Women making the first move (on men)

[SumGuy]

Started off another thread so as to not derail it.

 

Wondering on experiences around women who make the first move. Feel free to define what that means to you. Realize it is a spectrum of strong hints to explicit actions.

 

How much have you experienced it or do it if a woman?

Any general correlation you have seen between women who do and women who don't in evolution of the relationship?

Similarly for women, notice any difference in the relationships with the men where you are first versus them?

Do you like it, hate it, don't care?

If a guy decides to just let women do the reaching out, what go you think of that?

etc.

 

For me, I see "first move" in five general contexts (some mostly in OLD):

 

(1) She reaches out to you first with a wink or like

(2) She reaches out to you first with a message

(3) She asks to meet first

(4) She initiates the first kiss

(5) She initiates getting to third base+ so to speak

 

For me I have found the who is first on (1) or (2) makes no difference on how the relationship or meeting goes.

 

I do find that I get a higher response rate to women I reach out to than I give to women. For example about 1/2-2/3 of women I reach out to via (2) (I rarely just do (1)) get back to me, whereas I only respond to about 1 in 10 women who reach out to me. It is more of a numbers thing, far more women messaging me first than I reach out to just because I reach out to very few at a time.

 

On (3) I don't have enough info as I almost always beat them to the asking to meet.

 

On (4) it is hard to say if I'm making the first move because usually there are strong, strong signals all need to do is lean in a bit and it is mutual.

 

On (5) when the moment is right, I almost always wait for her to escalate to such touch, although I am certainly encouraging things and taking the lead on second.

[alphamale]

a lot of women like to make the first move on me, I don't know why. it could be cause i'm good lookin'

 

of the relationships I've had i'd say around half were started by the woman and half by me.

 

I always have women making eyes with me and smiling

[d0nnivain]

I'm a woman & for the brief time I was on OLD I sent first messages all the time. I had no idea this "wasn't done" or was at least rare. Many of the men who were reaching out to me weren't attractive to me so this helped me take control of my on line experience.

 

I rarely asked a man out on a 1st date per se but I would drop a lot of not so subtle hints to reassure the man that if he was brave enough to ask the answer would be yes.

 

I never suggested a 1st meet off OLD but I wasn't on there that long & the idea of meeting somebody off the internet scared me. It took me a while to feel comfortable.

 

In real life if I wanted a man to be aware of my interest I would let it be known where I was going to be for something open to the public to see if he'd show up: I'm going to be at the game. I go dancing at this club on Thursdays. I hang out at xyz beach in the summer etc. If he showed up, I knew he was interested so I'd make a point to talk to him. Similarly if I really liked him & he made statements about his expected location, I'd show up.

 

When I was younger & in college when a lot of my relationships grew out of a hook up, again I'd make it super easy for some guy to figure out I wanted to be kissed -- initiating a slow dance, looking in his eyes, licking my lips, staring at his lips etc. From there a few kisses often turned into a date / relationship.

[alphamale]

d0nnivain did you ever go to a singles event or bar and go up to a guy you thought was cute and start a convo?

[d0nnivain]

d0nnivain did you ever go to a singles event or bar and go up to a guy you thought was cute and start a convo?

 

Always. I'll talk to anybody but of course if I found somebody attractive I'd make a point to say something to him.

 

Heck I once started dating a guy because I insulted the baseball team whose shirt he was wearing. It's not hard to break the ice. Just say something . . . anything. It's rare that the person will be impolite enough not to respond. Obviously within that 1st minute you can gage if the other person is open to at least a conversation. I suppose as a reasonably attractive woman if I bothered to speak to a guy, said something witty & smiled, it wasn't difficult to keep the banter going.

[carhill]

IME, women have generally been friendly but overwhelmingly turned out to be married so I never considered those 'first move'. My exW did send a first contact message on an early iteration of what we later called 'online dating'. She didn't ask me out on a date. I did that, and everything else we call 'first move'. If I had to nail down one first move by someone who wasn't married it would have been a LS'er many years ago who invited me to visit her in Texas and spend a weekend in a cabin in hill country. I did stay in my own loft space upstairs though there was an invitation. I'd consider that a 'first move' by a woman and the only one I ever experienced in my six decades or so. In my generation, in general, women don't make 'first moves', rather accept pursuit by males they desire. They let us love them. That's life!

