Hannahhawks87 Posted November 20, 2019 Posted November 20, 2019 So I met this amazing guy on Saturday night and I just can't stop thinking about him! We chatted for ages at the bar and we exchanged number and have texted alittle bit since (not much though) he said to me on the evening out that when I am in his area, I sound hit him up and we will go out, he also told me he just split from his girlfriend 3 months ago! He was just so nice and I felt so comfortable around him. He hovered around me for quite alot of the night and we laughed with eachother at the girl that was staring at him all night, because he didn't fancy her back. when I was leaving he, shared his chocolate with me and gave me 3 hugs goodbye, all 3 times he kissed me on the corner of my mouth. On the way home, he rung me up and we chatted for alittle bit, just about his dog and how much of a good night we had! I don't really know my next move. Last message was sent by him and it was in response to a gift just '.....
schlumpy Posted November 20, 2019 Posted November 20, 2019 What's your next move? Drop out of romance mode and investigate. Do a background search on your new potential love. Start verifying what you know about him. Does he live where he says he lives? Does he work for who he says he does? Who are his friends and why have you never seen him before? Is he straight forward in answering questions or is he vague? You are enjoying being a swept away and I get that but do take a few common sense precautions and don't set yourself up for failure. 4
Author Hannahhawks87 Posted November 20, 2019 Author Posted November 20, 2019 I've just added him on Snapchat was that the right thing to do? I'm just worried that he'll think I'm chasing him, when I just want to be friends first?
Trail Blazer Posted November 20, 2019 Posted November 20, 2019 Your head tells you to be friends first, but you know deep down that you don't really want to. Instead of fabricating arbitrary barriers, just do schlumpy said, perform your due diligence and if everything seems kocher with this guy, then proceed at a sensible pace. 1
schlumpy Posted November 20, 2019 Posted November 20, 2019 I've just added him on Snapchat was that the right thing to do? I'm just worried that he'll think I'm chasing him, when I just want to be friends first? Isn't snapchat a casual thing? I mean it's not like giving him your super-secret email address that only you and the inner circle share. I kind of think that friends first is out the window, don't you? I don't smooch on my friends because that's a clear indicator that I consider them more than friends. If you back off now, he may lose interest. Your approach depends on what you want. Is this a fling, a possible FWB, a long term relationship? Is he the one or just a placeholder? And you are the gatekeeper.
Trail Blazer Posted November 20, 2019 Posted November 20, 2019 Snapchat is nothing! I've got so many girls on Snapchat from OLD or who I've gone on one date with, that it's not funny! Snapchat and Instagram are very casual, social media mediums. Even Messenger or WhatsApp, still casual. Probably the only thing I wouldn't do too early social media wise, is to send him a friend request on Facebook.
Author Hannahhawks87 Posted November 20, 2019 Author Posted November 20, 2019 Thank you for your responses! I Feel abit better about the whole Snapchat thing now. I was worried, that I was being too forward! Just gotta wait and see if he accepts it now! I have done my searches and it all seems kocher so far! I just don't wanna push him, with him only splitting with his girlfriend 3 months ago.
