Twizzlestick Posted November 26, 2019 Posted November 26, 2019 Ok. Early days of dating this girl. We have been exchanging messages frequently. She has demonstrated a habit of ignoring for several days then springing back to life, (you can see on WhatsApp they’re online and have read your messages). I’ve spotted she’s doing some sort of gamesmanship as it feels off. I’m pretty perceptive and I just can suss that aspect out. But I’ve so far looked past this and stored it in the mental “ amber flag bank” Last weekend she sent me a message saying she wanted to see me. I was only just back off a work trip from a deep night flight. I replied within a couple of hours that I’d love to see her too, and asked if she would be free this week. Nothing, for days, no response. I finally send a half jokey prompt out of bemused frustration. She comes back and says “sorry, I’m useless” which isn’t much cop to me. A rather Luke warm dull explanation. She then offers up that she’s been distracted by work problems. We exchange a few lines of small talk before she bows out of the convo. Well she doesn’t bow out, just doesn’t reply...again! This last exchange has just happened. And that’s it. She’s not even mentioned my question that was left hanging in the air from Sunday when I asked her when she is free. I’m getting really a bit frigged off by it. I’m not sure what to say, or how to handle this. Opinions please folks. It’s good to bounce balls off the wall when it’s your own situation, Thanks kindly.
RecentChange Posted November 27, 2019 Posted November 27, 2019 Is she super super hot or something? Because she's rude, inconsiderate, and seems to not be that into you - why bother with a girl like that? Is that the kind of human you want to have a relationship with? Not answering for days is beyond rude, anyone who did that to me would be dropped. 5
Foxhall Posted November 27, 2019 Posted November 27, 2019 If you hang in there, you might get a one nighter out of it, trying to get to know her intimately will not be feasible id imagine so I would not be investing much mental energy in her.
Mr. Lucky Posted November 27, 2019 Posted November 27, 2019 Opinions please folks. It’s good to bounce balls off the wall when it’s your own situation, I'd guess you're at least one of two guys she's seeing and maybe one of many. If that's not what you were hoping for here, time to move on. Don't be surprised if it takes her 5-6 days to realize you've left the building... Mr. Lucky 2
TheFinalWord Posted November 27, 2019 Posted November 27, 2019 You're a back up option. Make her one for you. Mirror her communication.
thecracker Posted November 27, 2019 Posted November 27, 2019 I'm also part of the "Im useless" clan but NOT with guys I LIKE. Infact, its scary how many days I'll leave my messenger friends hanging but religiously check if the guy I like is responsive (yep, Im a bitch haha). Nah seriously, move on! she sounds like shes either playing hard to get or has you as number 3/4 on her guy list. Its how Id respond to someone on tinder... Also - love the "amber flag bank". I need to open up an account for one of those:p 1
Author Twizzlestick Posted November 27, 2019 Author Posted November 27, 2019 Thanks all! Good to run it past people. My gut feeling was she was giving me the run around. Whether that’s playing hard to get or likely I’m he back up option who knows but either way it stinks. Got to decide whether to just forget about it and the usual “hey how are you” will arrive in about 3 days and then it’s back to square one or whether to send her comms drawing a line etc. Hasn’t even mentioned the fact I asked her out? How rude . Cheers again, good to get what seems to be common opinion ha.
basil67 Posted November 27, 2019 Posted November 27, 2019 Nope, that's not game playing. It's just insufficient interest. Agree that you should move on. 1
Author Twizzlestick Posted November 27, 2019 Author Posted November 27, 2019 So now thats confirmed and boxed up, a practical question about the handling. What will happen is she’ll drop me a text again, small talk, dull small talk. It always happens. Do I.. ignore (that’s ghosting to me), just mirror response (kind of pointless given I’m the back up guy at best so what’s it leading to - nothing it seems) Send a text saying this wouidnt be for me, ta ta type deal. I still can’t get my head around she made such a song and dance the other day about wanting to meet up only to be asked out and she hasn’t mentioned it since. Talk about a volte face. Some people eh!
d0nnivain Posted November 27, 2019 Posted November 27, 2019 Normally I'm not a fan of ghosting but here in the larger sense you are just mirroring her. You can't very well break up with her because you aren't really going to out to begin with.
Author Twizzlestick Posted November 27, 2019 Author Posted November 27, 2019 Normally I'm not a fan of ghosting but here in the larger sense you are just mirroring her. You can't very well break up with her because you aren't really going to out to begin with. Very true! If she sends a banal small talk text I’ll just let it sit then. Feels alien to me. I’m not used to ignoring people. Have to slap myself as it’s second nature to some If she comes back with the “what gives?” Type text after I ignore do I still just ignore that’s the thing? I’m reasonably ok when it’s situations where it warrants to draw a line, say after a date and someone is texting you and it’s not for you, but not very good at things like this. I really don’t want to go down to games playing. I certainly don’t want to mirror her with the intention of trying to raise interest more thinking like the good advice above this is a dead duck and how to bow out gracefully.
d0nnivain Posted November 27, 2019 Posted November 27, 2019 In the unlikely event that she presses for a response (but I doubt she will) I'd respond with the truth . . . . . I didn't see much effort & certainly not timely replies before so this isn't really working for me. I hope we can be civil if we see each other out. Then leave it at that. Can you disconnect from her on WhatsApp?
