Author Lagoon1212 Posted November 25, 2019 Author Posted November 25, 2019 It's actually worrisome that he made that statement to you. I always say if a guy says something to the effect he isn't good enough for you, believe him, because it's either really low self-esteem OR he knows he'll do you wrong down the road. Keep an eye on him and make note of any more "I'm no good" statements about himself. I know, it can be a red flag. I still have to get to know him. But I think he said that because he might feel that way because he still “doesnt have it togeether.” I have a graduate degree, financially stable, my ex (one of my longer relationships) is a doctor... my current bf still has to get his BA degree. But the thing is I dont really care about his degrees as long as I think that he is smart, intelligent and nice human being, which he is.
explosivetomato Posted November 25, 2019 Posted November 25, 2019 I know, it can be a red flag. I still have to get to know him. But I think he said that because he might feel that way because he still “doesnt have it togeether.” I have a graduate degree, financially stable, my ex (one of my longer relationships) is a doctor... my current bf still has to get his BA degree. But the thing is I dont really care about his degrees as long as I think that he is smart, intelligent and nice human being, which he is. To be blunt, your last 2 responses show a lot of immaturity. You’re “happiest you’ve been been” with a guy you barely know who may or may not be on the rebound and forcthe second time on this thread you d shown an unhealthy fixation on social status. I still think you have nothing to worry about but just take time to reflect on your way of thinking and what’s important in life.
Author Lagoon1212 Posted November 25, 2019 Author Posted November 25, 2019 To be blunt, your last 2 responses show a lot of immaturity. You’re “happiest you’ve been been” with a guy you barely know who may or may not be on the rebound and forcthe second time on this thread you d shown an unhealthy fixation on social status. I still think you have nothing to worry about but just take time to reflect on your way of thinking and what’s important in life. My bf works part time as a server. How am I fixated on social status? I work at the hospital and could have probably dated someone with higher social status, but I like/love my current bf. But I have little respect for people who are not willing to work or who at the age of 37 depend on their parents or boyfriends
h0000 Posted November 25, 2019 Posted November 25, 2019 OP, I feel your BF is a soft and gentle guy. That's why he put up with his ex's poor behaviors. He may even be a push over when he was with her. Anyway, I don't think he wants to cheat on you, but I do think he may be too nice to not reply to her and it will bring you great distress. Personally, I dont like a guy who is too soft. But it doesnt mean they are bad boyfriends. If I were you, I'd be clear to him that you understand his 10 years past means a lot but he decided to move on with you now. He chose you now, not the ex. So you would appropriate that he completely close that chapter and that includes do not talk to his ex anymore. I think if he loves you, he can do it.
schlumpy Posted November 25, 2019 Posted November 25, 2019 I am not sure if you read my post but in the period of four months (since we have been together) she texted once and he replied a month later. I read all your posts. In one you stated: "Not too often but still... also, he told me he has now trust issues which I have to deal with. Every time I mention a male friend he gets quiet. And I am patient about it. But while I am dealing with that, he texts her back because he feels bad about her and wishes her well." Sounded like multiple texts to me.
preraph Posted November 25, 2019 Posted November 25, 2019 . But the thing is I dont really care about his degrees as long as I think that he is smart, intelligent and nice human being, which he is. Usually how it works is you don't care, but over time it can diminish a man's confidence and sometimes they just get resentful because of it. Hope that doesn't happen.
Trail Blazer Posted November 25, 2019 Posted November 25, 2019 I think you are overreacting. Why? I don't know! What perspective are you looking from? What are you worried about/hoping to avoid? If you are worried that she has some plan to slowly get him back, by drawing him in and inching him closer, because she's now broken up with him, it's highly unlikely she'd succeed. But, if she did succeed, you know that he wasn't right for you. My feelings are, you just feel like a toxic individual should be banished from someone's psyche forever. It's probably normal to wonder why he hasn't done that. However, anyone who's been in a long-term relationship knows that it rarely happens. He's been up front and honest about her from the start with regards to his communication with her. Ideally he'd not have anything to do with her, but in reality, if he's keen to check in on her (not in person) every so often, it shows he's a compassionate person. That same compassion translates over to your relationship and why he treats you well. To me, you seem like the easily jealous type. Some of your replies also show some lack of maturity, and also an inability to take any sort of criticism. You've reacted to a few posters on here when you didn't like their opinion. The best thing to do would be to let it go. Some things are worth worrying about, others aren't. Just like in the case of your boyfriend. You're worrying when you probably shouldn't.
Maddieandtae Posted November 25, 2019 Posted November 25, 2019 (edited) I'd be more worried he has no accountability for his part of having an affair with her while she was in an relationship..... Edited November 25, 2019 by Maddieandtae .... 1
kendahke Posted November 25, 2019 Posted November 25, 2019 Actually, we’ve been together since August. It's now late November--so you're now at the point in new relationships where the "on their best behavior-say/do the right thing" representatives are being dismissed and the real you and the real him are coming to the fore---and the real him contacts his ex for whatever reason and the real you doesn't like that. You're right at the point in new relationships where the incompatibilities become glaring and cause the relationship to break down. The real you and him are going to ruin this -- not his ex -- because you two can't help being who you are--so you're going to either have to find some kind of mutually workable solution or your behaviors are going to destroy this. 1
Author Lagoon1212 Posted November 25, 2019 Author Posted November 25, 2019 It's now late November--so you're now at the point in new relationships where the "on their best behavior-say/do the right thing" representatives are being dismissed and the real you and the real him are coming to the fore---and the real him contacts his ex for whatever reason and the real you doesn't like that. You're right at the point in new relationships where the incompatibilities become glaring and cause the relationship to break down. The real you and him are going to ruin this -- not his ex -- because you two can't help being who you are--so you're going to either have to find some kind of mutually workable solution or your behaviors are going to destroy this. Real him? Because he responded to a one text message and let her know he has a gf?
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