legrtova Posted October 2, 2005 Posted October 2, 2005 Hey everyone. I am new here, but this site and your stories are sure helping. I appreciate ANY honest feedback from both sides; the wo/men who were cheated on, and the women who 'stole' husbands and broke hearts. I met him in the stage of my life when I was very happy and very single. Our eyes met and we hadn’t spent a single day without each other for the next 9 months. I fell for him hard, and he said so as well. I thought he was the most beautiful man I have ever seen. We called each other all the time and emailed at least 2 times a day. We had developed an addiction to being together. I knew he was married and told him not to contact me right at the beginning, knowing that destruction was inevitable. We kept on going out anyway. We had the happiest relationship ever imaginable by human beings, strategically forgetting his marital status. We lived a happy lie for 9 months. I was never alone on X-mas or other holiday, he was always there for me. I met his friends and he always introduced me as his g/friend. Now he is gone. He's made his choice, and as twisted as this might sound, I am glad he chose his wife and family: that tells me he does have feelings. I was crushed and felt like life ended for me. I told him not to call me. He should be focusing on patching up his unfixable marriage(his wife found our pictures, emails and love letters) He still calls me. He still says he loves me. He still says he is happy with me. He says he wants my baby. He uses that to control me. He doesn't want me to move on...maybe he DOES NOT love me. I love him and the only thing I hope for is for him to be happy...with or without me. We are still living a happy lie, dreaming of being together again... I told him to not contact me...not until he has a divorce paper in his hands. I am heart broken....I can not let go off the fantasy I was living, I cannot deal with the fact that I have hurt another woman so badly, that I have shown no respect for her and her family, and yet I cannot imagine my life without him. I realize that I do not want to be with him (that's my head), but I am longing for him constantly. I don't sleep, I don't eat, I don't laugh...you know the drill...I cannot remember my life before I met him... I am old enough to not be screwed up anymore, but I have screwed up and living with the consequences. I do not expect him to come back. I know he would cheat on me, too, and yet I still believe he was the one. I will keep my happy memories and try to move on. I don't need to hear how bad I am for doing that, I am fully aware of what I had done. I have no regrets, but I do show remorse. Like I said, I do appreciate any feedback, regardless if it's good or bad. Thanks Sorry it’s so long…
amy123 Posted October 2, 2005 Posted October 2, 2005 I know the feelin I am the other woman also. Wife doesn't know about us however when I tell him it is over he find a way to come back. I enjoy being with him but I know there is no future in it. So why settle for less when I can have and deserve better. Pack up and move on your worth more than you are settling for.
TiredOfWaiting Posted October 3, 2005 Posted October 3, 2005 legrtova ... oh goodness, we all feel your pain. We've all been there. Some, more than once. Be one of the ones who goes thru it once, and not find yourself saying the same things 2 or 3 or 10 years from now. How long has it been over? And yes, it is GOOD that he chose, at least he gave you that much, a CHOICE. Most of the MM we seem to have in our lives do not even give us straight answers. You have your answer, now you have your own choices to make. I do not believe that he does not love you, but having been married myself before, I know what an emotional investment a wife and family are, and how much they can outweigh all other investments he may have. I think he is actually a good man for having been straight with you, but he should not be allowed to continue contacting you. That will send you right off the deep end, and you cannot heal under those circumstances.
newbby Posted October 3, 2005 Posted October 3, 2005 what can i say, sounds like you are doing the right thing. if he has made his decision however, he should stick to it. you know that if you go back, it will be more of the same, he wants to keep his double life going still. when it comes to crunch time, however, he stays there. it hasnt come to crunch time with you yet though. stick to your guns, see what happens. as for feeling guilty, i know how you feel, most of the time the wife has been shut out of my thoughts. it is only when i begin nc and get some objectivity that i think about her and how unfair the whole thing is to her. even so, the way that mm act, oh i dont know, it is as though they are single, its so easy to forget their other life. shouldnt, no. but do.
