Old fashioned Dating

[MeadowFlower]

I used to be this way. Unfortunately, dating this way never led to sex for me. Had this dating method yielded positive results, I probably would have stuck with it.

 

How do you mean it lead to no sex? And how long did you wait?

[Shining One]

How do you mean it lead to no sex?

I mean we never had sex. The other aspects of dating (specifically the ones that she wanted) were there, but sex never happened.

And how long did you wait?

Varying amounts. The longest case was 1.5 years. Edited November 22, 2019 by Shining One

[mark clemson]

You need to pay attention to the word choices you make. No man who wants a relationship with a woman wants to be friends first. Friendship is purely platonic with no chance for romance. What you want is somebody who is willing to date & get to know you, slowly without immediately rushing to sex.

 

 

While I actually respectfully disagree with the bolded statement, I think the overall point is absolutely correct. You have to be careful with phrasing because a significant portion of people have "narrow" definition of friends/friendship and feel it excludes or hampers romantic involvement which is of course the goal of dating.

 

So some folks won't respond positively if you say you want to be friends first, even though that's not how you meant it. You don't want their interpretation of the word to make them discount you.

 

Full disclosure: I'm not dating.

[Kitty Tantrum]

Yes, they exist.

 

However, personal experience tells me that a man who does this is in no way guaranteed to be a good husband. There are an AWFUL LOT of things to screen for that are vastly more important.

 

A man who pushes you for sex without having first made sure you are comfortable with the idea should be chucked in the reject bin - but a man who simply makes it known that he desires you can do so with respect and restraint.

 

A man who will not pursue you sexually prior to securing your commitment MAY be a good, principled, religious, or whatever kind of man. Or he may be a narcissist who is positioning himself to more effectively manipulate and exploit you for his own gain and glory.

 

Learn and understand the difference between these things.

 

I knew my ex-husband for SEVEN YEARS before we married. We grew up together and had a very traditional courtship - we pushed boundaries by fooling around a bit pretty early on, and then sneaking around and having sex after we were engaged. That was scandalous (to his family, not mine. lol). That man set about to systematically destroy me for his own twisted gratification. I guess I never reckoned he'd do that because I've never known him to be malicious - but dumb and broken, yes, apparently. There are all sorts of dumb, broken men out there - so be careful.

 

The man I just married, who has done nothing but build me up and support me and love me and protect me for the four years or so since he popped into my life... we'd known each other socially for a few weeks at most. I'm a quiet, reclusive person so we'd honestly hardly exchanged words at all before I fell into bed with him.

 

It was an odd situation, but I sure did learn something about my expectation of receiving some kind of material reward for structuring my relationship-building "the right way," which is that it don't work like that!

 

I think the biggest thing is that the men who are likeliest to do this are young men. I grew up around men like this. And they were mostly very religious, or very nerdy. And they were mostly married or well on their way to it by their mid-twenties. I think both sexes become less inclined to delay sex as they become older and find themselves unintentionally unattached.

[chillii]

Def' .

Back when , l had zero interest in sleeping with someone unless we were gonna be a thing.l need real feelings from us both. And l'd also have zero interest and not much respect in some chick that sleeps with every guy she meets.

l just don't like casual bs, not even back in younger days before l was married.

lt also just complicates things, one or the other still ends up developing feelings and someone gets hurt, it's just all effd up.

Edited November 22, 2019 by chillii

[Foxhall]

there are a lot of guys around 40 plus especially who enjoy banter and talking to women but are actually reluctant to push for sex ,

 

they know they dont have the sexual prowess that they had a few years ago.

 

lol just thought Id throw that in the mix:cool:

[fromheart]

Its very rare to meet women who aren't interested in sex first and foremost, in my experience. I've spent years traveling, lived in six different countries. In fact, when traveling I'd say that women are just as promiscuous as men, and very eager to do things they wouldn't do back home.

 

Part of the reason for that is that they can do what they want and then leave, without other being the victims of gossip and judgement. When in their own countries, its back to pretending that they prefer romance to sex.

[chillii]

Afraid l couldn't disagree with fox more on this one.

personally, 50s, l'll edit this bit, but lets just say, right partner l;m more into it than ever, we know what to do these days too and we're good at it if we're interested haha. My dad was still at it late 70s almost as bad as ever, drove mum crazy

And any married mates of mine and many around the forum too l'm seen them talking about it, enjoy the hell out of intimacy or a good romp.

One thing l will say though, is most have had a lotttttaaa bullshyt from women over the years too, mainly the single ones and more so are very cautious for that reason , about whom they'll get tangled up with more these days and would rather go without than through more crap.

Edited November 23, 2019 by chillii

[ajequals]

sure there are. maybe not in most big cities. I feel there has to be a family background ,a man raised by his parents and not some daycare..probably in a smaller town

[mortensorchid]

It's sad when we have to ask questions like this anymore because of how we operate. Not that you are in a bad situation by any means to do "old fashioned dating" but when you think about it we live in a very strange world now. Think about how many OLDs you may have had- how many times did you go out to meet someone in a bar, restaurant or coffee shop, have an evening, then never hear a word from that person ever again? Or maybe see this person a few times and you realize you never even knew this person's last name? Or just done a hookup and that was that? Or even a situation without the internet that have been going on for years without technology (ex. Rebounds)?

 

This is how it should be but isn't.