I misrepresented my age

[RomanticGuyCaring5]

I misrepresented my age on a dating app. I am 45, told the app I am 35, as I would like to date someone younger.

 

 

Well, I am. I've been on 3 dates with a 29 year old woman, and we both are starting to develop feelings for each other. I want to be honest about my age. How do I fix this? Can it be done and still continue to date her?

 

 

I have been honest about all else. I am a little insecure about my age when it comes to dating. I want kids, so I need to date younger, plus my dates with women in their 40s have not been as enjoyable as with women in their 30s or late 20s.

[CautiouslyOptimistic]

I have been honest about all else. I am a little insecure about my age when it comes to dating. I want kids, so I need to date younger, plus my dates with women in their 40s have not been as enjoyable as with women in their 30s or late 20s.

 

That's not an excuse for lying. Just tell her and let the chips fall where they may. Nothing else you can do at this point.

[Kitty Tantrum]

Wouldn't you rather be with a woman who LIKES older men? Not just one who is OK with dating someone who lied to her? Pretty dumb move if you ask me. You're setting yourself up to find all the wrong women.

 

Nothing wrong with dating younger women. Everything wrong with lying to get one.

 

How is she supposed to trust/believe that this is the only thing you lied about?

[Ruby Slippers]

Ugh, dating sites are rampant with people who lie about their age. I've listened to so many BS excuses from men about why their age on their profile isn't right, all the same 100% lame excuses.

 

I've always immediately dismissed any guy who I found out lied to me about his age. If he can lie about that, he can lie about anything. Honesty and trust are fundamentals of any good relationship.

 

What you're doing is very shady and cowardly. You're luring these women under false pretenses, completely wasting the time and energy of any woman who doesn't want to be with a guy your age.

 

Any woman of substance will realize it's too risky to get involved with a known liar and dump you once she finds out the truth.

 

Once this happens with this one, delete your lying profile and set up an honest one to attract women who are OK with your age.

[CautiouslyOptimistic]

You're luring these women under false pretenses, completely wasting the time and energy of any woman who doesn't want to be with a guy your age.

 

I agree. It is perfectly reasonable for a woman to not want to procreate with a man 16 years her senior. My dentist, 16 years older than his second wife, and father of 3 together, just dropped dead at age 65 with no warning.

[Ruby Slippers]

And there are women who are open to trying for children with older men, like me. My boyfriend has 2 grown kids and is open to trying for more, in excellent health, fit, very active, super clean diet, stable, able to provide for a wife and kids, sex drive of a man half his age. Here's hoping!

[elaine567]

Few woman at 29 who want kids, want a 45yo guy as their kid's Dad.

I guess that is why you lied, but no-one can keep hiding their age.

 

Some women will want to date and have kids with an older guy and those are the women you need to target, not some young woman who will no doubt dump you as soon as she finds out you are 45.

These are her fertile years, do not waste her time.

 

Men should start a family before they age of 35 to avoid risk to their unborn babies, researchers claim.

A study tracking 40million babies found the risk of birth complications start to increase when fathers are in their mid-30s, and significantly rise from the age of 45.

[preraph]

No excuse for that kind of petty dishonesty, and it will be a big red flag to any woman with any sense.

[mark clemson]

Welp, you did this and now you have to deal with the consequences. How exactly did you expect for this not to come back to haunt you?

 

As per above, tell her and hope she can get past it. It's not likely, to be frank, but one never knows. Most likely this ends it.

 

I'd say going forward you should do this ONLY if you plan to catch and release. Obviously it has to come out sooner or later.

[smackie9]

I totally understand dating sites discriminate against age, especially women. Men are given 10 to 12 years different and for women it's only 5 to 7. So I can see why people put in a different age because they want to date younger. Age preference shouldn't be limited IMO.

 

BUT lying about it is wrong. This can done by putting your age in your profile, and make a comment that you wish to date younger.

[Silver_star]

I really dislike people who do this online and then try to play the victim as if girls wont just give you a chance if you are honest about your age. Many women like older men too. Just because you like younger girls and want more choice doesn't mean you should misrepresent yourself to all the women out there that have their own preferences. If you lied about this to get what YOU want here, what else will you lie about or do to get what you want?

 

If you intend to continue with this woman you are going to have to rip the band aid off and tell her or she will find out another way eventually. The sooner the better. If I were her friend I would tell her to run now.

[CautiouslyOptimistic]

If you lied about this to get what YOU want here, what else will you lie about or do to get what you want?

 

Yes, and this is how most women will interpret this kind of lie.

[preraph]

[quote=mark clemson;7898030

I'd say going forward you should do this ONLY if you plan to catch and release.

