Jesstada Posted November 17, 2019 Posted November 17, 2019 We met through dating app and had gone out about 5 times now. I find him very hard to understand cause he is a bit of an introvert who takes time to open up and very quiet. He kissed me on the first date, we had foreplay but I was on my period, we had a great second date and had sex on the third date. The first time we had sex it was very weird, he was the one who initiated it, starting touching me but half way through he backed off. And started again and backed off again then eventually I kissed him and it happened. It is as if he wasn't sure if he wants to or not? I don't get it cause he was the one who initiated it every time. And there is communication, on the third date before we had sex, during a casual chat he mentioned that he is very bad with texting and much preferred to do everything in person. Which I've noticed when I'm with him that it's true because he is like that to everyone. He'd read a message when he's in the middle of something and thought he'd reply later and forgets. After that third date, he took a day to reply to my messages, even though I know how he is like I was starting to consider the fact he's just not that into me. I had a busy weekend and didn't talk to him at all. The following week he texted me and said he was nearby my area running errands, we had a quick catch up which took my concern away. It was only 30min or so and he said we should catch up soon. I asked him to have dinner the next night, made home dinner, caught up and had a sleepover. Everything was pretty nice but he didn't even try to kiss me or anything this time. He was going to a meeting after I left next afternoon. I texted him a day later to follow up on the outcome, which he hasn't replied for 3 days. He might have read it but didn't know the answer yet or just can't be bothered? He did mention how he's like with text and even said call works better but I dont want to rule out anything. Am I friend zoned? If he's not into me why would he drop by my place?
winny Posted November 17, 2019 Posted November 17, 2019 this is very weird behavior after having sex with you. there is nothing like - "bad with texting" - it just translates to - "i am bad with communication" and that is a problem if he is not compensating through phone calls. don't put much hope on this one. 3 days to respond is too much and he is not even asking you about how you are doing. 1
ExpatInItaly Posted November 17, 2019 Posted November 17, 2019 I think he's lost interest, I'm afraid to say. Things got awkward between the sheets, his communication slowed down thereafter, he slept over without so much as a kiss and now he's gone silent. This isn't someone who is just "bad at texting." This is a man who doesn't have the stones to tell you that something has changed for him. It might have nothing to do with you personally, either. But his behaviour isn't that of a guy who's enthusiastic about you. 1
Legatus Posted November 17, 2019 Posted November 17, 2019 "Bad at texting" when I hear things like that it makes me want to vomit. What kind of garbage excuse is this? I wouldn't even call it a friend zone.. more like he is a gutless idiot, who was either scared or lost his interest. I used to believe all those excuses like "I'm bad at managing relationships", "I don't remember to text back".. what a pile of bo******! If one person is really into another they will find time to text, even a one-liner, just to keep the communication open.. 2
d0nnivain Posted November 17, 2019 Posted November 17, 2019 You are not friendzoned but this guy doesn't put much effort into any relationships. It's like he can't be bothered to make the effort with anybody -- you, friends etc. So if he does reach out, expect more of the same. If you don't want a life time of this, find a new guy.
Lotsgoingon Posted November 17, 2019 Posted November 17, 2019 (edited) This guy started and stopped sex multiple times ... You find him hard to figure out. Leave him alone. You have enough red flags if you want a serious relationship. If on the other hand, your goal is just sex and if you're comfy with his distance and his ups and downs, then fine If you want more clarity ... and more than sex, then you'll be disappointed. I don't think you're friendzoned because this guy just sounds like a mess. Friendzoning you would require clarity and a decision from him. He's not into being decisive and clear. He just sounds like a mess. This is said by someone who was quite a mess when I was younger. People who ignored my inconsistency just ended up disappointed. Edited November 17, 2019 by Lotsgoingon
preraph Posted November 17, 2019 Posted November 17, 2019 It sounds to me like he doesn't have a clue what he's doing. If you want to keep going out with him, I think you need to spell out what you expect from a boyfriend or lover. 1
stillafool Posted November 17, 2019 Posted November 17, 2019 He sounds like a man who isn't over another girl. The starting to have sex but pulling back, then going ahead with it after you kissed him says to me his heart wasn't sure he wanted to have sex but his penis thought otherwise so he did it. The fact that he didn't even kiss you after you made him a homemade meal isn't saying he can't wait to have you in his arms. Personally I couldn't go on with someone who is this lukewarm about me. Again, I think he is still hung up on someone else. 1
Inspire Posted November 18, 2019 Posted November 18, 2019 You two slept together and then didn't kiss on a subsequent date. That is a very bad sign.
salparadise Posted November 18, 2019 Posted November 18, 2019 It could be that he's inept, insecure, or inexperienced. If that's not the case then he may be trying to not appear too eager/clingy. He keeps asking you out, and I doubt he do that if he wasn't interested. I think you need to start doing your share of initiating rather than wondering what it means if his behavior is not exactly what you expect.
spiderowl Posted November 18, 2019 Posted November 18, 2019 I don't think there is anything wrong with having sex soon if that is what both people want. However, you hardly know the guy so you have not had chance to build a relationship with him. It could be that he would rather have built a relationship first but like most guys tried for sex because he feels that is expected of him. If you both want to continue seeing each other, why not take a step back and just get to know each other without the sex? You might find you are totally incompatible anyway. Sex is not the only thing that holds a relationship together; it is one part of a relationship.
Mr. Lucky Posted November 18, 2019 Posted November 18, 2019 I think you’re starting to get a glimpse of why he’s single... Mr. Lucky
SJ1975 Posted November 18, 2019 Posted November 18, 2019 Sorry OP but IMO you two had sex far too early. This is only about sex and nothing else. You even had foreplay on your first date, forget this guy. 1
kendahke Posted November 18, 2019 Posted November 18, 2019 The following week he texted me and said he was nearby my area running errands, we had a quick catch up. It was only 30min or so and he said we should catch up soon. during a casual chat he mentioned that he is very bad with texting and much preferred to do everything in person. Determine if you want to go through being ignored in order to be with him--like days on end where he doesn't bother to contact you and doesn't bother to be in your presence, either.
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