foolinlove Posted October 3, 2005 Posted October 3, 2005 You are in the right place if you are looking for support to get you through this HARD time in your life. I just keep saying to myself...you are 25...you have the rest of your life to live...this hurts...but your life will go on. We understand the feelings of love and not being able to let go...even when you feel its unfair to you. Its like you said...its an addiction...you couldn't be without him without feeling the W/D. Like any addiction..if you cut it out of your life long enough.....the W/D will pass and the pangs of need will come less and less often. The thoughts will never be out of your mind forever..but as time passes...you will think about him less and less...and maybe even a week will pass when you don't think of him at all. If you could have fallen so hard for MM....what could you do with a single man? People say all the good men are taken....well...1/2 marriges end in divorce so thats a lot of good men back on the market...its choosing which one is RIGHT FOR YOU! You will not find people passing judgement in this forum...we are here to help you throught he HARD times...because we know what you are going through...I am on day 3 of NC....and feeling it. It hurts like hell..but i know this is best for me. You have to choose what is best for you? Take care...stick around..it WILL help you!
legrtova Posted October 3, 2005 Posted October 3, 2005 You are right! Thanks for your support. This site has helped me so much already! It has helped me to see some things I wouldn't want to see before. It's an internal fight, as you all know, but it's getting better. I am also on my day 3 of NC today, and actually it has been the best day since we broke it off 3+ weeks ago. I am learning to enjoy the good feeling, because I never know when I will be down again. Another thing I find very helpful is to plan your time ahead. I have a full week ahead of me and the thought of being home alone does not scare me anymore. Good luck to you and thanks again for your support! L.
cherrie498 Posted October 4, 2005 Posted October 4, 2005 legrtova: Hi your relationship sounds a lot like mine, I was introduced to ALL of his fam, as he was to mine. We had something that I cant compare to anyting else, yet he left (after SEVERAL ATTEMPTS to leave W&C) I started NC 10/1 I successfully PISSED him off before then, so today is our day 3 & his b-day! I know that its now or I am left saying 4yrs. (we have been together 3 W knowing for 2) I cant do that....can U???? I hope NO!! It hurts alot @ 6 months, 1 yr or 4!!! It will always hurt so YOU have to pick the time to let go. I think after so long you just get BITTER, thats what it took for me! We/he wasso nice & is when we are together.... I feel so much like I will never find the feeling I have with him (WHEN I AM WITH HIM) again... BUT what IF I find something just 1/2 as good ALL THE TIME!!!!!!!!!!!! I never felt &/or feel like I am competing w/WIFE we are on such different levels (in my mind-HE SAYS THE SAME) but that is where he's at!!! B/C of WHATEVER!!!! he is THERE & I am HERE......& I dont want that. YOU too deserve better. Believe that!!! It may come back it may not.... Find what makes YOU HAPPY!!!!!!!!! & DO IT!!!!!!!!!!!!
sande Posted October 8, 2005 Posted October 8, 2005 I agree with everything that's been said. I am on day 3 of NC as well. It is tough, but I'm tougher. I've been married before so know what it is like to be on both sides of the fence. However this is/was my first encounter with a MM. We've been involved for over 2yrs, but recently began telling lies and started ignoring my calls, etc. So beit! I'm too mature for games. I can say I care a great deal for him, respected his situation and was the pefect OW if there is such. But now, I'm READY to move forward with my life. For me it will be easy as my MM lives in NY, but comes down to see me in FL and his wife/fam in GA. Initally we met at work and spent 2 years together then he was transferred to NY for a year. Anyway I agree with the rest of you that it will take some time to get over him, but it can be done. My marriage ended when my hubby left me for the OW, I thougt I would never survive it, but now feels that it was the best thing that ever happened to me. I hope for the best for each of us, that we can stay strong, that we can find someone that is just for us, someone we can make a life with. Thanks for the support!!!!!
