john9999 Posted November 17, 2019 Posted November 17, 2019 I’d love to hear from the women on this one. I just don’t get it. I am 53 for the record. I seem to have no problem connecting with women through online dating sites. But when it comes to a commitment to a first date I would say it’s like maybe one out of 10 that will actually follow through. What’s up with that. ?
smackie9 Posted November 17, 2019 Posted November 17, 2019 Because they are not interested enough to but have np enjoying the free attention. 1
Trail Blazer Posted November 17, 2019 Posted November 17, 2019 That sounds about right. One in ten isn't a bad hit rate. I connect with hundreds of women across multiple dating apps, however I don't go on anything close to a hundred dates. It's purely a numbers game, my friend. 1
Cersei Posted November 17, 2019 Posted November 17, 2019 Because they are not interested enough to but have np enjoying the free attention. Bingo!! I 100 percent agree. 1
Mrin Posted November 17, 2019 Posted November 17, 2019 Yeah. Back when I was dating it depended on the app/site. Bumble and Tinder was probably an 8-10 something like that in terms of connections converting into first dates. A lot of times things just fizzled out. Match was a better ratio but it takes more to match on match. So, fewer but stronger matches. Have good text game. Be interesting. Ask them out early in the process. As TB said - it is a numbers game. 1
BaileyB Posted November 17, 2019 Posted November 17, 2019 Online dating scared the crap out of me. I would post my profile, and message with my matches. But taking that step to give them my phone number or meet them in person scared the daylights out of me. I had just had too many experiences with men who were aggressive, inappropriate, or just not what they claimed to be. It erodes trust and it scared me silly. And that’s why I finally decided online dating was just not for me. 2
Trail Blazer Posted November 17, 2019 Posted November 17, 2019 (edited) @BaileyB.. How do you meet people then? Edited November 17, 2019 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
BaileyB Posted November 17, 2019 Posted November 17, 2019 How do you meet people then? Through friends. Blind dates. Or activities. I actually met my partner at a speed dating event, of all places. I went on a whim but it was better than online dating because there were other people, it was a controlled environment, and it’s easier to get a sense of someone when you are talking in person - I know, all the more reason to meet your online matches, but that felt akin to jumping off a cliff with no safety net to me. I’m just not that brave, or trusting. I’m just offering my experience, OP asked and this is why I would bail on some matches. It had nothing to do with the men sometimes, try as I might i was just not comfortable meeting a complete stranger that way. 4
Malin889 Posted November 17, 2019 Posted November 17, 2019 John, it’s the same thing with men on online dating. It’s hard to have meaningful conversations, never mind trying to get together. I don’t know why it’s so difficult.
SumGuy Posted November 17, 2019 Posted November 17, 2019 (edited) I tend to ask early, within a week of messaging or after about 3 or 4 good exchanges. And set the meet not more than a week out. Usually 2-4 days out. Consider their comfort level and ease, I always try to meet in there town and a nice low key place, for drinks so there is an easy out. I never as for their phone number, I give them my full name so they can google me. I certainly never offer to pick them up from their place. Basically, try to let them maintain their anonymity as much as possible, propose a meeting the can readily leave if they want, and give them info on me so they can make sure I am who I say I am. I don't always ask and when I don't I close the conversation nicely. I don't often get a no when I ask but only 1 in 3 women meet for a first date I meet for a second, and only about 1 in 10 meet for a first date turn into regular dating. To deal with the numbers game aspect try to be selective and only message or meet women feel would have a connection to, so their profile is critical in my decision process. Edited November 17, 2019 by SumGuy 1
smackie9 Posted November 17, 2019 Posted November 17, 2019 (edited) Women choose with their emotions on everything, whether picking a colour for bedding, to shoes because they make them feel sexy. If you don't stimulate them just right emotionally/intellectually, they won't say yes to a date. hence the expression "charming" they want to be charmed. In modern terms a guy has to have game. Edited November 17, 2019 by smackie9
dramallama Posted November 17, 2019 Posted November 17, 2019 I started dating in July. Of the people I've chatted with for long enough to suggest a connection, but ultimately not met... - one had excellent banter, but we had no overlapping interests and you can't found a relationship on plotting your escape from the zombie apocalypse if there's nothing else there. - one gave me the impression he'd planned out our entire future so I knew he was trying to pin my face onto a preconceived idea and that's always a RUN AWAY FAST moment. - one had this underlying melancholic vibe, he asked me why I was hesitating to meet him and I told him so. He tried to argue his case, but I wasn't convinced. - one claimed to be separated but so rich it was impossible to divorce and it all screamed bs. - one disagreed with nearly all my views so we were never going to be a match, but we have excellent intellectual arguments and are still in touch as penpals. ..... so that 'connection' you feel can be a really good way to out the red and yellow flags. That's just the way it goes.
