I misrepresented my age

[winny]

feel like a lot of people do in their 30s, with the benefit of having the 45 year old life experience.

 

Is that life experience making you to lie about your age? LOL

Seriously you do not have the wisdom or experience of a 45 yr old if you are lying to a girl... smh

[elaine567]

When did you last seriously date?

Is it possible you are in a time warp?

You do not want to accept your actual age and I guess these women who are the same age as you remind you of how old you actually are.

You have entered a fantasy realm where you are 35, but it isn't actually real.

[winny]

You reduced your age by 10 effing years??? What were you thinking? :eek:

I feel so bad for this girl who has no idea she is dating a man 16 years older than her!

No point making posts here and giving justifications.

Go and tell her the truth. Next, update the age on dating profile.

Women are nothing but baby manufacturing machines to some men. It's pathetic and archaic thinking. She deserves an actual younger man.

[winny]

I guess I am / was hoping that once there is some emotional attachment the age difference will be overlooked. But I see that I brought on a different problem.

 

This is manipulation. And it is WRONG. Even worse than lying about your age. You are intentionally doing it to just get what you want with no regards for what the girl wants. You are selfish.

[CautiouslyOptimistic]

I am / was hoping that once there is some emotional attachment the age difference will be overlooked.

 

You mean:

 

I am / was hoping that once there is some emotional attachment the lie will be overlooked.

 

Maybe. But I doubt it.

[preraph]

^ Yeah. Again, no woman with common sense would just overlook that, leaving you with a woman with little to no common sense raising your kids.

[rjc149]

Not to pile it on, but damn dude, that's not exactly rounding up your height in shoes or using an older profile pic.

 

There are few things less sexy to women than a man who can't own himself. You are WAYYYY better off going after younger ladies owning that you're an older gentleman rather than flat-out lying to them by a country mile about your age. I'm sorry man, but that's pretty sleazy.

 

Tell her the truth, why you lied, and graciously bow out. If she contacts you again, continue pursuing her as the 45 year old man you are.

[CautiouslyOptimistic]

OP,

 

What's your relationship history? Have you been married/had a long term partner before? I'm wondering what has brought you to 45 and wanting to start a family.

[Zinging]

I will be overlooked by those younger women for my age immediately, so I guess I am / was hoping that once there is some emotional attachment the age difference will be overlooked. But I see that I brought on a different problem.

 

This is manipulation. And it is WRONG. Even worse than lying about your age. You are intentionally doing it to just get what you want with no regards for what the girl wants. You are selfish.

 

Agree.

Sorry, OP. I was in two minds about using the term 'conman' in my post... but after reading your plan above, it's obvious you are being willingly deceptive.

 

It's as bad as a woman who knows you're well-off and then defrauds you by actively hiding her financial status/work status etc so she has access to your assets - all in the hope that you'll forgive the lie once you're emotionally hooked.

[preraph]

I think being honest about your age and then targeting women who are over 30 instead of under 30 is the way to go. Women can still have kids into their 40s now, and one who is over 30 and eager to start a family will be a much better match for you.

[CautiouslyOptimistic]

I think being honest about your age and then targeting women who are over 30 instead of under 30 is the way to go. Women can still have kids into their 40s now, and one who is over 30 and eager to start a family will be a much better match for you.

 

I agree. How many women have we heard from even here at LS that lament being in their 30s and too old to attract a man in time to have kids? These women exist. I have many friends who had kids in their late thirties and even early forties.

[SumGuy]

The longer you wait to tell her the worse it will be. You can give a reason but wouldn’t try to defend yourself as this is misguided and wrong in several ways.

 

If your going to do this, I’ve met several women who lied about their age in OLD, you need to let them know the first date and maybe the only acceptable reason is search engine cut off. For you that may be saying 39, 35 is carving 10 years off.

 

It really has nothing to do with how young you look or feel, it’s where you are in life. In 20 years you’ll be 65 and ready to retire and your equipment may not work so well. She’ll be 49 and if anything like the women I date 50+ still in her prime.

 

You really should be honest about your age though. It’s a foolish thing to lie about.

[Silver_star]

Lying is not caring or romantic..."RomanticGuyCaring5".

This will be such a turn off for her. Not your age, but you lying about it. It comes across as insecure and pathetic.

 

Like another post said you need to own your age, and your good qualities that you bring to the table...if you are romantic and caring show them that by owning your age and still being engaging/interesting and exciting in your messages to them...maybe the 29 year old will still be interested despite your age difference or maybe not, but don't lie to them to get them in the door, because you lose all credibility of your mentioned good qualities after that.

