Communication in first 2 months of dating

[DrNo1962]

“The phone is for setting dates”...a certain dating coach once said. Whilst I agree with the sentiment in the initial stages of dating, my situation is different.

 

Have been seeing a girl for 2 and half months, she works long distance during the week(2-3hr drive from me) and we only get to see each other on weekends when she comes home.

 

Between the time’s we don’t see one another, we tend to exchange 2-3 text messages max. each a day which comprise of making plans, inside jokes etc.

 

I’m mindful of trying to find the balance between continuing to make dates but also staying on her radar without smothering her.

 

Given these circumstances do you feel 2-3 short/concise text exchanges each day is overdoing it?

 

I know the question is subjective but the context is there to provide some feedback.

[schlumpy]

Along with texting how about digging deep and sending her a few greeting cards. "Missing you" "Thinking about you" "more than friends" are appropriate with a nice handwritten message (you can write cursive?)

 

The texts go away quickly down the bit bucket. The card can be set up where she can see it and remind her of you. Between the two methods I would say the cards are more effective but the texts manage to keep things up-to-date.

 

It also gives you something talk about and a better gauge of her feelings for you then the length of her post.

 

I hope the distance doesn't wear you out.

[Legatus]

From your message it seem like you think it's too much. Is it too much for you or rather you're afraid it MIGHT be too much for her? If the latter I think you just have to ask her.

 

At the same time I'm sure she would fade away a little bit or didn't respond to you if she thought it was too much.

[chillii]

l can't even comprehend this type of thinking or advice or most of the stuff in forums actually.

l suppose people are all different but if l was seeing anyone two mths it would've taken on a life all of it's own long ago by then. We'd be spending lots of time together and each others places and phoning or messaging whatever whenever long ago.

[clia]

This is hard to answer because it depends on the people. Do you feel like it's too much? Does she feel like it's too much? My husband travels during the week for work, and since the beginning we don't necessarily talk every single day. For us, that works. Other people might need at least one message a day. At any rate, 2-3 short messages a day doesn't seem excessive to me.

 

P.S. I disagree with the advice above to send her a greeting card. That seems really overboard when she's just gone a few days a week for work.

[SumGuy]

Subjectively for me 2-3 messages a day is perfect. Depends on your love languages and romance level. Some may also like a good morning and good night text everyday, it’s kind of romantic. And if in deep, a call at night.

[SJ1975]

I've been dating someone now for 6 or 7 weeks I think and we rarely send anything before about 5pm but then may exchange 15 to 20 messages each. But, these are just short messages and chatting.

 

Mine too works in the week and I only see her at the weekends.

[d0nnivain]

do you feel 2-3 short/concise text exchanges each day is overdoing it?

 

I personally would feel smothered but the majority of folks think that is just fine.

 

Remember I learned how to date before texting. In those early months, 1-2 dates per week & 1-2 phone calls would be fine. Since she's long distance maybe 2-3 phone calls but no more. Again, I am a far outlier here.

 

Talk to her about her expectations & desires. Do think about the benefits of hearing her voice or skyping in favor of daily, annoying, bland texts.

[DrNo1962]

I personally would feel smothered but the majority of folks think that is just fine.

 

Remember I learned how to date before texting. In those early months, 1-2 dates per week & 1-2 phone calls would be fine. Since she's long distance maybe 2-3 phone calls but no more. Again, I am a far outlier here.

 

Talk to her about her expectations & desires. Do think about the benefits of hearing her voice or skyping in favor of daily, annoying, bland texts.

 

I guess we fell into this pattern over time.

 

At the beginning I was just setting dates with her on the phone, however, she would be the one to reach out often in between the dates so I would respond accordingly (I don't play the ignore texts for a day game or any of that bs).

 

So far she has done most of the initiating and the responses have been like a tennis match (one for one etc.) We aren't blowing up each others phone.

 

I'm just afraid that even though she is the one that reaches out often and initiates the texts that somehow it will affect the great experience we've had so far.

 

The flip side is we are probably both so careful not to upset the process that we are both tip-toeing around moving the relationship forward.

 

I want her to initiate "the talk", but given she has her walls up/is afraid of being vulnerable, I'm worried we may not ever get to that stage.

[Foxhall]

Some texting a day is important I think in a "long distance relationship"

 

I find this works well personally, we are about two hours apart, meet once a week anyway with one weekend a month together.

