Johnson1 Posted November 20, 2019 Posted November 20, 2019 My gf has a bumble notification on her phone with the heart eyes saying she has matches. I haven't asked her about it because she's the most loving, big hearted person I've ever met who absolutely adores me and I don't want to come across as insecure or accusatory by asking. Besides, if there is something that isn't right and I ask her she might just delete the app right in front of me then I'll never know if she's taking to someone. I don't want to risk getting caught snoping her phone either. Not sure what to do. The notifications pop up as soon as she opens the phone, so it's not like she isn't noticing it. I'm not sure how this app works. Is it possible to get reminder notifications to come back and loggon even if she hasnt been on in a long time saying she has people who are interested? or does she have to be active on it to get a message?
explosivetomato Posted November 20, 2019 Posted November 20, 2019 (edited) It’s possible yes, how long have you been together? If you’re at boyfriend / girlfriend stage the app should have been long uninstalled. There may be an innocent answer to it all but it does sound off. Bear in mind Bumble has a friends and work version so it’s possible she’s using one of these? Edited November 20, 2019 by explosivetomato Error
Interstellar Posted November 20, 2019 Posted November 20, 2019 What’s her age? and how long have you been dating? Does she still have exes in her social media and still text with them? Details man.
Author Johnson1 Posted November 20, 2019 Author Posted November 20, 2019 (edited) It’s possible yes, how long have you been together? If you’re at boyfriend / girlfriend stage the app should have been long uninstalled. There may be an innocent answer to it all but it does sound off. Bear in mind Bumble has a friends and work version so it’s possible she’s using one of these? We've been together 4 months. We're committed at this point and agreed to it. We're that close. I agree, it could be innocent because I checked out the app and saw it's also for friendship and networking, but I don't know which it is unless I ask her ir snoop. If I ask her what it's about I don't want to have to ask to see her messages. She has to offer willingly. I read a blog where someone else went through the same exact thing. When he asked about it it caused the fight and she deleted the app, but then came back and reinstalled it at a later date to show him that it was all just advertising. She probably did it to give her a chance to delete incriminating messages. The same thing could happen to me. Like I said, it's a risk asking her. She might just delete the app right then and there and then I'll never know for sure what the messages were about. Edited November 20, 2019 by Vocals5
d0nnivain Posted November 20, 2019 Posted November 20, 2019 It's been 4 months. If you are exclusive, that app has to go. If you are not exclusive maybe it's time you had that conversation. Tell her you see the app on her phone & you wish she would delete it. Sometimes confessing to have a bit of green eyed monster in you can be a good thing. Jealousy does not equal love but when you tell a partner that some behavior of theirs is making you jealous, a good partner will stop that behavior. Here your GF should delete the app. Besides don't kid yourself it's not for friendship or networking. It's a dating app. Period. 1
vla1120 Posted November 20, 2019 Posted November 20, 2019 It's only been four months, but if your relationship has been good thus far, and you've seen no red flags, I would give her the benefit of the doubt. Otherwise, you run the risk of damaging your relationship for something that might be completely harmless on her side. The next time you see Bumble pop up, you could mention something like "Hmm. I deleted all my online dating apps as soon as we committed to one another." (Or something to that affect.) It's not really accusatory, but gives her the opportunity to respond without feeling attacked. 1
some_username1 Posted November 20, 2019 Posted November 20, 2019 Don’t easily discard the fact that you have useful information that she doesn’t know you have. You can use this to find out how truthful she is as a partner If it were me I would lead her into a conversation that ends in a playful “so, have you deleted all your dating apps then?” And gauge her response. Hopefully she answers no because you will then know instantly that she is up front and trust worthy and you can both discuss how to dis-arm the dating apps. If she answers “yes” then you know you’ve got a much bigger problem than her still having a dating app on your phone- for a start she’s not trust worthy and secondly she has got something going on in that dating app that she doesn’t want you to know about.... 1
Trail Blazer Posted November 20, 2019 Posted November 20, 2019 Not to split hairs, but the heart-eyes notification for matches is actually Tinder. I think that if she was serious about you she should get rid of all her dating apps? Why still have them? It makes one feel like they're just an option while she's shopping for something better. I'd just monitor the situation for now. Maybe do as some of the other members here have suggested, by subtlety mentioning how you've discarded your dating apps and guage her response. Obviously do this at the appropriate time. Good luck! 1
Author Johnson1 Posted November 20, 2019 Author Posted November 20, 2019 Thank you to everyone for your input. I'll consider the options that everyone has given.