 

That cracked me up. Around her, "catch and release" is catching stray cats, neutering and then releasing them. Hmm.

[Inspire]

Why not just be true to who you are and represent your age and goals accurately. The whole thing makes you look insecure, immature and shady.

[RomanticGuyCaring5]

I should have asked for advice sooner. I definitely did the wrong thing.

 

 

Yes, I am a little insecure about my age, but only in the dating realm, as I am feeling too old to attract women of the age I am attracted to.

 

 

How about if I start now, and ask for the advice that I should have asked for in the first place.

 

 

A big part of it is wanting kids, so I need to go younger for fertility (I will read the article, I hadn't considered that, admittedly), but there are some other things.

 

 

Women in their 40s (and sometimes in their 30s), from my experience, are mostly set in their ways, and that has been annoying. I need to go younger for someone more dynamic.

 

 

I like to see personal growth, too, such as with career, and I see very little of that after about mid (sometimes late) 30s, people stick with jobs they are unhappy with, for instance, because that's all they know. Which brings me back to being set in her ways.

 

 

A small, with an emphasis on small, part is also physical and looks, admittedly. For example, I very much like long hair, and miss running my hands through long hair when cuddling, so I need to go younger for that, too. Though, I don't choose that over personality, but it is one thing I miss about dating 40s or late 30s women.

Edited November 26, 2019 by RomanticGuyCaring5

[CautiouslyOptimistic]

 

Women in their 40s (and sometimes in their 30s), from my experience, are mostly set in their ways, and that has been annoying. I need to go younger for someone more dynamic.

 

 

I like to see personal growth, too, such as with career, and I see very little of that after about mid (sometimes late) 30s, people stick with jobs they are unhappy with, for instance, because that's all they know. Which brings me back to being set in her ways.

 

So what happens when that 29 year old hits her forties and becomes happy with her career and doesn't feel the need to advance and/or becomes set in her ways? Will you trade her in for another 29 year old who is more "dynamic" as you put it? At what age is a person allowed to stop always chasing the next promotion?

[RomanticGuyCaring5]

So what happens when that 29 year old hits her forties and becomes happy with her career and doesn't feel the need to advance and/or becomes set in her ways? Will you trade her in for another 29 year old who is more "dynamic" as you put it? At what age is a person allowed to stop always chasing the next promotion?

 

 

I have dated women who are unhappy in their career, but stay with it out of rote rather than going for something that makes them happy. I can't stand another one who is miserable in her own life. If she has found her calling, then that's where she should be, but it's not just a career / professional thing. I like to grow, but don't want to be the only one growing.

 

 

When a 29 year old of today is in her 40s, I will be almost 60, so the situation will be totally different. I've been told that I have the thinking and the energy level of a 30 year old, and I feel like a lot of people do in their 30s, with the benefit of having the 45 year old life experience.

 

 

If I meet the right one I am not going to dump her for someone that young again 15 years from now when I am 60.

[Silver_star]

Maybe you are just choosing the wrong women that are your age.

As if older women in their 30's and 40's cannot have long hair...give me a break. This is less about the woman and more about your ego.

[CautiouslyOptimistic]

I have dated women who are unhappy in their career, but stay with it out of rote rather than going for something that makes them happy. I can't stand another one who is miserable in her own life. If she has found her calling, then that's where she should be, but it's not just a career / professional thing. I like to grow, but don't want to be the only one growing.

 

I know a lot of women in their 20s who are miserable in their lives and careers. And a lot of women in their 40s who are doing awesome. And vice versa. I really do not think this particular thing/aspect (which is totally understandable on your part) has anything to do with age.

 

Have you tried being honest about your age and telling ladies that you want children?

[Zinging]

I misrepresented my age on a dating app. I am 45, told the app I am 35, as I would like to date someone younger.

 

 

Well, I am. I've been on 3 dates with a 29 year old woman, and we both are starting to develop feelings for each other. I want to be honest about my age. How do I fix this? Can it be done and still continue to date her?

 

This is dishonest, a lie about your very identity... it's not even the white lie like the inches men add to their heights or the sizes of their manhoods that one can gauge as soon we see it... it's an active deception because age can never be found out unless the information is presented/someone decided to snoop. If you had a lady friend, a sis or a daughter - and she met someone who'd lied this way, wouldn't you advise them to stay away? This almost feels like something a conman - hiding his identity for personal gains.

 

As a woman, I get the 'age' thing - if you think it's tough on a man, it's far tougher on a woman because we have much shorter biological clocks, thinner skins that wrinkle faster, birthing processes that take a toll on our bodies and the widespread social stigma of how anyone beyond 45 is simply past her prime. (Your OP indicates as much in some ways too.)