 

the texting in between has helped build things in the right direction certainly,

 

roughly 5 to 6 texts a day in my case.(that sounds a lot actually but enjoying it)

[Lotsgoingon]

This depends on the couple of course and the status of the relationship.

 

How much I'd want to talk to someone during the week (if they were never around during the week) would turn on where we are in the relationship.

 

So, are guys exclusive and committed to each other? Or are you guys just "dating"?

 

If we were exclusive I would want to talk on the phone maybe a couple of times a week--doesn't have to be long. I'd want to hear the person's voice during the week ... to just stay connected and in touch. And then I'd text as much as seems fit ...

 

But if we were still dating in the early phase (without going exclusive) ... I wouldn't necessarily feel the need to talk during the week. I'd probably do more texting ... and three rounds of short texts a day isn't too much.

 

So, what's your relationship status? And ... has something happened recently that pulled you out of being in the relationship such that you are worrying about the relationship?

[DrNo1962]

This depends on the couple of course and the status of the relationship.

 

How much I'd want to talk to someone during the week (if they were never around during the week) would turn on where we are in the relationship.

 

So, are guys exclusive and committed to each other? Or are you guys just "dating"?

 

If we were exclusive I would want to talk on the phone maybe a couple of times a week--doesn't have to be long. I'd want to hear the person's voice during the week ... to just stay connected and in touch. And then I'd text as much as seems fit ...

 

But if we were still dating in the early phase (without going exclusive) ... I wouldn't necessarily feel the need to talk during the week. I'd probably do more texting ... and three rounds of short texts a day isn't too much.

 

So, what's your relationship status? And ... has something happened recently that pulled you out of being in the relationship such that you are worrying about the relationship?

 

We've been dating for 2.5 months. She hasn't had "the talk" with me yet.

 

I've felt that this week she has been taking a bit more time to get back to me. It's annoying, because I'm not the one asking for daily communication, but feel I have been roped into it because she would always reach out in between dates/initiate contact.

 

We are going away together this weekend.

 

Furthermore, she sent me her schedule for the next 3 months so we can plan dates ahead of time, which tells me she wants to go steady with me.

 

Maybe she is just having one of those weeks or she knows we are going to be spending time with one another on the weekend so she is limiting her contact....not sure.

 

As I said, I'm totally cool with limiting the contact in between dates. I don't need to know what she's up to or daily reassurances. I guess I just prefer some consistency rather than on again off again style of communication.

 

Perhaps I should bring this up with her?

[Inspire]

This answer will vary from person to relationship. What I mean by that is, in some cases what we do with one person, we might not find ourselves doing for and with someone else.

 

With that said, If I was really into her and wanting something more serious I'd eventually like more communication. 2-3 messages a day hardly sounds like smothering to me.

 

.

I'm just afraid that even though she is the one that reaches out often and initiates the texts that somehow it will affect the great experience we've had so far.

 

As you should. You should be initiating more. Take the lead and stop being so passive in moving this relationship forward if she is someone you want to be with. Right now you're so focused on not making a mistake instead of taking any risk and that has taken you out of the drivers seat.

 

 

Furthermore, she sent me her schedule for the next 3 months so we can plan dates ahead of time, which tells me she wants to go steady with me.

 

 

Possibly, but you can't assume that either. Plans can be made but that isn't necessarily a guarantee you will be with her then to see those plans through. Make sense?

 

She might just be busy, don't assume the worst. You're going away together this weekend. This will either break your relationship or bring you closer together. More importantly what is it you want out of this? You've been dating for two months now, sooner or later we all have to answer to someone and it isn't a great look if she'll have to be the one to initiate that conversation.

[Interstellar]

We've been dating for 2.5 months. She hasn't had "the talk" with me yet.

 

I've felt that this week she has been taking a bit more time to get back to me. It's annoying, because I'm not the one asking for daily communication, but feel I have been roped into it because she would always reach out in between dates/initiate contact.

 

We are going away together this weekend.

 

Furthermore, she sent me her schedule for the next 3 months so we can plan dates ahead of time, which tells me she wants to go steady with me.

 

 

When she was texting you, why didn’t you just tell her “babe, could you save this conversation for our date?” you should’ve taken a stand.

 

And how long does she wait before she respond? more than a day?