enchanted771 Posted November 26, 2019 Share Posted November 26, 2019 Why is it for the most part, men have to be the one to initiate contact? I have tried to keep it fair by also initiating contact, and when I do he will take a few minutes to reply, and if I call he picks up most of the time. I take it personal, when he rejects calls and says he is busy or not in the mood to talk..he actually ignored my communication for a full day and text me the next morning like it is ok. I feel he’s taking me for granted. I feel the only way to handle this is to match his effort, and stop giving him so much attention aka chasing him. He isn’t responding well to it, and I’m not going to be the only one making an effort while he just sits back and waits. He probably figures he doesn’t need to make an effort because I will. Link to post Share on other sites
Twizzlestick Posted November 26, 2019 Share Posted November 26, 2019 You’re down the road of push/pull. You straight off the bat state this is specifically a man thing rather than a people thing ha? Can’t help but feel as a man if I kicked off with such an assertion about women my gentleman vegetables would be verbally handed to me by the crowd :D I feel you OP. I’m going through this exact same thing with a girl I’ve been on a date with. Similar things. I’m giving it another day and then I’m deleting the number myself. Don’t get caught in gamesmanship. If it’s starts down that road of push/pull it’s a terrible start to any rele and paints a bad outlook for the kind of thing to come. Be yourself, text when you would naturally choose, not in patterns designed to invoke a reaction, and if he’s not being consistent or it’s stressing you out, then go with the flow or bin it off. That’s my approach. Good luck! Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted November 26, 2019 Share Posted November 26, 2019 To answer your opening question, they don't have to be the one to initiate contact. They contact because they are interested in pursuing you. If you are not already exclusive with this man he is showing you little to no interest. If you are actually exclusive and in a relationship with him he is taking you for granted. Which one is it? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Silver_star Posted November 26, 2019 Share Posted November 26, 2019 I have noticed this as well. I think guys like to chase and when they get calls or texts from a girl they either are thinking of how to respond and then get sidetracked with something else .. they dont sense any urgency to respond right away or dont think that you will lose interest since you are the one putting in effort they feel they can take their time...it strokes their ego, and not ALL men are like this I am sure but it is a hefty majority of men. If he was super into you he probably would not act like this. Either way, if you have initiated and he is taking a long time to respond...stop initiating and only match his level of effort. If this is a guy you have already been intimate with I would back off completely...he is not worth your time if he is ignoring your messages for a full day and you know he is checking his phone. Link to post Share on other sites
Twizzlestick Posted November 26, 2019 Share Posted November 26, 2019 Re some of the above I can give insight to me as a bloke. I personally respond when I can and that depends on the level of attention it needs. If it needs a lengthy response I’ll wait until I’m in the spot to give good attention and I can enjoy a chat. Some girls I’ve dated if you message it can be a stream of chat you see. My motives are nothing myself re ego myself, more if someone’s interested I just take it for granted (as you should do) they know I’m busy and sometimes can’t talk until the next day and I extend the same understanding to them. It’s a mature level of communication. Ive been aware in the past and this latest date I’ve sometimes been chatting to people who don’t have such a mature view of the above things, and this latest one I’m dealing with is down the road of playing push/pull games I suspect as a way of playing hard to get because they have shown they’re keen. That’s not for me. I’ve previously chatted to a woman who had a much more mature view of chat. Basically for me, I’m authentic when I chat even if that means I sometimes can’t or don’t respond within a set time frame. If I get the feeling “somethings up” in that they’re starting gamesmanship, doing push/pull then I trust that instinct. I’ve found I’m usually right. When it’s right I don’t usually get a feeling, even if they take time to respond. Basically you just get that feeling. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author enchanted771 Posted November 26, 2019 Author Share Posted November 26, 2019 I have noticed this as well. I think guys like to chase and when they get calls or texts from a girl they either are thinking of how to respond and then get sidetracked with something else .. they dont sense any urgency to respond right away or dont think that you will lose interest since you are the one putting in effort they feel they can take their time...it strokes their ego, and not ALL men are like this I am sure but it is a hefty majority of men. If he was super into you he probably would not act like this. Either way, if you have initiated and he is taking a long time to respond...stop initiating and only match his level of effort. If this is a guy you have already been intimate with I would back off completely...he is not worth your time if he is ignoring your messages for a full day and you know he is checking his phone. Agree...giving him attention after being ignored is rewarding bad behavior and not showing much self respect. He’s going to get same effort and behaviors Link to post Share on other sites