As a man, aging is still relatively kinder on you appearance-wise. Sure, you might raise a few brows for preferring the younger ones, but it is still lesser eyebrows raised than being outright deceptive. If and when she ends up telling her circle what you've done - how does it help your cause?

 

Anyhow, if this woman decides not to take this further, I'd advise you that the best way to go forward is to be honest and to embrace your age by concentrating on what you are able to offer the younger woman that your younger counterparts can't. Maturity, experience, money, stability - whatever it might be.

[winny]

So what happens when that 29 year old hits her forties and becomes happy with her career and doesn't feel the need to advance and/or becomes set in her ways? Will you trade her in for another 29 year old who is more "dynamic" as you put it? At what age is a person allowed to stop always chasing the next promotion?

 

Thanks for asking the question I had in mind

[Kitty Tantrum]

I had just turned 29 and my husband was just shy of 45 when we met. We've been together 4 years and just married. If he had begun his pursuit by lying to me right out the gate about anything for any reason, this would never have happened.

 

Your reasons may be fairly innocent. But remember that most women have a fair amount of experience with liars, and you will be nothing more or better than the latest liar in the succession - with all of THEIR collective motives working against you, too.

 

Perhaps my very favorite thing about my husband is his honesty.

 

As for wanting kids... my take on this is that if you're genuinely filtering for a woman to marry and procreate with, your chances of getting together with a woman 10-15 years younger are pretty good - as long as you want children soon, and are serious about settling down relatively quickly. And assuming you can provide the benefits that are often associated with life experience, in terms of stability (social, financial, emotional, etc.), responsibility, maturity, and so on. My husband does not want to make any more children, but I'd be delighted if he changed his mind.

 

My frank take on older men who lie about their age and misrepresent themselves as being younger to younger women is that they're trying to get something for nothing. They want to get with a younger woman and enjoy the benefits of her youth without bringing any of the benefits of their age and experience to the table. They don't actually want a woman who wants an older man, because they understand that the appeal of their age and experience comes with expectations. They would rather engage disingenuously with these young women as peers in terms of age and experience - precisely so they may engage in behaviors that an older man would typically have been expected to grow out of.

 

These men may claim that they desire a young woman for the purpose of bearing strong children and raising a family - but the fact that they then choose to build every potential relationship on a foundation of lies sets them up awfully conveniently to have a succession of short-term sexual relationships that they don't even have to take responsibility for ending. "I would have married her if she'd been okay with the fact that I lied to her and I had to lie to her because MUH ALGORITHMS."

 

Uh huh. Suuure you would have, buddy.

[chillii]

Haaa, that cracks me up , between a rock and a hard place. Get a new birth certificate

Nah , sorry op , no clue, suppose you'll have to come clean and hope she sticks around.

PS , you don't need to drop your age btw , despite what women will tell ya , younger chicks lover older guys and do me anyway, no it ain't about money or daddy syndromes .

Let us know what she says.

[Zinging]

I have dated women who are unhappy in their career, but stay with it out of rote rather than going for something that makes them happy. I can't stand another one who is miserable in her own life. If she has found her calling, then that's where she should be, but it's not just a career / professional thing. I like to grow, but don't want to be the only one growing.

 

Ironic, isn't it? You want a young woman, who's matured and wise for her age, not miserable, and show a capacity to grow (amongst other things)!!!

 

But do you realise that in this bargain, you are not offeirng any of the above, by lying about something that's inherentlly unavoidable as your age?

[RomanticGuyCaring5]

I know a lot of women in their 20s who are miserable in their lives and careers. And a lot of women in their 40s who are doing awesome. And vice versa. I really do not think this particular thing/aspect (which is totally understandable on your part) has anything to do with age.

 

 

Agreed. It's just that I've found that younger people, not just women, seem more likely to be open to making the change once they realize that what they are doing is not working, but more people in their 40s it seems will stay in a miserable career for 10+ years because they don't have 25 to give a new one before retirement. It's just wearing on me to see people (men, also) not wanting to be happy in their careers for those same 10 years, likely 10% of their lifetime.

 

 

Have you tried being honest about your age and telling ladies that you want children?

 

 

I have. I even have an acquaintance who is 47, totally healthy and normal, and his mother is 91. Even though anecdotal, it shoes that such is not impossible, either, but the pool is so small, I tried to increase my dating pool the wrong way.

 

 

I will be overlooked by those younger women for my age immediately, so I guess I am / was hoping that once there is some emotional attachment the age difference will be overlooked. But I see that I brought on a different problem.