nospam99 Posted November 30, 2019 Posted November 30, 2019 If he was wanting to see you tonight then why didn't he just say that? Your grocery shop was hardly an event set in stone and would not have deterred any interested guy. I don't think he had any intention of seeing you tonight and I note that you initiated the texting too... GEEZUS .... women! I'M AN INTERESTED GUY though of course not in the OP's relationship. Interpretation and rebuttal by me as a sample interested guy follows ... - He didn't say he wanted to see her tonight because she cut him off before he could. He asked if she was free and she made a joke of it. REJECTED. - It was NOT the grocery shop that that was the rejection. It was the grocery shop as a response to asking if she was free. - He intended to see her tonight. That's why he asked if she had plans. - So what that she initiated the texting. (I *****ing HATE texting - but that's just me.) The smart ass response about having plans for a Friday night of going grocery shopping is at best game playing and thus disrespectful and at worst a code for ''I don't want to go out with you tonight (cuz I've already arranged a date with another guy - this extension obviated in this case if he's sharp enough to remember that she initiated the text - DON'T bet on it because he just got slammed).'' Ladies, be careful what signals you send, especially to a guy who you KNOW is stressed out a) 24x7 by co-parenting and b) today by just having hosted Thanksgiving for seven.
alphamale Posted November 30, 2019 Posted November 30, 2019 Two months of dating and no sex is a bit odd. enigma, there are still plenty of places in today's world where one needs to get married to have sex
alphamale Posted November 30, 2019 Posted November 30, 2019 I do think you should ask what's up. apparently his penis is not 2
nospam99 Posted November 30, 2019 Posted November 30, 2019 BTW, double down on the inappropriate signal if he did not recognize the name of the grocery store and only picked up on the part about the 'happening club'.
FMW Posted November 30, 2019 Posted November 30, 2019 Don't let any issue drag on for too long without discussing it. Certainly bring this issue up with him before you start worrying there's another woman, as has been suggested as a possibility. Instead of making a bold move, maybe just be more subtle - but clear - the next time you are kissing and touching. Let your hands travel slowly and allow yourself to relax against him - close any physical gaps. If it's not bothering you greatly right now, then maybe give it another month and see if anything changes. Maybe after the holidays things will be less hectic and stressful and things will naturally progress. As far as him asking about your plans tonight, I don't think your joking response should have kept him from issuing any invitations. But next time maybe joke along the lines that you're open to suggestions 1
FMW Posted November 30, 2019 Posted November 30, 2019 GEEZUS .... women! I...... Ladies, be careful what signals you send Great food for thought nospam. Women and men definitely do think about these things differently. And in general we just forget that sometimes the other person is just as unsure about things as we are.
Timshel Posted November 30, 2019 Posted November 30, 2019 Ok, I am going to be the 'bad' guy and just say what, at least for myself, is glaringly apparent. Mortens, the guy probably does not have ED or social anxiety or shy or hasn't been over his ex wife...though she did throw him a duzzy. I am beyond sorry to say that if this guy was on this forum, he would be surprised to be in a relationship or a bf. This only means that the two of you are able to support each other and be close, he clearly looks to you for affection.
Ellener Posted November 30, 2019 Posted November 30, 2019 I don't think it's unusual to not have sex for a while but your text conversation doesn't sound very intimate. How do you usually make your dates/plans?
