emmab219 Posted November 18, 2019 Posted November 18, 2019 I can't decide if I'm an ass or not for this...but has anyone else let a bad first kiss dictate whether or not you want to see that person again? This was my second date with the guy. About ten years older than me, in his late 30s. He walked me to my car and then went right in with tongue. No light kiss to test the waters, just tongue in my mouth right away. I have no idea how to describe it other than it was like he was trying to eat my face. His mouth completely enveloped mine, and there was definitely a lot of wetness on my chin. I know everyone kisses differently, but he didn't close his mouth at all? Which is definitely what made it so saliva filled. The whole time I was just thinking of how to salvage it, and I tried to kinda lead how I wanted to be kissed but he didn't seem to pick up and after it ended I felt super awkward. And my attraction definitely decreased and I felt like there was just no physical chemistry between us. A friend said you can train someone to be a better kisser...however, this dude is almost 40 and I don't know if I have the time and patience for that. It seems really shallow to let a bad kiss be a dealbreaker. There were a few other things that kind of rubbed me the wrong way but I was willing to give a third date a chance. Until he tried licking my tonsils.
SumGuy Posted November 18, 2019 Posted November 18, 2019 It's not a deal breaker for me (I'm a guy) but is not a good sign. I agree with you that at 40 if he couldn't pick up on your signals that were like dude slow your roll here, it is a bad sign about how he is going to be in the physical chemistry department. If there are other things you feel off on him about I think you'd be justified, and not shallow, to call it.
Legatus Posted November 18, 2019 Posted November 18, 2019 By reading the title itself I would say no - a bad kiss would never discourage me. First one's can be nerve-wracking and that leads to all sorts of mistakes. I would always give it another try just to remove the possibility that it was just an outlier. What you described, however, was a horrendous kiss if not an alien invasion. If you really tried to steer him to the right way and he wouldn't take it that shows me lack of empathy, like he just wanted to do it regardless of your feelings. Seems more like an ego boost rather than a desire to be intimate with you. I think in your case you are totally okay to felt like this could be a deal-breaker. It only shows your good nature to post it here because you do consider giving him another chance. Tell me this: Would you be able to have a good time with him knowing what might wait for you at the end of the date? 1
dramallama Posted November 18, 2019 Posted November 18, 2019 There are bad kisses because you're not quite aligned or used to each other or whatever, and then there's THAT type of awful kisser as you described. That would definitely be a deal breaker for me, kissing is important to me. 1
Ruby Slippers Posted November 18, 2019 Posted November 18, 2019 This guy sounds like a pretty bad kisser, unfortunately I'd probably only proceed if I really liked him otherwise and we were compatible in general. I agree that an awkward kiss is probably a sign that physical compatibility isn't going to be super natural, but I've also found that men are pretty open to feedback and will adapt if they like you. It's been extremely rare that I haven't had to use gentle guidance to get a man touching and kissing me in a way that's ideal for me. I'd only want to invest that effort if everything was pretty solid otherwise.
Author emmab219 Posted November 18, 2019 Author Posted November 18, 2019 True, I think everything else would have to be very solid. And since there were a few other things I was feeling unsure about, I'm not sure I'll continue. Only two dates in, though, so at least breaking it off at this point won't be complicated. 2
lurker74 Posted November 18, 2019 Posted November 18, 2019 This kiss generally confirms or calls into question the date. So if you have a mediocre date but an amazing kiss, you should try a second date. If you have a great date and a mediocre kiss (or a bad kiss), you should consider a second date. Try this, assuming you like him enough to try anything: text him this week and when you're doing that favorite color/fully paid vacation question game that you do in the first two weeks, ask him how he likes to be kissed. He'll eventually ask you how you like to be kissed, and that's when you tell him: "For me, the perfect kiss starts out slow, almost but not quite hesitant. As the lips meet, we stay there, experiencing the surface of each other. Then things heat up, not like a flash of lighting but like boiling water, until we stop, pausing just a bit as our lips separate, not knowing where that time just went." If something like that doesn't work, nothing will. 1
d0nnivain Posted November 18, 2019 Posted November 18, 2019 It can be. If something is so off putting early on it's usually better not to waste the effort trying to make it better 1
Tamfana Posted November 18, 2019 Posted November 18, 2019 A bad first kiss wouldn't be enough for me to end it but continued bad kissing has been. If he's otherwise a good match, I give it a few more tries. 1
DrNo1962 Posted November 18, 2019 Posted November 18, 2019 If you're talking purely technique or that the two of you were unsure to fully commit, then it's not a dealbreaker at all. We often overanalyze our first kiss to the point of thinking how bad we were, but in truth the other person never realised it.
Mrin Posted November 18, 2019 Posted November 18, 2019 Normally I would say bad first 50 or so kisses but that sounded awful. I once nexted a woman in her 30's who was awful at kissing.
RecentChange Posted November 18, 2019 Posted November 18, 2019 Uff, yes for me a kiss like that would probably be a deal breaker. Going in all tongue like a bull in a China shop, strike one. Not picking up on the hints that the lady he is kissing is not enjoying this at all? HUGE strike 2. Feeling attraction dwindle post kiss? Strike 3. Yes some stuff can be taught - but it's hard to teach someone to LISTEN. First kiss, sex etc should be about tuning into each other's non verbal communication. It's about talking and sharing in a totally different way. Only some people simply yell and don't listen at all. I put cramming a tongue in someone's mouth and slobbering all over their face into this category.
carhill Posted November 18, 2019 Posted November 18, 2019 IDK, perhaps kiss rating is more a woman thing. IME in life, I've kissed women I've felt close to, attracted to, loving of, appreciative of, things like that. Some have been friends, some have been lovers, some both at different times in life. One that comes to mind started as ho-hum good friend kisses but, after many years, when those morphed to how a woman and a man kiss when they really love each other in that way, it was like we were one person, there was no boundary; it went beyond friendship, beyond sexual, more spiritual and surreal. I think it's kinda cool to experience that, even if it's a fleeting thing. It was like two people who are really oral discovering each other Anyway, I don't generally judge women on kissing, rather appreciate them for who they are. If we fit, cool, if not, OK.
HopefullyLove Posted November 19, 2019 Posted November 19, 2019 lol I dated a guy almost 50 who kissed similarly.
SumGuy Posted November 19, 2019 Posted November 19, 2019 Makes you wonder if they have been with very few women or just one (like marriage) for a very long time and this is how those women liked. People seem more than ready to extrapolate to a whole gender from a couple of experiences with that gender.
Lotsgoingon Posted November 19, 2019 Posted November 19, 2019 Depends. If I REALLY like the person and I get that they may have some inexperience or some awkwardness, I might well continue on ... But if the person is presenting themselves as some kind of dating sophisticate, then no, I would run.
vla1120 Posted November 19, 2019 Posted November 19, 2019 If I liked the guy, I would give him a second chance, but show him how I like my kisses. Old dogs CAN learn new tricks!
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