Janett88 Posted November 16, 2019 Posted November 16, 2019 Hello everyone , so recently I have been working with my boyfriend on and off helping him out in some of his work projects and he pays me, so he gave me his work laptop, not personal and I was working from there, so I remember I needed to search for a word meaning on google so I opened up mozilla and went to the google bar and when I began typing, his search history shows up and I can see that he typed the name of this woman he went out a couple of times with( nothing serious that is) they were just getting to know each other, but there was never a relationship between them. They happened to have met in their work environment in 2017, he talked to me about her a couple of times of how beautiful, supermodel looking she was and that she had this great management job in a luxury building residential ( this is were they actually met) so I started feeling a little insecure and jealous because he talked so highly about her, physically speaking that is yet he told me she was a diva and was always flirting with everybody and other negative aspects about her. The times that he has mentioned this woman to me, he would always start with:” this girl is so pretty, she looks like a model, that all the women that lived there always told her what an amazing hourglass body she had, that all these rich man driving expensive cars where after her, sending her flowers, messages and so on and then he would start saying all her negative traits and why he did not like her anymore and that she was empty, was too much of a diva and that he did see her true colors. He told me that he was very glad that god took her out of his way, nevertheless he still has her in facebook and for some reason he always mentions the building were she worked in, or thinks that some random person lives there, so he always ends up mentioning it. He does not know in any way shape or form that I am aware that he has her in facebook and that I know her name as well. And now I found out he has searched for her on google on several occasions ( about some months ago and now recently) ,why would this be? Is he still intrigued by this girl after 2 years or he is somewhat still curious, aggravated about her and the fact that nothing happened between them. Should I ask him about this? What can I do to understand the reason why he is searching for her. It does not even make sense because he has her facebook. I have a close friend that knows her ex bf and knows her as well and according to my friend she works on another even more luxurious building now. Why so much obsession with the building, this woman, at least this is what I feel here. this seems like if he was deeply impacted by all of this in that particular moment in his life and for some reason he can’t get over it.
FMW Posted November 16, 2019 Posted November 16, 2019 Sorry to say, it does sound like he's still crushing on her. And telling you he was glad that God took her out of his way and being so complimentary about her physically wasn't the smoothest thing to do with you, his girlfriend. That would have set off a warning for me. Think about it - would you say things like that about another man to him? It seems either to indicate he has a crush he can't even control enough to not talk about, or to deal with himself (requiring God to remove her from his path). I don't know what I would do about it though - if you asked him, he probably wouldn't tell the truth and might even turn it around on you for snooping in his computer (whether true or not). 1
smackie9 Posted November 16, 2019 Posted November 16, 2019 (edited) People have crushes...just because one is in a relationship or is married, doesn't mean they are dead to being attracted to others. Just the way it is with the human species. Now if he was contacting her, flirting with her, meeting up with her for secret lunches or has a shrine in his closet then you have something there. If you mention anything about it, you just admitted you invaded his privacy. BUT you can address it when he brings her up again. Say, "sounds like you are still obsessed with her" and start from there. Now don't attack him, just state the facts and stay calm. What you should have told him from the beginning was for him to keep it to himself or leave it with the locker room chat with the guys. Edited November 16, 2019 by smackie9
Versacehottie Posted November 16, 2019 Posted November 16, 2019 Didn't you have another thread with this same story, maybe a different user name? I definitely remember this story. Ok, anyway, he definitely seems like he still has a crush on her. He may or may not try to act on it. He may or may not be successful at it if he does.
Author Janett88 Posted November 19, 2019 Author Posted November 19, 2019 Didn't you have another thread with this same story, maybe a different user name? I definitely remember this story. Ok, anyway, he definitely seems like he still has a crush on her. He may or may not try to act on it. He may or may not be successful at it if he does. This is so weird, like 1 day ago he searched for her again!! Something is not right here.
kendahke Posted November 19, 2019 Posted November 19, 2019 He told me that he was very glad that god took her out of his way, Right--blame it on god. Is he saying that of his own volition, he can't open a can of "act right"? Sure sounds like it. Adults take charge of their actions. Children blame others. I think he says the negative stuff because he's trying to scramble your signals over what you're hearing: which is he thinks she's a knockout and he's still sniffing in behind her. Give him back the laptop and tell him he needs to choose: you or this "not going to end well" crush he's still got on this out of his league woman who isn't even checking for him. 1 day ago he searched for her again!! Something is not right here. He's checking for her, despite what he's telling you. 1
Silver_star Posted November 19, 2019 Posted November 19, 2019 Go with your gut. It sounds like a crush based around his own ego and need to feel validated. It's not fair of him to say those things to you about her looks all the time though. It crosses some boundaries I would think. Just like it wouldn't be fair if you were to talk about ex boyfriends or guys you went on dates with that were very attractive and how all the girls were after them. Just not appropriate or kind to your new partner. Are you allowed to find other people attractive? yes. Am I your bro? No. Not sure if his feelings are even there for this girl. Probably not. I would say his ego is definitely still impacted through his past involvement with her. Maybe it's because other men were also chasing her with their fancy cars and money, and that is how alot of men define their success (more money= more power & beautiful woman= great success)... and she was seen as this prize/object to them and possibly to him as well...so he felt validated that she went out with him a couple times, and he says he was not interested in her and maybe he really wasn't...but maybe he was chasing after the "trophy" that everyone else was to feel more secure in himself and he feels like he missed out? Maybe he wants to see who she will end up with. That is 100% EGO driven. That would probably be too much of a deep dive on the psyche lol, but maybe bring up her name and see how he reacts to it. Look at his body language. I doubt he has real feelings for her...just a crush.
