Just got broken up with. T minus 2 hours

[cavalier99]

arrgh gf of 6 yrs just broke up with me. Not really sure how I'm feeling. Saw it coming for a while.

 

Haven't been on here for over 6 or 7 years.

 

Just blocked phone number thru Verizon blocked her on Facebook.. Going to have to delete pictures excetera excetera.

 

Man I hope this ride is easier than the last one. Took me a full six months plus to recover. Hmm maybe it wont be so bad. Totally unsure. I can't even remember the million phases of recovery I cycled through last till she was purged.

 

This place totally saved me last time. figured it couldn't hurt to post.

 

Cav

Edited November 26, 2019 by cavalier99

[Happy Lemming]

Whenever I get dumped, I shave, shower and head out to my local pub to find a replacement. The quicker you find a replacement... the better.

 

I agree with the blocking, but save the pictures on a thumb drive and stash it away for a later date. Its part of your past, you may want to re-visit those pictures in 10-20 years.

 

I have a box full of pictures from my past (stored deep in the back of my closet) It's part of my life and I may want to go through those pictures some day when its cold outside and I'm bored.

[Mr. Lucky]

Not really sure how I'm feeling.

 

I'd guess much of what you're feeling is tied to our natural fear of change. There's comfort in a routine, even one built around an unsatisfying relationship.

 

Saw it coming for a while.

 

Well, then you hopefully had a chance to at least partially prepare. Do you live together?

 

Mr. Lucky

[snowboy91]

Whenever I get dumped, I shave, shower and head out to my local pub to find a replacement. The quicker you find a replacement... the better.

 

I don't think I agree with this, at least not fully. Looking for a rebound immediately following a breakup spells trouble, the emotions are just too raw. But if you can hold yourself together well enough for a random hookup, then sure, go for it.

 

Now is the time to be upset. It's a grieving process. Reach out to friends. Keep yourself busy.

[cavalier99]

Thanks for the posts. Havent been able to sleep. I think reality is beginning to set in. I'm definitely anxious about change.. good point. The whole daily routine is it definitely going to be different. I really going to miss having that friend /partner who I talked to all the time.

 

I'm torn between pushing the thoughts away versus wallowing in them a little bit to supposidly process.

 

When I look at my last break up it seems a little self-indulgent all the "effort" I put in to get over it.

 

I might just need to work on a little more emotional fortitude this time and powering through it.

 

Cav

Edited November 26, 2019 by cavalier99

[cavalier99]

Anyway...will just try to keep busy. No other choice. Fighting the urge to unblock her and give it a last-ditch effort hahaha.

Edited November 26, 2019 by cavalier99

[JFReyes]

Similar situation here; we'll see if I learned anything from the previous b/u.

[cavalier99]

I know right. I'm just hoping the past experience helps this time but I'm getting worried that it might not. lol

 

I mean it should right?

 

Cav

[Blind-Sided]

Break-ups are no fun, and I'm sorry for what you are going thought.

 

 

I just ended a 20 year relationship, and in my younger life, I had a 5 year relationship that was very hard to end. With my 5 year, I know exactly what you are talking about... the loss of a close friend. I was grieving, and all I wanted to do was call the person who was closest to me... but unfortunately, that person was the core of the problem.

 

 

With my marriage (20 year relationship) it was totally different. She was cruel, and mean. I was looking everywhere else for comfort. (found a couple old friends to get me through it)

 

 

On the point of finding someone new... I don't agree with that on the level of finding a new partner. But it does help to find someone who can help you cope.

 

 

And finally... don't throw out the old pictures. It was still part of your life, and you will regret doing that later in life. When the hurt is gone... you will be glad that you kept them.

[schlumpy]

Did you get any reasonable closure?

[cavalier99]

Thanks for the support everyone.

 

Yeah I'll just save the pics elsewhere..not that I even look at the pics of my other ex that brought me to this site. I have them all.

 

I hope being on here isnt going to delay healing. It definitly helped me last time but I also wonder if being here keeps stuff fresher in ones mind...Just a thought. I do feel better hearing from some people. Thank you.

 

Cav

[cavalier99]

Did you get any reasonable closure?

 

I mean..I know all the reason she wanted to break up many of which were legit.

 

I'm not even really sure what closure is?

 

I don't know if there is such a thing as closer lol. It'll be me just forgetting and getting indifferent eventually. Hopefully sooner than later.

