JPT0918 Posted November 26, 2019 Posted November 26, 2019 (edited) I have an ex (39F) who contacted me regarding a fellow (24M) she's dating. She wanted my advice on how to handle him. She said she broke it off, but he's gotten very needy as a result. said ended it because she felt strange dating uch a young guy. She said she feels guilty about hurting him and tries to console him and be a friend to him. It seems though, although they broke it off, he's still very much in the picture, and i don't understand why. Part of me says it's all BS. (I should note that we had planned a trip after the new year, which I would go with her under the condition she wasn't dating anyone. So, she's hoping to keep the relationship under wraps until then) Yet another side thinks she fears being disliked. So, my question is after the initial break up, how long before you actually decide it's really over and decide to cut it off and not be half way into the relationship? and does guilt keep you the relationship longer than you want to be? Thanks! Edited November 26, 2019 by JPT0918
basil67 Posted November 26, 2019 Posted November 26, 2019 I'm not seeing that she's half into the relationship, I suspect it's more about her being worried and looking out for him.
Twizzlestick Posted November 26, 2019 Posted November 26, 2019 Your ex is asking you advice on ending another rele? Slightly odd and running fast and loose with you I rather think ha. If she in any way still causes you pain OP I’d not get involved. If you’re firmly (and honestly I think this is nigh on nearly always not authentic, deep down in people’s subconscious boots) “platonic” then advice away to her - if you wish. Not sure about your ex’s - ex problem. She’s attempted to “be friends” with her ex. Mm. I don’t like dumpers that try to “be friends” with someone they’ve just discarded personally. I think it’s always slightly suspect and painted with the gilt of “well doing”. Dumpees naturally will snap off the hand that feeds the pain crumbs and dumpers bask in a significant head start on the pain train and quite frankly should know better. There’s some recent psychological studies on that, that paint such people that do that in rather an unfavourable light ? If your questions are regarding you, not her situation just take it she’s not hinting at you at all re your old rele, rather just using your advice. Proceed at your judgement whether to get involved 1
Michelle ma Belle Posted November 26, 2019 Posted November 26, 2019 I don't have any issues with people wanting to carve out a friendship with ex's post-breakup provided it's appropriate BUT this all sounds very complicated. This is your ex...you're trying to reunite with...who recently broke up with someone else... I mean the dust hasn't even settled on THAT relationship and you're already getting involved with her again? What's the rush? 1
preraph Posted November 26, 2019 Posted November 26, 2019 Congratulations, you are now your ex's gossipy girlfriend she gets advice from. You shouldn't have let THAT happen because that doesn't bode well for any romantic reconciliation. I think you have to face it that she's moved on, regardless that she doesn't like this needy guy. There will be a next one.
Beachead Posted November 26, 2019 Posted November 26, 2019 (edited) Hey JPT0918, So, my question is after the initial break up, how long before you actually decide it's really over and decide to cut it off and not be half way into the relationship? and does guilt keep you the relationship longer than you want to be? Two questions: 1. Are you asking for your own situation with her or are you asking for her, regarding her relationship with the other guy? 2. You mentioned she's your ex. Regarding your relationship with her, who broke up with whom and when did it happen? What were the reasons? - Beach Edited November 26, 2019 by Beachead
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