emerald86 Posted November 25, 2019 Posted November 25, 2019 I've known this guy for about a year but officially started dating him in the last couple of months or so, and my goodness, I fell for him very hard and very fast. This is incredibly unusual for me--I usually take my time to get to know people and start falling for them over a long period of time. That's how it has always happened. I have had a few relationships in the past, and while I have had strong feelings before, I don't think they were ever as strong as this. So far, I love everything about him. Whenever I start to fall for someone new, I notice that something interesting happens. I know it's normal to experience some highs and lows when you're infatuated, but my highs are very high and my lows are very low. I frequently oscillate between feeling deliriously happy (right after hanging out with him), and being very sad about basically everything else in my life. To elaborate on these sad feelings, I notice I'm starting to overthink everything now. Minor things upset me so much more than they ever used to. For example, a friend forgot to include me in a happy hour, and I found myself literally crying over it, and asking myself if there was something wrong with me. Normally, I wouldn't react like that--I'd question it, but I'd get over it pretty easily. When I make little mistakes at work, I am so much harder on myself now than I ever used to be. I don't know why I'm overthinking every little thing and feeling these drastic ups and downs. I always do feel this way when starting a new relationship, but what I'm feeling now is so much worse than it ever has been. I think this could be stemming from the fact that I think he's a wonderful guy, and maybe somewhere deep down, I don't feel like I deserve him. That's just a theory--maybe I need to work my self-esteem in that case. Most importantly, I'd like to know if these feelings are normal?
FMW Posted November 25, 2019 Posted November 25, 2019 Usually if I'm feeling infatuated I feel better about everything else in my life in general, I've never experienced what you're describing. Maybe the low feelings about things in general were already there but now in comparison to how great you feel when you're with him everything else just seems even worse.
K.K. Posted November 26, 2019 Posted November 26, 2019 I used to do this. At the very beginning of a relationship, the highs were so high that everything else paled and as it went along, I would get what I can only describe as addicted. Physically. If I was at the persons house and had to go home, I would think automatically that the good feelings couldn’t last. What if something went wrong. I would beat myself up. It got so bad that I remember things like driving away from his house just sobbing and going home and laying in my bed sick to my stomach that he wasn’t beside me. I’m serious, it was a physical addiction that I felt. My body would cry out for him like he was a hit of crack. I couldn’t just be happy and glad that I knew I was going to see him again. I’d ruin it with what ifs and feeling scared. I know now years later that it was self esteem issues. I had nothing else in my life that made me happy. So when they would come along, I’d latch on like they were my lifeline. I didn’t do it with every guy, but the ones that I would say I was madly in love/lust with, I’d act like a fool. Everything was like a movie and I was so dramatic and couldn’t think of anything else but being with him. I call it lovesick. It’s a real thing. I felt so alive and so dead at the same time. So scared. So absolutely in need of him. I’m embarrassed about it now. Why couldn’t I just act normal. If I’m ever in love again, I’m going to make damned sure he loves me just a bit more than I do him. I’m also going to make sure that he’s not so attractive that I lose my mind. Otherwise I’m going to ruin it. I don’t know if this even relates to your issue since I’ve spent the last 20 minutes reliving my own crap but I think it might. Try to be the best you that you can and remember that you’re your biggest fan and try not to overthink it! I do this constantly and it’s such a waste of time.
TheFinalWord Posted November 26, 2019 Posted November 26, 2019 Sounds like some kind of manic co-dependency. I'm no psychiatrist, but if you come across super needy he's probably going to bolt.
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