on how to move forward with this

[CT98]

At the end of May I went through a really tough break up..I was seriously hurt as I thought (very stupidly I now realise) that this was going to be someone I would end up marrying..

 

Shortly after the break up - as in two or three days - a friend of a friend showed interest in me and asked me to go on a date, to be honest I really didn't want to go because of how I was feeling emotionally, but I thought why not, there's nothing to lose.

 

I continued to see this girl every couple of weeks or so, and whilst I knew logically she was a great girl, and the chemistry between us was nice, I was so caught up in my ex that I just couldn't be 'there' properly, as in I just wasn't really ready to pursue anything properly as I just wasn't a happy person or my normal self. I was still in deep emotional pain regarding my ex.

 

Eventually things fizzled out and we fell out of contact for a couple of months until she came round to get something that she left at my place.

 

With the passing of time and the clarity it brings I started to see how bad my relationship with my ex was, and how I had been so caught up with someone who I really really shouldn't have been.

 

It was due to me being back to my normal self, and my renewed mindset that I started show more affection towards the new girl I had been seeing ie being my normal self. This has taken her by surprise, as to be honest I was kind of cold towards her before, and it must have made her feel terrible.

 

I have explained to her all that I have said here and apologised for basically not being a great person.

 

We have continued to see each other, and were intimate when she stayed over at the weekend..but this has kind of freaked her out as she has stated that she does not want a FWB situation (that's not what I want either), but she is having trouble trusting me due to the change in my attitude. I TOTALLY get this..it must be really confusing for her..and I feel bad for making her feel this way.

 

She clearly still likes me as we are in frequant contact and are arranging to do things at weekends,over Christmas and New Year etc..

 

I am now wondering how to proceed with this, I want to show that I do genuinly like her as more than a friend or FWB, but at the same time I don't want to freak her out by being too pushy..

[d0nnivain]

Actions speak louder then words. In the short term have a 1-2 dates that do not end with sex. A nice good night kiss & some flirting will suffice. Do something Romantic for her. . .get her a rose, or go for a moonlit walk . . .just be all about romance so she can tell that you are interested in her as a person with whom you want a relationship. Keep everything on "simmer" with flirting but let the sex come back at her lead.

[schlumpy]

Don't love bomb her to make up for the past. Try and set a steady, consistent pace that will allow her to gain confidence that your change in attitude is coming from a solid foundation.