Am I crazy?

[yesilikebread]

I had a lovely second date yesterday with a man from Tinder. We went to the museum and had dinner and drinks afterward. I know I don’t know him very well, but when we have been together, i just feel excited, very comfortable and dizzy. When we were at the museum and sat next to each other, my body felt all fluttery and dizzy. I feel crazy because I hardly know him, But I just feel like we connect so well. We laugh all the time and make jokes, great conversation, I want him to touch me and bla bla bla. Hehe

 

Now, when we had drinks after dinner he was hinting at seeing me again. He said “we should go there next time”. Nothing physical happened on the first date, but this this time I decided to make a move and sat closer to him so our legs were touching. When it was time to go home and we were standing outside the subway we finally kissed hihi. Before I left him I said that I didn’t want to go home, but it was time. He texted me 10 minutes later and said that he didn't want to go home either, and hinted at us meeting up straight away. I know he wanted to come to my place, but I like him and feel it’s too early for me to have sex. I told him it was time to sleep and he responded sleep well.

 

I haven’t heard anything from him. I know it’s only been a few hours, but I wonder if he only wanted sex.

 

I can’t stop thinking about him, and I just want to see him now..but i know I have to tame my emotions. Am I crazy for feeling like this after only two dates?

Edited November 24, 2019 by a LoveShack.org Moderator

[schlumpy]

If he feels the same way, then no it's ok to enjoy the feelings but if he doesn't, then you will be at an extreme disadvantage where you will ignore all the red flags telling you it's drive-by romance.

[Mr. Lucky]

I wonder if he only wanted sex.

 

Of course he wanted sex, which may harken back to why he was on Tinder in the first place. Doesn’t necessarily make him a bad guy.

 

Probably easy to determine his intentions. Go on a few more non-sexual dates with him, including ones you initiate and pay for.

 

If he sticks around, might be something there. Someone only looking for sex would probably bail after Date #3...

 

Mr. Lucky

[smackie9]

Hah ya I agree he did want sex, and what guy doesn't? You made an indication you were wanting it too, so he simply took a shot at making an invite. So remember that for next time..be careful what you say.

 

Some guys (not all!) determine whether you are GF material or not by how quickly you launch yourself into bed with them. Most of the time, by putting on the brakes on sex, is a good indicator where you are at, and what direction you want things to go. Keep you legs closed, don't tease him too much, and go out on more dates. Also communicate your expectations, and how you feel. For example :that you like him very much, you would like to go out again, you enjoy his company, that you are looking for something serious, you are not into one time flings, etc. I he is willing to wait, and keeps asking you out, he's in it for the long haul. BUT if the communication and dates drop off after you say you want to wait, then you know he's just looking for sex.

[yesilikebread]

Thanks for the replies.

 

So I kind of ruined it then by saying that I didn't want to go home?

[preraph]

It's easy to be excited about someone you don't know yet. So try to use restraint and get to know the guy before you get overly emotionally invested in an unknown entity. I don't care when you sleep with him, but it would be nice to know him well enough to know whether he was judgy about women who had sex soon or not -- just one more reason to get to know him before jumping off the deep end.

[FMW]

No, I don't think you ruined it. Just slow down and see where things go.

 

Right now you are infatuated, it's fun to feel that way. But as preraph said, use some restraint.

[salparadise]

 

So I kind of ruined it then by saying that I didn't want to go home?

 

I wouldn't say you ruined it, but you probably did tip your hand. You may have to temper the expectation next time out. I'd say don't worry about it and just go with the flow (without seeming too anxious).

[Versacehottie]

I don't think you ruined it at all. In fact, the contrary. You're basically enforcing a boundary that basically says "you need to get to know me before before we are physical & vice versa". That's a good thing if you want a chance of this working out as a relationship, which it sounds like you do. At this point since you seem to like him for dating & a relationship, anything less will feel like a disappointment to you, right? So you have to qualify him as being good enough for that for you! And make sure that your intentions are not at odds. I think it's best to keep the attitude of him needing to prove himself to you rather than you sell yourself to him. So far, I think you've done the right things. Just think of yourself as the gatekeeper of who you allow into your life emotionally and physically. You don't let just anyone in and have to check their qualifications beforehand.

 

BTW, I would say the same to a guy if he were posing a question similarly

 

I think being that you met on tinder you have to assume his expectations are physical first and whatever else second. Though the reality is I know people who've become couples off of tinder. Like mr. lucky said, i think you should ask him out, pay and see if he keeps wanting to date you without moving faster than you are comfortable with. In fact, IMO, you should definitely not the 3rd date mainly because it's as cliche AF. Ok, good luck

[yesilikebread]

I don't think you ruined it at all. In fact, the contrary. You're basically enforcing a boundary that basically says "you need to get to know me before before we are physical & vice versa". That's a good thing if you want a chance of this working out as a relationship, which it sounds like you do. At this point since you seem to like him for dating & a relationship, anything less will feel like a disappointment to you, right? So you have to qualify him as being good enough for that for you! And make sure that your intentions are not at odds. I think it's best to keep the attitude of him needing to prove himself to you rather than you sell yourself to him. So far, I think you've done the right things. Just think of yourself as the gatekeeper of who you allow into your life emotionally and physically. You don't let just anyone in and have to check their qualifications beforehand.

