mthpp Posted November 17, 2019 Posted November 17, 2019 Hello, I hate these situations where I have a crush on a a friend's friend, family, etc... as I'm really scared of getting into awkward situations. So I have a crush on a friend's housemate. The friend is a girl (she's gay), and I find her housemate really cute. I haven't know her (my friend) for that long, just under a year. I've seen her housemate 3 times but only when I happen to be at her place. When I'm there we sit and chat (the 3 of us), but otherwise there is no contact at all between me and the housemate. Her housemate seems to be the shy and reserved type. How do I approach this? I hate to create an awkward situation or lose a friend in the process. Appreciate any advice.
lavenderandvelvet Posted November 17, 2019 Posted November 17, 2019 One of my friends started dating her housemate. They moved to sharing a room. And now a few years later they are engaged and bought a house together.
Author mthpp Posted November 17, 2019 Author Posted November 17, 2019 Well I obviously don't live in the same house as my friend and her housemate. The only chance I have to see her now is if I go to my friend's house, which happens once in a few weeks at the most.
preraph Posted November 17, 2019 Posted November 17, 2019 What makes you think the housemate isn't also a gay woman? Shy acting can also mean disinterested. How shy could she be if she is a straight woman living with a gay woman? You need to talk to your friend and find out what the situation is. By now she knows whether that housemate is the least bit interested in you or not.
Author mthpp Posted November 17, 2019 Author Posted November 17, 2019 (edited) What makes you think the housemate isn't also a gay woman? Shy acting can also mean disinterested. How shy could she be if she is a straight woman living with a gay woman? You need to talk to your friend and find out what the situation is. By now she knows whether that housemate is the least bit interested in you or not. I assume that she's not gay lol. I've seen her around her family (was at a housewarming party, invited by my friend), and she tends to sit there politely and not talk much. So it seems to be she's kind of shy and timid. Also I don't think there is really a situation at all haha... I think it's just "hey this is my friend Tom (not real name)...." Edited November 17, 2019 by mthpp
d0nnivain Posted November 17, 2019 Posted November 17, 2019 Be warm & engaging when you see the housemate while visiting the friend. Graduate to flirting. Once the housemate is comfortable around you ask her out. If she says no, leave it be. Act like it never happened. If you date & break up, just meet your friend somewhere other than at her house. Never put the friend in the middle. It's a housemate. It's not like these two are gonna live together forever.
Lotsgoingon Posted November 17, 2019 Posted November 17, 2019 I don't see any problem or weirdness with expressing an interest in a friend of a friend. I'm confused about the problem here. It's totally legit to approach your friend and say, "hey, I really like talking to X. Is she dating someone?" Your friend will likely be helpful. She'll know if her housemate has some interest in you ... and she'll also screen for you--she'll tell you if the housemate is really worth your interest, as in a good person who could make a good partner for you. I literally am not seeing the awkwardness here. Let's say you ask out the housemate and it doesn't work. So what?! You don't lose a friend because a date with their housemate doesn't work out--assuming you're totally gross and repulsive and offensive or rude on the date. Talk to your friend--put the feeler out there. Good friends are all about serving as match-makers. 1
Author mthpp Posted November 17, 2019 Author Posted November 17, 2019 I guess I have to go through my friend. I'm always scared of awkward situations but I shouldn't be. The only time I see her now as mentioned is when I happen to be at my friend's place. Also I think I have to ask for my friend's opinion/help because I sure as hell won't be asking her roommate out in front of her :lmao: 1
preraph Posted November 17, 2019 Posted November 17, 2019 I agree you need to talk to the friend. She's who will know if there's any interest or if there's something else you need to know. You shouldn't be keeping this secret from her. For all you know, she may have a crush on the housemate.
Lotsgoingon Posted November 17, 2019 Posted November 17, 2019 Hey, put in a call or a message ... Or text her to say you want to talk on the phone. If that's too awkward, and you really want to talk to your friend in person about the housemate, you can look for a way to arrange a meeting sooner rather than later.
kendahke Posted November 17, 2019 Posted November 17, 2019 I hate these situations where I have a crush on a a friend's friend, family, etc... as I'm really scared of getting into awkward situations. I hate to create an awkward situation or lose a friend in the process. Sounds like a recurring theme... "these" situations"? What has been the outcome in all of the situations? 1
Author mthpp Posted November 17, 2019 Author Posted November 17, 2019 Sounds like a recurring theme... "these" situations"? What has been the outcome in all of the situations? Not a re-occuring theme. I just don't like the idea of admitting to a friend that I like his/her friend or relative. This has only happened once before 3 years ago and she wasn't interested.
preraph Posted November 17, 2019 Posted November 17, 2019 Well, you do know that at some point, you will find out if she's interested or not. Wouldn't it be better to do it through your friend instead of your friend finding out you came on to her on social media? Because of course, this housemate will certainly let her know immediately.
d0nnivain Posted November 17, 2019 Posted November 17, 2019 Not a re-occuring theme. I just don't like the idea of admitting to a friend that I like his/her friend or relative. You don't have to loop your friend in about your crush on her housemate if you don't want to. It just seems that your friend's assistance / advice / insight would be your easiest in. At the very least ask your friend Qs so you can confirm that the housemate is single & straight before you do anything. I mean if the friend tells you terrible things about the crush or that the crush is taken, you may want to reconsider
kendahke Posted November 18, 2019 Posted November 18, 2019 I just don't like the idea of admitting to a friend that I like his/her friend or relative. Why does the friend need to know your business, unless it's going to affect tenancy/rent issues? This has only happened once before 3 years ago Are your friends's friends/relatives your hunting grounds? Might want to back away from that if the outcome is something that you say you hate.
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