preraph Posted November 17, 2019 Posted November 17, 2019 A third of them are married or otherwise taken and just looking for validation and attention. A third of them are socially awkward and don't want to leave their rooms. A third of them are lying about their age and/or sex and are catfishes.
Lotsgoingon Posted November 17, 2019 Posted November 17, 2019 I also think one out of ten is a good "hit" rate. You want to get your numbers up ... and fight your instinct (understandable) to screen out people solely based on their photos. If people seem like they have good lives going on .... I say contact them. I know so many people who are not photogenic. I have a friend who is incredibly hot ... her photos are terrible ... they lower her attraction level (if I were to put a number on it) by like 50 percent. I've seen enough of her photos in different settings, taken by different people to know that this isn't a one-time problem, not a problem of a bad photographer. Something about her is distorted in photos. So in reality this woman is hot, and she's got a fantastic personality and life and is tons of fun. I just worked on a project with two women who were both charismatic, funny, sexy, smart, full of energy and life very good looking. I later saw some photos of these women--terrible! The photos don't at all capture their presence and their beauty. Up your numbers ... reach out to more people. Keep going. You're not doing anything wrong necessarily. 2
SumGuy Posted November 17, 2019 Posted November 17, 2019 100% agree with lotsgoingon have experienced it myself.
SumGuy Posted November 17, 2019 Posted November 17, 2019 A third of them are married or otherwise taken and just looking for validation and attention. A third of them are socially awkward and don't want to leave their rooms. A third of them are lying about their age and/or sex and are catfishes. Is this men, women or both? . What OLD sites are you using? I don’t find this to be the case at all on Match age 45-60. Very rare is the woman much different than her photos or profile and it is more likely she looks better in person than less.
preraph Posted November 17, 2019 Posted November 17, 2019 Both, and I'm going off what people have said here for years who use them. Don't forget it's talking about those who Don't want to meet, so you wouldn't know if you didn't meet them.
SumGuy Posted November 17, 2019 Posted November 17, 2019 Ahhh. I get it. I generally don’t think twice about those who don’t want to meet. Actually never came across one. Had a no show once and a cancel once, the later just met someone and wanted to give it a chance...one of the few times scheduled a meet more than a week out Actually she kept in touch as it didn’t work out for her but alas by that time I’d met someone to give it a chance with...but next time I’m single said to look her up. 1
spiderowl Posted November 18, 2019 Posted November 18, 2019 When you exchange messages with someone online or talk to them on the phone, you are trying to get a feel for what kind of person they are. A few messages can convey a lot of information about someone's attitudes and what they are really looking for. I have exchanged messages with some guys because they seemed interesting and I wanted to see how we got on. Sometimes, in a few written messages, I have been put off. Their writing has been awful, I didn't like their attitude or manner with me, or they have exhibited political, racist or religious views that I am not comfortable with. At that point, I know I will not be meeting them. Of course, from the guy's point of view, this must look like 'wasting their time' or 'seeking attention'. It is neither; it just that we are not compatible. In your position, I would see how enthusiastic their responses are, whether they reveal a lot about themselves, whether they are happy to keep chatting, and so on. If they are interested, they will probably let you have their phone number after several messages have been exchanged, maybe not the same day but a few days later when you both start to feel at ease with each other. If they are not interested, they will be evasive or just stop chatting. If not interested from the start, you will get minimal responses if at all. Best to exchange messages for a week or two, see if they would like to talk on the phone after that, then see if they are happy to keep in touch regularly. If they are and seem enthusiastic, then that is the time to suggest a date. 1
rjc149 Posted November 18, 2019 Posted November 18, 2019 In sales, you want either 'yes' or 'no' because they allow you to close quickly, or quickly move on to more probably prospects. It's the 'maybes' that will waste your time and cost you money. My advice is to try and set a date pretty quickly. Most women on OLD want validation from men. When asked on a date they will make a polite excuse or simply not respond. These are the no's. Women who want to 'get to know you first' and 'feel comfortable with you' over messenger are rarely going to meet you and are almost always a waste of time. You're not going to connect with another human being with words on a screen. Women who have this expectation are simply hesitant or scared to meet strangers in person. These are the maybe's. The women who are down to actually meet men online will agree to a date fairly quickly, and agree to meet for drinks, not coffee. These are the yes's. Play the numbers. You want either yes or no, not maybe. 1 in 10 is a decent hit rate.