preraph Posted November 19, 2019 Posted November 19, 2019 Oh, sure, he'd drop you in a minute if she came a knocking, but she's not interested in him. She's got bigger fish to fry. 2
Author Janett88 Posted November 20, 2019 Author Posted November 20, 2019 Go with your gut. It sounds like a crush based around his own ego and need to feel validated. It's not fair of him to say those things to you about her looks all the time though. It crosses some boundaries I would think. Just like it wouldn't be fair if you were to talk about ex boyfriends or guys you went on dates with that were very attractive and how all the girls were after them. Just not appropriate or kind to your new partner. Are you allowed to find other people attractive? yes. Am I your bro? No. Not sure if his feelings are even there for this girl. Probably not. I would say his ego is definitely still impacted through his past involvement with her. Maybe it's because other men were also chasing her with their fancy cars and money, and that is how alot of men define their success (more money= more power & beautiful woman= great success)... and she was seen as this prize/object to them and possibly to him as well...so he felt validated that she went out with him a couple times, and he says he was not interested in her and maybe he really wasn't...but maybe he was chasing after the "trophy" that everyone else was to feel more secure in himself and he feels like he missed out? Maybe he wants to see who she will end up with. That is 100% EGO driven. That would probably be too much of a deep dive on the psyche lol, but maybe bring up her name and see how he reacts to it. Look at his body language. I doubt he has real feelings for her...just a crush. I think you are on point, it’s like an ego thing going on with him, I actually told this situation to a good friend of mine that studied psychology and she says that she feels that there is more to this story, like maybe they did not have a relationship but since they saw each other everyday during the time he worked on the building that she works in perhaps, he got very excited about this whole situation with her and went too deep in based on looks and like you said the fact that every rich/ millionaire men was chasing after her, he somehow felt the winner that she indeed liked him, flirt with him. And went out with him. But then he realized she was not what he imagined, she was just looks, a diva, and shallow perhaps. Another thing he told me is that they almost had sex, mind you when he met this girl her ego was really hurt, her boyfriend had just dumped her for another woman and then married that woman right away, so I bet this was a low blow for this girl. So in my mind heartbroken women (some) tend to do this thing of looking for affection just to alleviate their hurt ego. So one night they went out they went to my boyfriends apt, drink wine, dance and almost had sex BUT according to my boyfriend he rejected her, cause when they first went out she cried to him and told him “ please don’t play with me or treat me like that man or men did. So this is why he rejected her and they did not end up having sex. And then the day after this when they saw each other at work he recalls that she gave him this look of hatred and he knew that it was not going any further, like if she was really pissed off. Then they grew apart, then started talking again, but it just did not go anywhere at all. I guess she lost interest in him after what happened and he realized he was getting to hot and heavy with her and she was just emotionally unavailable plus very hurt about her being dumped by her ex. I’m in shock right now cause there is an event that I want my boyfriend and I to go to for a long time now and I signed up for it in facebook events, and she happens to be going to this same event as well I don’t know what to do? would this be a good thing to see how my boyfriend reacts when or if see her there?
preraph Posted November 20, 2019 Posted November 20, 2019 Oh, he has a crush on her and it's all about looks and he came close, so he still thinks he might have a shot. But I don't think he does. 3
Author Janett88 Posted November 21, 2019 Author Posted November 21, 2019 Go with your gut. It sounds like a crush based around his own ego and need to feel validated. It's not fair of him to say those things to you about her looks all the time though. It crosses some boundaries I would think. Just like it wouldn't be fair if you were to talk about ex boyfriends or guys you went on dates with that were very attractive and how all the girls were after them. Just not appropriate or kind to your new partner. Are you allowed to find other people attractive? yes. Am I your bro? No. Not sure if his feelings are even there for this girl. Probably not. I would say his ego is definitely still impacted through his past involvement with her. Maybe it's because other men were also chasing her with their fancy cars and money, and that is how alot of men define their success (more money= more power & beautiful woman= great success)... and she was seen as this prize/object to them and possibly to him as well...so he felt validated that she went out with him a couple times, and he says he was not interested in her and maybe he really wasn't...but maybe he was chasing after the "trophy" that everyone else was to feel more secure in himself and he feels like he missed out? Maybe he wants to see who she will end up with. That is 100% EGO driven. That would probably be too much of a deep dive on the psyche lol, but maybe bring up her name and see how he reacts to it. Look at his body language. I doubt he has real feelings for her...just a crush. I’m in shock right now cause there is an event that I want my boyfriend and I to go to for a long time now and I signed up for it in facebook events, and she happens to be going to this same event as well I don’t know what to do? would this be a good thing to see how my boyfriend reacts when or if see her there?