Author Twizzlestick Posted November 27, 2019 Author Posted November 27, 2019 In the unlikely event that she presses for a response (but I doubt she will) I'd respond with the truth . . . . . I didn't see much effort & certainly not timely replies before so this isn't really working for me. I hope we can be civil if we see each other out. Then leave it at that. Can you disconnect from her on WhatsApp? Thanks donnivain. I really like the gist of that. I can disconnect from whatsapp as in just delete her number. She’ll see somethings up as my photo will vanish as I’ve set it to be only visible to contacts. I know as I’ve had a girl do that to me
SumGuy Posted November 27, 2019 Posted November 27, 2019 Is she super super hot or something? Because she's rude, inconsiderate, and seems to not be that into you - why bother with a girl like that? Is that the kind of human you want to have a relationship with? Not answering for days is beyond rude, anyone who did that to me would be dropped. Exactly. Maybe she'll get back to you, who knows. Better to reach out to other women, and if she gets back to you fine, if not you've already moved on.
vla1120 Posted November 27, 2019 Posted November 27, 2019 Very true! If she sends a banal small talk text I’ll just let it sit then. Feels alien to me. I’m not used to ignoring people. Have to slap myself as it’s second nature to some If she comes back with the “what gives?” Type text after I ignore do I still just ignore that’s the thing? I’m reasonably ok when it’s situations where it warrants to draw a line, say after a date and someone is texting you and it’s not for you, but not very good at things like this. I really don’t want to go down to games playing. I certainly don’t want to mirror her with the intention of trying to raise interest more thinking like the good advice above this is a dead duck and how to bow out gracefully. Respond with "Sorry, I'm useless." (THEN ghost her....) :lmao: 3
dangerous Posted November 27, 2019 Posted November 27, 2019 She's not interested. Delete her/ block her. Don't give yourself the risk of getting hooked back in, these people are users and it makes you feel bad. ALSO This is common place on OLD, much better to get out in real life and have real conversations with real people. 1
Saracena Posted November 28, 2019 Posted November 28, 2019 Respond with "Sorry, I'm useless." (THEN ghost her....) :lmao: Yep, I was going to suggest something similar! In addition when she wrote she wanted to see you it sounds she meant that weekend only, for whatever reason and when you couldn't then, she seemed to lose interest. Of course she should have replied but she didn't! Regarding her texting 'style', some people are just like that. I've known folk like that and it's very rude and annoying. They disappear mid-convo and resume without any apology whenever they want something themselves. In one case I came to the conclusion it was because the person didn't wish to answer something asked or they weren't sure about it, but didn't wish to openly say so. Instead they just 'ghost'. Annoying and essentially selfish. So I think you're better off forgetting about this one!
Author Twizzlestick Posted November 28, 2019 Author Posted November 28, 2019 Well last night I could see she was online but no chat. My having asked her out and no response was still on my mind, so like suggested on here I figured she had low low interest. I deleted the number as clearly seems a dead duck. I do have a suspicion she was playing push pull as I’ve not been able to chat day and night these last two weeks simply because I’ve been travelling around the world with work during a two week period I have to do every year that is genuinely chaos for aircrew (standby). I made really sure she knew this though. And whenever I could and wasn’t jet lagged to high doe I made sure I responded. Could be she has genuinely lost interest. Either way one has to work with what one sees and when you ask someone out and they don’t answer in my book that’s simply off. If I did that to a girl I’d be dropped.I like to do the “boot on the other foot” thought experiment to stop myself going down the rabbit hole of people pleasing, which I’m inclined to do.
Trail Blazer Posted November 29, 2019 Posted November 29, 2019 I don't waste time with people on OLD any more. I used to pursue the really hot ones, most to no avail. I figure that women know what they want and don't need convincing. In fact, what dawned on me was more often than not, it had less to do with me and more about women's lack of interest in general. When it comes to OLD, I think many women just don't really take it all that seriously. Like a game of "swipe on the cut guys for fun", many women are on OLD to pass time. They'll dole out a bit of a chat if they further want to feel validation as the man eagerly responds to the breadcrumbs she's dropping. I once had a really hot girl do similar. She said almost thr same thing, "Sorry, I suck at replying." In the end I just let it go. Six weeks later she got back to me... was keen to meet up. Eventually we did, and, after all that, it turned out she was a whole lot more into me than I was into her. So, I had to let her down gently. LOL. Even then, this scenario was the exception rather than the norm.
smackie9 Posted November 29, 2019 Posted November 29, 2019 It wasn't a push pull game...it's called receiving bread crumbs. You were desperate enough to accept teeny tiny offerings from her. You can't live on breadcrumbs, you must be starving to death by now.
Lotsgoingon Posted November 29, 2019 Posted November 29, 2019 Definitely forget all the push pull stuff. When someone is into you and is ready for a relationship, you won't get much of that nonsense. You owe her no reply if she reaches out. None. And that's not ghosting.
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