[Mysterio]

Any heavy romantic relationship where I got physical affection. The woman made the move on me.

 

When I look at my male friends that are with their SO. The woman made the moves first. Only one couple was pushed into each other at the same time.

 

I almost feel like this. If the Woman makes the first moves on the man romantically. There will be a relationship. It will last for a year or so. If the man makes the first move its less so.

 

So to recap. A woman makes a move on a man romantically. The relationship will work out in the short term 90% of the time. A man making the moves first I say 10 % chance of it making it to a first date.

 

There was a study that had Men and Women, going up to random strangers asking for sex. 0% of the women said yes to the man. 75 % of the men said yes to the woman.

 

So what does that mean to me. Women can make and break a relationship and they are the ones that sort of control the dynamic of romantic relationship starting off.

 

Most Men are open to it. Most women are a little bit hesitant.

 

So when I think of the men that are having problems with connecting with women romantically. Its more they don't look at us as being romantically viable, and until they make an effort to get us/meet us halfway to explore a romantic relationship. We will stay single.

 

For me. For whatever reason. I only seem to get romantic attention when I am in a state of not caring, if it happens at all. Never when I make an obvious effort, which is basically asking the woman out for Lunch/Dinner. Even then. I am pretty chill. From the start for me. All I want to do on a date is to have interesting conversation and laughs. If a romantic thing sprouts from that fine. If not. I had a good time and move on. I think both men and woman should be that way.

[alphamale]

most women start a relationship by sending out non-verbal cues to the man she has targeted. he is then supposed to pick up on the cues and approach her and start a convo. if they "hit it off" then the man is supposed to ask her for a date and procure her contact info.

 

both parties are happy in this scenario because each goes away thinking that he/she made the first move when in reality it was a mutual effort.

[Mysterio]

I like your thinking Alpha Male. Your right on the money.

[SumGuy]

...

I almost feel like this. If the Woman makes the first moves on the man romantically. There will be a relationship. It will last for a year or so. If the man makes the first move its less so.

 

In my own experience 3 of my 4 relationships that lasted 2+ years started where I made the first move. In the shorter term relationships it's likely 50/50.

 

So to recap. A woman makes a move on a man romantically. The relationship will work out in the short term 90% of the time. A man making the moves first I say 10 % chance of it making it to a first date.

It's easier for me to give numbers on OLD, but even before that, I do not respond to anywhere near all the women who reach out to me, on average about 20-30% max. Many times because I am already in the first meet mode and don't correspond with more than 3-5 max at a time in that mode in case something works out. I will say that 50% are ones I would consider.

 

There was a study that had Men and Women, going up to random strangers asking for sex. 0% of the women said yes to the man. 75 % of the men said yes to the woman.

I'd be interested in that study. I can say that I'd be in the 25% of the men who said no, just because there are too many red flags on the judgement of someone who approaches a stranger for sex right then and there with out getting to know them. It's not that I don't have a high sex drive, or from any moral stance, far from it. Even in my most desperate of times.

 

So what does that mean to me. Women can make and break a relationship and they are the ones that sort of control the dynamic of romantic relationship starting off.

I think as everyone here who has been married can attest, men and women, it takes two to make a relationship work but only one to destroy it. No one gender has all the relationship power.

 

 

So when I think of the men that are having problems with connecting with women romantically. Its more they don't look at us as being romantically viable, and until they make an effort to get us/meet us halfway to explore a romantic relationship. We will stay single.

Likely true I'd say. I think you could say the same for women who are struggling to meet men. However, there is a lot one can do to improve that...and if you PM could point you to a site that helped me because don't think I'm allowed to post a linked. Don't worry all the insight I got there was from the massive amount of free stuff.