GeorgiaPeach1 Posted November 20, 2019 Posted November 20, 2019 Just about everyone is "amazing" and "nice" in the beginning. You really have no idea who he is. The fact that he was making fun of a lady who was interested in him is troubling. What does this potentially tell you about his character? Pull your head out of the clouds and get to know him carefully. 1
Lotsgoingon Posted November 20, 2019 Posted November 20, 2019 Wow, tough one ... I'm going to try to read between the lines here. I think this guy really liked you and had a blast meeting you and talking to you. You also felt a deep connection. But I don't sense he's ready to date. I think he would have been more aggressive in his followup to you if he was really ready to start something. What's ironic of course is that sometimes when I'm really not trying to date ... I can be really relaxed and witty and charming ... because I'm not working so hard to impress. My guess is this guy was in this kind of zone. Side note: don't get paralyzed and helpless here when you run into someone who truly interests you. You can ask him out ... or tell you'd like to see him again. That's not chasing or weakness. The trick if you do this is to be ready for him not to want to go further. Now in this case, you can hold off on all of that ... because I really think this guy would have arranged a meeting if he was ready to date. 1
divegrl Posted November 20, 2019 Posted November 20, 2019 Hi! I am so glad you met someone!!! I would not get invested in him until he asks you on an actual date. Texts, Snapchat, messenger, Instagram are not indicative of high interest level. Have a beautiful day my friend! 1
d0nnivain Posted November 20, 2019 Posted November 20, 2019 I've just added him on Snapchat was that the right thing to do? I'm just worried that he'll think I'm chasing him, when I just want to be friends first? AUUGH This is one of my pet peeves. Friends means you are strictly platonic, no romance or chance of romance. The interest / attraction is just not there. If that is what you want, fine but I don't think it is. If you said "friends first" to him he either heard 1). that you don't find him attractive or 2). you are a time waster who will never have sex with him. What you actually want but misidentified as "friends first" is to date casually (no sex) but getting to know the other person slowly in a romantic context. Don't be afraid of dates. A date is simply a scheduled event where you agree to meet somebody & spend time with them, getting to know them. It should include a little flirting & test the waters to see if there is spark there or something worth pursuing. If he's 3 months post break up you don't know if he's ready for a new relationship. It depends on him as an individual & whether he got dumped or did the dumping. Only he can answer this. I don't have snapchat so I can't offer an opinion about the wisdom of adding him or what messages that sends. Personally I would never give somebody that level of intimacy / insight into my life early on. My social media "friends" are people I regularly interact with IRL. In your shoes at this point, I would make a point to post where I was gonna be hanging out this weekend to see if he responds or better yet shows up. I'd be prepared with chocolate to share & flirty banter about giving him something sweet. 2
Author Hannahhawks87 Posted November 20, 2019 Author Posted November 20, 2019 I didn't actually say I wanted to be friends with him first, it was just me saying, I want to take it slowly to the internet. I'm just very anxious on what to say next to him. I like the guy, with the way he was, I think he liked me back.... Just don't want to push anything with him getting out of a relationship so soon.
smackie9 Posted November 20, 2019 Posted November 20, 2019 I know you are anxious, and fear the unknown....but you are wasting energy so negatively. If he asks you out or just chats with you, deal with it as it happens rather than get all tied up in knots about it. Just enjoy to experience. 2
d0nnivain Posted November 20, 2019 Posted November 20, 2019 I didn't actually say I wanted to be friends with him first, it was just me saying, I want to take it slowly to the internet. I'm just very anxious on what to say next to him. I like the guy, with the way he was, I think he liked me back.... Just don't want to push anything with him getting out of a relationship so soon. Fabulous! Then do what I said & say something plucky about repaying him for the chocolate. When you see him give him a Hershey's kiss. You can go slow & still be flirty. . .. it's kind of like simmer when cooking.
snowboy91 Posted November 22, 2019 Posted November 22, 2019 Don't stress about how soon it's been since he got out of his last relationship - that's his problem to deal with. You can only control your actions - you sound like you're having a great time with him, so go see him again! And move at whatever pace feels comfortable with you. There isn't any need to put any pressure on him just yet, when you're having fun with it and just getting to know him.
CautiouslyOptimistic Posted November 22, 2019 Posted November 22, 2019 I honestly didn't even know grown men use snapchat.
Trail Blazer Posted November 23, 2019 Posted November 23, 2019 I honestly didn't even know grown men use snapchat. Yes, we do. This 35-year-old male loves Snapchat. It's where most of the girls I've dated whom I didn't wish to proceed with dating, but still liked them enough to want to keep in some kind of contact are. 1
Author Hannahhawks87 Posted November 23, 2019 Author Posted November 23, 2019 He split up with her 3 months ago.... I've not added him on Facebook, but he still has his feature photos of him and her. He did tell me, he still loves her etc. But he was with her for 5 years! His texts have been pretty vague if I'm honest. Only replying a couple of times then stop texting. We just send eachother funny videos, so I guess he's still not over her yet or trying to get back together. I thought he was generally interested on Saturday night....
Trail Blazer Posted November 23, 2019 Posted November 23, 2019 Well, I think that's that then, Hannah! Sorry, but he's definitely not over her. Keep in contact with this guy if you wish, but only on a platonic level. You need to move on and look for love elsewhere. The timing just wasn't right with this guy.
mark clemson Posted November 24, 2019 Posted November 24, 2019 Yeah, 3 months post a 5 yr relationship he's rebounding. Believe that usually doesn't end too well for the rebound SO.
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