kendahke Posted November 18, 2019 Posted November 18, 2019 I’d love to hear from the women on this one. I just don’t get it. I am 53 for the record. I seem to have no problem connecting with women through online dating sites. But when it comes to a commitment to a first date I would say it’s like maybe one out of 10 that will actually follow through. What’s up with that. ? Once one gets above the age of 50-ish, you will find the "why bother?" attitude to be quite prevalent. Could be they really aren't interested in meeting anyone--OLD is just an amusement for them Could be they know they don't look like the pictures they've posted Could be they're married and mad at their spouse and are looking for attention/revenge Could be they're in an internet cafe in Benin or Ghana and they're men trying to scam you out of money
kendahke Posted November 18, 2019 Posted November 18, 2019 I don’t find this to be the case at all on Match age 45-60. For women in that age category, we're chum for scammers with fake profiles. In my experience, they're all bad, Match included. I've yet to come across a profile of a man 60+ that isn't a scammer using military photos of well known men like Generals Odierno and Patraeus. They really do think everyone is as stupid as they (the scammers) are.
SumGuy Posted November 18, 2019 Posted November 18, 2019 For women in that age category, we're chum for scammers with fake profiles. In my experience, they're all bad, Match included. I've yet to come across a profile of a man 60+ that isn't a scammer using military photos of well known men like Generals Odierno and Patraeus. They really do think everyone is as stupid as they (the scammers) are. Interesting, the OLD experience often comes up on first meets easily 90% of the time. It's an easy ice breaking/bonding topic I think when we both realize we are who we portrayed ourselves as and not wackos. I don't hear much about women in my age range (really mostly 50-58 is who I've met/dated) talk about encountering scammers/fake profiles. Now plenty of shirtless or fish pictures, that seems to really be a thing. The most common disconnect is the guy is much shorter, or heavier or older than his pictures. Mostly though I hear they look as in their profile it's just they have a bitter attitude or offer all sorts of unsolicited personal advice or love to mansplain (which to me means telling someone they are wrong in a patronizing manner about something they know more about than the explainer). The most common seems to be the guy who goes on about his past relationships, and this on the first meet. Maybe the women I interact with through OLD are just good at filtering and don't mention the fake profiles, or maybe their filters are good enough to keep from seeing them. Again this is my experience with Match, and e-harmony as well, every free OLD site I tried was just rife with fake women profiles and imagine men as well.
rjc149 Posted November 18, 2019 Posted November 18, 2019 Sometimes, in a few written messages, I have been put off. Their writing has been awful, I didn't like their attitude or manner with me, or they have exhibited political, racist or religious views that I am not comfortable with. At that point, I know I will not be meeting them. Of course, from the guy's point of view, this must look like 'wasting their time' or 'seeking attention'. It is neither; it just that we are not compatible. If a guy is conveying racist or problematic opinions (for you) after a few messages on a dating site, then yeah, next. A guy with any game will know not to do this on the first few interactions. My 2 cents to OP: You shouldn't ask for the date on the 1st or 2nd message, but the message exchange should never be more than 4-5 back and forth, maybe over a week days at most. Messaging for 2 weeks is way too long. If she's reciprocating by asking you follow up questions to your messages, assume interest, and ask for the date quickly. Be decisive and assertive, women like that. Remember that she's getting messaged by numerous other guys, so don't fall to the wayside by being a pen pal when guys are asking her out. That's basically OLD friend zone. If you ask her out and she replies "I'd like to spend more time messaging to see if we click" or something to that effect, next. Because the reality is that she won't ask you on a date, and if you ask again after some more exchanges, that comes off as "are you comfortable yet" and that will turn her off. Just cut bait with the girls who are hesitant to meet and spend your time messaging more women. 1
Recommended Posts