chillii Posted November 30, 2019 Posted November 30, 2019 Could be a dozen things , l say talk about everything. He might not be attracted in that way , could be still traumatized by the ex, could be someone that takes time , could be a very low libido type, could be 100 things, too soon , you name it. Staying in touch , same actually , only you know how he is around you and how you are together. 3 kids after work though , plus work especially if it's a busy or demanding job mentally , time, add the kids in his situation, kids are huge. Some people will make the time to message no matter what, gf bf l mean, others , takes nothin and they just can't focus on a text as well. l'd still say talk more , talk about all the stuff on you mind, ask him stuff, just in a nice cas way l mean not pressure. 1
Author mortensorchid Posted November 30, 2019 Author Posted November 30, 2019 To clear up some other things, I realize I am just being paranoid based on past experiences and being burned. Later on he asked me to come over and I did. I have just returned from his place. We had a casual evening of just being together at his house watching TV and eating leftovers from Thanksgiving. His kids are with his ex wife this weekend. One of them called him while I was there and he said his mom has her bf (they call him Mr. Ted) over. He (my new bf) told his son to be nice to him because he's the adult. We may get together tomorrow night as well. I told him while we were together that I have been very happy these last few weeks, he said he has been as well. Maybe we'll talk further about this tomorrow or in the coming weeks. I did ask him if he wanted to come with me to my friend's 50th birthday the weekend after this and he said he should be free. 1
chillii Posted November 30, 2019 Posted November 30, 2019 (edited) Good for you MC , enjoy and yeah l agree, give things a bit more time. But my God , that ex sounds like a dipshyt nasty piece of work, l hate to think what she's put him through. Edited November 30, 2019 by chillii
Malin889 Posted November 30, 2019 Posted November 30, 2019 I don't want to be clingy or act like a typical woman in this situation but it's tempting to be insecure and let it be this way at times. What does “act like a typical woman mean?” I’m a woman and I know you are too, so I was just curious...
Malin889 Posted November 30, 2019 Posted November 30, 2019 (edited) Sure, but the OP does not live in any of those places. She lives in the USA where sex is pretty much a given by date 3. It is?? I don’t think that’s true for everyone and sex on date 3 seems a bit soon... to me, anyway. Doesn’t anyone get to know anyone anymore?? Edited November 30, 2019 by Malin889 1
Maggiemay1 Posted November 30, 2019 Posted November 30, 2019 Wow!! You have only known this guy for 60 days and he has been very respectful. And that’s your problem??? Have you ever once considered the fact that he might feel guilty sleeping with a woman that is not the mother of his kids? He did not want to stay that sat night because he had a commitment to his kids in the morning. What a great guy!! And now people are assuming erectile dysfunction because he is honourable. He deserves better. He has divorced a selfish woman. He does not need a relationship with another one.
BaileyB Posted November 30, 2019 Posted November 30, 2019 I don’t know that it’s guilt, as much as it may be trust. My boyfriend had a similar bad experience with his ex wife, and it took him a really long time to trust me. But, I eventually won the battle... I would be careful not to give more than he is investing in the relationship. He seems to enjoy your company, but he has been through a lot and he has a lot going on in his life... he seems like warm at best, to me. I think this could go either way. With time, you will learn if he is ready for more. In the meantime, guard your heart just a little and don’t get your hopes up too high... 1
Blind-Sided Posted November 30, 2019 Posted November 30, 2019 (edited) You sent him a big enough signal when you invited him to stay over. You don't need to do anything else, he knows you want intimacy. The ball is in his court, do NOT send anymore signals or offers................... On that note... did you actually invite him to stay? (with real words) Or did you assume he could have stayed, or hinted about it, and just didn't? I know you two have a past together... but with 20 years between... people change, and maybe he just isn't reading you, and since he has gone through a rough patch... he may not be getting signals without actual words of intention. Edited November 30, 2019 by Blind-Sided
Lotsgoingon Posted November 30, 2019 Posted November 30, 2019 I'm glad you had a good night, but I do not think you are being paranoid in any way, shape or fashion. This guy reminds me of when I was younger. I would do just enough to give the person some reason to hang around. A relationship shouldn't hang in the balance of seeing someone on a particular night. You want to know you valued and prioritized--and feel that you are valued and prioritized--pretty much all the time, even when someone can't see you for a good period of time. 2
sam light Posted December 1, 2019 Posted December 1, 2019 ED? I have no idea at this point. He's 53. I know that some guys have certain troubles when they reach a certain age, but I have also met guys who are just as old (if not older) and have none. Everybody's different in that arena. Quite honestly, I am afraid of asking because I will come off as a clingy female and wanting more. And I am happy with him. You seem a nice lady. I'm sorry to say this bluntly. 2 months, an invite to stay the night. Something is up with him. As for you, are you guilty of pretending this non physical situation is a real relationship? Just food for thought. I hope I'm wrong.
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