smackie9 Posted November 21, 2019 Posted November 21, 2019 You are freaking out over nothing. So they see each other at this event, and maybe exchange pleasantries....but that's would be it, as she goes on to talk to other people. if she's hot she will have plenty of suitors fluttering around her fluffing up her ego. 1
Author Janett88 Posted November 22, 2019 Author Posted November 22, 2019 You are freaking out over nothing. So they see each other at this event, and maybe exchange pleasantries....but that's would be it, as she goes on to talk to other people. if she's hot she will have plenty of suitors fluttering around her fluffing up her ego. That is right!, btw just to make this clear this girl is pretty , I in no way shape or form want this post to sound like I am belittling her, it’s just that to the people close around me that have seen her pictures, see her just pretty, nothing wow about this girl, neither super model looking as he sees her, cause the way my bf described this girl to me is as she is the IT most beautiful creature he has seen in this world, I thought he was referring to a brooke shields type of girl, then when I saw her pics out of curiosity of course, I was like: oh yeah she is pretty, but not what I expected her to look like. Another thing is that I was not aware of is that a lot of girls use tons of filters nowadays and as I have seen she uses lots of filters, so like my friend said we would have to see her live and in person to see what she is all about or what he truly saw in her. Lets also take in consideration that her job and all the “supposedly” man that are after her makes her seem more interesting and a trophy like girl.
smackie9 Posted November 22, 2019 Posted November 22, 2019 Attraction is in the eye of the beholder! I remember my friend went on and on about how hot this guy was that she worked with. One day I got the chance to meet him and, well he wasn't anything special that I could see. I'm just wondering if the way she interacts, and her personality sparks more of the attraction rather than just looks.
Versacehottie Posted November 23, 2019 Posted November 23, 2019 She probably meets the threshold of what he thinks is very pretty. The fact that she turned him down or thinks herself better than him or is unattainable to him and her confidence is why he thinks she is the hottest. I don't think you can boil down attractiveness objectively since it is subjective and then you add in the psychological things at play--her personality and demeanor and her treatment of him and how he is imprinted and then to him she IS the hottest while the rest of general population might objectively say she is pretty but have no other connection or feeling about ti. 1
Author Janett88 Posted November 27, 2019 Author Posted November 27, 2019 Right--blame it on god. Is he saying that of his own volition, he can't open a can of "act right"? Sure sounds like it. Adults take charge of their actions. Children blame others. I think he says the negative stuff because he's trying to scramble your signals over what you're hearing: which is he thinks she's a knockout and he's still sniffing in behind her. Give him back the laptop and tell him he needs to choose: you or this "not going to end well" crush he's still got on this out of his league woman who isn't even checking for him. He's checking for her, despite what he's telling you. @Kendahke And I forgot to mention an important part of all of this,, you might be shocked, but the first time we went out (1st date that is) he took me to the building she works in, it was at night, he wanted to show me the roof so we can see the whole city on top and the beach which is right there. And when the security let us in( they knew him as one of the engineers that work on the building maintenance) this girl happens to be part of the management team of this building so we went to the front desk and he started talking to the concierge guy and asking about all the people that worked there, including her. Then 2 weeks after he took me to the building again and asked for them again, including HER. Then months later he was like oh I want to go and say hi to my friends at so and so,,,, so he took me again. So my question is it normal to do this on a first date? And him wanting to take me to the building were this girl worked? For what reason especially so I can see her and get jealous or for her to see me with him? What was the purpose of all these times we went to this place? Sometimes I wonder if he has future plans with me or loves deep down inside.
Silver_star Posted November 27, 2019 Posted November 27, 2019 I think you should go to the event. See how he responds to this girl being there (if she is). If he is inappropriate or flirtacious you have the right to ask about it or tell him that his behavior and comments about her make you uncomfortable, but you don't know that. I think you know a bit too many details about his history with this woman already. I dont know if it is because he is just randomly forthcoming or if it is because you are feeling insecure about her all the time and asking him for details...which is not attractive either and will only serve to remind him of her. I wouldn't over react about this. Don't let his past get the best of you. It's in the past. He is going out with you remember. 1
Ellener Posted November 28, 2019 Posted November 28, 2019 'What was the purpose of all these times we went to this place?' It's a confusing thing to do isn't it, and maybe shows a lack of maturity or readiness on his part. I don't think I'd want to get more involved with someone who isn't ready to be involved with me. I don't like to be long in situations where I feel off-balance or questioning about somone's commitment to me or motives. Silver_star is right, go to the event and if you feel he has issues deal with it then.
dramallama Posted November 28, 2019 Posted November 28, 2019 Didn't you have another thread with this same story, maybe a different user name? I definitely remember this story. Ok, anyway, he definitely seems like he still has a crush on her. He may or may not try to act on it. He may or may not be successful at it if he does. I too have seen this story, on another forum https://www.anewmode.com/topic/do-you-see-something-wrong-in-this/... 1
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