 

I might also suggest going to forums and sites where women vent their spleen about all the things wrong with men in the dating world. Just to see their perspective, even if some of it is as messed up as red pill nation (just the female version) Again I can think of one off the top of my head, can PM you the link as well.

 

For me. For whatever reason. I only seem to get romantic attention when I am in a state of not caring, if it happens at all. Never when I make an obvious effort, which is basically asking the woman out for Lunch/Dinner. Even then. I am pretty chill. From the start for me. All I want to do on a date is to have interesting conversation and laughs. If a romantic thing sprouts from that fine. If not. I had a good time and move on. I think both men and woman should be that way.

I think that state of not caring puts you in the right head space and your whole vibe then radiates one of centeredness for want of a better word.

 

Also believe how you approach a date is perfect, maybe because I do the same way and it works well for me. (Even though only 1 in 3 go to a second date and every once in a while, maybe 1 in 12, are duds where I feel like an ER doctor trying to keep the conversation alive )

 

My only difference may be if the conversation goes well and get signs that she is interested maybe in more I flirt and follow-up. That is if she is putting her vibe out there will go for the hand touch, etc. get a little closer and certainly when walking her back to her car kiss. That is I will make this first move.

Edited November 18, 2019 by SumGuy

[Envy123]

most women start a relationship by sending out non-verbal cues to the man she has targeted. he is then supposed to pick up on the cues and approach her and start a convo. if they "hit it off" then the man is supposed to ask her for a date and procure her contact info.

 

both parties are happy in this scenario because each goes away thinking that he/she made the first move when in reality it was a mutual effort.

 

Yes.

 

This is exactly what happens to me, most of the time. There were times when a woman asked me out and one who messaged me first in OLD, but it's mostly this.

[ajequals]

watching from the sidelines I see this first move thing caused by men loosing their way in dating. probably due to political correctness ,it seems at present, men are being erased, in my city they're even removing urinals. I still feel women love to be pursued.. one of my favorite tell tale signs she's interested on a first encounter is a woman's inability to look at you ,blushing, turning away. I always make it a habit to stair straight into their eyes ,they can feel your interest..this type of woman I feel are the keepers

[Mysterio]

My thing with dating a woman and showing interest in her in my head, can't be that big a deal. If I was calling all the time and being heavy with subjects. Then I could see a woman hesitant. Getting together 1-2 times a week at most is what I would want at the start.

 

Not everyday contact. If there is everyday contact, then we have to be doing different things all the time.

[Envy123]

Times have changed since my parents first met, that's for sure. According to recollections from my mother, my father chased my mother and she became receptive to it. So, I was naive in thinking that this is the case nowadays.

 

Nowadays, from my experience, women in general are less receptive of such actions - and considering the type I attract (the blogger type) is very likely used to men getting into their pants, my neutrality and no pressure on romance whatsoever makes them comfortable - and some women do end up falling for me.

 

Now, I only make a move if she shows signs of interest. Not chasing like my father did, back in the day.

[alphamale]

.. one of my favorite tell tale signs she's interested on a first encounter is a woman's inability to look at you ,blushing, turning away. I always make it a habit to stair straight into their eyes ,they can feel your interest..this type of woman I feel are the keepers

 

I feel it is the reverse, on first meeting if she's interested she will look at me more and play peek-a-boo. That is my tell tale sign

[alphamale]

Now, I only make a move if she shows signs of interest. Not chasing like my father did, back in the day.

 

your father chased her because she was receptive. had she not been receptive then you would not exist

[Envy123]

your father chased her because she was receptive. had she not been receptive then you would not exist

 

Well, not initially. He kept chasing her and then she eventually became receptive.

 

I thought that I should push it that way too, before I realised that it was a bad idea.

[an0nym0us123]

My ex was the one who chased me, in the end all i had to do was open the door and let her in. In my experience going after women is more or less a waste of time.

 

As for online i can think of a couple i went on first dates with both initiated conversation, i set up the date. They both showed extremely high levels of interest before during and after the date. Then just fizzled to nothing in no time at all.

