ascofield Posted November 25, 2019 Posted November 25, 2019 Hey guys Sorry in advance for my english, I'm french Well long story short I met a girl at work and at first it seemed like it was going somewhere (talks on the phone until 3a.m., she sent me hearts emojis, she told me that I was physically attractive...) but I now feel like she put me in the infamous "friendzone" because she always cancels dates... I see her flirting with almost all the guys at work so I think she's a tease who likes men's attention. Anyway 3 or 4 times she told me that she loves to bother me and tease me to make sure that "I will never forget her even when I will get old". Last year we had a secret santa and as a present I gave her a scarf that she always wore since then (when the weather was cold). She never wore her old scarf since. She had told me that it was the best scarf because it was a gift from me. I don't know if she's just playing me and only wants my attention. I've read about avoidant attachment style. It's when someone really likes someone but avoids getting close because of their fear of intimacy and getting hurt. Anyway it's exhausting for me because I like this girl and I feel like she has feelings for me but I'm lost because everytime she cancels dates at the last minute...And it's exhausting because I see her kinda flirting with other guys at work. And the sentence "I want you to never forget me even when you will get old" got stuck in my head. It doesn't seem like she would tell me that if she only saw me as a friend. I don't know if she's just playing with my feelings or if she has feelings too but can't take things further because of her own issues... What do you guys think? Thanks for your opinions.
schlumpy Posted November 25, 2019 Posted November 25, 2019 Does she have good reason for cancelling the dates? Ok, you like her and want to leave the door open but continual tease is trying your patience. I think you have to call her out. The next time she is playing around and you have a bit of privacy tell her to knock off the school girl crap and come back only when she's serious. You can put it in whatever terms you want and I understand how something like this can burn you out. You will find out the answer to your questions.
Versacehottie Posted November 25, 2019 Posted November 25, 2019 Hmmm well i think it doesn't really really matter what the real reason is because the bottom line is that if you don't go out with her nothing will really happen relationship-wise. However, if I were a betting person, it sounds like she is a tease or a flirt who first and foremost likes the attention and i would guess she is just stringing you along. And will keep doing it as long as she can get away with it (i.e. until you press the issue, she gets uncomfortable or it causes problems at work or until she has a boyfriend who doesn't allow it). I think when someone keeps putting you off instead of going out with you, her intention is not to start anything with you--at least at the moment, perhaps never. I think you should stop trying so hard and see what happens. People that seek attention will usually keep doing that--so in other words if you do little to nothing, she will try to obtain your attention--sometimes in the course of being the one who puts the effort in, she will get caught in her own trap in a way. By the way, you can't roll over and start being mr nice guy right away. The key is not to act mad or angry but indifferent. Sorry it is a bit of game playing but she sounds like a player so you have to play as well good luck
Wanderlust2018 Posted November 25, 2019 Posted November 25, 2019 Run far and run fast my friend... This sounds exactly like the plot of the movie 500 Days of Summer. If you haven’t watched it, you should.
K.K. Posted November 25, 2019 Posted November 25, 2019 Yea she would love that wouldn’t she. If you never forgot her. Narcissists. Gotta love um. NOT
chillii Posted November 25, 2019 Posted November 25, 2019 With all that talking though you must know why she cancelled dates surely , and more than 1 . Doesn't sound legit to me at all especially with all this flirting around with other guys too. l wouldn't be interested myself sorry, not the kind of character l'd like in a woman at all it sounds like your a toy to me.
Inspire Posted November 25, 2019 Posted November 25, 2019 What stands out to me as red flags are the canceled dates and her flirting doesn't stop with you. I wouldn't take her statement at face value. She's not interested in you, she's interested in the attention.
BaileyB Posted November 26, 2019 Posted November 26, 2019 I would have zero interest in a woman who cancels dates and flirts with other men.
thecracker Posted November 27, 2019 Posted November 27, 2019 I can understand why you're latching on to that sentance but I bet she wouldnt even remember she said it to you ; I used to work in an office and had a big big crush on a guy who'd say little things like that but his actions were apalling..not replying, flirting with other girls and worse.. ignoring me for days. And as a twisted result Id find comfort in another guy who liked me but who I didnt feel for and he'd get me gifts and bring me coffee to which I'd say "aww cheers mate! I'll keep this as a memory when I leave!" it seemed innocent on my part but I had no interest in him but cos I kept being the "good friend" he took it the wrong way and eventually I had to tell him I wasnt interested. Messed up, I know.. try fixating on a girl OUTSIDE of work - that way you wont feel your love life is dependant on your everyday routine. If she gets a boyfriend how would ya feel? Im sure you can do better
Trail Blazer Posted November 27, 2019 Posted November 27, 2019 She's a waste of time. Do yourself a favor and move on.
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