kendahke Posted November 26, 2019 Share Posted November 26, 2019 Why is it for the most part, men have to be the one to initiate contact? I have tried to keep it fair by also initiating contact, and when I do he will take a few minutes to reply, and if I call he picks up most of the time. I take it personal, when he rejects calls and says he is busy or not in the mood to talk..he actually ignored my communication for a full day and text me the next morning like it is ok. I feel he’s taking me for granted. I feel the only way to handle this is to match his effort, and stop giving him so much attention aka chasing him. He isn’t responding well to it, and I’m not going to be the only one making an effort while he just sits back and waits. He probably figures he doesn’t need to make an effort because I will. Why are you "keeping score"? Might as well end things if it's come to that... Does he even know you require more effort than he's giving, or is this an unspoken expectation/$#!t test you're unfairly using?You've constructed this whole scene and nowhere in this post does it say you've even asked him for that. If you've never expressed your preference for more communication from him, then be mad at yourself for playing games, not him. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Ruby Slippers Posted November 26, 2019 Share Posted November 26, 2019 Most women including myself like a go-getter who has the courage and focus to go after everything he wants, dates and relationships included. I'm in a new relationship, and my man stood head and shoulders above 99% of the guys on the dating site by initiating contact, keeping a good conversation going, calling me, inviting me on a nice date, following up with more dates, and now initiating fun trips, more time together, and clear discussions about our future. It's 100% clear to me now that when a man has his head on right and is into you, he'll make it abundantly clear and you won't feel neglected for a moment. It's beyond me why women sit around waiting on lame guys to step up, when there are great guys out there who know how to get the job done and excel at it. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author enchanted771 Posted November 26, 2019 Author Share Posted November 26, 2019 Why are you "keeping score"? Might as well end things if it's come to that... Does he even know you require more effort than he's giving, or is this an unspoken expectation/$#!t test you're unfairly using?You've constructed this whole scene and nowhere in this post does it say you've even asked him for that. If you've never expressed your preference for more communication from him, then be mad at yourself for playing games, not him. He is aware. I am not playing games, I’m just matching the level of effort he’s giving. Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted November 26, 2019 Share Posted November 26, 2019 Are you two exclusive? If not, he isn't going to get any better. Like Ruby Slippers guy; when they are truly interested in you they don't wait. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author enchanted771 Posted November 26, 2019 Author Share Posted November 26, 2019 Are you two exclusive? If not, he isn't going to get any better. Like Ruby Slippers guy; when they are truly interested in you they don't wait. No we aren’t, and I don’t want a lazy guy Link to post Share on other sites
smackie9 Posted November 26, 2019 Share Posted November 26, 2019 Guys don't initiate or respond is because they don't want to. Not because they are lazy, or you were initiating first, etc. An interested guy, is an interested guy. He has np with a women making a move to contact him or initiate at date. This guy you are talking about, isn't all that interested period. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
dramallama Posted November 26, 2019 Share Posted November 26, 2019 It's 100% clear to me now that when a man has his head on right and is into you, he'll make it abundantly clear and you won't feel neglected for a moment. It's beyond me why women sit around waiting on lame guys to step up, when there are great guys out there who know how to get the job done and excel at it. I've read sentiments like that that time and time again but when I felt it with the guy I'm dating now, I finally got it - I was freaked out at first because he is so consistent! If this one isn't meeting your needs, move on. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
kendahke Posted November 26, 2019 Share Posted November 26, 2019 (edited) He is aware. How is he aware? I am not playing games, I’m just matching the level of effort he’s giving. And that is game playing. Instead of opening your mouth and telling him what you want from him, you're playing "guess what I'm thinking". Are you afraid that he will tell you that he's not as invested in this as you seem to be, and the holidays are coming up... Could be he doesn't care. This is his "reset" point--that's why he's not stepping up to do more. Edited November 26, 2019 by kendahke Link to post Share on other sites
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