 

I still see them on tinder and other dating apps. In fact ive seen all but one of the 15 or so women i was on dates with.

 

The more time that passes the more i believe these women will never find anyone, just go round and round in circles waiting for the unicorn.

[alphamale]

The more time that passes the more i believe these women will never find anyone, just go round and round in circles waiting for the unicorn.

 

there are many men like that too an0nym0us123. perpetually single woe-is-me people to who being unattached has become a lifestyle. you know these people - they attend all the single meetups and and hit the singles bars on a weekly basis yet they are still unattached.

 

I know a girl who is 55, very pretty, professional, hot body, never been married. she has a huge group of single girlfriends and travels for leisure on a monthly basis. she has pets and exercises regularly. I've known her for at least 10 years and in that time I've never seen her with a man. wtf?

[snowboy91]

Out of all the women who I've either dated or hooked up with, I've only made the first move once - and I believe that would have worked out had we lived in the same country!

 

I don't think there's anything inherent about the woman or man making the first move as long as both are interested. Although there's a few other comments that relationships seem to last when the woman makes the first move - I wonder if that's because women may be better at working out overall compatibility, while men are more visually driven?

[Blind-Sided]

.......... Heck I once started dating a guy because I insulted the baseball team whose shirt he was wearing. ...........

 

That's funny... but I have a similar story. When I was in college, I got a date with a girl who was out of my league. But we were in a debate class, and she was just starting a job as a flight attendant. Needless to say, I called her a stewardess, and we argued about it. AND, the teacher told us to use it as a debate topic... and I got a date out of it. LOL. It didn't last long. She was VERY Korean, and her family wouldn't let her date a "White Guy." But we hung at school.

 

 

As far as the topic question. Every one of my short relationships, FWB, or one-night-stands where when the girl was the aggressor. Anything lasting, was when I did the chasing.

Edited November 19, 2019 by Blind-Sided

[alphamale]

She was VERY Korean, and her family wouldn't let her date a "White Guy." But we hung at school.

 

did she introduce you to kimchee and bi-bim-bap B-S??

[Mysterio]

Out of all the women who I've either dated or hooked up with, I've only made the first move once - and I believe that would have worked out had we lived in the same country!

 

I don't think there's anything inherent about the woman or man making the first move as long as both are interested. Although there's a few other comments that relationships seem to last when the woman makes the first move - I wonder if that's because women may be better at working out overall compatibility, while men are more visually driven?

 

I do think that Women are better at compatablitly or at least not snowed by looks.

 

We men make bad decisions all in the name of getting laid. I have come to a conclusion that from a mans perspective. We really want women for Physical Affection. Thats when you break us down. If there is no Physical affection. There is no relationship.

 

Men give way too much to women in the start phase of the relationship. I know Men that drove to other cities to romantically bond with the women they got involved with. No way would those women do the same. Or put up with life situations that the women would not like on their man.

 

Women making the first moves on me. It has worked. I think they vetted me. So it was not just a first meeting. It was maybe seeing me for the 6 to 8 time that they stated romantic attraction to me.

 

I know as of this post for myself. That when I make the romantic move first. Nothing really comes of it. If a woman makes a move on me. It goes down better for a time. Rarley has there been a mutual move.

 

To me. The only thing I think a woman should be hesitant is going to some guys house, after the bar, or having sex with out dating the guy for a couple of weeks/outing.

[Envy123]

I think they vetted me. So it was not just a first meeting. It was maybe seeing me for the 6 to 8 time that they stated romantic attraction to me.

 

While most women who showed interest, did vet me over time (e.g. my ex coworker), some showed interest almost right away (similar to love at first sight).

 

But I am more likely to go ahead if they do the silent vetting over time and we get to know each other in the interim, rather than they see me in a tight speedo and want me right there and then. As I'd prefer being vetted on the overall package, rather than what I chose to do on one specific day.

[Allupinnit]

It never worked out for me when I made the first move on a guy.