[TheFinalWord]

I will be overlooked by those younger women for my age immediately, so I guess I am / was hoping that once there is some emotional attachment the age difference will be overlooked. But I see that I brought on a different problem.

 

Depends what you look like. How attractive are you from 1 to 10? If you've been able to get away with pretending to be 10 years younger, you must look alright. I'm a few years younger than you, but have never had a problem dating women in their 20s. A lot of them are open minded, as you have noticed, younger women, ESPECIALLY, in today's terrible dating market, are more open-minded to non-traditional arrangements. Especially as a woman's biological clock starts ticking loudly, which happens around 30.

 

Because if you think about it, if you date someone when she's 30, a year, hopefully 2 years of dating, 1 year to be engaged, 1 or 2 years to combine lives and enjoy married life. Realistically, she'll be 34 or 35 before she has a child. So, you have to add 4 or 5 years onto a woman's age to gauge her biological clock. But then, what are the chances she meets Mr. Right and proceeds with that time schedule? Very low.

 

That's why a lot of women become more open-minded and will consider non-traditional factors. Not all women do, but they key is to not waste time on those women. Keep moving until you find one that is open to it.

 

It's the 80/20 rule. 20% of younger women do not mind at all, and some actually like it. You'll have to target those women. And don't worry about the dying thing. Men die younger anyway and we can all die anytime. You can't live your life like that.

 

But as others have said, lying about age is not a good way to get a relationship going. She's going to think you're dishonest, even if your intentions are to have a family.

 

You need to tell her right away before things become worse.

[smackie9]

I don't know too many women if any that would continue with this.

[Mrin]

A few thoughts:

 

1. Lying about your age = BAD idea. But it sounds like you figured that out.

 

2. Going -15 is okay if that is what floats your boat. Just know that it is harder to find a woman who wants +15. But they are out there... more than -15 and that becomes really creepy. Consider a foreign bride if you want more than -15.

 

3. Basically you want to look for a low 30something woman with daddy issues. They are out there. But basically you need a woman who digs much older dudes. Like considers that a plus not a minus. Oh ya, have some serious bank if you're hoping to keep their attention.

[Allupinnit]

Unless you are rich or hot the vast majority of women that much younger than you who want to start families will also want someone close to their own age.

 

Are you rich? Are you very hot? Are you up on trends, music, do you dress well? Why have you waited until now to think about a family?

 

If you're an average 45-year-old Joe who just thinks younger women are more desirable (and let's be honest that's really what this is all about - I know dozens of women who had children in their late 30's, early 40's) then you might be caught up in a pipe dream.

 

Deep down you know this, too - hence why you knocked an entire DECADE off your age. That's soooooo incredibly lame, man.

Edited November 27, 2019 by Allupinnit

[Cersei]

I am going to call a spade a spade.

 

"Misrepresented my age" means lied. A lie is a lie. No woman with self respect will keep you around after your lie. Count this as a learning experience for yourself and use your proper age going forward.

 

Don't even tell her about your lie and just let her go. Save her and yourself the embarrassment you have caused.

[mark clemson]

I will be overlooked by those younger women for my age immediately...

 

 

Hmm. On OLD you are perhaps right. However, IF you are well-preserved and you meet in person you might not be overlooked by some. I'm in my late 40's and like to flirt. I get a surprising amount of attention from women in their 30's and in some cases genuinely younger.

 

So, try to find ways to meet in person FIRST, e.g. meetups or similar. Let them know your age fairly early on, but after they've gotten to know you/like you a bit (e.g. 3rd or 4th date perhaps?) The ones for whom it's a deal-breaker will walk. The ones who are ok with it will stay, though. No lying required.

 

Suggest you try this. It will probably take at least a few tries to find one who is happy to be with an older man, but there's clearly a certain percent of them.

[Mr. Lucky]

I should have asked for advice sooner. I definitely did the wrong thing.

 

Were I her OP, I wouldn't dump you because you lied.

 

I'd dump you because you've hatched the dumbest dating plan I've ever seen.

 

It'd be one thing if you were just looking to hook-up with random women. But your desire for a partner means your "secret" will be revealed sooner rather than later. It's the equivalent of writing the bank hold-up note on the back of your own deposit slip.

 

Throw yourself on the mercy of the court. Not too many other choices here...

 

Mr. Lucky