permission. Um yeah it's that mentality. I think calling him out is particularly ineffective if you have been acting like a stage 5 clinger sorry it's the truth. He knows you aren't going anywhere and that you are just trying to control him. 1
Author Sassydiva Posted December 2, 2019 Author Posted December 2, 2019 No clinger here, being I didn’t call him out on anything. All I wanted was the common courtesy to let me know we won’t be getting together. That’s hardly clingy in my eyes
CAPSLOCK BANDIT Posted December 2, 2019 Posted December 2, 2019 4 days in a row? Sounds like this dinner date was his way of getting what he wanted from you without you suspecting a thing... This is a tactic I sometimes use with women who have super high expectations... Talk a big game, get what I want and break away clean. The thing is like, even if you guys run in mutual social circles, what are you really gonna say? You spent 4 days in a row with homie and he didn't take you out to dinner? It just kinda makes you look bad to even comment on it in the first place and he knows it. I get it, cause on the one hand, this leaves you feeling played and you wanna blow his **** up, but on the other hand, you also do not want to come off as clingy, since you did spend 4 days together already. That is just my 2 cents, but I mean, if you really like the guy enough to spend 4 days in a row with him, maybe the benefit of the doubt is in order, just make sure it isn't to his benefit again.
Versacehottie Posted December 2, 2019 Posted December 2, 2019 No clinger here, being I didn’t call him out on anything. All I wanted was the common courtesy to let me know we won’t be getting together. That’s hardly clingy in my eyes Ok I'll take your word for it. But honestly my clinger comment was in regard to spending 4 days in a row together--over the holiday weekend at that (assuming you are in U.S.?). It doesn't really give him the time and space to miss you, gather some other experiences etc so he has something new and refreshing the next time he sees you. Well just some space. People need that and have other things going on in their lives and it may be causing him to wonder why don't you and what does this all mean if she wants to spend every day together. 5 days in a row gives that impression. And maybe if you are a more dominating personality than he is, maybe he said what you wanted to hear with every intention of just doing what he wanted, i.e. no confrontation. It sets a bad pattern and precedence on both your parts. Seems like he is wanting to escape and that's not the vibe that should be going on. 100% agree that wanting the common courtesy to let you know what is going on is fair, reasonable etc. Sometimes it's easier to "show" than "say". He is basically showing you that 5 days in a row is too much so he will TAKE his space. Like some of the others said, a good idea is to go on with your own plans if you haven't heard from him by xyz time and no response to your text. That's a clearer message to someone who looks like he operates better on actions. If you do say something, i think you should make it brief and clear. I'm going to guess that he will believe that he already saw you 4 days in a row and it was a 5th which left him no time to do other socializing and your thing was informal, just a "hang", not set in stone. In other words, he will justify it. To me, it just said you've made yourself far too available and like your time isn't valuable--part of how he has that impression is the simple fact that you saw him 5 days in a row!!! ok, good luck
Author Sassydiva Posted December 2, 2019 Author Posted December 2, 2019 Calling him out isn't going to change anything. He will still be friends with the people you consider shady. Since this has happened before you know he's unreliable. Especially because his is unreliable confirming every meeting with him is essential. Without confirmation you need to assume it's not happening & do something else. Knowing that you can't trust him to be keep his word & be there when he makes plans with you, you have to decide if you are willing to put up with this. One flaking is forgivable but if this is a pattern of behavior I wouldn't put up with it. No I am not willing to put up with shady behavior. He thinks he can just apologize for his late response and that it’s acceptable. No
Author Sassydiva Posted December 2, 2019 Author Posted December 2, 2019 Ok I'll take your word for it. But honestly my clinger comment was in regard to spending 4 days in a row together--over the holiday weekend at that (assuming you are in U.S.?). It doesn't really give him the time and space to miss you, gather some other experiences etc so he has something new and refreshing the next time he sees you. Well just some space. People need that and have other things going on in their lives and it may be causing him to wonder why don't you and what does this all mean if she wants to spend every day together. 5 days in a row gives that impression. And maybe if you are a more dominating personality than he is, maybe he said what you wanted to hear with every intention of just doing what he wanted, i.e. no confrontation. It sets a bad pattern and precedence on both your parts. Seems like he is wanting to escape and that's not the vibe that should be going on. 100% agree that wanting the common courtesy to let you know what is going on is fair, reasonable etc. Sometimes it's easier to "show" than "say". He is basically showing you that 5 days in a row is too much so he will TAKE his space. Like some of the others said, a good idea is to go on with your own plans if you haven't heard from him by xyz time and no response to your text. That's a clearer message to someone who looks like he operates better on actions. If you do say something, i think you should make it brief and clear. I'm going to guess that he will believe that he already saw you 4 days in a row and it was a 5th which left him no time to do other socializing and your thing was informal, just a "hang", not set in stone. In other words, he will justify it. To me, it just said you've made yourself far too available and like your time isn't valuable--part of how he has that impression is the simple fact that you saw him 5 days in a row!!! ok, good luck I will gladly give him all the space he wants. He initiated the 4 days as well as the 5th that he flakes out on..4 out of 5 not bad-but keeping me hanging? I unacceptable. I agree I should have just assumed we weren’t on, but if he respected me he would have had the decency to let me know. Who wants to put up with that?
Michelle ma Belle Posted December 2, 2019 Posted December 2, 2019 Calling him out isn't going to change anything. He will still be friends with the people you consider shady. Since this has happened before you know he's unreliable. Especially because his is unreliable confirming every meeting with him is essential. Without confirmation you need to assume it's not happening & do something else. Knowing that you can't trust him to be keep his word & be there when he makes plans with you, you have to decide if you are willing to put up with this. One flaking is forgivable but if this is a pattern of behavior I wouldn't put up with it. This. If he's doing this often, why are you still dating him and putting up with it? You're right, it doesn't take much effort to send a courtesy text but for some reason, he chooses NOT to do this with you. Nagging him relentlessly about this won't change anything. You either have to learn to accept this about him or move on.
hippychick3 Posted December 2, 2019 Posted December 2, 2019 The beginning stage of dating is about observing, NOT changing the other person. We are supposed to observe their behaviors and how they treat us and then either accept it or not accept it and walk away. When their actions don’t align with our expectations of how we want to be treated, we don’t try to change them or lecture them on how to change. We just move on to someone whose behaviors actually align with our expectations. 1
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