 

Unfotunatly still love that girl..gotta burn that out of me.

 

Might try a semi forced cry remembering all the good times.

 

Cav

Edited November 26, 2019 by cavalier99

[Twizzlestick]

 

I'm not even really sure what closure is?

 

 

Closure isn’t really that much of a concept here in the U.K. perhaps it’s picking up pace with some folk here I don’t know. It’s not something I hold much water to. But whatever works for people. I suppose it’s what I would personally know as when the mind has enough “info” to stop grappling in anxiety for a while. It gets a little hit by having it’s grief assuaged by answers to some questions it’s anxiously drummed up. The effect lasts a little while. Like a tranquilliser. Then wears off. I think it’s just a fleeting temporary effect and one of the many futile but soothing things the mind in pain does to try and remedy itself whilst moving slowly towards acceptance.

 

Acceptance doesn’t mean stopping feeling pain or loss I don’t think, rather knowing whilst it hurts like mad, it is what it is and no further digging will reverse the pain or make it better. I’ve found with heavy pain no matter how many questions get answered the mind seeks more questions.

 

It’s why I can never feel I’d get something that “closed” a painful issue for me outside of my own mind, or “closure”. That lasting concept can’t come from the mouth of someone else, particularly the object of the pain. I think my mind will just move through the loss stages and that’s that - no shortcuts.

 

I’ve a feeling to look at it in a balanced manner, I’ll never be over my rele in the sense it won’t jar slightly or hurt a little if I reminisce. Rather I’ll come to terms so it no longer becomes something that dominates and rules my life.

Edited November 26, 2019 by Twizzlestick

[Happy Lemming]

I interpret closure (partially) as the reason the person dumped me. I don't care what her reason was. If I was the best person I could be and I still got dumped, then who cares what her reasons were.

 

I need no "closure". What I need is to NOT make the dent in my couch any bigger, sitting there thinking and analyzing and re-analyzing every little word or action or whatever.

 

So, Cav... ask yourself one question. Were you the best person you could be?? If yes, then who cares what she has to say, what her reasons were, who she is replacing you with or whatever... None of that matters.

[Rockdad]

Just a random thought concerning old pictures particularly "intimate" ones couples may have. For those that have been through breakups and those type pictures are in possession does it inspire better behavior post breakup not to get nasty? I would want to think just the passing thought of them being leaked out of spite would be very unsettling.

[mark clemson]

I'm torn between pushing the thoughts away versus wallowing in them a little bit to supposidly process.

 

 

I would say do whatever feels natural/needed. If you need to wallow a bit before moving on then do some. "Wallowing" isn't a problem in small doses, it's just when it's done to excess. To which:

 

 

What I need is to NOT make the dent in my couch any bigger, sitting there thinking and analyzing and re-analyzing every little word or action or whatever.

 

 

... is great advice. Some of us have a tendency to dwell on stuff, which prevents us for processing in a healthy way (where you move past the longing/sadness/etc). It's easier said than done, but "healthy" wallowing where you process it and then can readily move on is what you want IMO.

[cavalier99]

I

 

I need no "closure". What I need is to NOT make the dent in my couch any bigger, sitting there thinking and analyzing and re-analyzing every little word or action or whatever.

 

So, Cav... ask yourself one question. Were you the best person you could be?? If yes, then who cares what she has to say, what her reasons were, who she is replacing you with or whatever... None of that matters.

 

You're right I don't think closure exists. I know what her reasons were some of them were valid. So I'm not going to really sit here and analyze. Maybe the fact that I don't have to ask why may help some. But at the end of the day what difference does it make.

 

either way it hurts and probably will for quite a while until it doesn't.

 

Just going to throw myself 100% into NC

 

Rock on!!

Cav

[snowboy91]

I mean..I know all the reason she wanted to break up many of which were legit.

 

I'm not even really sure what closure is?

 

I think "closure" is knowing and fully understanding the reason for the break up. If someone breaks up with their partner without any explanation, the other will obviously be trying to work out why it happened, and obsess over it because the emotions are raw. If the break up is done well (full and open explanation), then closure can happen quickly, if not immediately.

 

If you feel you've been given legit reasons then you have closure.

[Mr. Lucky]

I would want to think just the passing thought of them being leaked out of spite would be very unsettling.

 

Sounds suspiciously like blackmail. You'd also be subjecting yourself to legal and civil liability in posting or leaking them...

 

Mr. Lucky