Sami_D Posted October 8, 2005 Posted October 8, 2005 Hello legrtova. I'm an OW at the moment, and not particularly happy. The MM I've been involved with has also chosen to be with his wife and children. I'm just going to snip your post and bring some things to your attention, if that's OK. I love him and the only thing I hope for is for him to be happy...with or without me. Whether he is happy or not doesn't have to have anything to do with you. His happiness is up to him. It looks like his happiness consists in doing just what he wants... for example: I told him not to call me.. He still calls me. Well that's disrespectful of him in the extreme. He says he wants my baby... He uses that to control me. Nice? He doesn't want me to move on... Selfish? He tells me that he loves me... maybe he DOES NOT love me. In my opinion, romantic 'love' isn't worth a whole lot. Loving someone and wanting them to be happy (even if its without you, as you say) is a love that's worth something. Someone who doesn't want you to move on, and who tries to control you, and who makes you feel miserable and mixed up is showing a very odd kind of love. I cannot deal with the fact that I have hurt another woman so badly, that I have shown no respect for her and her family He did that. You have stopped it... he is the one still wanting to continue. I realize that I do not want to be with him I know he would cheat on me, too You don't want to be with him, and he would cheat on you? Are you sure about this, because it doesn't sound like you are from the tone of the rest of your post. Have you made a decision about what you want to do? You sound almost as confused about how to proceed as I am. Best wishes ~ Sami
legrtova Posted October 8, 2005 Posted October 8, 2005 Thanks guys for your posts and your support. It has been a month (today, ugh) since we had to come back from our vacation 4 hours after we got there, cuz his wife found out. I told him last week that it's very much over, not to call me and all that if he has any respect for me. I stated it's best for all parties involved...obviously he is not leaving his wife, and therefore we all need to move on. He has been respecting my wishes. Looking at it now (don't get me wrong...still love him, still cry, still want him, ...), I don't doubt we had something special going on, but nothing different from most of other MM/OW stories. It was special because we knew it could end anytime...we were living to the fullest and didn't bother fighting or wasting time. I am not confused anymore, I know I want to get over him and I know it will take time. I know I will not see him no matter how much I miss him....I cannot do that for my sake. I am not bitter (just a bit sad:D ), I don't look at it as a waste of time, I don't regret. I will grow from this and learn. I had a great time with him and I am taking it for what it's worth. It sucks bad to be heart-broken, to be on a constant emotional rollercoaster, but I walked away when we were at our best....I walked away with great memories and knowledge that happiness with other person and love are possible....I just need to choose an available mate. Thanks again to you all for your words. Reading posts on this site has been helping extremelly. Good luck to you all! L.
legrtova Posted October 8, 2005 Posted October 8, 2005 SamiD What is your current situation? Are you still seeing each other?
Sami_D Posted October 8, 2005 Posted October 8, 2005 SamiD What is your current situation? Are you still seeing each other? This is such a great place. So much support and information. As for me, I have a plane ticket to see him on Monday. I have no idea whether I'm going. If I don't go, I think it's over. But I'm reticent to go unless we can talk beforehand, and that's really difficult, since he's at home with W & C at the moment. I haven't seen him for 3 weeks, and before that it was 7 weeks.
legrtova Posted October 8, 2005 Posted October 8, 2005 Since you haven't seen him for 3 weeks already, wouldn't it be that much easier to end it? Look at other posts, people have been involved for years and years...and going nowhere. I can totally understand why they are; if the W didn't find out, I would be most likely in the same situation few years down the road. Good luck with whatever you decide to do! We are here for you L.
Sami_D Posted October 8, 2005 Posted October 8, 2005 Since you haven't seen him for 3 weeks already, wouldn't it be that much easier to end it? Look at other posts, people have been involved for years and years...and going nowhere. I can totally understand why they are; if the W didn't find out, I would be most likely in the same situation few years down the road. Good luck with whatever you decide to do! We are here for you L. Well yes, when I decide to end it, it will be easier for me than for others who see their MM more regularly. I am used to missing him. It's a way of life for me anyway. I don't know whether to go up on Monday. He says he'll try to phone tomorrow, but to be honest, the fact he's not 'managed' to get in contact tonight says a lot to me. Thanks for being here. It means a lot.
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