Mystery in dating & relationships

[DrNo1962]

There’s been much discussion around how being mysterious allows for the attraction to remain alive.

 

Many observers have read over the years that being unclear about your intentions, purposefully withholding information, ignoring calls/texts....essentially playing hard to get is the best way to remain mysterious. These are all mind games that serve no greater purpose other than to remain in control of the relationship’s trajectory.

 

For those of us looking for genuine connection and effortless relationships, let me introduce to you a much better approach to remaining mysterious.

 

It all boils down to one thing: DON’T LOSE YOUR IDENTITY

 

Often in relationships we make trade-offs with our S.O to try be accomodating only to find that we have fallen into the vortex of monotony. No longer are we our own individual person that our S.O was once attracted to. We are now much more like them. All our passions/mission in life have been left for dust.

 

This isn’t to say that you must be rigid and reject every approach/request from your S.O.

 

Rather find the balance between setting boundaries around the things that you are passionate about and make compromises on things that lend support and growth to your partner/relationship.

 

Here’s a great article that inspired me to write this. https://www.bustle.com/articles/196539-11-subtle-yet-effective-ways-to-keep-the-mystery-alive-continue-surprising-your-partner-after

[Grumpybutfun]

Agreed. Loss of identity is a major issue. Imho, mystery doesn’t promote intimacy. I think this is a good strategy for dating causally but not for a committed relationship.

G

Edited November 20, 2019 by Grumpybutfun

[Kitty Tantrum]

I thought that keeping the mystery in a relationship was mostly about not using the toilet in front of each other.

 

 

Modernism just goes and perverts every sensible principle into something dumb.

[smackie9]

If you want advice on this from over 40 years of relationship and dating experience...being mysterious is ok at the beginning of dating. I would say it's more like, not too much all at once, because that can feel clingy and overwhelming. It's not playing games, it's about self control...games are for players trying to get to the end goal...sex.

BUT for the long haul, you need to keep things fresh by having a life outside the relationship. Yes this is about keeping who you are, your identity. have your own hobbies, friends, and activities you like to do without your partner. Now this is hard to fathom during the honeymoon stage, but once it's past, and you have given up everything, like friends/ activities, etc, things end up stagnant and you find yourself bored. That's when you fall out of love, looking for stimulation on the other side of the fence. To add, you also have to bring new interests into the relationship that you both fall passionate about. This is key, because when the kids move out, it's just you and your spouse.... you could realize you both have nothing in common anymore.

[preraph]

I agree. I have seen so many people lose their identity through either a relationship or especially becoming a parent, mostly women.