 

BTW, I would say the same to a guy if he were posing a question similarly

 

I think being that you met on tinder you have to assume his expectations are physical first and whatever else second. Though the reality is I know people who've become couples off of tinder. Like mr. lucky said, i think you should ask him out, pay and see if he keeps wanting to date you without moving faster than you are comfortable with. In fact, IMO, you should definitely not the 3rd date mainly because it's as cliche AF. Ok, good luck

 

 

Yes, he just strikes me as someone who wants to get to know me. He based our second date on my interest in art, asks questions, hasn't been sleazy or said anything creepy. I understand that I don't know him after only two dates and I admit that I got a little bit carried away after our dates because I felt we got along so well on many levels.

 

I don't know what to do now. I haven't gotten a message from him today, so should I reach out to him and thank him regarding yesterday? I'd rather him text me honestly..like he did after our first date thanking me for the date.

[Ami1uwant]

Yes, he just strikes me as someone who wants to get to know me. He based our second date on my interest in art, asks questions, hasn't been sleazy or said anything creepy. I understand that I don't know him after only two dates and I admit that I got a little bit carried away after our dates because I felt we got along so well on many levels.

 

I don't know what to do now. I haven't gotten a message from him today, so should I reach out to him and thank him regarding yesterday? I'd rather him text me honestly..like he did after our first date thanking me for the date.

 

Stop overthinking this....

 

I understand the rep behind tinder, but he coukd be different.

 

Have you found out anything like he was married or had relationships? If you are the first relationship sine a ZlTR ended he could be taking it slow.

[chillii]

For god sake you say it's only been a few hours and you start a thread worrying , so it must be the middle of the night after right and your wondering why you haven't heard from him. Ummm, think l must've missed something, he's probably asleep.

Anyway , l can't see how you think you ruined anything , any legit man should be fine and understanding about that , it's actually nice to see someone show some kinda restraint for once. lf he's legit that won't be a problem at all and if he isn;t and you did , you'd be here asking where's he gone you haven't heard from him for a week because he got what he wanted.

You should hear from him in the next few days if he feels the same way, try to relax.

Good luck with it.

[Versacehottie]

I agree that you are overthinking it, which generally won't change the outcome for the good. You just have to trust that the chemistry you feel is genuine and you are a good catch. It's still to be determined if you are a good match and what his intentions are, but so far so good. don't get so far ahead of yourself--it will just compound your overthinking.

 

So my belief is that a girl shouldn't chase a guy. There's an element of them needing to decide that what they do is what they "chose" to do, I realize that taking this approach is a little old fashioned but as a generalization it's the safest way to play your hand IMO--I can almost say in about 95% of everyone I know's cases this is how it goes. If you are pursuing them, it just gets you locked in for hurt down the road--just a matter of when. Plus it gives you valuable feedback about what the guy's intentions are and how he paces himself--which you will need to know if you keep dating or to keep your expectations in check so that you can make the best decisions for yourself...and/or express things if they are not meeting your expectations if you do get serious. Ie him responding to texts that you send or calls you make etc is not quite the same as him pursuing you. I've of the opinion that even a shy guy knows what to do as far as staying in touch or will think of the most farfetched and silly reasons to do so when they like you. So no I don't think you should pursue him. I think you should be responsive and into it when he is doing the right things to pursue you. I think if you are having a text or phone conversation or even in person, you can definitely suggest the next date though. The key is that he would need to reach out to you first IMO.

 

That said, I'm confused. Did you not thank him for the date the other night? That you should always do. It's just gracious and keeps the momentum going. If you want to set yourself up to be asked out again, there is no easier way. So I forget the timing but if he took you out last night--text him today to say thanks--try to be more detailed or say something genuine, specific to you two or something that was a bonded moment that you enjoyed. IMO, you shouldn't be so obvious or needy with the text that it requires a reply--same concept, allows him to pursue you if he's interested. If he likes, you there's really no reason he wouldn't reply. Though you might have to adjust your personal anxiety meter from expecting an immediate reply or counting hours. Don't fret, it's all "information". To me, the longer a guy takes to reply, you should lower your expectations but not necessarily give up--put in what you are getting from him, i.e. low effort = you put low effort and take with a grain of salt--like it's entertaining but you are not betting your future on it.

 

If it's been a 2 or more days since the date, then I think you could text him something that is about the last day, some fun moment or some info that reminded you of him or something you talked about--basically think of it like continuing the conversation. You can't be too timid or I think they get that vibe. You also can't be too needy. Again, think more comment than a question, like it leaves it up to him to continue. Don't be afraid to say what you are up to especially if you referenced that on the date. Also as long as it's not too intrusive, asking about something you knew he was going to be up to and how it went is good.

 

Anyway, I hope i'm making sense. Not everyone will see it this way of course. I definitely think there are shades of grey in how to handle everything. I do think you should thank people no matter what though and in this case since you like him it's a no brainer. Good luck

[Erik30]

Thanks for the replies.

 

So I kind of ruined it then by saying that I didn't want to go home?

 

You didn't ruin it, but you should probably avoid that line if you don't want to give guys the impression you want to sleep with them... cause that's what I would be thinking if I heard that.