Lotsgoingon Posted November 20, 2019 Posted November 20, 2019 I haven't asked her about it because she's the most loving, big hearted person I've ever met who absolutely adores me and I don't want to come across as insecure or accusatory by asking. If you're worried about coming across as accusatory--when your gf has a dating app that pops in front of you--then you need to go back to basics in the relationship. Your thinking here is sorta like me saying, I didn't want to ask the insurance agent for her official agent registration id ... because she's so nice and I didn't want to come across as being critical. Or ... I don't want to return a defective item ... because I don't want the store to think I'm a complainer. It's YOUR job to protect your relationship and to ask questions about any behavior that makes you feel unsafe. Big hearted, loving, sweet, cute, nice people--name the adjective you want--have quirks ... and they have sex drives and they are human. And they do dumb stuff all the time that undermines relationships People learn ... good people learn because their partners step to them and politely say, "why are you doing this?" Talking to her about this isn't a sign of insecurity. Avoiding this talk is the sign of insecurity. Good luck. Bring this up ... you can do so kindly and gently. 1
DrNo1962 Posted November 21, 2019 Posted November 21, 2019 You say she is your gf. Did she initiate “the talk” about exclusivity with you? Did she want to define the relationship? The answer to these questions will add a lot of context to what is going on here.
explosivetomato Posted November 21, 2019 Posted November 21, 2019 I think the harsh truth here is that after 4 months, she shouldn’t still have the app installed. There’s an off-chance that she is using it for friends / work but you’d probably know already and it is by and large a dating app. If she’s getting notifications it suggests her profile is still active. It shouldn’t be too difficult to find out if her profile is still active without snooping on her phone.
Inspire Posted November 21, 2019 Posted November 21, 2019 If I was exclusive with someone that would most certainly be a red flag. Did you two meet on an app? Don't kid yourself it's not for friendship or networking. It's a dating app. Period. Agreed.
h0000 Posted November 21, 2019 Posted November 21, 2019 My bumble app is a beehive icon not a heart eye so I dont know what bumble that is..maybe different country different icon? Anyway..what is so hard about asking "hey, are you on bumble? I noticed a notification of match the other day". Which part of it is accusatory? Who would get angry about this? Unless he/she is guilty I guess?
Art.at.Heart Posted November 21, 2019 Posted November 21, 2019 My gf has a bumble notification on her phone with the heart eyes saying she has matches. I haven't asked her about it because she's the most loving, big hearted person I've ever met who absolutely adores me and I don't want to come across as insecure or accusatory by asking. Besides, if there is something that isn't right and I ask her she might just delete the app right in front of me then I'll never know if she's taking to someone. I don't want to risk getting caught snoping her phone either. Not sure what to do. The notifications pop up as soon as she opens the phone, so it's not like she isn't noticing it. I'm not sure how this app works. Is it possible to get reminder notifications to come back and loggon even if she hasnt been on in a long time saying she has people who are interested? or does she have to be active on it to get a message? If your gf is on Bumble (a dating app) and you see those notifications, ask her right then and there. Her reaction - including immediately deleting it right in front of you - will tell you everything.
DrNo1962 Posted November 21, 2019 Posted November 21, 2019 My bumble app is a beehive icon not a heart eye so I dont know what bumble that is..maybe different country different icon? Anyway..what is so hard about asking "hey, are you on bumble? I noticed a notification of match the other day". Which part of it is accusatory? Who would get angry about this? Unless he/she is guilty I guess? Agree with this, her reaction will tell you all you need to know. If she gets defensive, it means she doesn't value your commitment. If she is apologetic it means she does. Play ball... 1
Author Johnson1 Posted November 21, 2019 Author Posted November 21, 2019 (edited) If I was exclusive with someone that would most certainly be a red flag. Did you two meet on an app? Agreed. I agree as well, that's what bothers me about it. Edited November 21, 2019 by Vocals5
explosivetomato Posted November 21, 2019 Posted November 21, 2019 It’s a bit creepy, but a fairly obvious way to work out of she is on Bumble would be to make a fake account on it, set it to a very small distance radius at her age only and swipe through. Unless you live in a massive city I imagine she’d appear very quickly. A less creepy approach would be to get a single friend to do it for you on their actual account. If she’s still active on the app after supposedly being official with you then you’ll have to think long and hard about your next move.
explosivetomato Posted November 21, 2019 Posted November 21, 2019 (edited) It’s a bit creepy, but a fairly obvious way to work out of she is on Bumble would be to make a fake account on it, set it to a very small distance radius at her age only and swipe through. Unless you live in a massive city I imagine she’d appear very quickly. A less creepy approach would be to get a single friend to do it for you on their actual account. If she’s still active on the app after supposedly being official with you then you’ll have to think long and hard about your next move. Also - If she doesn’t show up that would suggest she has hidden her profile, but just not deleted the app. Much less of a red flag. Edited November 21, 2019 by explosivetomato
Author Johnson1 Posted November 22, 2019 Author Posted November 22, 2019 (edited) It's been 4 months. If you are exclusive, that app has to go. If you are not exclusive maybe it's time you had that conversation. Tell her you see the app on her phone & you wish she would delete it. Sometimes confessing to have a bit of green eyed monster in you can be a good thing. Jealousy does not equal love but when you tell a partner that some behavior of theirs is making you jealous, a good partner will stop that behavior. Here your GF should delete the app. Besides don't kid yourself it's not for friendship or networking. It's a dating app. Period. Im going to ask her to delete it. Edited November 22, 2019 by Vocals5 1
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